What Do you Say to Inappropriately Prying, Nosy Parents about College Acceptances?

[Anonymous]

"I basically say DD is following some guy named Ben who's going to the University of New York. We wish she'd just go to Stanford and go pre-med."

Love the reference.

The best part of this is that the second part doesn't actually have to be true.

I you word the wish right, you could be wishing about not following Ben, about getting into Stanford or about being pre-med.

[Anonymous]

I feel like maybe the OP cares too much how her child will compare with others.
If you are really secure about picking a school that is right for your child (not to impress the peanut gallery), then just try to answer honestly and with a smile.

Don't engage in the competitive aspect of the conversation. I think your level of discomfort maybe means you are worried that your answers won't "measure up."
Try sincerely to believe it's okay where you child is going, and the competitive types won't have the power to ruffle your feathers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't want to say something that encourages more prying--but don't want to be rude. I didn't realize my SIL had been having this little competition in her head all these years, but this year it is clear to me that she does. My neighbor has always been openly competitive--it's a hand to hand combat sport for her.

This made me bust out laughing. My BIL and his wife are so competitive with us. They have purchased the same car, compare our kids’ sports, academics, etc...It got so bad, I blocked them on FB. I don’t share much at all at family gatherings. It only adds fuel to their non-existent war. It’s really pathetic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just say "I forgot". University of something or another.

lol +1

[Anonymous]

OP you sound more obsessed with this woman than she is with you. Perhaps you're projecting.

Also some spotlight effect going on where you irrationally think the world really freakin' cares where your kid goes to college. I assure you, nobody does.

[Anonymous]

I felt uncomfortable when an acquaintance asked, very early in the process .. like 11th grade ..if DD had any idea where she might want to go. My response was, "I imagine she'll surprise us"

[Anonymous]

“She still hasnt narrowed it much. Big schools, little schools, mostly out of state. She likes history and physics. I’m just hoping she picks a school with a big scholarship! Did you hear about that kid who got into something like 8 Ivys? Wow? Wouldn’t that be an amazing thing? . . .”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I felt uncomfortable when an acquaintance asked, very early in the process .. like 11th grade ..if DD had any idea where she might want to go. My response was, "I imagine she'll surprise us"

11th grade is when a lot of parents start taking college tours with their kids and their kids. Some colleges even send them postcards welcoming them to prospective student events.

Even 11th graders sometimes know not only where they would like to go to school but also what they would like to major in.

[Anonymous]

I totally feel you! I have family members like this OP. Just give general answers to their questions or simply say we have applied to a few and when DC decides on their top pick we will let you know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it because your kid got accepted to what DCUM considers a mediocre school? Just own it!

This whole thread is funny! I am going thru this now as a friend is being really quiet about his DC's college acceptances and I'm the type that is okay with announcing news to the world because I feel good about where our DC got accepted. Here's the interesting thing. Friend would be clamoring from the rooftops if his DC had good prospects for college. But I know that is not the case. So when things are good for the friend, the friend is open and happy to share news. But when things are not as positive, then it becomes a silent game and I am seen as bragging about my DC. Honestly, I cannot win, but I guarantee you that if friend's DC had done better in high school, friend would be shouting from the rooftops right now/victory lapping about DC's college pick!

^^you sound like a very smug sort of person. I wouldn't tell you anything--and you would judge me for that.

Smug as it may possibly sound to you (and I am a very nice person), I will never apologize for sharing any family news -- good or bad -- to others where I see fit. This is my happiness and my feeling of pride. If others internalize my happiness as their failure, this is on them because I am only broadcasting my joy. If I am cordial and kind to others, but happened to be a person who gets excited about my own life, people like you will always see anything I say as smugness. If I bought new shoes and shared the news with everyone, I can hear you say "oh she's so smug." If I got that great big house that I worked my butt off for 20 years and smiled telling people the story about how I saved every last penny, I can hear you say "she thinks she's so cool with her new big house." You are a downer. And so is my friend, who has no problem telling everyone he knows that he grew up in a tony location in the U.S. that is very popular in the media and rich travel circles...or that he does this and that or has this advantage or that advantage...my friend can dish it when he's top dog but really wants everyone to be respectful and silent when others attain something that he perhaps wanted and did not get-- such as in this case of a good college choice for DC. So I don't think I'm the one with the problem -- I share the good and bad and eat my humble pie if needed. It's my friend who only wants to share the good and get the heaps of praise when he's accomplishing what he feels is important, and then wants everyone to play considerate and mindful when things do not go his way. I hope you are not that person too.

#blessed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP you sound more obsessed with this woman than she is with you. Perhaps you're projecting.

Also some spotlight effect going on where you irrationally think the world really freakin' cares where your kid goes to college. I assure you, nobody does.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it because your kid got accepted to what DCUM considers a mediocre school? Just own it!

This whole thread is funny! I am going thru this now as a friend is being really quiet about his DC's college acceptances and I'm the type that is okay with announcing news to the world because I feel good about where our DC got accepted. Here's the interesting thing. Friend would be clamoring from the rooftops if his DC had good prospects for college. But I know that is not the case. So when things are good for the friend, the friend is open and happy to share news. But when things are not as positive, then it becomes a silent game and I am seen as bragging about my DC. Honestly, I cannot win, but I guarantee you that if friend's DC had done better in high school, friend would be shouting from the rooftops right now/victory lapping about DC's college pick!

^^you sound like a very smug sort of person. I wouldn't tell you anything--and you would judge me for that.

Smug as it may possibly sound to you (and I am a very nice person), I will never apologize for sharing any family news -- good or bad -- to others where I see fit. This is my happiness and my feeling of pride. If others internalize my happiness as their failure, this is on them because I am only broadcasting my joy. If I am cordial and kind to others, but happened to be a person who gets excited about my own life, people like you will always see anything I say as smugness. If I bought new shoes and shared the news with everyone, I can hear you say "oh she's so smug." If I got that great big house that I worked my butt off for 20 years and smiled telling people the story about how I saved every last penny, I can hear you say "she thinks she's so cool with her new big house." You are a downer. And so is my friend, who has no problem telling everyone he knows that he grew up in a tony location in the U.S. that is very popular in the media and rich travel circles...or that he does this and that or has this advantage or that advantage...my friend can dish it when he's top dog but really wants everyone to be respectful and silent when others attain something that he perhaps wanted and did not get-- such as in this case of a good college choice for DC. So I don't think I'm the one with the problem -- I share the good and bad and eat my humble pie if needed. It's my friend who only wants to share the good and get the heaps of praise when he's accomplishing what he feels is important, and then wants everyone to play considerate and mindful when things do not go his way. I hope you are not that person too.

If things hadn't worked out for your DC, you'd be looking for ways to avoid those same people to whom you are now "broadcasting your joy."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it because your kid got accepted to what DCUM considers a mediocre school? Just own it!

This whole thread is funny! I am going thru this now as a friend is being really quiet about his DC's college acceptances and I'm the type that is okay with announcing news to the world because I feel good about where our DC got accepted. Here's the interesting thing. Friend would be clamoring from the rooftops if his DC had good prospects for college. But I know that is not the case. So when things are good for the friend, the friend is open and happy to share news. But when things are not as positive, then it becomes a silent game and I am seen as bragging about my DC. Honestly, I cannot win, but I guarantee you that if friend's DC had done better in high school, friend would be shouting from the rooftops right now/victory lapping about DC's college pick!

^^you sound like a very smug sort of person. I wouldn't tell you anything--and you would judge me for that.

Smug as it may possibly sound to you (and I am a very nice person), I will never apologize for sharing any family news -- good or bad -- to others where I see fit. This is my happiness and my feeling of pride. If others internalize my happiness as their failure, this is on them because I am only broadcasting my joy. If I am cordial and kind to others, but happened to be a person who gets excited about my own life, people like you will always see anything I say as smugness. If I bought new shoes and shared the news with everyone, I can hear you say "oh she's so smug." If I got that great big house that I worked my butt off for 20 years and smiled telling people the story about how I saved every last penny, I can hear you say "she thinks she's so cool with her new big house." You are a downer. And so is my friend, who has no problem telling everyone he knows that he grew up in a tony location in the U.S. that is very popular in the media and rich travel circles...or that he does this and that or has this advantage or that advantage...my friend can dish it when he's top dog but really wants everyone to be respectful and silent when others attain something that he perhaps wanted and did not get-- such as in this case of a good college choice for DC. So I don't think I'm the one with the problem -- I share the good and bad and eat my humble pie if needed. It's my friend who only wants to share the good and get the heaps of praise when he's accomplishing what he feels is important, and then wants everyone to play considerate and mindful when things do not go his way. I hope you are not that person too.

I can see how it would be hurtful that this friend can't seem to share in your good news after you've spent years slapping him on the back for his own good news. That would be disappointing.

It is disappointing. I have definitely given many heaps of praise for the tony home or the cool vacation or great promotion. But was greeted with silence about my DC's results. It sort of gives me a lot of insights into the friendship.

Why are you friends with this person? Were you perhaps enticed by the tony home and the DH's high status?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bounce it back: "That's an interesting question -- is that something Larla had to deal with?" If the question is just an excuse for her to brag about her kid, give it to her. Do a lot of mm-hmming

Shut it down: "We're trying not to pay any more attention to the process than we have to. We don't want to be those people whose lives narrow down to one kid's college process! So we're taking a lot of breaks from thinking about it. Can't wait for the new Avengers movie!"

Thank you! I am looking for ways to shut it down completely. These questions are coming from competitive types--they are not asking out of genuine concern or friendliness--I wish I had better responses for them.

+1
I know of one person in particular, who seems to think her son and my son have been in competition throughout high school (they haven't been - it's all in her head). She's dying to know where my son is going to college, and so far, I've avoided telling her. So nosy.

You plan to keep this a deep, dark secret...forever? "My son is coming home tomorrow for Christmas break!" "Really? That's great, what school is he attending?" "Urrrrgh!!! NONE of your business lady! Stop being sooo nosy!!"

No, of course not. Obviously it's not a secret - I can just tell she's chomping at the bit for my son to announce his decision, which he hasn't wanted to do yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bounce it back: "That's an interesting question -- is that something Larla had to deal with?" If the question is just an excuse for her to brag about her kid, give it to her. Do a lot of mm-hmming

Shut it down: "We're trying not to pay any more attention to the process than we have to. We don't want to be those people whose lives narrow down to one kid's college process! So we're taking a lot of breaks from thinking about it. Can't wait for the new Avengers movie!"

Thank you! I am looking for ways to shut it down completely. These questions are coming from competitive types--they are not asking out of genuine concern or friendliness--I wish I had better responses for them.

+1
I know of one person in particular, who seems to think her son and my son have been in competition throughout high school (they haven't been - it's all in her head). She's dying to know where my son is going to college, and so far, I've avoided telling her. So nosy.

You plan to keep this a deep, dark secret...forever? "My son is coming home tomorrow for Christmas break!" "Really? That's great, what school is he attending?" "Urrrrgh!!! NONE of your business lady! Stop being sooo nosy!!"

No, of course not. Obviously it's not a secret - I can just tell she's chomping at the bit for my son to announce his decision, which he hasn't wanted to do yet.

Asking a college bound HS senior where he is going to college is a normal question. They ALL get asked that. If your son hasn't decided, yet, just say that he's still deciding. Some kids like to explore all of their options before setting anything into stone. That's fine, we get. What is weird is you acting like the question is somehow way out of line and brutally rude. It isn't anything of the kind.