how pissed should I be?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you don't really like her either, so I'm not sure why you are so fixated on this being a couples' get together. My DH and I go on girls/guys trips without each other pretty much annually, and that's without disliking each other's friends. Just meet up with him without her and don't worry so much about whether she doesn't like your wife or is jealous of her.

OP here
I mentioned in an earlier response that this is a couples' trip that we plan every year. Hence the "fixation", which was actually just a "plan".

That doesn't change the fact that you don't have a single good thing to say about this woman, but you have a weird entitlement to her time and attention. Even if I liked one of my DH's friends, if I found out he thought I 1) was jealous of his wife's looks (?) and 2) thought I was selfish for not spending my vacation time with them, I'd stop seeing that couple in a minute. And that's not even to address the fact that you don't know what's going on with her - she might not be feeling well, she might be worried about her job, she might be dealing with a personal matter you know nothing about. There are plenty of legitimate reasons to decide not to go on a trip, and the fact that you spent money before they told you they were coming for sure doesn't make her the bad guy. You leapt before you looked; that's on you.

You're the problem here, OP. There's a strange mix of narcissism and immaturity in these posts, and getting defensive isn't helping.

[Anonymous]

OP, I actually think you need to consider that you have somehow inadvertently upset your BF, and that he's the one who doesn't want to come. If it was true that his wife didn't want to come or had a work thing, but he did want to come, he'd just come on his own. That he's using her work commitment as an excuse for his not coming is pretty telling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hey DCUM, I've got a bone to pick with my best friends' wife and I'm wondering how pissed I should be.

Context and Details:

-About two months ago we planned our bi-annual trip to meet up with them in September, catch a game, and hang out on labor day weekend. BF wife has not yet met our young son, and they would be meeting up with us fresh off our move to the aforementioned city. We usually always meet up in the fall to visit.

-BF wife has always been a bit frosty, hard to get to know, especially for "strangers" like my wife. BF wife has a very hard time making friends with other women, for a host of reasons I don't really care to examine. It is an important factor in her behavior, imo. My wife is a very outgoing, friendly person who tries to engage everyone...and this woman is just kinda cold to her, still. They obviously are never going to be best friends, which is sad because my wife would certainly let that happen if BF wife were even remotely interested in being friends.

-During our initial planning, BF said they were "on board" and were just waiting for airline tickets to drop. I gave them some time and was patient about it.

-I reminded BF a few weeks ago about airplane tix, and he said he was "on it". In the interim, wife and I purchased game tix, reserved AirBnB, etc....which we admittedly shouldn't have done without confirming BF and wife were actually going.

(you know where this is going....)

-Today I asked BF about their preferences for game tickets and he finally told me the truth that wife "wasn't all about it because she might have an obligation for work and is nervous to ask off". More context is that these two fly all over the country, all year long, doing marathons. They have gone to Disney literally 5 times this year.

I know I'm being a baby about this but my wife and I are very disappointed and frankly, my feelings are hurt and I'm angry at both BF and the wife.

I also know that we shouldn't have made arrangements without actually confirming with them first. I just don't understand why BF wife doesn't want to meet our kid and see our new hometown over what could be a really fun weekend.
Frankly I'm tired of all of us working around her schedule and travel preferences, and I think this is going to have a long-term impact on my friendship with BF.

TLDR: Best friends wife doesn't want to travel for our annual trip, BF didn't tell us until now, and they've left us in the lurch. Should I let this impact my relationship with or expectations of BF?

So, let me get this straight.

- You and DW and child are moving to a city (P.S. you use "aforementioned" when you previously mention something. You never previously mentioned city so don't use aforementioned. Just helping you not make this mistake when it matters)
- you invited BF and his wife to come to your city so they'll be spending traveling money etc. while you're in your new home town not traveling or having to spend travel $$.
- You don't like BFDW and it's clear that there's a "frosty" vibe when the 4 of you have gotten together before (and you acknowledge that BFDW doesn't like your DW either)
- You want this trip so BF could meet your new baby (this is obvious since you talk about BF meeting your baby a few times in your OP)
- Now you're upset because they aren't all super psyched to come.


To answer your question? You should hardly be pissed at all. Sounds to me like you want them to be jumping through all these hoops just to meet your kid when they don't have kids of their own, and the relationship between the 4 of you is tenuous to begin with.

they're not that into you.

OP here
You're right that BFDW may not be that into me or DW, but I'm still confused as to why.

additional info: BF and I are going on two trips together-one in May, another in October.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you don't really like her either, so I'm not sure why you are so fixated on this being a couples' get together. My DH and I go on girls/guys trips without each other pretty much annually, and that's without disliking each other's friends. Just meet up with him without her and don't worry so much about whether she doesn't like your wife or is jealous of her.

OP here
I mentioned in an earlier response that this is a couples' trip that we plan every year. Hence the "fixation", which was actually just a "plan".

That doesn't change the fact that you don't have a single good thing to say about this woman, but you have a weird entitlement to her time and attention. Even if I liked one of my DH's friends, if I found out he thought I 1) was jealous of his wife's looks (?) and 2) thought I was selfish for not spending my vacation time with them, I'd stop seeing that couple in a minute. And that's not even to address the fact that you don't know what's going on with her - she might not be feeling well, she might be worried about her job, she might be dealing with a personal matter you know nothing about. There are plenty of legitimate reasons to decide not to go on a trip, and the fact that you spent money before they told you they were coming for sure doesn't make her the bad guy. You leapt before you looked; that's on you.

You're the problem here, OP. There's a strange mix of narcissism and immaturity in these posts, and getting defensive isn't helping.

I think you're being harsh pp. I have seen this a lot. Maybe its just my age but this is happening all the time around me right now (early 30s). People are getting married and some spouses fit right in and some don't and the other person starts to pull away a bit. I really think its just kind of our life stage. And that it DOES create a lot of (somewhat misplaced) resentment for the yoko onos (BFDW). Being sad that someone got married and is pulling away is normal and natural. And being kind of angry at the source of that is also normal and natural. Its like a grieving process.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I actually think you need to consider that you have somehow inadvertently upset your BF, and that he's the one who doesn't want to come. If it was true that his wife didn't want to come or had a work thing, but he did want to come, he'd just come on his own. That he's using her work commitment as an excuse for his not coming is pretty telling.

Nah, he's not upset with me. We are meeting up in May and again in October.

He's probably going to come on his own or (gasp) bring his Mom instead of DW.

[Anonymous]

I am so completely on team BFDW at this point. OP, you're insufferable. I wouldn't waste a lunch hour with you much less a holiday weekend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hey DCUM, I've got a bone to pick with my best friends' wife and I'm wondering how pissed I should be.

Context and Details:

-About two months ago we planned our bi-annual trip to meet up with them in September, catch a game, and hang out on labor day weekend. BF wife has not yet met our young son, and they would be meeting up with us fresh off our move to the aforementioned city. We usually always meet up in the fall to visit.

-BF wife has always been a bit frosty, hard to get to know, especially for "strangers" like my wife. BF wife has a very hard time making friends with other women, for a host of reasons I don't really care to examine. It is an important factor in her behavior, imo. My wife is a very outgoing, friendly person who tries to engage everyone...and this woman is just kinda cold to her, still. They obviously are never going to be best friends, which is sad because my wife would certainly let that happen if BF wife were even remotely interested in being friends.

-During our initial planning, BF said they were "on board" and were just waiting for airline tickets to drop. I gave them some time and was patient about it.

-I reminded BF a few weeks ago about airplane tix, and he said he was "on it". In the interim, wife and I purchased game tix, reserved AirBnB, etc....which we admittedly shouldn't have done without confirming BF and wife were actually going.

(you know where this is going....)

-Today I asked BF about their preferences for game tickets and he finally told me the truth that wife "wasn't all about it because she might have an obligation for work and is nervous to ask off". More context is that these two fly all over the country, all year long, doing marathons. They have gone to Disney literally 5 times this year.

I know I'm being a baby about this but my wife and I are very disappointed and frankly, my feelings are hurt and I'm angry at both BF and the wife.

I also know that we shouldn't have made arrangements without actually confirming with them first. I just don't understand why BF wife doesn't want to meet our kid and see our new hometown over what could be a really fun weekend.
Frankly I'm tired of all of us working around her schedule and travel preferences, and I think this is going to have a long-term impact on my friendship with BF.

TLDR: Best friends wife doesn't want to travel for our annual trip, BF didn't tell us until now, and they've left us in the lurch. Should I let this impact my relationship with or expectations of BF?

So, let me get this straight.

- You and DW and child are moving to a city (P.S. you use "aforementioned" when you previously mention something. You never previously mentioned city so don't use aforementioned. Just helping you not make this mistake when it matters)
- you invited BF and his wife to come to your city so they'll be spending traveling money etc. while you're in your new home town not traveling or having to spend travel $$.
- You don't like BFDW and it's clear that there's a "frosty" vibe when the 4 of you have gotten together before (and you acknowledge that BFDW doesn't like your DW either)
- You want this trip so BF could meet your new baby (this is obvious since you talk about BF meeting your baby a few times in your OP)
- Now you're upset because they aren't all super psyched to come.


To answer your question? You should hardly be pissed at all. Sounds to me like you want them to be jumping through all these hoops just to meet your kid when they don't have kids of their own, and the relationship between the 4 of you is tenuous to begin with.

they're not that into you.

OP here
You're right that BFDW may not be that into me or DW, but I'm still confused as to why.

additional info: BF and I are going on two trips together-one in May, another in October.

This might be the crux--i might be annoyed if my DH was asking that I use vaca time to visit a friend he will already be seeing two other times, for two trips, in that year.

[Anonymous]

I don't think I would want to travel on Labor Day weekend to spend time with OP, OP's wife with a strong look and a strong personality, and their toddler.

Sorry, just not that into you all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you don't really like her either, so I'm not sure why you are so fixated on this being a couples' get together. My DH and I go on girls/guys trips without each other pretty much annually, and that's without disliking each other's friends. Just meet up with him without her and don't worry so much about whether she doesn't like your wife or is jealous of her.

OP here
I mentioned in an earlier response that this is a couples' trip that we plan every year. Hence the "fixation", which was actually just a "plan".

That doesn't change the fact that you don't have a single good thing to say about this woman, but you have a weird entitlement to her time and attention. Even if I liked one of my DH's friends, if I found out he thought I 1) was jealous of his wife's looks (?) and 2) thought I was selfish for not spending my vacation time with them, I'd stop seeing that couple in a minute. And that's not even to address the fact that you don't know what's going on with her - she might not be feeling well, she might be worried about her job, she might be dealing with a personal matter you know nothing about. There are plenty of legitimate reasons to decide not to go on a trip, and the fact that you spent money before they told you they were coming for sure doesn't make her the bad guy. You leapt before you looked; that's on you.

You're the problem here, OP. There's a strange mix of narcissism and immaturity in these posts, and getting defensive isn't helping.

Pretty weird thread here but OP post was not about whether he liked BFDW.

We only get a sense of his resentment but its pretty clear that he likes BF and DW.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think it's shitty they bailed on your trip, and I think they owe you an apology.

But...you are being extremely weird about this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hey DCUM, I've got a bone to pick with my best friends' wife and I'm wondering how pissed I should be.

Context and Details:

-About two months ago we planned our bi-annual trip to meet up with them in September, catch a game, and hang out on labor day weekend. BF wife has not yet met our young son, and they would be meeting up with us fresh off our move to the aforementioned city. We usually always meet up in the fall to visit.

-BF wife has always been a bit frosty, hard to get to know, especially for "strangers" like my wife. BF wife has a very hard time making friends with other women, for a host of reasons I don't really care to examine. It is an important factor in her behavior, imo. My wife is a very outgoing, friendly person who tries to engage everyone...and this woman is just kinda cold to her, still. They obviously are never going to be best friends, which is sad because my wife would certainly let that happen if BF wife were even remotely interested in being friends.

-During our initial planning, BF said they were "on board" and were just waiting for airline tickets to drop. I gave them some time and was patient about it.

-I reminded BF a few weeks ago about airplane tix, and he said he was "on it". In the interim, wife and I purchased game tix, reserved AirBnB, etc....which we admittedly shouldn't have done without confirming BF and wife were actually going.

(you know where this is going....)

-Today I asked BF about their preferences for game tickets and he finally told me the truth that wife "wasn't all about it because she might have an obligation for work and is nervous to ask off". More context is that these two fly all over the country, all year long, doing marathons. They have gone to Disney literally 5 times this year.

I know I'm being a baby about this but my wife and I are very disappointed and frankly, my feelings are hurt and I'm angry at both BF and the wife.

I also know that we shouldn't have made arrangements without actually confirming with them first. I just don't understand why BF wife doesn't want to meet our kid and see our new hometown over what could be a really fun weekend.
Frankly I'm tired of all of us working around her schedule and travel preferences, and I think this is going to have a long-term impact on my friendship with BF.

TLDR: Best friends wife doesn't want to travel for our annual trip, BF didn't tell us until now, and they've left us in the lurch. Should I let this impact my relationship with or expectations of BF?

So, let me get this straight.

- You and DW and child are moving to a city (P.S. you use "aforementioned" when you previously mention something. You never previously mentioned city so don't use aforementioned. Just helping you not make this mistake when it matters)
- you invited BF and his wife to come to your city so they'll be spending traveling money etc. while you're in your new home town not traveling or having to spend travel $$.
- You don't like BFDW and it's clear that there's a "frosty" vibe when the 4 of you have gotten together before (and you acknowledge that BFDW doesn't like your DW either)
- You want this trip so BF could meet your new baby (this is obvious since you talk about BF meeting your baby a few times in your OP)
- Now you're upset because they aren't all super psyched to come.


To answer your question? You should hardly be pissed at all. Sounds to me like you want them to be jumping through all these hoops just to meet your kid when they don't have kids of their own, and the relationship between the 4 of you is tenuous to begin with.

they're not that into you.

OP here
You're right that BFDW may not be that into me or DW, but I'm still confused as to why.

additional info: BF and I are going on two trips together-one in May, another in October.

This might be the crux--i might be annoyed if my DH was asking that I use vaca time to visit a friend he will already be seeing two other times, for two trips, in that year.

Me again...you need to be pissed at your BF, if he said they were "on board" before confirming that his wife could take time off. My husband has definitely overstated our commitment level for things, or not made it clear that we'll consider something, and leaving his family under the impression that we're in for a trip, so it might not be her fault.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hey DCUM, I've got a bone to pick with my best friends' wife and I'm wondering how pissed I should be.

Context and Details:

-About two months ago we planned our bi-annual trip to meet up with them in September, catch a game, and hang out on labor day weekend. BF wife has not yet met our young son, and they would be meeting up with us fresh off our move to the aforementioned city. We usually always meet up in the fall to visit.

-BF wife has always been a bit frosty, hard to get to know, especially for "strangers" like my wife. BF wife has a very hard time making friends with other women, for a host of reasons I don't really care to examine. It is an important factor in her behavior, imo. My wife is a very outgoing, friendly person who tries to engage everyone...and this woman is just kinda cold to her, still. They obviously are never going to be best friends, which is sad because my wife would certainly let that happen if BF wife were even remotely interested in being friends.

-During our initial planning, BF said they were "on board" and were just waiting for airline tickets to drop. I gave them some time and was patient about it.

-I reminded BF a few weeks ago about airplane tix, and he said he was "on it". In the interim, wife and I purchased game tix, reserved AirBnB, etc....which we admittedly shouldn't have done without confirming BF and wife were actually going.

(you know where this is going....)

-Today I asked BF about their preferences for game tickets and he finally told me the truth that wife "wasn't all about it because she might have an obligation for work and is nervous to ask off". More context is that these two fly all over the country, all year long, doing marathons. They have gone to Disney literally 5 times this year.

I know I'm being a baby about this but my wife and I are very disappointed and frankly, my feelings are hurt and I'm angry at both BF and the wife.

I also know that we shouldn't have made arrangements without actually confirming with them first. I just don't understand why BF wife doesn't want to meet our kid and see our new hometown over what could be a really fun weekend.
Frankly I'm tired of all of us working around her schedule and travel preferences, and I think this is going to have a long-term impact on my friendship with BF.

TLDR: Best friends wife doesn't want to travel for our annual trip, BF didn't tell us until now, and they've left us in the lurch. Should I let this impact my relationship with or expectations of BF?

So, let me get this straight.

- You and DW and child are moving to a city (P.S. you use "aforementioned" when you previously mention something. You never previously mentioned city so don't use aforementioned. Just helping you not make this mistake when it matters)
- you invited BF and his wife to come to your city so they'll be spending traveling money etc. while you're in your new home town not traveling or having to spend travel $$.
- You don't like BFDW and it's clear that there's a "frosty" vibe when the 4 of you have gotten together before (and you acknowledge that BFDW doesn't like your DW either)
- You want this trip so BF could meet your new baby (this is obvious since you talk about BF meeting your baby a few times in your OP)
- Now you're upset because they aren't all super psyched to come.


To answer your question? You should hardly be pissed at all. Sounds to me like you want them to be jumping through all these hoops just to meet your kid when they don't have kids of their own, and the relationship between the 4 of you is tenuous to begin with.

they're not that into you.

OP here
You're right that BFDW may not be that into me or DW, but I'm still confused as to why.

additional info: BF and I are going on two trips together-one in May, another in October.

This might be the crux--i might be annoyed if my DH was asking that I use vaca time to visit a friend he will already be seeing two other times, for two trips, in that year.

OP here
Now that I know just how insufferable and needy I am, I appreciate this perspective because I had not considered it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you don't really like her either, so I'm not sure why you are so fixated on this being a couples' get together. My DH and I go on girls/guys trips without each other pretty much annually, and that's without disliking each other's friends. Just meet up with him without her and don't worry so much about whether she doesn't like your wife or is jealous of her.

OP here
I mentioned in an earlier response that this is a couples' trip that we plan every year. Hence the "fixation", which was actually just a "plan".

That doesn't change the fact that you don't have a single good thing to say about this woman, but you have a weird entitlement to her time and attention. Even if I liked one of my DH's friends, if I found out he thought I 1) was jealous of his wife's looks (?) and 2) thought I was selfish for not spending my vacation time with them, I'd stop seeing that couple in a minute. And that's not even to address the fact that you don't know what's going on with her - she might not be feeling well, she might be worried about her job, she might be dealing with a personal matter you know nothing about. There are plenty of legitimate reasons to decide not to go on a trip, and the fact that you spent money before they told you they were coming for sure doesn't make her the bad guy. You leapt before you looked; that's on you.

You're the problem here, OP. There's a strange mix of narcissism and immaturity in these posts, and getting defensive isn't helping.

Pretty weird thread here but OP post was not about whether he liked BFDW.

We only get a sense of his resentment but its pretty clear that he likes BF and DW.

He thinks she's frosty, jealous, and incapable of befriending women, and that it's not fair that she won't use her time off of work for a trip to see him and his baby (which will make 3 such trips for BF this year alone). How do you come up with "its pretty clear he likes" her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think I would want to travel on Labor Day weekend to spend time with OP, OP's wife with a strong look and a strong personality, and their toddler.

Sorry, just not that into you all.

People who write and think this way-like they're on the set of Girls-should kill themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
OP here
You're right that BFDW may not be that into me or DW, but I'm still confused as to why.

additional info: BF and I are going on two trips together-one in May, another in October.

Here's your problem. It doesn't matter why. There doesn't need to be a why. Maybe she doesn't like the way you smell or the way you laugh or think you are rude or you remind her of someone who treated her badly or something your BF told her about something you did long ago or who knows. Just understand she doesn't really like you or your wife (doesn't matter which since you guys are a package) and doesn't care about your child. Just try to maintain the friendship with the BF and leave her out of it. It will be a favor to all of you.