How to address: employee went over my head to my boss for a promotion

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I'm surprised by all of the answers on this thread. The manager did nothing wrong, the employee handled the situation badly.

Personally, I wouldn't say anything, but I probably wouldn't be in a hurry to push the employees case again any time soon.

The employee lost an ally in you.

+1

Well what would you advise an employee who just gets told over and over that they aren’t getting a raise? It’s been 5 years for me.

I went over my boss’s head and easily got a raise. I was going to leave if that hadn’t worked.

I would not have waited 5 years. I know it sounds easy for me to say but it is true. I would not have waited 5 years.

Ok but would you go over your bosss head?

Nope. The employee got an answer she didn't like and decided to go to Dad instead hoping for a different answer than Mom's. Dad in this case reinforced Mom's answer.

I would not have gone to Dad. I would either step up and do what Mom told me to do in order to get reevaluated in 6 months or I would leave, realizing the promotion wasn't going to happen.

Here's the thing, though - if you thought one of your two options was leaving anyway, then what's the harm in trying with your boss's boss? You've got one foot out the door at that point as it is - so do you really care at that point if your boss is annoyed?

Also JFC any man who did this would be commended for advocating for himself. The low key sexism here is astounding. This isn't a group of mean girl friends trying to keep the queen bee happy. This is a worker trying to get paid what she believes she is worth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s disrespectful of the employee. It’s the workplace equivalent of going to “dad” when “mom” said no to something. It shows that employee did not respect your authority and/or thought she was more able of convincing your boss than you were, or that you never even tried but told her you did.

Where I work this would not fly. Employee would be told by big boss “I’m not sure why you’re bringing this to me. Your direct supervisor and I discussed it, and I understood she was going to communicate the results of that discussion to you. Did that not take place?”

This. My supervisor's boss would be super irritated if we did this. And say exactly this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s disrespectful of the employee. It’s the workplace equivalent of going to “dad” when “mom” said no to something. It shows that employee did not respect your authority and/or thought she was more able of convincing your boss than you were, or that you never even tried but told her you did.

Where I work this would not fly. Employee would be told by big boss “I’m not sure why you’re bringing this to me. Your direct supervisor and I discussed it, and I understood she was going to communicate the results of that discussion to you. Did that not take place?”

This. My supervisor's boss would be super irritated if we did this. And say exactly this.

I’m guessing this is a last ditch effort and employee knew boss was gonna be pissed. Employee is definitely job hunting, hence pulling this move. They will leave within the next couple of months.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I'm surprised by all of the answers on this thread. The manager did nothing wrong, the employee handled the situation badly.

Personally, I wouldn't say anything, but I probably wouldn't be in a hurry to push the employees case again any time soon.

The employee lost an ally in you.

+1

Well what would you advise an employee who just gets told over and over that they aren’t getting a raise? It’s been 5 years for me.

I went over my boss’s head and easily got a raise. I was going to leave if that hadn’t worked.

I would not have waited 5 years. I know it sounds easy for me to say but it is true. I would not have waited 5 years.

Ok but would you go over your bosss head?

Nope. The employee got an answer she didn't like and decided to go to Dad instead hoping for a different answer than Mom's. Dad in this case reinforced Mom's answer.

I would not have gone to Dad. I would either step up and do what Mom told me to do in order to get reevaluated in 6 months or I would leave, realizing the promotion wasn't going to happen.

Here's the thing, though - if you thought one of your two options was leaving anyway, then what's the harm in trying with your boss's boss? You've got one foot out the door at that point as it is - so do you really care at that point if your boss is annoyed?

Also JFC any man who did this would be commended for advocating for himself. The low key sexism here is astounding. This isn't a group of mean girl friends trying to keep the queen bee happy. This is a worker trying to get paid what she believes she is worth.

The harm is that you risk irritating people who you may need later for references/connections. And I would feel the exact same way if a man did this. Disrespect is disrespect. It has no gender specificity.

[Anonymous]

I would hate to work for OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I'm surprised by all of the answers on this thread. The manager did nothing wrong, the employee handled the situation badly.

Personally, I wouldn't say anything, but I probably wouldn't be in a hurry to push the employees case again any time soon.

The employee lost an ally in you.

+1

+2. If one of my subordinates came to me about wanting to have this kind of meeting, I’d be pleased to facilitate it, or if I thought having that kind of meeting was a bad idea, I’d explain why I thought that. If they went behind my back, though, I’d view that as a serious breach of trust and respond accordingly. Respecting chain of command is crucial, and undermining it does not make you some sort of trailblazer. Usually it just means you are a
of a prima donna, and that is good to know. That doesn’t mean not asking for or having the meeting (even insisting on it is defensible) but it does mean not hiding it and giving the boss a heads up is basic corporate etiquette.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I'm surprised by all of the answers on this thread. The manager did nothing wrong, the employee handled the situation badly.

Personally, I wouldn't say anything, but I probably wouldn't be in a hurry to push the employees case again any time soon.

The employee lost an ally in you.

+1

+2. If one of my subordinates came to me about wanting to have this kind of meeting, I’d be pleased to facilitate it, or if I thought having that kind of meeting was a bad idea, I’d explain why I thought that. If they went behind my back, though, I’d view that as a serious breach of trust and respond accordingly. Respecting chain of command is crucial, and undermining it does not make you some sort of trailblazer. Usually it just means you are a
of a prima donna, and that is good to know. That doesn’t mean not asking for or having the meeting (even insisting on it is defensible) but it does mean not hiding it and giving the boss a heads up is basic corporate etiquette.

+3 to all of the above.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I'm surprised by all of the answers on this thread. The manager did nothing wrong, the employee handled the situation badly.

Personally, I wouldn't say anything, but I probably wouldn't be in a hurry to push the employees case again any time soon.

The employee lost an ally in you.

+1

Well what would you advise an employee who just gets told over and over that they aren’t getting a raise? It’s been 5 years for me.

I went over my boss’s head and easily got a raise. I was going to leave if that hadn’t worked.

I would not have waited 5 years. I know it sounds easy for me to say but it is true. I would not have waited 5 years.

Ok but would you go over your bosss head?

Nope. The employee got an answer she didn't like and decided to go to Dad instead hoping for a different answer than Mom's. Dad in this case reinforced Mom's answer.

I would not have gone to Dad. I would either step up and do what Mom told me to do in order to get reevaluated in 6 months or I would leave, realizing the promotion wasn't going to happen.

Here's the thing, though - if you thought one of your two options was leaving anyway, then what's the harm in trying with your boss's boss? You've got one foot out the door at that point as it is - so do you really care at that point if your boss is annoyed?

Also JFC any man who did this would be commended for advocating for himself. The low key sexism here is astounding. This isn't a group of mean girl friends trying to keep the queen bee happy. This is a worker trying to get paid what she believes she is worth.

The harm is that you risk irritating people who you may need later for references/connections. And I would feel the exact same way if a man did this. Disrespect is disrespect. It has no gender specificity.

I have found out the hard way that this a very common thing that women do that men don't.

If someone gets irritated it doesn't usually last long. When asked for a reference, the person wants to come off as being a professional them self so they aren't really going to say anything bad AND they have long gotten over any irritation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is why I hate working for women. And I am a woman.

You feel threatened and upset that another woman was willing to step up and do something you weren’t and are afraid to do

She doesn’t need to tell you anything so no she didn’t hide anything. That’s pathetic woman thinking.

For what it's worth, I'm a man (not OP) and I disagree entirely. Secretly going over someone's head is inherently undermining and a sure way to make enemies. Saying "hey, boss, I hear what you are saying but I want to visit with Mr. Corner Office to hear where he is coming from and where I fit in" would get a response like "Sure, don't do it this week, he's freaked out about the Glengarry leads. Try to get on his calendar late next week if you can. Let me know how it goes." It's a night and day difference, and if an employees shows they don't get this, their political judgment is in question and one needs to be careful assigning them sensitive things or important client-facing opportunities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I'm surprised by all of the answers on this thread. The manager did nothing wrong, the employee handled the situation badly.

Personally, I wouldn't say anything, but I probably wouldn't be in a hurry to push the employees case again any time soon.

The employee lost an ally in you.

+1

Well what would you advise an employee who just gets told over and over that they aren’t getting a raise? It’s been 5 years for me.

I went over my boss’s head and easily got a raise. I was going to leave if that hadn’t worked.

I would not have waited 5 years. I know it sounds easy for me to say but it is true. I would not have waited 5 years.

Ok but would you go over your bosss head?

Nope. The employee got an answer she didn't like and decided to go to Dad instead hoping for a different answer than Mom's. Dad in this case reinforced Mom's answer.

I would not have gone to Dad. I would either step up and do what Mom told me to do in order to get reevaluated in 6 months or I would leave, realizing the promotion wasn't going to happen.

Here's the thing, though - if you thought one of your two options was leaving anyway, then what's the harm in trying with your boss's boss? You've got one foot out the door at that point as it is - so do you really care at that point if your boss is annoyed?

Also JFC any man who did this would be commended for advocating for himself. The low key sexism here is astounding. This isn't a group of mean girl friends trying to keep the queen bee happy. This is a worker trying to get paid what she believes she is worth.

Male boss here: I disagree with this entirely too. I'd actually be inclined to cut a female employee a little more slack on this sort of issue, on the grounds that I might not fully understand where she was coming from or why she felt the need to do it. With a male employee, I'd be much more confident that I understand precisely what he is trying to do, and I would respond much more negatively. I can't speak to how female managers would react, but, almost to a person, a male boss would view a male employee who pulled this kind of stunt to be a disloyal a-hole. Nobody sits around commending stuff like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I'm surprised by all of the answers on this thread. The manager did nothing wrong, the employee handled the situation badly.

Personally, I wouldn't say anything, but I probably wouldn't be in a hurry to push the employees case again any time soon.

The employee lost an ally in you.

+1

Well what would you advise an employee who just gets told over and over that they aren’t getting a raise? It’s been 5 years for me.

I went over my boss’s head and easily got a raise. I was going to leave if that hadn’t worked.

I would not have waited 5 years. I know it sounds easy for me to say but it is true. I would not have waited 5 years.

Ok but would you go over your bosss head?

Nope. The employee got an answer she didn't like and decided to go to Dad instead hoping for a different answer than Mom's. Dad in this case reinforced Mom's answer.

I would not have gone to Dad. I would either step up and do what Mom told me to do in order to get reevaluated in 6 months or I would leave, realizing the promotion wasn't going to happen.

Here's the thing, though - if you thought one of your two options was leaving anyway, then what's the harm in trying with your boss's boss? You've got one foot out the door at that point as it is - so do you really care at that point if your boss is annoyed?

Also JFC any man who did this would be commended for advocating for himself. The low key sexism here is astounding. This isn't a group of mean girl friends trying to keep the queen bee happy. This is a worker trying to get paid what she believes she is worth.

Male boss here: I disagree with this entirely too. I'd actually be inclined to cut a female employee a little more slack on this sort of issue, on the grounds that I might not fully understand where she was coming from or why she felt the need to do it. With a male employee, I'd be much more confident that I understand precisely what he is trying to do, and I would respond much more negatively. I can't speak to how female managers would react, but, almost to a person, a male boss would view a male employee who pulled this kind of stunt to be a disloyal a-hole. Nobody sits around commending stuff like that.

I think the disloyal a-hole is the boss who just strings someone along, saying they value them and that in theory they'd promote them, but that it's not going to happen. And then not specifying exactly what those reasons are.

It's a totally different thing if OP didn't think the person deserves the promotion, but that doesn't seem to be the case here.

If I know I deserved a promotion, and my boss basically agreed with me, but then my boss said that she had chatted with big boss and decided not to grant the promotion but maybe consider it in half a year, you can bet I'd be looking elsewhere. And before I left the company, I may as well try a last ditch effort to find out directly from the horse what the issue is (maybe the feedback would be helpful in another role) and whether I can improve my chances if there was actually just some sort of misunderstanding. Especially if a promotion means I'd no longer be directly under my current boss anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I'm surprised by all of the answers on this thread. The manager did nothing wrong, the employee handled the situation badly.

Personally, I wouldn't say anything, but I probably wouldn't be in a hurry to push the employees case again any time soon.

The employee lost an ally in you.

+1

+2. If one of my subordinates came to me about wanting to have this kind of meeting, I’d be pleased to facilitate it, or if I thought having that kind of meeting was a bad idea, I’d explain why I thought that. If they went behind my back, though, I’d view that as a serious breach of trust and respond accordingly. Respecting chain of command is crucial, and undermining it does not make you some sort of trailblazer. Usually it just means you are a
of a prima donna, and that is good to know. That doesn’t mean not asking for or having the meeting (even insisting on it is defensible) but it does mean not hiding it and giving the boss a heads up is basic corporate etiquette.

You'd be "pleased to facilitate" the meeting? What? Why does she need you to facilitate it? Obviously she doesn't, because she just did it without you. And obviously you'd think your employee going above your head is a bad idea, and you'd tell her so, because your employee being there can only make you look bad. Either the boss agrees with the employee (which sometimes happens) and then you look bad for not recognizing the talent, or the boss thinks the employee shouldn't really be there, in which case you did a bad job of communicating the reasons to the employee.

The only reason you'd want a heads up is to save your own butt by throwing your employee under the bus somehow. No wonder the employee didn't want to mention it.

I'm curious how old you are, though. Nobody under 50 would talk about "facilitating a meeting" with their boss's boss or "respecting chain of command" unless they're in the military or some sort of egomaniac.

You should know that times have changed. Most of the top companies actually encourage this every few months - it's called a skip level.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I'm surprised by all of the answers on this thread. The manager did nothing wrong, the employee handled the situation badly.

Personally, I wouldn't say anything, but I probably wouldn't be in a hurry to push the employees case again any time soon.

The employee lost an ally in you.

+1

+2. If one of my subordinates came to me about wanting to have this kind of meeting, I’d be pleased to facilitate it, or if I thought having that kind of meeting was a bad idea, I’d explain why I thought that. If they went behind my back, though, I’d view that as a serious breach of trust and respond accordingly. Respecting chain of command is crucial, and undermining it does not make you some sort of trailblazer. Usually it just means you are a
of a prima donna, and that is good to know. That doesn’t mean not asking for or having the meeting (even insisting on it is defensible) but it does mean not hiding it and giving the boss a heads up is basic corporate etiquette.

You'd be "pleased to facilitate" the meeting? What? Why does she need you to facilitate it? Obviously she doesn't, because she just did it without you. And obviously you'd think your employee going above your head is a bad idea, and you'd tell her so, because your employee being there can only make you look bad. Either the boss agrees with the employee (which sometimes happens) and then you look bad for not recognizing the talent, or the boss thinks the employee shouldn't really be there, in which case you did a bad job of communicating the reasons to the employee.

The only reason you'd want a heads up is to save your own butt by throwing your employee under the bus somehow. No wonder the employee didn't want to mention it.

I'm curious how old you are, though. Nobody under 50 would talk about "facilitating a meeting" with their boss's boss or "respecting chain of command" unless they're in the military or some sort of egomaniac.

You should know that times have changed. Most of the top companies actually encourage this every few months - it's called a skip level.

I’m not the poster you’re quoting, but I’m 39 and I work in an organization where a move like this would be frowned upon, and it’s not the military. You really cannot comprehend that some organizations function differently than what you’re used to/prefer, and you’re calling others egomaniacs?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I'm surprised by all of the answers on this thread. The manager did nothing wrong, the employee handled the situation badly.

Personally, I wouldn't say anything, but I probably wouldn't be in a hurry to push the employees case again any time soon.

The employee lost an ally in you.

+1

+2. If one of my subordinates came to me about wanting to have this kind of meeting, I’d be pleased to facilitate it, or if I thought having that kind of meeting was a bad idea, I’d explain why I thought that. If they went behind my back, though, I’d view that as a serious breach of trust and respond accordingly. Respecting chain of command is crucial, and undermining it does not make you some sort of trailblazer. Usually it just means you are a
of a prima donna, and that is good to know. That doesn’t mean not asking for or having the meeting (even insisting on it is defensible) but it does mean not hiding it and giving the boss a heads up is basic corporate etiquette.

You'd be "pleased to facilitate" the meeting? What? Why does she need you to facilitate it? Obviously she doesn't, because she just did it without you. And obviously you'd think your employee going above your head is a bad idea, and you'd tell her so, because your employee being there can only make you look bad. Either the boss agrees with the employee (which sometimes happens) and then you look bad for not recognizing the talent, or the boss thinks the employee shouldn't really be there, in which case you did a bad job of communicating the reasons to the employee.

The only reason you'd want a heads up is to save your own butt by throwing your employee under the bus somehow. No wonder the employee didn't want to mention it.

I'm curious how old you are, though. Nobody under 50 would talk about "facilitating a meeting" with their boss's boss or "respecting chain of command" unless they're in the military or some sort of egomaniac.

You should know that times have changed. Most of the top companies actually encourage this every few months - it's called a skip level.

I’m not the poster you’re quoting, but I’m 39 and I work in an organization where a move like this would be frowned upon, and it’s not the military. You really cannot comprehend that some organizations function differently than what you’re used to/prefer, and you’re calling others egomaniacs?

Well said. I'm a DP, too, and this poster you're responding to pretty obviously has tunnel vision judging from this and other posts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t see this as her going over you. She’s just trying to advocate for herself. My boss’s boss has it known that she has an open door policy to those on my level.

+1