MIL bragging my baby looks just like her

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it really bothers you that much, simply say, "Mary, the baby looks like me and my side of the family, too. I had a little something to do with it, after all!" In a lighthearted tone and with some humor.

Don't say this. You will look very childish. You may not like her but, what harm is she doing? It is just a way to bond with baby and make conversation.

It isn't "childish" to gently make your feelings known. Not throwing a hissy fit and threatening to throw MIL out of the house would be childish. But letting on that this is a sensitive topic for you is not childish.

I stand by my word. How often does your see your mil? Who really cares if she thinks if mil that ops baby looks like her family? Its not like ops mil is a stranger. Mil is related to ops kid. Maybe that is the root of the problem

have you actually had an experience similar to OP's or are you just taking out of your ass? MIL pouncing on everything as supposedly related to her robs you, the mother, of the pleasure of seeing yourself and your parents in your children. while it certainly does not make that experience impossible it makes it more difficult by introducing additional uncertainty into what is a leaf reading process anyway. I can't take normal pleasure in knowing my kids look and behave like me because I have this annoying narcissist at the back of my brain screaming "this is just like! I was like this! Me me me"

To be honest yes. The difference is it is just conversation and chat
My kids are a mixture of both sides. You are pronably very simular to your mil which is why at the root it bothers you so much


After reading all your responses i feel sorry for your spouse. Yikes!€/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it really bothers you that much, simply say, "Mary, the baby looks like me and my side of the family, too. I had a little something to do with it, after all!" In a lighthearted tone and with some humor.

Don't say this. You will look very childish. You may not like her but, what harm is she doing? It is just a way to bond with baby and make conversation.

It isn't "childish" to gently make your feelings known. Not throwing a hissy fit and threatening to throw MIL out of the house would be childish. But letting on that this is a sensitive topic for you is not childish.

I stand by my word. How often does your see your mil? Who really cares if she thinks if mil that ops baby looks like her family? Its not like ops mil is a stranger. Mil is related to ops kid. Maybe that is the root of the problem

have you actually had an experience similar to OP's or are you just taking out of your ass? MIL pouncing on everything as supposedly related to her robs you, the mother, of the pleasure of seeing yourself and your parents in your children. while it certainly does not make that experience impossible it makes it more difficult by introducing additional uncertainty into what is a leaf reading process anyway. I can't take normal pleasure in knowing my kids look and behave like me because I have this annoying narcissist at the back of my brain screaming "this is just like! I was like this! Me me me"

To be honest yes. The difference is it is just conversation and chat
My kids are a mixture of both sides. You are pronably very simular to your mil which is why at the root it bothers you so much


After reading all your responses i feel sorry for your spouse. Yikes!€/

really? well, you sound kind of dumb. but that's just us, conversing here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How does your MIL seeing her nose on her grandchild take a single thing away from you.

2 of my kids look nothing like me or anyone in my family. The other one has my coloring, and grew into features like my family but looked like my husband's family for the first 3 years. None of them could see a single feature that looked like me.

And when there was a feature that resembled me as a child (like curly hair) they could not figure out where it came from (was it a great uncle several generations back???) because they had zero idea what I looked like as a toddler.

Really, truly I understand wanting your kids to look like you, but someone not noticing that resemblance to your babyhood is not an affront to you, nor is you MIL seeing herself in her grandchild

There are plenty of real affronts that a typical MIL makes to a DIL. Why create a snub where there is none? Why get hot and bothered by a grandma having a perfectly loving and normal reaction to her grandchild?

it takes the nose, specifically. now, most people don't care about their nose or any other part in particular, but when a MIL claims 99% of everything, physical, behavioral or other, then that sure gets old quickly - not that you would know because clearly you have zero experience with this.

You are picking the wrong hill to die on, DIL.

stop patronizing me. I am not dying on this hill (we have much bigger - financial - issue with her as she can barely survive without our help) and never said to my MIL anything about it - I just let her freak out when others point obvious similarities to my family. I want OP to know that her feelings are completely normal and not a teasing for PPD screening as some bitter grandmas here are suggesting.

You’re missing the point.

I’m not one of the PPs, but my PPD originally manifested as a lot of over reactions to some inoocuous things like this. Not everyone is weepy, or anxious, resents their baby, etc.

The thing about PPD is, not every woman manifests it the same. Even the questionnaires didn’t help me.

i am sorry you had PPD but that is not a reason everyone who is justifiably upset about some majorly mean behavior should be screened.

You think your MIL saying their grandchild looks like them is something to be “justifiably upset” by?

If this is the case, life in general, must be a struggle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How does your MIL seeing her nose on her grandchild take a single thing away from you.

2 of my kids look nothing like me or anyone in my family. The other one has my coloring, and grew into features like my family but looked like my husband's family for the first 3 years. None of them could see a single feature that looked like me.

And when there was a feature that resembled me as a child (like curly hair) they could not figure out where it came from (was it a great uncle several generations back???) because they had zero idea what I looked like as a toddler.

Really, truly I understand wanting your kids to look like you, but someone not noticing that resemblance to your babyhood is not an affront to you, nor is you MIL seeing herself in her grandchild

There are plenty of real affronts that a typical MIL makes to a DIL. Why create a snub where there is none? Why get hot and bothered by a grandma having a perfectly loving and normal reaction to her grandchild?

it takes the nose, specifically. now, most people don't care about their nose or any other part in particular, but when a MIL claims 99% of everything, physical, behavioral or other, then that sure gets old quickly - not that you would know because clearly you have zero experience with this.

You are picking the wrong hill to die on, DIL.

stop patronizing me. I am not dying on this hill (we have much bigger - financial - issue with her as she can barely survive without our help) and never said to my MIL anything about it - I just let her freak out when others point obvious similarities to my family. I want OP to know that her feelings are completely normal and not a teasing for PPD screening as some bitter grandmas here are suggesting.

Obviously your issues with your MIL run far deeper than this rather trivial nonsense about the baby looking like MIL (or so she says). You probably have reason to resent the heck out of her, you don't really even like her and when she compares your baby to herself that just goes all over you.

it's not "trivial nonsense" - it's all related. good people/MIL don't go around and claim everything about their son's babies is theirs. they just don't. it's very likely that OP has or will have other issues as well. i don't mind my children being like my MIL to some extent - she was successful in variety of fields, and she was attractive. she is very industrious. but yeah i would rather not raise my MIL's clone, much less 3 times.

You are wrong.

This is common behavior by loving grandparents on both mom and dad's side.

It only becomes an issue when you have an antagonistic relationship like you do, or when you have something else like PPD happening.

Otherwise, that common grandparent behavior just warrants an eye roll or giggle.

this is absolutely not true. i don't know a single case except my MIL (and OP's) where MIL's claims of resemblance are so excessive.

I will say that this is fairly typical for the average proud grandparent but it sounds as though your own MIL takes it a step too far to the point where she is taking full credit and claim to the baby - "See it looks JUST like ME!! You can totally tell that this baby is mine!!" ....and you were just the receptacle that gave birth to "her" baby.

She sounds super obnoxious but just remember - her saying it doesn't make it true. No matter how badly she wishes it was.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How does your MIL seeing her nose on her grandchild take a single thing away from you.

2 of my kids look nothing like me or anyone in my family. The other one has my coloring, and grew into features like my family but looked like my husband's family for the first 3 years. None of them could see a single feature that looked like me.

And when there was a feature that resembled me as a child (like curly hair) they could not figure out where it came from (was it a great uncle several generations back???) because they had zero idea what I looked like as a toddler.

Really, truly I understand wanting your kids to look like you, but someone not noticing that resemblance to your babyhood is not an affront to you, nor is you MIL seeing herself in her grandchild

There are plenty of real affronts that a typical MIL makes to a DIL. Why create a snub where there is none? Why get hot and bothered by a grandma having a perfectly loving and normal reaction to her grandchild?

it takes the nose, specifically. now, most people don't care about their nose or any other part in particular, but when a MIL claims 99% of everything, physical, behavioral or other, then that sure gets old quickly - not that you would know because clearly you have zero experience with this.

You are picking the wrong hill to die on, DIL.

stop patronizing me. I am not dying on this hill (we have much bigger - financial - issue with her as she can barely survive without our help) and never said to my MIL anything about it - I just let her freak out when others point obvious similarities to my family. I want OP to know that her feelings are completely normal and not a teasing for PPD screening as some bitter grandmas here are suggesting.

You’re missing the point.

I’m not one of the PPs, but my PPD originally manifested as a lot of over reactions to some inoocuous things like this. Not everyone is weepy, or anxious, resents their baby, etc.

The thing about PPD is, not every woman manifests it the same. Even the questionnaires didn’t help me.

i am sorry you had PPD but that is not a reason everyone who is justifiably upset about some majorly mean behavior should be screened.

You think your MIL saying their grandchild looks like them is something to be “justifiably upset” by?

If this is the case, life in general, must be a struggle.

when it is very excessive absolutely. btw this is not only about looks, it's everything, intelligence, humor, assertiveness - everything comes from her. the youngest's poop looks like her son's poop. the smile looks like her random cousin's smile. the way the oldest rides a bicycle is just that way MIL used to ride a bicycle. and on and on and on. oh, and not a single thing looks like it came from FIL.

this is not just some vague resemblance in appearance - it's constant barrage of little detail that make up pretty much all of life. if you don't understand how that is extremely annoying you are seriously lacking in empathy.

the bottom line is, one of the joys of parenting is seeing yourself in your children. this is why people go to great lengths to have their own children instead of adopting or using donor eggs. and grandparents take a part of that great joy by seeing themselves in their grandchildren. so do aunts and uncles. and it's all good, if it happens within reasonable limits. but claiming everything for yourself is absolutely infuriating and it is in fact taking pleasure from the parents - it is specifically designed to do so. you can not simultaneously claim that resemblance is important and valuable and satisfying and claim that having zero resemblance (because everything supposedly "belongs" to some relative who is unrelated to you) should not affect one at all.

[Anonymous]

She sounds like a royal pill who might be a bit deluded. Just accept the fact that you are never going to get any sort of affirmation from her. She is in it lock stock and barrel for herself because she is a very selfish, self centered person.

Of course the baby is her mini me - I'm sure she considers that a high compliment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it really bothers you that much, simply say, "Mary, the baby looks like me and my side of the family, too. I had a little something to do with it, after all!" In a lighthearted tone and with some humor.

Don't say this. You will look very childish. You may not like her but, what harm is she doing? It is just a way to bond with baby and make conversation.

It isn't "childish" to gently make your feelings known. Not throwing a hissy fit and threatening to throw MIL out of the house would be childish. But letting on that this is a sensitive topic for you is not childish.

I stand by my word. How often does your see your mil? Who really cares if she thinks if mil that ops baby looks like her family? Its not like ops mil is a stranger. Mil is related to ops kid. Maybe that is the root of the problem

have you actually had an experience similar to OP's or are you just taking out of your ass? MIL pouncing on everything as supposedly related to her robs you, the mother, of the pleasure of seeing yourself and your parents in your children. while it certainly does not make that experience impossible it makes it more difficult by introducing additional uncertainty into what is a leaf reading process anyway. I can't take normal pleasure in knowing my kids look and behave like me because I have this annoying narcissist at the back of my brain screaming "this is just like! I was like this! Me me me"

To be honest yes. The difference is it is just conversation and chat
My kids are a mixture of both sides. You are pronably very simular to your mil which is why at the root it bothers you so much


After reading all your responses i feel sorry for your spouse. Yikes!€/

really? well, you sound kind of dumb. but that's just us, conversing here.

How do I sound dumb? Are you sure you are not projecting? If you are the op I now feel sorry for your MIL.

[Anonymous]

My inlaws can't say anything like this because my husband was adopted. And they don't comment on my child looking like either one us, come to think of it. Maybe because no one did it to them?

Reading this thread I have no idea how I would react. I think I understand the annoyance, particularly in the cases where it's glaringly obvious it came from the mother and the inlaws are reaching to claim a relative of theirs as a genetic influence. I would hope I would simply roll my eyes and try not to take it too personally. Could be she is just in a baby love fog and will ease up later.

[Anonymous]

I think it is sweet that your MIL says the baby shares some of her characteristics. I would much rather my baby to have some resemblance to my MIL than my baby to have a lot of resemblance to the mailman, for example.

This is a woman who is trying to forge a common bond with your child. It sounds like she has a lot of love to give. Why on earth wouldn't you embrace that. Stop being so easily threatened by something so sweet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My inlaws can't say anything like this because my husband was adopted. And they don't comment on my child looking like either one us, come to think of it. Maybe because no one did it to them?

Reading this thread I have no idea how I would react. I think I understand the annoyance, particularly in the cases where it's glaringly obvious it came from the mother and the inlaws are reaching to claim a relative of theirs as a genetic influence. I would hope I would simply roll my eyes and try not to take it too personally. Could be she is just in a baby love fog and will ease up later.

Love this. And it is a great explanation! All babies should be so fortunate!

[Anonymous]

My husband and his family are pale white blonds who couldn't tan if they fell into a vat of spray-on tanning solution. I am a darker-skinned non-white woman and our son has my skin tone. MIL likes to say that DS' complexion must be from my husband's Uncle Harold, whom I should note was just as pale as they rest of them.

[Anonymous]

My son looked like yoda and kind of like his grandad, the bald one. I was upset about the comments too (many) but 25 years later I laugh out loud just thinking about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My inlaws can't say anything like this because my husband was adopted. And they don't comment on my child looking like either one us, come to think of it. Maybe because no one did it to them?

Reading this thread I have no idea how I would react. I think I understand the annoyance, particularly in the cases where it's glaringly obvious it came from the mother and the inlaws are reaching to claim a relative of theirs as a genetic influence. I would hope I would simply roll my eyes and try not to take it too personally. Could be she is just in a baby love fog and will ease up later.

Love this. And it is a great explanation! All babies should be so fortunate!

It doesn’t get batter.

My child has lots friends only because she’s a social butterfly like MIL. She chose those cat-eye glasses because MIL wears cat eye sunglasses (not because they were the pair that looked best on her). She liked to wear black leggings because MIL wears black pants t work (not because they were on trend with teens). So on and so forth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband and his family are pale white blonds who couldn't tan if they fell into a vat of spray-on tanning solution. I am a darker-skinned non-white woman and our son has my skin tone. MIL likes to say that DS' complexion must be from my husband's Uncle Harold, whom I should note was just as pale as they rest of them.

LOL. We have the same MIL?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My inlaws can't say anything like this because my husband was adopted. And they don't comment on my child looking like either one us, come to think of it. Maybe because no one did it to them?

Reading this thread I have no idea how I would react. I think I understand the annoyance, particularly in the cases where it's glaringly obvious it came from the mother and the inlaws are reaching to claim a relative of theirs as a genetic influence. I would hope I would simply roll my eyes and try not to take it too personally. Could be she is just in a baby love fog and will ease up later.

Love this. And it is a great explanation! All babies should be so fortunate!

It doesn’t get batter.

My child has lots friends only because she’s a social butterfly like MIL. She chose those cat-eye glasses because MIL wears cat eye sunglasses (not because they were the pair that looked best on her). She liked to wear black leggings because MIL wears black pants t work (not because they were on trend with teens). So on and so forth.

You are sounding crazier with each post. Whoa. Your daughter chooses to be like her grandmother, relates to her, and this is what ticks you off...that your daughter does not more closely align with you. You are the problem here.