Sorority Rush

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sororities sound wonderful in theory. A bunch of instant friends. The problem is, if you're ugly, like I am, you are excluded.

I don’t believe that you are ugly. I think you have been telling yourself that for so long, you believe it to be true. Our thoughts create our reality. You are beautiful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Any insight about rush at universities not in the DEC/deep south?

I rushed at UVa in the 80s and while there was definitely a pipeline of girls coming from Richmond prep schools and boarding schools who seemed to already know where they were going to pledge when they moved in first year., there were still girls like me, from DC, who got bids from what were considered the most elite houses (which were called the triple crown, gah)!

With social media et all, is it even worse, with so much of this is predecided... is a bit of a drag from kids who want to start over in college (like I did).

My daughter is at Wisconsin and she says the top houses are actually mostly out-of-state girls.

[Anonymous]

At UNC during rush week active members were required to sign up for different slots to hang out on the front lawn of the house to make it look fun. You could play frisbee, volleyball, hang out there with your boyfriend. But you were signing up to fake hang out on the front lawn

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At UNC during rush week active members were required to sign up for different slots to hang out on the front lawn of the house to make it look fun. You could play frisbee, volleyball, hang out there with your boyfriend. But you were signing up to fake hang out on the front lawn

Good idea, wonder if it worked

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry all you didn’t get chosen. It’s too late to be mad about it now. Presumably you are out of college?

Yes -- as a matter of fact, I did graduate from college some time back, having chosen a school that doesn't have fraternities or sororities so I wouldn't have to waste my time on mean girls like you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sororities sound wonderful in theory. A bunch of instant friends. The problem is, if you're ugly, like I am, you are excluded.

Yup

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hmmm. Rush seems fairly low key at many schools and DD has made many friends through sorority. Guess it depends on the school.

Yes. But OP specifically said that her DD is attending a large southern school. And that’s a different animal entirely. Once recruitment is over, though, the actual membership experience is fairly comparable. The girls at those schools tend to make strong connections through their sorority as well. Friendships formed among young women during the college years can be so meaningful. I’m glad there are still women-only groups in most universities (ahem—I’m looking at you, Harvard!) as I think women really benefit from banding together to encourage each other and be a support system. And interestingly, the All-sorority GPA is consistently higher on most campuses than the all-women’s GPA. So it looks like there are still some benefits of you want to find them.

Meh. There are women's athletic teams and choral groups at many universities, including Harvard. Women are also free to create and join other single-gender affinity groups if they so choose.

You should actually read what is going on at Harvard, PP, as this is no longer true there.

I'm a Harvard alumna and parent of a recent grad and a current student. I would disagree -- an affinity group, unlike a sorority, is based on an actual activity or interest or set of qualifications.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister went to a big, Southern college. Rush was the week before fall classes. She went early and moved in and my mom didn’t stay (she was in a sorority too, so got the process(.

On day 2, after getting called back from about 5 houses, she decided that she didn’t want a sorority after all. Neither did a couple of other girls on her hall.

The 3 of them spent the week together, exploring the town and getting to know each other. 20 years later they are still good friends.

Had a parent been there, she’d have missed the chance to make those friends, and probably felt more pressure from my mom to go through the rest of rush week.

Cool story, bro. Life is full of “sliding doors” scenarios.
But, of course, the alternate version of this is that Mom stays—encourages daughter to “stick it out” and she ends up pledging one of the amazing houses full of girls who were very excited to extend an invitation to her and made lifelong connections to those girls.
Maybe she also gets to be friends with the other girls on her hall...maybe she doesn’t.
I’m glad your sister is happy with how things turned out. But who knows what was behind Door #3...life is often like that.

Or, whether or not Mom stayed in town, Sis could have pledge a sorority and gone on to inflict pain on other women by playing the spiteful shallow mean girl game.

What a bizarre reaction to paint with such a broad brush. Yes, there is always that top-performing group during recruitment week that is so skilled at marketing their group that everyone wants to join--but they are not allowed to invite EVERY SINGLE PERSON to join at the end of the week. But that doesn't make those girls mean. If they invited all 1800 young women to join their group then they would have 3,500 members in one group and 30 in another. How would the "less popular" group survive?? The way the system is set up is meant to support MANY different opportunities for the maximum number of women. It's PRO-woman!! Sororities are inherently feminist women-only spaces!!
Do you think the girls who drop out when they don't get the house they want (but who are rejecting the girls in the house who wanted THEM) are similarly mean???

Chill, Boopsie. Feminism is not about judging women based on superficial impressions related to appearance. But you do you, by all means.

[Anonymous]

OP, if you are still here, please go to GreekChat.com. They give great, supportive advice to parents and prospective new members.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s true, many girls headed to college are so interested in rush! I don’t remember hearing as much about it with my older daughter. My youngest DD and her friends seem so caught up in the rush thing as they get ready to go off to college; I’ve even heard of rush coaches (?) for girls at SEC schools. Is it just a giant popularity contest based on who you know, how many Instagram followers you have, things like that?

Not like that. "Recruit to pledge" potential new members are looked at for a lot of qualifications. The perfect PNM is smart with excellent grades, has a great personality that meshes well with your group, leadership experience, and strong extra curricular activities. If she is pretty and her family is connected, that is a plus.

Recruitment in the South is extremely intense. PNMs will spend a lot of time from January to May during their senior year to get 1-2 recommendation letters for every group, to plan wardrobes, and to polish their social resume.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone end up not getting a bid at all?

Just curious how all this works.

At most places, you get a bid if you complete the week and accept all preference party invitations that are extended to you that you have slots for, and list all of your final groups on your bid card. So if you get to the final night of recruitment, and go to all of your final night parties (preference parties), you will be extended a bid to one of your final groups.

Example: Jane goes to a campus with 18 sororities. She attends parties for all 18 groups in the first round. In the second round, she can only attend 9 parties. She receives 10 invitations. She accepts her top 9 and respectfully declines the other invitation. In the third round she can only accept 5 invitations, she receives 3 invitations and accepts all 3. In the final round (preference parties), she can accept 3 invitations and receives 3 invitations. She then fills out her bid card and lists all three of those sororities in her order of preference. She is guaranteed a bid to one of those three groups.

Very few PNMs are cut from all groups before preference. It happens, but it is rare. More often, PNMs decide that they don't like the choices that they have left and they drop out of recruitment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry all you didn’t get chosen. It’s too late to be mad about it now. Presumably you are out of college?

You’re mistaken. Some of us were in sororities and regret it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry all you didn’t get chosen. It’s too late to be mad about it now. Presumably you are out of college?

You’re mistaken. Some of us were in sororities and regret it.

+1. I do. Worst college mistake I made.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s true, many girls headed to college are so interested in rush! I don’t remember hearing as much about it with my older daughter. My youngest DD and her friends seem so caught up in the rush thing as they get ready to go off to college; I’ve even heard of rush coaches (?) for girls at SEC schools. Is it just a giant popularity contest based on who you know, how many Instagram followers you have, things like that?

Not like that. "Recruit to pledge" potential new members are looked at for a lot of qualifications. The perfect PNM is smart with excellent grades, has a great personality that meshes well with your group, leadership experience, and strong extra curricular activities. If she is pretty and her family is connected, that is a plus.

Recruitment in the South is extremely intense. PNMs will spend a lot of time from January to May during their senior year to get 1-2 recommendation letters for every group, to plan wardrobes, and to polish their social resume.

This is appalling! Why not skip college and just do beauty pageants?

[Anonymous]

What is a social resume?