What Do you Say to Inappropriately Prying, Nosy Parents about College Acceptances?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it because your kid got accepted to what DCUM considers a mediocre school? Just own it!

This whole thread is funny! I am going thru this now as a friend is being really quiet about his DC's college acceptances and I'm the type that is okay with announcing news to the world because I feel good about where our DC got accepted. Here's the interesting thing. Friend would be clamoring from the rooftops if his DC had good prospects for college. But I know that is not the case. So when things are good for the friend, the friend is open and happy to share news. But when things are not as positive, then it becomes a silent game and I am seen as bragging about my DC. Honestly, I cannot win, but I guarantee you that if friend's DC had done better in high school, friend would be shouting from the rooftops right now/victory lapping about DC's college pick!

^^you sound like a very smug sort of person. I wouldn't tell you anything--and you would judge me for that.

Smug as it may possibly sound to you (and I am a very nice person), I will never apologize for sharing any family news -- good or bad -- to others where I see fit. This is my happiness and my feeling of pride. If others internalize my happiness as their failure, this is on them because I am only broadcasting my joy. If I am cordial and kind to others, but happened to be a person who gets excited about my own life, people like you will always see anything I say as smugness. If I bought new shoes and shared the news with everyone, I can hear you say "oh she's so smug." If I got that great big house that I worked my butt off for 20 years and smiled telling people the story about how I saved every last penny, I can hear you say "she thinks she's so cool with her new big house." You are a downer. And so is my friend, who has no problem telling everyone he knows that he grew up in a tony location in the U.S. that is very popular in the media and rich travel circles...or that he does this and that or has this advantage or that advantage...my friend can dish it when he's top dog but really wants everyone to be respectful and silent when others attain something that he perhaps wanted and did not get-- such as in this case of a good college choice for DC. So I don't think I'm the one with the problem -- I share the good and bad and eat my humble pie if needed. It's my friend who only wants to share the good and get the heaps of praise when he's accomplishing what he feels is important, and then wants everyone to play considerate and mindful when things do not go his way. I hope you are not that person too.

I can see how it would be hurtful that this friend can't seem to share in your good news after you've spent years slapping him on the back for his own good news. That would be disappointing.

It is disappointing. I have definitely given many heaps of praise for the tony home or the cool vacation or great promotion. But was greeted with silence about my DC's results. It sort of gives me a lot of insights into the friendship.

Why are you friends with this person? Were you perhaps enticed by the tony home and the DH's high status?

No. Not that. More of a personal relationship thru family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it because your kid got accepted to what DCUM considers a mediocre school? Just own it!

This whole thread is funny! I am going thru this now as a friend is being really quiet about his DC's college acceptances and I'm the type that is okay with announcing news to the world because I feel good about where our DC got accepted. Here's the interesting thing. Friend would be clamoring from the rooftops if his DC had good prospects for college. But I know that is not the case. So when things are good for the friend, the friend is open and happy to share news. But when things are not as positive, then it becomes a silent game and I am seen as bragging about my DC. Honestly, I cannot win, but I guarantee you that if friend's DC had done better in high school, friend would be shouting from the rooftops right now/victory lapping about DC's college pick!

^^you sound like a very smug sort of person. I wouldn't tell you anything--and you would judge me for that.

Smug as it may possibly sound to you (and I am a very nice person), I will never apologize for sharing any family news -- good or bad -- to others where I see fit. This is my happiness and my feeling of pride. If others internalize my happiness as their failure, this is on them because I am only broadcasting my joy. If I am cordial and kind to others, but happened to be a person who gets excited about my own life, people like you will always see anything I say as smugness. If I bought new shoes and shared the news with everyone, I can hear you say "oh she's so smug." If I got that great big house that I worked my butt off for 20 years and smiled telling people the story about how I saved every last penny, I can hear you say "she thinks she's so cool with her new big house." You are a downer. And so is my friend, who has no problem telling everyone he knows that he grew up in a tony location in the U.S. that is very popular in the media and rich travel circles...or that he does this and that or has this advantage or that advantage...my friend can dish it when he's top dog but really wants everyone to be respectful and silent when others attain something that he perhaps wanted and did not get-- such as in this case of a good college choice for DC. So I don't think I'm the one with the problem -- I share the good and bad and eat my humble pie if needed. It's my friend who only wants to share the good and get the heaps of praise when he's accomplishing what he feels is important, and then wants everyone to play considerate and mindful when things do not go his way. I hope you are not that person too.

If things hadn't worked out for your DC, you'd be looking for ways to avoid those same people to whom you are now "broadcasting your joy."

I don't think so. I take the good with the bad. My DC had a disappointment or two, but also got some successes. We focus on the positive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bounce it back: "That's an interesting question -- is that something Larla had to deal with?" If the question is just an excuse for her to brag about her kid, give it to her. Do a lot of mm-hmming

Shut it down: "We're trying not to pay any more attention to the process than we have to. We don't want to be those people whose lives narrow down to one kid's college process! So we're taking a lot of breaks from thinking about it. Can't wait for the new Avengers movie!"

Thank you! I am looking for ways to shut it down completely. These questions are coming from competitive types--they are not asking out of genuine concern or friendliness--I wish I had better responses for them.

+1
I know of one person in particular, who seems to think her son and my son have been in competition throughout high school (they haven't been - it's all in her head). She's dying to know where my son is going to college, and so far, I've avoided telling her. So nosy.

You plan to keep this a deep, dark secret...forever? "My son is coming home tomorrow for Christmas break!" "Really? That's great, what school is he attending?" "Urrrrgh!!! NONE of your business lady! Stop being sooo nosy!!"

No, of course not. Obviously it's not a secret - I can just tell she's chomping at the bit for my son to announce his decision, which he hasn't wanted to do yet.

Asking a college bound HS senior where he is going to college is a normal question. They ALL get asked that. If your son hasn't decided, yet, just say that he's still deciding. Some kids like to explore all of their options before setting anything into stone. That's fine, we get. What is weird is you acting like the question is somehow way out of line and brutally rude. It isn't anything of the kind.

Well, let's see - I never said she was "way out of line and brutally rude." I simply said this woman was nosy, which she is. She's always asked about my son's academic progress, as long as I've known her (as I stated in my post, bolded). You seem to be taking all of this very personally. Why is that?

[Anonymous]

I just answer the questions honestly. What's the big deal?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"I basically say DD is following some guy named Ben who's going to the University of New York. We wish she'd just go to Stanford and go pre-med."

Love the reference.

The best part of this is that the second part doesn't actually have to be true.

I you word the wish right, you could be wishing about not following Ben, about getting into Stanford or about being pre-med.

Shout-out to Felicity!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just answer the questions honestly. What's the big deal?

+1

It take 2 people to gave a competition. If you're truly not competing, then who cares what others think or why they're asking? Just the drop the rope.

[Anonymous]

OMG, I have a junior in HS now, and I have just accepted the fact that college admissions will be a big part of conversations over the next year. I have no qualms with people asking where we are in the process. I find it to be a fascinating process and actually enjoy discussing it. Go ahead...ask away.

[Anonymous]

We finally asked my SIL this week about nephew's college plans and graduation party (don't think there will be one). Hard not to ask and, yes, I was being a bit nosy. Just really wanted to know where he was heading after talking about his college plans last Fall. Also, want to get some idea of the whole process b/c my DC will be applying in a few years. Did we do something wrong?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We finally asked my SIL this week about nephew's college plans and graduation party (don't think there will be one). Hard not to ask and, yes, I was being a bit nosy. Just really wanted to know where he was heading after talking about his college plans last Fall. Also, want to get some idea of the whole process b/c my DC will be applying in a few years. Did we do something wrong?

Not unless you've been competing with her since your children were infants. If not, cool. But, there are psychos among us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Literally, what is a good response? I have a SIL who I usually rarely see (once a year, maybe). But this year she is all over me! She is a huge show-off and a busybody. She has made it her business to pepper me with questions about my DS's college process this year. I have a neighbor who is the same way. I just do not want to give them the satisfaction because it's none of their business.

Does anyone know a good response to these types?

Just answer the damn question, BFD.

Is this about your family members asking or random school parents or you on a power trip withholding basic information?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bounce it back: "That's an interesting question -- is that something Larla had to deal with?" If the question is just an excuse for her to brag about her kid, give it to her. Do a lot of mm-hmming

Shut it down: "We're trying not to pay any more attention to the process than we have to. We don't want to be those people whose lives narrow down to one kid's college process! So we're taking a lot of breaks from thinking about it. Can't wait for the new Avengers movie!"

Thank you! I am looking for ways to shut it down completely. These questions are coming from competitive types--they are not asking out of genuine concern or friendliness--I wish I had better responses for them.

+1
I know of one person in particular, who seems to think her son and my son have been in competition throughout high school (they haven't been - it's all in her head). She's dying to know where my son is going to college, and so far, I've avoided telling her. So nosy.

You plan to keep this a deep, dark secret...forever? "My son is coming home tomorrow for Christmas break!" "Really? That's great, what school is he attending?" "Urrrrgh!!! NONE of your business lady! Stop being sooo nosy!!"

No, of course not. Obviously it's not a secret - I can just tell she's chomping at the bit for my son to announce his decision, which he hasn't wanted to do yet.

Asking a college bound HS senior where he is going to college is a normal question. They ALL get asked that. If your son hasn't decided, yet, just say that he's still deciding. Some kids like to explore all of their options before setting anything into stone. That's fine, we get. What is weird is you acting like the question is somehow way out of line and brutally rude. It isn't anything of the kind.

Well, let's see - I never said she was "way out of line and brutally rude." I simply said this woman was nosy, which she is. She's always asked about my son's academic progress, as long as I've known her (as I stated in my post, bolded). You seem to be taking all of this very personally. Why is that?

That's odd she even keeps asking you anything, you sound like you have your head so far up your @$$ you can't hear anyways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bounce it back: "That's an interesting question -- is that something Larla had to deal with?" If the question is just an excuse for her to brag about her kid, give it to her. Do a lot of mm-hmming

Shut it down: "We're trying not to pay any more attention to the process than we have to. We don't want to be those people whose lives narrow down to one kid's college process! So we're taking a lot of breaks from thinking about it. Can't wait for the new Avengers movie!"

Thank you! I am looking for ways to shut it down completely. These questions are coming from competitive types--they are not asking out of genuine concern or friendliness--I wish I had better responses for them.

+1
I know of one person in particular, who seems to think her son and my son have been in competition throughout high school (they haven't been - it's all in her head). She's dying to know where my son is going to college, and so far, I've avoided telling her. So nosy.

You plan to keep this a deep, dark secret...forever? "My son is coming home tomorrow for Christmas break!" "Really? That's great, what school is he attending?" "Urrrrgh!!! NONE of your business lady! Stop being sooo nosy!!"

No, of course not. Obviously it's not a secret - I can just tell she's chomping at the bit for my son to announce his decision, which he hasn't wanted to do yet.

Asking a college bound HS senior where he is going to college is a normal question. They ALL get asked that. If your son hasn't decided, yet, just say that he's still deciding. Some kids like to explore all of their options before setting anything into stone. That's fine, we get. What is weird is you acting like the question is somehow way out of line and brutally rude. It isn't anything of the kind.

Well, let's see - I never said she was "way out of line and brutally rude." I simply said this woman was nosy, which she is. She's always asked about my son's academic progress, as long as I've known her (as I stated in my post, bolded). You seem to be taking all of this very personally. Why is that?

It's a normal question. Your reaction to it is what is odd. Especially since you know darned well how nosy she is. Why not have an answer ready even if it's "still deciding".

[Anonymous]

Why does it bother you so much?

I always answer fully (not college, since we're not there yet, but medical/financial/whatever weird questions my relatives ask). That way they're happy, and I really don't care how much they know or spread around.

We have nothing to hide, nothing to be ashamed or proud of.

Funnily enough, I'm not too curious myself and don't return the favor. But I don't understand people who get so stressed or offended by such questions.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you are ashamed, and it makes sense. People in this area view where you get into college as a report card on your parenting.

My kids aren't at this stage yet, but I know we'll be going the state school route (if we're lucky!). I have one sibling (out of quite a few) who went to the big name school, and that's the one my mom broadcasts around town as if it negates the way everyone else turned out (average, below average, awful)

You are just prolonging the inevitable. I don't think people are judging you as much as just making conversation. The cat's already out of the bag at age 18 if the kid is intelligent and hardworking, or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Bounce it back: "That's an interesting question -- is that something Larla had to deal with?" If the question is just an excuse for her to brag about her kid, give it to her. Do a lot of mm-hmming

Shut it down: "We're trying not to pay any more attention to the process than we have to. We don't want to be those people whose lives narrow down to one kid's college process! So we're taking a lot of breaks from thinking about it. Can't wait for the new Avengers movie!"

Bouncing it back is a great suggestion.

Or you can just say "No college at all, DS cares so much about social justicw that he is going to become a cop. Did you consider that?"