Talk to me about having a large family

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:9 kids in my family. You basically don't get to develop a deep parenting relationship with each individual kid. There are other benefits for the kids (independence, fun, family belonginess) but a lot fewer parental resources for each one.

I think 4 kids is really the max if you want to be close to your lids.

Based on your one experience. It really depends on financial situation; what you can hire out. The temperament of your children. So many things.
We have hashed and rehashed the really large families on this board and had all the haters come out. OP is talking about four here, not fourteen.

Hiring out meets kids physical needs but it does not replace that emotional connection and time with parents and that is the point.

Hiring out means lots of things; lawn care, grocery shopping, cleaning, pet care...the more you are able to hire out, the more time you have left for your family needs.

[Anonymous]

We have three and the only reason we make it happen is a live-in nanny and a bunch of outsourced housework. I cook and drive the kids. That's the extent of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m another poster pregnant with my 4th. What do weekends look like for big families?

We have four. Friday nights I take kids to gymnastics/parkour, then we have pizza and movie night. Saturday’s are pretty low key. Kids are in soccer and basketball for their schools, but it is never more than twenty minutes away and lasts for an hour. We aren’t running all over the place. Maybe this will change as they get older. Mostly we clean the house, read, watch some tv. My middle two usually have a play date.
Saturday night DH and I go out for date night.
Sunday we go to church, have lunch, come home and play outside for a bit. Do homework/practice music. Watch TV. We have a big dinner every Sunday with dessert, then a family meeting. After family meeting kids finish up any homework, get backpacks packed, read story, and go to bed. DH and I split bedtimes to two older kids and two smaller kids. The smaller kids want to pick out their own stories. The older kids would rather listen together for longer.

[Anonymous]

We raised four kids with a SAHM and no domestic help other than a twice a month house cleaner when the kids were older. There was plenty of time for building strong relationships with each kid. If both of us were working it would have been more difficult if not impossible. Personally I think it's selfish for two working parents to have that many kids. The "you can have it all" thing is baloney.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m another poster pregnant with my 4th. What do weekends look like for big families?

We have four. Friday nights I take kids to gymnastics/parkour, then we have pizza and movie night. Saturday’s are pretty low key. Kids are in soccer and basketball for their schools, but it is never more than twenty minutes away and lasts for an hour. We aren’t running all over the place. Maybe this will change as they get older. Mostly we clean the house, read, watch some tv. My middle two usually have a play date.
Saturday night DH and I go out for date night.
Sunday we go to church, have lunch, come home and play outside for a bit. Do homework/practice music. Watch TV. We have a big dinner every Sunday with dessert, then a family meeting. After family meeting kids finish up any homework, get backpacks packed, read story, and go to bed. DH and I split bedtimes to two older kids and two smaller kids. The smaller kids want to pick out their own stories. The older kids would rather listen together for longer.

When do you spend 1-1 time with each kid?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have three and the only reason we make it happen is a live-in nanny and a bunch of outsourced housework. I cook and drive the kids. That's the extent of it.

That's pretty sad you don't spend time with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m another poster pregnant with my 4th. What do weekends look like for big families?

We have four. Friday nights I take kids to gymnastics/parkour, then we have pizza and movie night. Saturday’s are pretty low key. Kids are in soccer and basketball for their schools, but it is never more than twenty minutes away and lasts for an hour. We aren’t running all over the place. Maybe this will change as they get older. Mostly we clean the house, read, watch some tv. My middle two usually have a play date.
Saturday night DH and I go out for date night.
Sunday we go to church, have lunch, come home and play outside for a bit. Do homework/practice music. Watch TV. We have a big dinner every Sunday with dessert, then a family meeting. After family meeting kids finish up any homework, get backpacks packed, read story, and go to bed. DH and I split bedtimes to two older kids and two smaller kids. The smaller kids want to pick out their own stories. The older kids would rather listen together for longer.

When do you spend 1-1 time with each kid?

I see plenty of time in that weekend schedule for one on one time. You should learn some time management skills. I bet this person is spending more time with their kids than the majority of people.

[Anonymous]

I have 3 and consider a 4th now and then. What I have going for me is my kids are all 4 years apart...10, 6 and 2 right now. Everyone got their time to be the baby and the older kids are largely at school during baby care. I also sah (mostly i do invoice and billing for a family buisness but its only 8 hourd a week) and started having kids at 25 and I know both those things are rare.

[Anonymous]

4 is not large

We have 3 and we spent the day skiing. Ski school is 130 for the day. Includes lift tickets.

So multiply by 4 then include your own lift tickets.

We go skiing most weekends in the winter and I’m sure we would do so even if we had one more kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:9 kids in my family. You basically don't get to develop a deep parenting relationship with each individual kid. There are other benefits for the kids (independence, fun, family belonginess) but a lot fewer parental resources for each one.

I think 4 kids is really the max if you want to be close to your lids.

Based on your one experience. It really depends on financial situation; what you can hire out. The temperament of your children. So many things.
We have hashed and rehashed the really large families on this board and had all the haters come out. OP is talking about four here, not fourteen.

How many people can have 4+ kids and still afford to "hire out" to a significant degree? Also hiring out doesn't really solve the issue of individualized attention. My family had paid help, and they couldn't really pay attention to individual kids either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:9 kids in my family. You basically don't get to develop a deep parenting relationship with each individual kid. There are other benefits for the kids (independence, fun, family belonginess) but a lot fewer parental resources for each one.

I think 4 kids is really the max if you want to be close to your lids.

Based on your one experience. It really depends on financial situation; what you can hire out. The temperament of your children. So many things.
We have hashed and rehashed the really large families on this board and had all the haters come out. OP is talking about four here, not fourteen.

How many people can have 4+ kids and still afford to "hire out" to a significant degree? Also hiring out doesn't really solve the issue of individualized attention. My family had paid help, and they couldn't really pay attention to individual kids either.

Lots of people in this area can afford it. I’m a SAHM to more than four, and we hire stuff out. I personally know 6-7 others in the same situation although it’s not representative given my husband is in a high paying job.
Just because you can’t fathom it, or don’t like it, doesn’t mean it can’t work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have 3 and consider a 4th now and then. What I have going for me is my kids are all 4 years apart...10, 6 and 2 right now. Everyone got their time to be the baby and the older kids are largely at school during baby care. I also sah (mostly i do invoice and billing for a family buisness but its only 8 hourd a week) and started having kids at 25 and I know both those things are rare.

Its not the baby time they need you most.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m another poster pregnant with my 4th. What do weekends look like for big families?

We have four. Friday nights I take kids to gymnastics/parkour, then we have pizza and movie night. Saturday’s are pretty low key. Kids are in soccer and basketball for their schools, but it is never more than twenty minutes away and lasts for an hour. We aren’t running all over the place. Maybe this will change as they get older. Mostly we clean the house, read, watch some tv. My middle two usually have a play date.
Saturday night DH and I go out for date night.
Sunday we go to church, have lunch, come home and play outside for a bit. Do homework/practice music. Watch TV. We have a big dinner every Sunday with dessert, then a family meeting. After family meeting kids finish up any homework, get backpacks packed, read story, and go to bed. DH and I split bedtimes to two older kids and two smaller kids. The smaller kids want to pick out their own stories. The older kids would rather listen together for longer.

When do you spend 1-1 time with each kid?

I see plenty of time in that weekend schedule for one on one time. You should learn some time management skills. I bet this person is spending more time with their kids than the majority of people.

Weekend time is not plenty when Saturday is date night, Sunday is church, dinner and family meeting. So, what, each kid gets 30 minutes a weekend and you think that is enough? They don't even get 1-1 time at bedtime.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m another poster pregnant with my 4th. What do weekends look like for big families?

We have four. Friday nights I take kids to gymnastics/parkour, then we have pizza and movie night. Saturday’s are pretty low key. Kids are in soccer and basketball for their schools, but it is never more than twenty minutes away and lasts for an hour. We aren’t running all over the place. Maybe this will change as they get older. Mostly we clean the house, read, watch some tv. My middle two usually have a play date.
Saturday night DH and I go out for date night.
Sunday we go to church, have lunch, come home and play outside for a bit. Do homework/practice music. Watch TV. We have a big dinner every Sunday with dessert, then a family meeting. After family meeting kids finish up any homework, get backpacks packed, read story, and go to bed. DH and I split bedtimes to two older kids and two smaller kids. The smaller kids want to pick out their own stories. The older kids would rather listen together for longer.

When do you spend 1-1 time with each kid?

I see plenty of time in that weekend schedule for one on one time. You should learn some time management skills. I bet this person is spending more time with their kids than the majority of people.

Weekend time is not plenty when Saturday is date night, Sunday is church, dinner and family meeting. So, what, each kid gets 30 minutes a weekend and you think that is enough? They don't even get 1-1 time at bedtime.

Yeah, the reality of being a kid in a large family is very very little 1:1 time. It just is. I don't think it's crippling to children, if the household is harmonious and well-resourced, but it definitely is a different kind of parenting, one that I did not want for my own child (which is why I have an only).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:9 kids in my family. You basically don't get to develop a deep parenting relationship with each individual kid. There are other benefits for the kids (independence, fun, family belonginess) but a lot fewer parental resources for each one.

I think 4 kids is really the max if you want to be close to your lids.

Based on your one experience. It really depends on financial situation; what you can hire out. The temperament of your children. So many things.
We have hashed and rehashed the really large families on this board and had all the haters come out. OP is talking about four here, not fourteen.

How many people can have 4+ kids and still afford to "hire out" to a significant degree? Also hiring out doesn't really solve the issue of individualized attention. My family had paid help, and they couldn't really pay attention to individual kids either.

Lots of people in this area can afford it. I’m a SAHM to more than four, and we hire stuff out. I personally know 6-7 others in the same situation although it’s not representative given my husband is in a high paying job.
Just because you can’t fathom it, or don’t like it, doesn’t mean it can’t work.

you can't hire out parental 1:1 time with the kids. If you have 4 under 8 to put to bed, everyone is getting 1 bedtime story all together.