Separate finances: how to deal if one spouse isn't saving enough for retirement

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My retirement fund is 4x larger than my DW. Mine is enough to cover for both of us (I think) so we are perfectly okay with smaller wife's fund. Not sure why one person having a bigger retirement fund is problematic. You retire together.

+1. This is a second marriage/blended family issue. First marriages have this discrepancy all the time and no one thinks anything about it. I SAH for 12 years and returned to work at a much lower salary. Of course DH’s fund is bigger. Thank goodness he views it as ours and not his.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous[b wrote:]I always love how women feel their money is their money and men are supposed to provide.[/b]

If you reversed the genders here, op would be savaged!!!

That’s in a situation where the wife gave birth to his kids and sacrificed her career by either mommy tracking or staying home. Not a later in life marriage where the mother of his children is neither caring for not financially providing for their children and as a result he is not saving enough for retirement.

Female here and I call bs. Most females here on DCUM still have this sentiment regardless of whether there are kids or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

So, DH is calculating that he will need $10-15K/year for his kids to attend his or another association college. Big savings but not free. He makes $75K/year.

He is 48 and has $45K in his 401(k). No pension.

He is in the humanities and not a researcher (so his career is really based on the teaching at this point), and was thinking he'd retire around 65. But that's a number in his head, assuming he's well enough to teach up until then. He doesn't want to teach forever and just hang on to hold onto the income.

OP, did you guys talk ANY of this through before you got married? If he was just a single dad, those kids would be getting financial aid. Now they won't. And how is he still only making $75k per year at 48? Does he teach at a community college?

You know little about academia. There are highly ranked private liberal arts colleges where most tenured professors are below 100K. This salary is not surprising.

[Anonymous]

For generations men have subsidized their wives retirements and lives. Now that women are working and earning the same, suddenly the thought of subsidizing a husband's retirement or life is unfair.


I agree if the genders were reversed the OP would be called a thousand names. If it was a man saying he had outearned his wife, saved his retirement money separately, had more than her and was really annoyed that she would be able to afford the retirement he wanted to live because no way in hell would he give her a dollar. That she made her own bed and choices and and they weren't as good as his so he is resentful that she will be poorer in retirement. He would be crucified.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For better or for worse - you are a team now.

This. This situation is a good example of how "separate finances" for married couples don't exist.

+100

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For better or for worse - you are a team now.

This. This situation is a good example of how "separate finances" for married couples don't exist.

+100

You obviously did not read the response on page 6 to post 14.51.
Signed, the happily married couple of wonderful separate accounts! To each their own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For better or for worse - you are a team now.

This. This situation is a good example of how "separate finances" for married couples don't exist.

+100

You obviously did not read the response on page 6 to post 14.51.
Signed, the happily married couple of wonderful separate accounts! To each their own.

Everyone ignored your dumb response because you're talking about separate accounts, whereas the issue here isn't separate accounts it is viewing money, as PP put it, in separate buckets.

I'd ask if you got the difference, but you probably don't, as you're not that bright.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Virtually every female breadwinner I know has OP’s attitude.

Yeah, true that! Not sure why.

Maybe because she has taken the breadwinner role . . . but the man hasn't filled the traditional "homemaker" role? As in, she's bringing in most of the money AND grocery shopping AND signing permission slips AND folding laundry AND planning vacations, etc., etc. Both partners need to pull their weight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Virtually every female breadwinner I know has OP’s attitude.

Yeah, true that! Not sure why.

Maybe because she has taken the breadwinner role . . . but the man hasn't filled the traditional "homemaker" role? As in, she's bringing in most of the money AND grocery shopping AND signing permission slips AND folding laundry AND planning vacations, etc., etc. Both partners need to pull their weight.

So you think OP is being 100% honest and objective? You sound gullible. Do you want to buy my beautiful beach front cabin in Idaho?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For better or for worse - you are a team now.

This. This situation is a good example of how "separate finances" for married couples don't exist.

+100

You obviously did not read the response on page 6 to post 14.51.
Signed, the happily married couple of wonderful separate accounts! To each their own.

Everyone ignored your dumb response because you're talking about separate accounts, whereas the issue here isn't separate accounts it is viewing money, as PP put it, in separate buckets.

I'd ask if you got the difference, but you probably don't, as you're not that bright.

Bright enough to retire anytime I want and create/run a successful business at early age. What say you? (Enjoy your W-2 wage job reporting to a boss you dumb idiot )
Anyway, in OPs case she should have separate buckets and separate accounts. If not, she will get hosed financially in the future.

[Anonymous]

OP - can your kids benefit from the huge tuition discount his kids are going to get? If yes, then that is a huge windfall for you and that is something he is bringing to the table. Also, do you have $1-2 million saved in retirement? If yes, then you can probably cover his retirement shortfall without too much hassle. It is impossible to find the perfect partner. We all have to settle and take the good with the bad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For better or for worse - you are a team now.

This. This situation is a good example of how "separate finances" for married couples don't exist.

+100

You obviously did not read the response on page 6 to post 14.51.
Signed, the happily married couple of wonderful separate accounts! To each their own.

Everyone ignored your dumb response because you're talking about separate accounts, whereas the issue here isn't separate accounts it is viewing money, as PP put it, in separate buckets.

I'd ask if you got the difference, but you probably don't, as you're not that bright.

Bright enough to retire anytime I want and create/run a successful business at early age. What say you? (Enjoy your W-2 wage job reporting to a boss you dumb idiot )
Anyway, in OPs case she should have separate buckets and separate accounts. If not, she will get hosed financially in the future.

I am not a W-2 employee and I do not have a boss. I also own my own business.

If you are a CPA like you claim, you are a joke. You are probably have the same level of intelligence of the financial professionals and lawyers that OP supposedly consulted with before she got married. OP's issue is that if she stays married, the "separate bucket" thing will no longer work because her husband does not have an adequate level of savings to even fund his own retirement. His bucket is basically empty. PPs are pointing out that OP deluded herself early on by thinking that her husband's financial choices would not eventually impact her. Now, she will either have to accept lousy standard of living or come out of pocket and basically bankroll him. It is further complicated because they have a second marriage and four kids are involved.

OP's situation has no bearing on your supposed situation - a childless couple who have separate accounts and adequate savings. Obviously, you tried to thread hijack because you want to feel sooooo smart, even though your posts betray you as being anything but intelligent. Hahahah. I'm sure glad you're not my CPA.

I won't be responding to you again, because you are comically stupid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - can your kids benefit from the huge tuition discount his kids are going to get? If yes, then that is a huge windfall for you and that is something he is bringing to the table. Also, do you have $1-2 million saved in retirement? If yes, then you can probably cover his retirement shortfall without too much hassle. It is impossible to find the perfect partner. We all have to settle and take the good with the bad.

No, we ALL do not have to settle. I can assure you myself and friend group did not settle. Never settle!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For better or for worse - you are a team now.

This. This situation is a good example of how "separate finances" for married couples don't exist.

+100

You obviously did not read the response on page 6 to post 14.51.
Signed, the happily married couple of wonderful separate accounts! To each their own.

Everyone ignored your dumb response because you're talking about separate accounts, whereas the issue here isn't separate accounts it is viewing money, as PP put it, in separate buckets.

I'd ask if you got the difference, but you probably don't, as you're not that bright.

Bright enough to retire anytime I want and create/run a successful business at early age. What say you? (Enjoy your W-2 wage job reporting to a boss you dumb idiot )
Anyway, in OPs case she should have separate buckets and separate accounts. If not, she will get hosed financially in the future.

I am not a W-2 employee and I do not have a boss. I also own my own business.

If you are a CPA like you claim, you are a joke. You are probably have the same level of intelligence of the financial professionals and lawyers that OP supposedly consulted with before she got married. OP's issue is that if she stays married, the "separate bucket" thing will no longer work because her husband does not have an adequate level of savings to even fund his own retirement. His bucket is basically empty. PPs are pointing out that OP deluded herself early on by thinking that her husband's financial choices would not eventually impact her. Now, she will either have to accept lousy standard of living or come out of pocket and basically bankroll him. It is further complicated because they have a second marriage and four kids are involved.

OP's situation has no bearing on your supposed situation - a childless couple who have separate accounts and adequate savings. Obviously, you tried to thread hijack because you want to feel sooooo smart, even though your posts betray you as being anything but intelligent. Hahahah. I'm sure glad you're not my CPA.

I won't be responding to you again, because you are comically stupid.

Says a low wage earning man-child who claims to own a business. You could not afford me as your CPA. Jealous much! Enjoy the evening!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Virtually every female breadwinner I know has OP’s attitude.

Yeah, true that! Not sure why.

Maybe because she has taken the breadwinner role . . . but the man hasn't filled the traditional "homemaker" role? As in, she's bringing in most of the money AND grocery shopping AND signing permission slips AND folding laundry AND planning vacations, etc., etc. Both partners need to pull their weight.

So you think OP is being 100% honest and objective? You sound gullible. Do you want to buy my beautiful beach front cabin in Idaho?

Not saying this is the case with OP. Attempting to explain the “trend” referenced above. I see it happen all the time. Women step it up in the workplace and their partners fail to step up in a corresponding manner at home. Women end up burning the candle at both ends and become resentful. I don’t blame them.