Talk to me about having a large family

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH was/is miserable in a large family. He was the odd numbered child, and MIL has metal issues (depressed, anxiety, checked out) - and passed that on to most of the family - so, good times. DH in no way wanted a large family, because of what he went through - he was always outnumbered. Bad things are magnified, not good things.

Don’t you think he would have been miserable with a mother like that no matter what? Curious you pointed out he is odd numbered...what do you mean by that?

Kids tend to pair up. Maybe he was younger enough that the next oldest was happier playing with the other older sibling but too old to want to play with the younger sibling?

Iwas the only girl with three brothers. It was fine but the four year difference between me and the two next oldest siblings did not really give me someone to play with. My two older siblings did not get along and wanted nothing to do with each other. They don’t talk now and they are in their 50s. The two eldest were supper bright, bored in school, and constantly in toruble for not doing their school work. The two youngest, including myself, had learning disabilities and ADHD and need a good amount of support from our Mother. My Mom had our learning disabilities and could not help my elder sibligns with their math and science past elementary school and had no clue if they work they showed her as completed was correct or even the assignment.

My older siblings still complain that Mom spent more time helping my younger sibling and I with homework and didn’t do enough for them and don’t seem to fully grasp that Mom could help them with geometry and trig and calculus and physics because she never had those classes. But she could help my younger brother and I and understood how we learned so it was easier for her.

So, a long story short, four kids is a handful. If the kids are different enough it can cause resentment that some people never seem to out grow. Your kids might not play with each other and mightnot like each other.

There is no guarentee. I hae one child because I got married late and decided after my DS was born that I didn’t want a second child. I love being able to give him the attention he needs and that we are going to be able to play for college. I love that we go on three or four nuce vacatons a year. I love that we are able to volunteer for his different activities and that we don’t feel divided. Had I gotten married a few years earlier, I probably would have had a second child but I would not have had more then that no matter when I got married.

But that was my choice. have the family that feels right to you. No amount of advice on the internet is going to help you make that decision. It could turn out great and it could turn out poorly. More likely then not it will be fine. But I would think through finances and what youw ant to be able to provide to your child in the way of college.

Uh, nice life story but none of that really has anything to do with family size. You sound really critical and like you enjoy extensive navel gazing. I bet your kid is both lonely and smothered at the same time.

DP. No need to be so defensive and nasty. OP literally asked about experiences in big families. PP is sharing his or hers. The fact you took that shared experience as personal criticism and felt such an irresistible need to lash out should perhaps tell you that maybe PPs story resonated a bit close to home for you.

Would you prefer to that answers to OPs question only be relentlessly and falsely positive? That you never be forced to think beyond your idealized images? If so, why? Are you one of those mothers who smothers any hint of a negative emotion in her kids, teaching them to hide their true selves?

Ask yourself why you felt such a need to lash out at PP, who gave a fairly neutral and sparing account his or her experience. Why?

Because she sounds like an entitled brat who has spent too much time in therapy figuring out how to blame all her problems on her mother.

Whoo boy. I don't think PP is the one who needs help here.

Best of luck to you and your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH was/is miserable in a large family. He was the odd numbered child, and MIL has metal issues (depressed, anxiety, checked out) - and passed that on to most of the family - so, good times. DH in no way wanted a large family, because of what he went through - he was always outnumbered. Bad things are magnified, not good things.

Don’t you think he would have been miserable with a mother like that no matter what? Curious you pointed out he is odd numbered...what do you mean by that?

Kids tend to pair up. Maybe he was younger enough that the next oldest was happier playing with the other older sibling but too old to want to play with the younger sibling?

Iwas the only girl with three brothers. It was fine but the four year difference between me and the two next oldest siblings did not really give me someone to play with. My two older siblings did not get along and wanted nothing to do with each other. They don’t talk now and they are in their 50s. The two eldest were supper bright, bored in school, and constantly in toruble for not doing their school work. The two youngest, including myself, had learning disabilities and ADHD and need a good amount of support from our Mother. My Mom had our learning disabilities and could not help my elder sibligns with their math and science past elementary school and had no clue if they work they showed her as completed was correct or even the assignment.

My older siblings still complain that Mom spent more time helping my younger sibling and I with homework and didn’t do enough for them and don’t seem to fully grasp that Mom could help them with geometry and trig and calculus and physics because she never had those classes. But she could help my younger brother and I and understood how we learned so it was easier for her.

So, a long story short, four kids is a handful. If the kids are different enough it can cause resentment that some people never seem to out grow. Your kids might not play with each other and mightnot like each other.

There is no guarentee. I hae one child because I got married late and decided after my DS was born that I didn’t want a second child. I love being able to give him the attention he needs and that we are going to be able to play for college. I love that we go on three or four nuce vacatons a year. I love that we are able to volunteer for his different activities and that we don’t feel divided. Had I gotten married a few years earlier, I probably would have had a second child but I would not have had more then that no matter when I got married.

But that was my choice. have the family that feels right to you. No amount of advice on the internet is going to help you make that decision. It could turn out great and it could turn out poorly. More likely then not it will be fine. But I would think through finances and what youw ant to be able to provide to your child in the way of college.

Uh, nice life story but none of that really has anything to do with family size. You sound really critical and like you enjoy extensive navel gazing. I bet your kid is both lonely and smothered at the same time.

DP. No need to be so defensive and nasty. OP literally asked about experiences in big families. PP is sharing his or hers. The fact you took that shared experience as personal criticism and felt such an irresistible need to lash out should perhaps tell you that maybe PPs story resonated a bit close to home for you.

Would you prefer to that answers to OPs question only be relentlessly and falsely positive? That you never be forced to think beyond your idealized images? If so, why? Are you one of those mothers who smothers any hint of a negative emotion in her kids, teaching them to hide their true selves?

Ask yourself why you felt such a need to lash out at PP, who gave a fairly neutral and sparing account his or her experience. Why?

Because she sounds like an entitled brat who has spent too much time in therapy figuring out how to blame all her problems on her mother.

Whoo boy. I don't think PP is the one who needs help here.

Best of luck to you and your family.

Thanks, PP. We’re great. All the best to you, too!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a new poster from a big family where none of us had more than 1-2 kids. I am happy with my smaller family. My parents were happy with their larger family. It's okay both ways.

So then are people from smaller families more likely to have larger families? grass is greener on the other side?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a new poster from a big family where none of us had more than 1-2 kids. I am happy with my smaller family. My parents were happy with their larger family. It's okay both ways.

So then are people from smaller families more likely to have larger families? grass is greener on the other side?

I think so, and I think that was the point of the thread about the navel-gazing. I think most people tend to find fault with their childhood and their parents’ parenting, and decide they can do it all “better.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve noticed a few things about parents of only children that cannot fathom having any additional kids:
1) They don’t realize that siblings actually enjoy spending time together.
2) Often the fathers are not very engaged. I had a mother of an only ask me how I handle my kids being in different activities at the same time. I thought it was pretty obvious that my husband took one kid. But after I told her, she responded that she handles the activities...okay...
3) They have some time-consuming hobby or job with weird hours and fail to consider that others do not have that taking up their time
4) They are low energy people

This is total BS. I have 1 and we are done. I am one of 3 and my husband is one of 4. We had different upbringings, but are normal, grounded people with good and bad sibling relationships. My husband makes a lot of money and we have a high net worth of real estate holdings and investments. We live a very privileged life but don’t want other kids, period. We could higher round the clock care and have had a live in, which we decided took some of our privacy away so changed our arrangement after 8 months. We are high energy people with active lives but no time consuming hobbies such as triathlons or marathons or long distance cycling which would keep one of us away for extended time. My husband gets my daughter up in the morning and takes her to school when he is not traveling. They have a very strong, loving bond. Not everyone wants the chaos of multiple kids. I love kids, I love my friends kids but I love my life and don’t want any more.

The sweeping generalizations and myopic views on this board provide so much comic relief. If I were to guess, most of these rigid viewed people preach tolerance and love in their daily life but are the most intolerant toward others who see the world or have experienced life differently.

Although I enjoyed reading about your high net worth *eye roll*, this comment is not in reference to you if you simply chose not to have more kids. This is about people like previous PPs who claim you cannot properly parent more than one child. They go on and on about how they just can’t fathom how parents make it work with more than one. Try to read and be less defensive next time!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve noticed a few things about parents of only children that cannot fathom having any additional kids:
1) They don’t realize that siblings actually enjoy spending time together.
2) Often the fathers are not very engaged. I had a mother of an only ask me how I handle my kids being in different activities at the same time. I thought it was pretty obvious that my husband took one kid. But after I told her, she responded that she handles the activities...okay...
3) They have some time-consuming hobby or job with weird hours and fail to consider that others do not have that taking up their time
4) They are low energy people

This is total BS. I have 1 and we are done. I am one of 3 and my husband is one of 4. We had different upbringings, but are normal, grounded people with good and bad sibling relationships. My husband makes a lot of money and we have a high net worth of real estate holdings and investments. We live a very privileged life but don’t want other kids, period. We could higher round the clock care and have had a live in, which we decided took some of our privacy away so changed our arrangement after 8 months. We are high energy people with active lives but no time consuming hobbies such as triathlons or marathons or long distance cycling which would keep one of us away for extended time. My husband gets my daughter up in the morning and takes her to school when he is not traveling. They have a very strong, loving bond. Not everyone wants the chaos of multiple kids. I love kids, I love my friends kids but I love my life and don’t want any more.

The sweeping generalizations and myopic views on this board provide so much comic relief. If I were to guess, most of these rigid viewed people preach tolerance and love in their daily life but are the most intolerant toward others who see the world or have experienced life differently.

Although I enjoyed reading about your high net worth *eye roll*, this comment is not in reference to you if you simply chose not to have more kids. This is about people like previous PPs who claim you cannot properly parent more than one child. They go on and on about how they just can’t fathom how parents make it work with more than one. Try to read and be less defensive next time!

Ha, I am not defensive and laugh at how pathetic your need to troll another person’s response is here. You’re the one that has reading comprehension problem. My response was to the statement “I’ve noticed a few things about parents of only children that cannot fathom having any additional kids”. I can’t fathom it and the 4 point noted are sweeping generalizations that can apply to people who have zero to many kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How can you afford to have four? Well, if you can, that is fortunate.

That is why only wealthy, privileged people are having four now (at least in this area). They just pawn them off on nannies half the time, so it’s not that difficult for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve noticed a few things about parents of only children that cannot fathom having any additional kids:
1) They don’t realize that siblings actually enjoy spending time together.
2) Often the fathers are not very engaged. I had a mother of an only ask me how I handle my kids being in different activities at the same time. I thought it was pretty obvious that my husband took one kid. But after I told her, she responded that she handles the activities...okay...
3) They have some time-consuming hobby or job with weird hours and fail to consider that others do not have that taking up their time
4) They are low energy people

This is total BS. I have 1 and we are done. I am one of 3 and my husband is one of 4. We had different upbringings, but are normal, grounded people with good and bad sibling relationships. My husband makes a lot of money and we have a high net worth of real estate holdings and investments. We live a very privileged life but don’t want other kids, period. We could higher round the clock care and have had a live in, which we decided took some of our privacy away so changed our arrangement after 8 months. We are high energy people with active lives but no time consuming hobbies such as triathlons or marathons or long distance cycling which would keep one of us away for extended time. My husband gets my daughter up in the morning and takes her to school when he is not traveling. They have a very strong, loving bond. Not everyone wants the chaos of multiple kids. I love kids, I love my friends kids but I love my life and don’t want any more.

The sweeping generalizations and myopic views on this board provide so much comic relief. If I were to guess, most of these rigid viewed people preach tolerance and love in their daily life but are the most intolerant toward others who see the world or have experienced life differently.

Although I enjoyed reading about your high net worth *eye roll*, this comment is not in reference to you if you simply chose not to have more kids. This is about people like previous PPs who claim you cannot properly parent more than one child. They go on and on about how they just can’t fathom how parents make it work with more than one. Try to read and be less defensive next time!

Ha, I am not defensive and laugh at how pathetic your need to troll another person’s response is here. You’re the one that has reading comprehension problem. My response was to the statement “I’ve noticed a few things about parents of only children that cannot fathom having any additional kids”. I can’t fathom it and the 4 point noted are sweeping generalizations that can apply to people who have zero to many kids.

If with all those resources you simply can’t fathom how people have more than one kid, then you have some other issue. Plenty of people choose to have one kid but are able to see how others make it work with more than one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve noticed a few things about parents of only children that cannot fathom having any additional kids:
1) They don’t realize that siblings actually enjoy spending time together.
2) Often the fathers are not very engaged. I had a mother of an only ask me how I handle my kids being in different activities at the same time. I thought it was pretty obvious that my husband took one kid. But after I told her, she responded that she handles the activities...okay...
3) They have some time-consuming hobby or job with weird hours and fail to consider that others do not have that taking up their time
4) They are low energy people

Oh shut up! You know nothing about other people’s family dynamics and your post is dripping with smugness. You got knocked up and popped out four kids. Animals can do that too. You didn’t cure cancer, so get over yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve noticed a few things about parents of only children that cannot fathom having any additional kids:
1) They don’t realize that siblings actually enjoy spending time together.
2) Often the fathers are not very engaged. I had a mother of an only ask me how I handle my kids being in different activities at the same time. I thought it was pretty obvious that my husband took one kid. But after I told her, she responded that she handles the activities...okay...
3) They have some time-consuming hobby or job with weird hours and fail to consider that others do not have that taking up their time
4) They are low energy people

I have noticed this a lot. I try and remember back when I had one kid and wonder if with each kid I just got more energy (Kinda like a fake it till you make it theory) or if Ive always had a lot of energy and that contributed to my desire to have 3 kids.

Gosh, you people are bitches. Some high energy, wonderful people who don’t have weird hobbies or jobs have one kid because of infertility. But since you are jerks with no empathy, how would you be expected to understand that. Enjoy paying over a million dollars to send your four kids to college and congrats on contributing to overpopulation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve noticed a few things about parents of only children that cannot fathom having any additional kids:
1) They don’t realize that siblings actually enjoy spending time together.
2) Often the fathers are not very engaged. I had a mother of an only ask me how I handle my kids being in different activities at the same time. I thought it was pretty obvious that my husband took one kid. But after I told her, she responded that she handles the activities...okay...
3) They have some time-consuming hobby or job with weird hours and fail to consider that others do not have that taking up their time
4) They are low energy people

I have noticed this a lot. I try and remember back when I had one kid and wonder if with each kid I just got more energy (Kinda like a fake it till you make it theory) or if Ive always had a lot of energy and that contributed to my desire to have 3 kids.

Gosh, you people are bitches. Some high energy, wonderful people who don’t have weird hobbies or jobs have one kid because of infertility. But since you are jerks with no empathy, how would you be expected to understand that. Enjoy paying over a million dollars to send your four kids to college and congrats on contributing to overpopulation.

Learn to read! If you have one because of infertility, then it’s not because you just can’t fathom having additional kids.

[Anonymous]

Cool, but you don't know if a one-kid family had infertility or not - and yet some are making huge generalizations about them. There are all kinds of one-kid families.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve noticed a few things about parents of only children that cannot fathom having any additional kids:
1) They don’t realize that siblings actually enjoy spending time together.
2) Often the fathers are not very engaged. I had a mother of an only ask me how I handle my kids being in different activities at the same time. I thought it was pretty obvious that my husband took one kid. But after I told her, she responded that she handles the activities...okay...
3) They have some time-consuming hobby or job with weird hours and fail to consider that others do not have that taking up their time
4) They are low energy people

I have noticed this a lot. I try and remember back when I had one kid and wonder if with each kid I just got more energy (Kinda like a fake it till you make it theory) or if Ive always had a lot of energy and that contributed to my desire to have 3 kids.

Gosh, you people are bitches. Some high energy, wonderful people who don’t have weird hobbies or jobs have one kid because of infertility. But since you are jerks with no empathy, how would you be expected to understand that. Enjoy paying over a million dollars to send your four kids to college and congrats on contributing to overpopulation.

Learn to read! If you have one because of infertility, then it’s not because you just can’t fathom having additional kids.

Somehow I think that PPs judgment about 1 kid families extends to more than just those “who can’t fathom” having more kids.

[Anonymous]

Please don't trash the planet. Nobody truly needs 5+ kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please don't trash the planet. Nobody truly needs 5+ kids.

+1.