Thread for griping about Mother’s Day not meeting expectations

[Anonymous]

Really...do we need anything else besides a new episode of GOT tonight? Put the kids to bed, make a big bowl of popcorn and settle in. I wasn't happy with the last episode so hoping this one is better

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So after every year of feeling disappointed, I told DH straight up what I want. I want him to plan a night out for just us or with friends or whatever. DH has been traveling a lot lately and has had lots of time with his friends and my friends just can’t get it together right now to go out (that’s a topic for another thread). So I told DH I want him to take the reins and plan something. He knows the restaurants I like, the musicians I like etc. We have my parents locally who love to take the kids. But it’s always left to me to plan to go out and unless I plan it then it doesn’t happen. Meanwhile DH can plan weekends away with his friends no problem.

So what did I get? A handwritten IOU on a piece of printer paper for a new purse. I don’t want or need a new purse. He couldn’t have even taken the time to get me a gift card to an actual store or Amazon or whatever. Just a note scrawled on a piece of paper.

Oh, and he completely ruined the morning by picking a power struggle with our 7 year old and giving him a consequence that I completely disagree with, but I couldn’t take back or it would have completely undermined him.

Know what DH does for Fathers Day? A day of golf with all his friends where they get drunk and then come home to a BBQ with family that I plan and host.

Know what I’m doing next year for Mother’s Day? Going away by myself to do something I enjoy and not sitting around waiting to be disappointed by DH yet again. The hardest part is seeing how he’s setting such a low bar for our kids to learn from. Everyone else’s birthdays and special days get celebrated because I’m the driving force behind them. But my special days get a last minute IOU scrawled on a piece of printer paper. So the kids see that mom/wife isn’t worth a proper celebration. Lovely.

TLDR: I finally asked for exactly what I want instead of hoping he’d get it right but he still couldn’t give any effort. [/quote
The day isn’t over...go have dinner at the bar of one of your favorite restaurants, invite your friends over for a glass of champagne or head to your friend’s house with a bottle. Hi

No can do. We have to go to dinner at my mom’s house where there will be very little for me to eat. Friends all have their own plans, so that’s not an option.

Don’t be a martyr....since you won’t be eating very much, go to your favorite Bar and order a drink and dessert after you finish at your Moms

[Anonymous]

Zero acknowledgement from my husband. I think he forgot

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, we all know it’s coming. Why wait?

His father never did anything for his wife so neither does my husband. Mothers day, Xmas, birthdays - nothing. At least he's consistent! Constantly thoughtless, self-centered, and unthankful year round!

Yeah, no. It's not your FIL's fault that your husband hasn't picked up through social cues and genuine innate thoughtfulness how grown-ass adults treat the ones they love.

Why did you actively choose to marry him? Surely you had birthdays and Christmas while you were dating. And if you knew who he was going in, you don't get to complain now.

he's from europe, had minimal time together with his folks before marrying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, we all know it’s coming. Why wait?

His father never did anything for his wife so neither does my husband. Mothers day, Xmas, birthdays - nothing. At least he's consistent! Constantly thoughtless, self-centered, and unthankful year round!

Yeah, no. It's not your FIL's fault that your husband hasn't picked up through social cues and genuine innate thoughtfulness how grown-ass adults treat the ones they love.

Why did you actively choose to marry him? Surely you had birthdays and Christmas while you were dating. And if you knew who he was going in, you don't get to complain now.

he's from europe, had minimal time together with his folks before marrying.

But you knew he was this way when you married him? Yes or no.

[Anonymous]

My husband was diagnosed with colon cancer Friday. We have a one and three year old. I’m eating a cupcake in the car. Nothing else matters right now.

I am so sorry. Hang in there. You're doing a great job.

[Anonymous]

We always do what DW wants for Mothers Day , which is as it should be.

But we also do what DW wants on Fathers Day. "What do you mean you want to golf with your friends? It's supposed to be Fathers Day. We should do something as a family." So she makes plans for us as a family, knowing this was not what I wanted when we discussed it. (To be clear, I do 70 percent of the child care and cooking. I see my kids more than she does. )

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Cue the complaints.

For those who complain, do your families show you appreciation at any other time? A hug, a "thanks" for something, etc?

Rarely. Thanks for trying to make me seems petty. Aces.

[Anonymous]

He blamed me for not watching our kid so he could go to the store and get a gift. Today. He’s also not said a word of appreciation, helped with kid, and has been moody all day. Oh yeah, and he slept in and asked private time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is never a good day for me. I’m a single parent so nothing “special” is ever done.

You deserve something special! Hire a sitter and schedule a massage or take the kids out for pedicures.

I know you're trying to be nice. I think many people don't realize that some of us truly do not have an extra dollar available. Literally everything is budgeted. I cancelled cable, but have to have the internet at home for kids homework--i know people who go to the library for that. I don't eat out and my lunch at my desk costs about 75 cents. The rainy day fund ends up going to school field trips or doctor visits.

This. Part of the problem is I just want someone else to plan stuff. I plan all vacations, meals, bills, health insurance, activity schedules etc. someone else do something for once!! Also, while my ex is living on the beach the last time he paid child support was March and it was $59. Barely enough to cover dance shoes.

I’m the PP who said single moms deserve something special...I’ve been there. It’s HARD - I know. I’ve done the not an extra dollar thing. I’m sorry you’re struggling right now. I hope it gets better/easier soon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband was diagnosed with colon cancer Friday. We have a one and three year old. I’m eating a cupcake in the car. Nothing else matters right now.

Hug from Fellow cancer wife. My DH had a resection around our anniversary. The new normal needs to include some self-care for you and eventually a new vision for celebrations.

[Anonymous]

Why do people say this is a Hallmark holiday? It isn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do people say this is a Hallmark holiday? It isn't.

Do some research. Yes, it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So after every year of feeling disappointed, I told DH straight up what I want. I want him to plan a night out for just us or with friends or whatever. DH has been traveling a lot lately and has had lots of time with his friends and my friends just can’t get it together right now to go out (that’s a topic for another thread). So I told DH I want him to take the reins and plan something. He knows the restaurants I like, the musicians I like etc. We have my parents locally who love to take the kids. But it’s always left to me to plan to go out and unless I plan it then it doesn’t happen. Meanwhile DH can plan weekends away with his friends no problem.

So what did I get? A handwritten IOU on a piece of printer paper for a new purse. I don’t want or need a new purse. He couldn’t have even taken the time to get me a gift card to an actual store or Amazon or whatever. Just a note scrawled on a piece of paper.

Oh, and he completely ruined the morning by picking a power struggle with our 7 year old and giving him a consequence that I completely disagree with, but I couldn’t take back or it would have completely undermined him.

Know what DH does for Fathers Day? A day of golf with all his friends where they get drunk and then come home to a BBQ with family that I plan and host.

Know what I’m doing next year for Mother’s Day? Going away by myself to do something I enjoy and not sitting around waiting to be disappointed by DH yet again. The hardest part is seeing how he’s setting such a low bar for our kids to learn from. Everyone else’s birthdays and special days get celebrated because I’m the driving force behind them. But my special days get a last minute IOU scrawled on a piece of printer paper. So the kids see that mom/wife isn’t worth a proper celebration. Lovely.

TLDR: I finally asked for exactly what I want instead of hoping he’d get it right but he still couldn’t give any effort.

Don't host the BBQ this year (DCUM will give you many ideas for bowing out gracefully) and go all out for your bday. You'd still be the one doing the work, but you'll get an awesome cake and your favorite meal. Both ordered, not prepared, by you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We always do what DW wants for Mothers Day , which is as it should be.

But we also do what DW wants on Fathers Day. "What do you mean you want to golf with your friends? It's supposed to be Fathers Day. We should do something as a family." So she makes plans for us as a family, knowing this was not what I wanted when we discussed it. (To be clear, I do 70 percent of the child care and cooking. I see my kids more than she does. )

Funny I was thinking about this double standard today.

I wanted a few hours to myself this morning and got it, but I thought I'd be hurt if DH asked for the same. Silly, but true.