If You Were An Older First Time Parent?

[Anonymous]

Adopted my first at 40, then 2 more when i was 43. It's been easy -- kids make me feel so young. I am more light-hearted since kids. I was such a serious person in my 20s-30s... no more!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope OP is ready for the 4 month sleep regression. And also the fun bouts of childhood illnesses that arrive when the child enters preschool or daycare and starts getting the flu, RSV, roseola, etc. And also the difficulties that arise when that sweet infant turns into a feisty, difficult two year old. My sister had a really easy infant like the OP so they decided to go for two under two and now he’s two and an absolute nightmare and she’s struggling. Easy babies don’t stay easy babies. But it sounds like with all the support and flexibility she has they will
be fine, many people can’t work part time and don’t have family to help them.

This is unnecessarily snarky for no reason. Not every child even goes through half of what you mentioned above.

NP here. Really? I have yet to meet any child who hasn’t the flu or croup or fevers. Almost every child has easy and difficult ages. This is not controversial.

I don’t know. My easy baby turned into an easy toddler and is now an easy 1st grader. She’s been sick, sure, and and has has a tendency to whine but her easy-going, roll-with-the-punches personality is generally delightful.

My easy baby became an easy toddler and mellow kid. Every kid is different. Why assume every easy baby will become difficult just because your nephew did?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hope OP is ready for the 4 month sleep regression. And also the fun bouts of childhood illnesses that arrive when the child enters preschool or daycare and starts getting the flu, RSV, roseola, etc. And also the difficulties that arise when that sweet infant turns into a feisty, difficult two year old. My sister had a really easy infant like the OP so they decided to go for two under two and now he’s two and an absolute nightmare and she’s struggling. Easy babies don’t stay easy babies. But it sounds like with all the support and flexibility she has they will
be fine, many people can’t work part time and don’t have family to help them.

OP here. I know not every stage will be easy. We know that our next child could be difficult. We know sleep issues will come up, but we are pro sleep training. I have had friends though who had super easy kids in general. I think it all depends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope OP is ready for the 4 month sleep regression. And also the fun bouts of childhood illnesses that arrive when the child enters preschool or daycare and starts getting the flu, RSV, roseola, etc. And also the difficulties that arise when that sweet infant turns into a feisty, difficult two year old. My sister had a really easy infant like the OP so they decided to go for two under two and now he’s two and an absolute nightmare and she’s struggling. Easy babies don’t stay easy babies. But it sounds like with all the support and flexibility she has they will
be fine, many people can’t work part time and don’t have family to help them.

OP here. I know not every stage will be easy. We know that our next child could be difficult. We know sleep issues will come up, but we are pro sleep training. I have had friends though who had super easy kids in general. I think it all depends.

NP here. I had my first at age 37, second at age 38 and third at age 40. My first two are 13 months apart, last two are 18 months apart. So, I had 3 under 3

For me - it was the only option as I waited too long. The first was the hardest...just getting used to a baby. Adding on my second baby was tough as I had to learn to juggle, three was easy.

BTW - I'm a schedule person...strict schedule with feedings and naps..all of mine slept through the night (11-12) hours at 14 weeks. No TV or devices until they were 5 - all ready like fiends. Those are the things I did right...I'm sure I screwed up others Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope OP is ready for the 4 month sleep regression. And also the fun bouts of childhood illnesses that arrive when the child enters preschool or daycare and starts getting the flu, RSV, roseola, etc. And also the difficulties that arise when that sweet infant turns into a feisty, difficult two year old. My sister had a really easy infant like the OP so they decided to go for two under two and now he’s two and an absolute nightmare and she’s struggling. Easy babies don’t stay easy babies. But it sounds like with all the support and flexibility she has they will
be fine, many people can’t work part time and don’t have family to help them.

OP here. I know not every stage will be easy. We know that our next child could be difficult. We know sleep issues will come up, but we are pro sleep training. I have had friends though who had super easy kids in general. I think it all depends.

I'm the one who mentioned my colicky second baby, just wanted to make sure. I have so many friends who had a unicorn first baby and then were SHOCKED that their second was not the exact same baby. We certainly weren't expecting colic + medical issues but knew form siblings and other friends that this child wouldn't be as easy as the first. There's a reason everyone says that if your first baby is easy, stop there! (SO glad we didn't stop there though!!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Adopted my first at 40, then 2 more when i was 43. It's been easy -- kids make me feel so young. I am more light-hearted since kids. I was such a serious person in my 20s-30s... no more!

+1. When you are an older parent you have more perspective. And, most likely, you've had more life challenges and adversity so can see past the "I'm a parent--my life suuuuucks" mentality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope OP is ready for the 4 month sleep regression. And also the fun bouts of childhood illnesses that arrive when the child enters preschool or daycare and starts getting the flu, RSV, roseola, etc. And also the difficulties that arise when that sweet infant turns into a feisty, difficult two year old. My sister had a really easy infant like the OP so they decided to go for two under two and now he’s two and an absolute nightmare and she’s struggling. Easy babies don’t stay easy babies. But it sounds like with all the support and flexibility she has they will
be fine, many people can’t work part time and don’t have family to help them.

OP here. I know not every stage will be easy. We know that our next child could be difficult. We know sleep issues will come up, but we are pro sleep training. I have had friends though who had super easy kids in general. I think it all depends.

NP here. I had my first at age 37, second at age 38 and third at age 40. My first two are 13 months apart, last two are 18 months apart. So, I had 3 under 3

For me - it was the only option as I waited too long. The first was the hardest...just getting used to a baby. Adding on my second baby was tough as I had to learn to juggle, three was easy.

BTW - I'm a schedule person...strict schedule with feedings and naps..all of mine slept through the night (11-12) hours at 14 weeks. No TV or devices until they were 5 - all ready like fiends. Those are the things I did right...I'm sure I screwed up others Good luck!

OP here. This is the same for us. We are both schedule oriented people and babies thrive on routine. We got lucky with a good sleeper, but we did start a routine at 8 weeks old. He no sleeps 10-12 hours and has been since 3 months old. We only want two kids though.

[Anonymous]

I had mine at 40 and 42. After years of fertility treatments, it was a "now or never" decision for me, and I"m so thankful every day that we went for it. It's a lot of work. But I'm much healthier in my 40s, after having serious health issues when I was younger. Life is good.

[Anonymous]

36 and 39 for me with kids 2 1/2 years apart appx. It's easier in a way closer in ages as whole they are difft genders, it's still same school for awhile, you can get them into same activities, etc. Also I'm not sure I'd want to go through the sleep deprivation after a gap. The preK tuition bill too ? once you're done with one kid you kinda don't want to do it again after x number of years. I think the only way I would ya if they had a huge age gap of at least 5 if not more years. I'd really need a good rest after getting a kid to age 5. Lol. We were lucky in that I got pregnant so easily. 40 was going to be my cut off age. I think a lot of people forget how hard it is mentally after the kids get to a certain age which is where mine are at now. After the physical stresses of babyhood, you then have to manage school, days off from school, camps, activities, it's harder at ages 8 and 10 in a number of ways than 2 and 4. For us, ages 5 and 7 was turning point of getting easier and then now at 8 and 10 back to it not being so easy. So my point is that there's the age 5 and under years to consider in having multiples but they grow up a few years and you really need to be ready for those years you get so busy. As in do you have a career you really want to focus on, etc. cause after a certain age it's not physically demanding but unrelenting time commitment challenges. Doesn't matter how easy your kid is it's about logistics and emotional stresses - there's no age for parents to really be ready for all this. I really feel our society doesn't address those age 8-18 years when it takes a village!

[Anonymous]

Had my first at 36 and second at 39. They are almost 3yrs part. We pretty much stated trying after I weaned #1 and got pregnant right away, but then miscarried. They would have been about two years apart. Took several months of trying before we were successful again.

The age difference has its ups and downs- DS was so damn sweet at 2 but also really needy. Whereas by 3 he had more of an attitude and prone to meltdowns but was much more independent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope OP is ready for the 4 month sleep regression. And also the fun bouts of childhood illnesses that arrive when the child enters preschool or daycare and starts getting the flu, RSV, roseola, etc. And also the difficulties that arise when that sweet infant turns into a feisty, difficult two year old. My sister had a really easy infant like the OP so they decided to go for two under two and now he’s two and an absolute nightmare and she’s struggling. Easy babies don’t stay easy babies. But it sounds like with all the support and flexibility she has they will
be fine, many people can’t work part time and don’t have family to help them.

OP here. I know not every stage will be easy. We know that our next child could be difficult. We know sleep issues will come up, but we are pro sleep training. I have had friends though who had super easy kids in general. I think it all depends.

Being pro sleep training does not mean your baby will sleep train successfully or that it will continue to work. It really bothers me when parents who have young infants who sleep trained well and act smug about it. First of all, kids are not dogs. Just because your 3 month old sleep trained well doesn’t mean anything for the long term. It just means you get more sleep for now, until your child gets older and enters a sleep regression, or starts having nightmares and coming into your bed, or gets the stomach flu, or becomes mobile and starts getting out of the toddler bed, etc. Parenting is a long game. And we all have our challenges. I’ve seen four year olds who sleep trained well refuse to toilet train and still poop in diapers. We all have our parenting challenges—if sleep isn’t yours, for now, consider yourself lucky and don’t be surprised if that changes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope OP is ready for the 4 month sleep regression. And also the fun bouts of childhood illnesses that arrive when the child enters preschool or daycare and starts getting the flu, RSV, roseola, etc. And also the difficulties that arise when that sweet infant turns into a feisty, difficult two year old. My sister had a really easy infant like the OP so they decided to go for two under two and now he’s two and an absolute nightmare and she’s struggling. Easy babies don’t stay easy babies. But it sounds like with all the support and flexibility she has they will
be fine, many people can’t work part time and don’t have family to help them.

OP here. I know not every stage will be easy. We know that our next child could be difficult. We know sleep issues will come up, but we are pro sleep training. I have had friends though who had super easy kids in general. I think it all depends.

Being pro sleep training does not mean your baby will sleep train successfully or that it will continue to work. It really bothers me when parents who have young infants who sleep trained well and act smug about it. First of all, kids are not dogs. Just because your 3 month old sleep trained well doesn’t mean anything for the long term. It just means you get more sleep for now, until your child gets older and enters a sleep regression, or starts having nightmares and coming into your bed, or gets the stomach flu, or becomes mobile and starts getting out of the toddler bed, etc. Parenting is a long game. And we all have our challenges. I’ve seen four year olds who sleep trained well refuse to toilet train and still poop in diapers. We all have our parenting challenges—if sleep isn’t yours, for now, consider yourself lucky and don’t be surprised if that changes.

+1. This. We sleep trained both kids and the older one slept through by 9 months. The younger child is now 21 months and wakes up at least once if not twice. You can do the exact same thing and the outcome is different. AND, now the four year old refuses to sleep by herself and I am sleeping with her. If we leave her alone, she screams and comes into our bedroom and will wake up her younger brother who is in our room.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope OP is ready for the 4 month sleep regression. And also the fun bouts of childhood illnesses that arrive when the child enters preschool or daycare and starts getting the flu, RSV, roseola, etc. And also the difficulties that arise when that sweet infant turns into a feisty, difficult two year old. My sister had a really easy infant like the OP so they decided to go for two under two and now he’s two and an absolute nightmare and she’s struggling. Easy babies don’t stay easy babies. But it sounds like with all the support and flexibility she has they will
be fine, many people can’t work part time and don’t have family to help them.

OP here. I know not every stage will be easy. We know that our next child could be difficult. We know sleep issues will come up, but we are pro sleep training. I have had friends though who had super easy kids in general. I think it all depends.

Being pro sleep training does not mean your baby will sleep train successfully or that it will continue to work. It really bothers me when parents who have young infants who sleep trained well and act smug about it. First of all, kids are not dogs. Just because your 3 month old sleep trained well doesn’t mean anything for the long term. It just means you get more sleep for now, until your child gets older and enters a sleep regression, or starts having nightmares and coming into your bed, or gets the stomach flu, or becomes mobile and starts getting out of the toddler bed, etc. Parenting is a long game. And we all have our challenges. I’ve seen four year olds who sleep trained well refuse to toilet train and still poop in diapers. We all have our parenting challenges—if sleep isn’t yours, for now, consider yourself lucky and don’t be surprised if that changes.

+1. This. We sleep trained both kids and the older one slept through by 9 months. The younger child is now 21 months and wakes up at least once if not twice. You can do the exact same thing and the outcome is different. AND, now the four year old refuses to sleep by herself and I am sleeping with her. If we leave her alone, she screams and comes into our bedroom and will wake up her younger brother who is in our room.

You're creating that disaster for yourself. Not OP but mom that sleep trained both of her kids who are now 3 and 1. Both have slept through the night 95% of the time since 2-3 months old. We do not allow our children in our bed and if my child screams because he refuses to sleep, he screams. We do not give into tantrums because that shows him crying and throwing a tantrum will ge them what he wants. Both kids are showered with love and very happy, but they are well disciplined and know boundaries. The issue with many these days is kids don't know boundaries because parents give in or want to be friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope OP is ready for the 4 month sleep regression. And also the fun bouts of childhood illnesses that arrive when the child enters preschool or daycare and starts getting the flu, RSV, roseola, etc. And also the difficulties that arise when that sweet infant turns into a feisty, difficult two year old. My sister had a really easy infant like the OP so they decided to go for two under two and now he’s two and an absolute nightmare and she’s struggling. Easy babies don’t stay easy babies. But it sounds like with all the support and flexibility she has they will
be fine, many people can’t work part time and don’t have family to help them.

OP here. I know not every stage will be easy. We know that our next child could be difficult. We know sleep issues will come up, but we are pro sleep training. I have had friends though who had super easy kids in general. I think it all depends.

Being pro sleep training does not mean your baby will sleep train successfully or that it will continue to work. It really bothers me when parents who have young infants who sleep trained well and act smug about it. First of all, kids are not dogs. Just because your 3 month old sleep trained well doesn’t mean anything for the long term. It just means you get more sleep for now, until your child gets older and enters a sleep regression, or starts having nightmares and coming into your bed, or gets the stomach flu, or becomes mobile and starts getting out of the toddler bed, etc. Parenting is a long game. And we all have our challenges. I’ve seen four year olds who sleep trained well refuse to toilet train and still poop in diapers. We all have our parenting challenges—if sleep isn’t yours, for now, consider yourself lucky and don’t be surprised if that changes.

+1. This. We sleep trained both kids and the older one slept through by 9 months. The younger child is now 21 months and wakes up at least once if not twice. You can do the exact same thing and the outcome is different. AND, now the four year old refuses to sleep by herself and I am sleeping with her. If we leave her alone, she screams and comes into our bedroom and will wake up her younger brother who is in our room.

You're creating that disaster for yourself. Not OP but mom that sleep trained both of her kids who are now 3 and 1. Both have slept through the night 95% of the time since 2-3 months old. We do not allow our children in our bed and if my child screams because he refuses to sleep, he screams. We do not give into tantrums because that shows him crying and throwing a tantrum will ge them what he wants. Both kids are showered with love and very happy, but they are well disciplined and know boundaries. The issue with many these days is kids don't know boundaries because parents give in or want to be friends.

That worked for you and your family. I live in apartment with thin walls and if my kid screams I get noise complaints from my neighbors. Everyone has a different living situation, family situation, and children. Sleep training works for you because you can let your kids scream. I cannot. And our kid puked multiple times alone when we tried and I was not comfortable with it, so we stopped. Doesn’t make me a bad mom any more than it makes you a good mom. We all do what works for our families. Hold the judgement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:18 months apart, no issues

20 months apart for us. Second was born a few days before my 40th bday.