how pissed should I be?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who wants to bet this is the best friend's wife actually posting?

op here, and it's not.

Well in that case you need to grow up, grow a pair and stop acting like a needy teen. Your relationship with your BF reads as if you want to be married to him and jealous of his wife, instead of being a grown up who can see his BF individually and not whine like a teenager. You sound like a jealous lover, not a best friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I actually think you need to consider that you have somehow inadvertently upset your BF, and that he's the one who doesn't want to come. If it was true that his wife didn't want to come or had a work thing, but he did want to come, he'd just come on his own. That he's using her work commitment as an excuse for his not coming is pretty telling.

Nah, he's not upset with me. We are meeting up in May and again in October.

He's probably going to come on his own or (gasp) bring his Mom instead of DW.

How old are you?!

[Anonymous]

During your “VERY good” friendship with BFF’s wife, before you were married—were you two an item? Maybe even just in her head?

[Anonymous]

Zero. You should be zero pissed.

[Anonymous]

Fool me once, shame on you.

Go to the city, have a nice time with your wife/kid, don't do a visit with BF again until they provide copies of tickets/reservations etc.

Be cordial to your friend, not unfriendly, but friend has made your importance to him clear. Actions speak louder than words.

[Anonymous]

DH here. I'm the same age as you. First time posting. I read this w/ some amusement, and I have to agree with what most other commenters said. I don't need to add or pile on to that.

I'll just say that it hurts when these friendships that were so important at one stage turn out to be a much lower priority for one side of the friendship. Often it's necessary, but it still hurts a little bit because it makes you nostalgic and longing for the life that you're forced to realize is past.

If you're still able to get together in May and October, that's actually pretty incredible, I think. I'd love to be able to see my college best friend even once a year, but I haven't seen him in five years.

I'll warn you that if they do ever have kids, you're not going to see him twice a year, especially if you're living a plane's ride apart from each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why the obsession got people to meet your kid? How weird. I have very close friends who haven't met my kids. I have no desire to meet theirs.

+1

I have kids who I think are awesome but I don't expect any of my friends to feel the same way, even those who have kids. One of my good friends had a baby a few weeks ago and I am not remotely interested in meeting him. Doesn't mean I don't look forward to seeing her, but I really couldn't care less about other people's kids. And again, I have my own. If I didn't, I would care even less (even though I realize that's not grammatically possible).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who wants to bet this is the best friend's wife actually posting?

op here, and it's not.

Well in that case you need to grow up, grow a pair and stop acting like a needy teen. Your relationship with your BF reads as if you want to be married to him and jealous of his wife, instead of being a grown up who can see his BF individually and not whine like a teenager. You sound like a jealous lover, not a best friend.

YEAH YOU TOLD OP!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:During your “VERY good” friendship with BFF’s wife, before you were married—were you two an item? Maybe even just in her head?

OP
Never an item, but she has been noticeably different since I got married. Just more distant. She may have seen us an item in her head, or may have seen me like a "big brother" type.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't want to go on a couple's trip with the other couple's kid. That ruins pretty much any nighttime activity after 7pm. No clubs, dinners, bars at night, dancing, you name it. I also wouldn't want to eat dinner early or retire to the hotel early to have to accommodate a kid. I have an 18 month old too.

+ 1000

Same here. And I'm a pregnant mom of a 16 month old. And particularly before I had kids, that kind of vacation would've seemed like the worst kind of hell to me!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH here. I'm the same age as you. First time posting. I read this w/ some amusement, and I have to agree with what most other commenters said. I don't need to add or pile on to that.

I'll just say that it hurts when these friendships that were so important at one stage turn out to be a much lower priority for one side of the friendship. Often it's necessary, but it still hurts a little bit because it makes you nostalgic and longing for the life that you're forced to realize is past.

If you're still able to get together in May and October, that's actually pretty incredible, I think. I'd love to be able to see my college best friend even once a year, but I haven't seen him in five years.

I'll warn you that if they do ever have kids, you're not going to see him twice a year, especially if you're living a plane's ride apart from each other.

But the BFF hasn't suggested this friendship is a lower priority. He's coming TWO more times this year! It's one measly trip that didn't work out, likely because a woman that OP has made clear he and his wife do not like does not want to spend time with them either. OP needs to get a grip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd be annoyed, not pissed.

I think you two gents should do crap without the wives/babies to muck it up. No one else (baby included) signed up for this crap.

I think they already do, if you get my drift. That would explain some of this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:During your “VERY good” friendship with BFF’s wife, before you were married—were you two an item? Maybe even just in her head?

OP
Never an item, but she has been noticeably different since I got married. Just more distant. She may have seen us an item in her head, or may have seen me like a "big brother" type.

OP, please. no sane woman is going to pine for an immature moron like you. your October and may trips are gonna get cancelled too. even your BFF is more mature than you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, do you know what happens when couples get together when two of them are friends? The other two get stuck together. And depending on who you’re stuck with, it sucks. I can handle an evening of DHs SIL, but lord help me if I have to spend a weekend with her... I’d rather stand myself in the eye. Or scrub the bathroom. Or anything other than have to sit and pretend I like her,

BFDW is used to being one of the friends, but now, she’s stuck being the wife with your wife, if my guess. And it sucks when you now have to entertain someone you don’t like. A dinner date? Sure. But your precious vacation time... hell to the no.

As already posted, She may also feel like you and BF get lots of together time, and isn’t interested in having to participate in more.

+1
I hate this dynamic.
And it's not clear that your wife even likes her all that much. I mean, I'm sure they can be perfectly polite and even friendly to each other, but I don't want to spend my vacation time hanging out with a friendly acquaintance just because we're married to people who are friends with each other. I agree--a dinner out is one thing, but several days of it are no fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd be annoyed, not pissed.

I think you two gents should do crap without the wives/babies to muck it up. No one else (baby included) signed up for this crap.

I think they already do, if you get my drift. That would explain some of this.

Yep, maybe they are camping?