Sharing a vacation home with another family - question about choosing rooms

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. This family is like our family and we generally don’t nickel and dime. (We bought groceries; they bought drinks and it may not be even but it’s fine for all). In fact, that’s why I was surprised everything was already decided so I came
here to see if I am unaware of etiquette. Their room is like three times the size of ours but I guess one of us had to get it. And they booked and paid deposit. Now I know and like PP said, I will explicitly say, “let’s pick the rooms once we’re all there,” the next time we vacation together because I do enjoy their company. And our kids like each other. Thanks for validating / acknowledging my feelings. We are paying a ton of $ for this house so I was kind of annoyed.

Sure, if you book and pay the deposit next year but otherwise, the first choice should go to whoever booked it,

Your strategy isn't going to work. Find a suitable house. My friends and I once booked a house with several master bedrooms for this reason then it's fair.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I always thought the rule was first come first serve tbh, except if singles were vacationing with couples- then couples got the bigger rooms. Used to get burnt by this when I was younger.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After getting burned on this, I now always clarify the setup before committing to sharing a house. Most listings have ample photos so no reason not to hash this out before choosing a place and paying the deposit.

I don't expect the master suite if I'm not the one booking, but DH and I do want at least a queen bed in a room with a door that closes and our own bathroom.

Once shared a house with 2 other couples and was the last to arrive. The couple who booked and paid the deposit claimed the master with king bed, private balcony, and en suite bath (fine), the other couple claimed the queen bedroom with its own bathroom, and DH and I were stuck in a windowless "bedroom" with two twin beds and a bathroom down the hall.

Someone had to take the windowless bedroom… we’re you expecting one of the other couples to volunteer to take it? Sounds like this wasn’t a great house for three couples to rent.

I was expecting to choose rooms once everyone had arrived. Maybe flip a coin for the better room or maybe one couple offers to treat the other to dinner (or something) in exchange for getting the better room? I had no issue with the couple who booked and put down their CC claiming the master, but it seemed unfair for the other couple to claim the other good room, with no discussion, just because they got there first. DH and I would have waited until everyone was there to choose rooms, and if we lost a coin flip (or whatever) so be it.

Lesson learned and I now know to confirm I'll have suitable accommodations before committing to the trip.

+1

We have work and/or grad classes until late. Thankfully, the host is kind enough (and well in the head enough) to ask.

That, and we are a couple, we need a couple room. Just some basic parameters applied helps greatly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:yeah, usually the booker gets the master suite. There are exceptions - if there's a small child that might sleep in bed with one family and so a king might be better, or other kids rooming in with them, or some other sort of special need.

We used to vacation with a family that had a child who would only sleep in a bed with them. It lasted well past the baby stage and so they always took the nice master king suite, even if we booked; it was annoying.

How petty do you have to be to be annoyed by this?

Yeah, a NT 9 year old who can’t sleep in a room without their parents? We wouldn’t know it was still an issue, and they would never say anything when we’d propose a house and then book it. They’d just assume they would always get the master. And often times it might have made more sense for us to have the master based on our family situation (e,g., infant). Interestingly, the Dad always gets the master on guys trips too because he’s “tall.” Always. Anyway, it is annoying, but that’s just it...annoying. Not like a vacation or friendship ruining factor. So yeah, not a huge deal (and of course we always let them have the room).

OMG we had the opposite - I kid you not! MIL expected the two grown kids (over age 9) to sleep in the queen bed with mom and dad! Crazy!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:After getting burned on this, I now always clarify the setup before committing to sharing a house. Most listings have ample photos so no reason not to hash this out before choosing a place and paying the deposit.

I don't expect the master suite if I'm not the one booking, but DH and I do want at least a queen bed in a room with a door that closes and our own bathroom.

Once shared a house with 2 other couples and was the last to arrive. The couple who booked and paid the deposit claimed the master with king bed, private balcony, and en suite bath (fine), the other couple claimed the queen bedroom with its own bathroom, and DH and I were stuck in a windowless "bedroom" with two twin beds and a bathroom down the hall.

Eff that, Not a vacation, at all! Such a shame, with limited time, and such. Not cool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:and this is why we don't vacation with other families.

Yep, also my kids eventually get sick of the other kids and I don't enjoy co parenting with people who are not my husband.

+1

Especially because the other family tends to be more "hands off" (call it what you want) and wants us to entertain their kids. Instead we want to ENJOY OUR KIDS - we don't particularly enjoy theirs, we just tolerate them, same as their parents!


Why would you even consider vacationing with people you just “tolerate.” You vacation with friends and typically people attract friends with similar values and temperaments. We enjoy our friends, their children, and the fun that comes with having lots of people to play with all week. I do think that if you’re high strung or generally inflexible then vacationing with other families would be difficult.

If there is one dictator involved (not that they would call themselves that) - yeah, its generally miserable. No thanks, I'll stay home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We typically only vacation with nice people, and usually we argue over wanting the OTHER couple to have the better room.

The only time we experinced what OP is describing is when we vacationed with my husband's extended family. My inlaws paid and took the master (of course) but my SIL took the second and and third best rooms for her and her children, without discussion or apology. So, not doing that again.

x10000000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks all. This makes me feel better as I do want to vacation again with this family but was so taken aback by the other family already unpacked. They said we could change it if we wanted but that felt like an empty offer since the kids were excited about “their” rooms.

Seriously, we stopped for 20 minutes to pick up some groceries and when we got there, it was a done deal.

We didn’t know the house set up (knew the rooms but they are on three floors so didn’t know location of each room and we both have small kids).

Personally, I would have preferred waiting and allocating, even if the end result was the same. Just feels a little more friendly to do it that way.

+1

I'm with you OP. Maybe the "planner" picks first, but other than that (for example) couples should ABSOLUTELY have at least a double bed that is usable -- ie not the living room, where everyone walks through at all hours; and absolutely NOT the dirty diaper smelling bunk beds that are not fit for anyone to use. You'd be shocked at how some of these houses are oriented. GROSS.

Eff me I can't get the nauseating diaper smell out of my head from those MF bunk beds.......

[Anonymous]

We always vacation with the same family. I always give them the bigger suite bc know the dad in that family would not do well in lesser room. I guess it sounds like I'm a doormat but it is not worth the drama, and my husband and I are willing to take one for the team. it just is what it is and no point getting annoyed about it. The other family kind of offers to switch, but we all know it won't work out that way.

[Anonymous]

We used to do it on a whoever-shows-up-first-gets-first-dibs basis with BIL, but now we alternate every year. If we had the nice master last year, we get the one with the two twin beds this year. Get a routine going and honor it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We used to do it on a whoever-shows-up-first-gets-first-dibs basis with BIL, but now we alternate every year. If we had the nice master last year, we get the one with the two twin beds this year. Get a routine going and honor it.

Why are you renting a place where two twin beds are your only option?

[Anonymous]

We generally discuss it ahead of time. I don't want to wait until everyone gets there to unpack. And if there is a clear "master" I just find it easier to have an idea. We recently had 3 families share a house, and it was laid out VERY differently than we all thought. It was an old, weird house. The kids room was set, but in that instance we waited for everyone to arrive to decide on the adults sleeping arrangements. One couple had the youngest (and the most) kids, so they got first choice. Then we sort of tossed a coin for the other 2. We ended up with the better room, but I'll remember and if we go again, let my friend have the better room.

Friends don't act like jerks. You work it out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The booker chooses

Why. No really though, why? Getting on VRBO and filling out a booking form after sending a few emails around is not THAT involved. I've had one too many family "vacations" where the self appointed family planner booked every single trip so they could also claim the best room. No one could pry her precious booking duty out of her hands.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I always thought the rule was first come first serve tbh, except if singles were vacationing with couples- then couples got the bigger rooms. Used to get burnt by this when I was younger.

Yep same. The family dictator tried to "assign" singles to sleep in hammocks on the house deck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The booker chooses

Why. No really though, why? Getting on VRBO and filling out a booking form after sending a few emails around is not THAT involved. I've had one too many family "vacations" where the self appointed family planner booked every single trip so they could also claim the best room. No one could pry her precious booking duty out of her hands.

In my social circle, it is quite a bit of work to organize. One friend would come up with a destination, solicit input, confirm dates, confirm numbers, take everyone's preferences into consideration, and search for something that meet everyone's needs. It's a headache I do not want to take on, so would happily let the planner take the best room.

If you're so fed up with your family member, just say no and book your own accommodations. We're facing this possibility for next year and are ready to push back and say we'll stay close but not under the same roof.