Neighborhood mom upset her daughter was not invited to birthday party

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How did you spend $150 per kid? I’m really curious! Did you take them to the theater or ballet? What could possibly cost so much??

My daughter went to birthday that I'm sure cost the parents around that much money. We live in Clifton, so not a particularly rich are like McLean, but there is still some old money. A few years back, when my daughter was 8 years old, a classmate, for her birthday, invited 5 girls to the circus (I believe it was Ringling Brothers). I'm not sure how much the tickets were but my daughter told me they were front row and they got popcorn and candy while they watched. For a goody bag she got a personalized (her name engraved) mermaid blanket, kind of like this one https://carolinaclover.com/products/personalized-mermaid-tail-blanket-child-size.html, which she still uses. She also received a large beanie boo which are like $20 bucks each. I've never taken my kids to the circus, so I'm no sure how much front row tickets are, but I'm guessing pricey.

[Anonymous]

Good god. FWIW my SIL is like this - she makes a giant scene about being "excluded" from stuff like she's a child. She's a huge dramatic b*tch in other ways as well, including gossiping and backstabbing, just like this mom. So watch your back, OP. Maybe it's good to have some distance.

[Anonymous]

OP is free to have whatever type of party she wants for her DD, though I suspect it's more for her than her DD. Whatever. That's their decision.

But, a) OP seems overly wrapped up in how fancy the party was, how exclusive, how much she spent, etc. I guarantee this spilled down to her DD and the party was flaunted in the excluded girl's face.

and b) it was absolutely bitchy to not invite the 4th girl. You had no obligation to, but that's not what we are talking about. Put yourself - or your daughter- in her shoes. These are kids that are her friends, they play together regularly, and she is fairly new and so probably desperate for a "tribe" of her own. She probably thought she had it. And it was likely a slap in the face to not only not be invited, but to realized that the people you thought were good friends don't feel the same about you.

It's wrong of the mom to publicly complain about it. But, you kind of could see this going down. You excluded her kid. You did. You had that right, but you did. I'd be pissed too, but I wouldn't publicly say so. I'd manage my DD's feelings and we'd move on. But, I'd think less of you going forward.

[Anonymous]

If you can afford a $150 per head party, you can afford to add one more to the invite list.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you can afford a $150 per head party, you can afford to add one more to the invite list.

Nice that you can decide what others can and can't spend. From what I gather her child would have chosen another classmate or another friend. She's not close with this girl so she does not need to invite her. Geez people, the neighbor's mother is in for a rough awakening as the parties become more and more exclusive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is free to have whatever type of party she wants for her DD, though I suspect it's more for her than her DD. Whatever. That's their decision.

But, a) OP seems overly wrapped up in how fancy the party was, how exclusive, how much she spent, etc. I guarantee this spilled down to her DD and the party was flaunted in the excluded girl's face.

and b) it was absolutely bitchy to not invite the 4th girl. You had no obligation to, but that's not what we are talking about. Put yourself - or your daughter- in her shoes. These are kids that are her friends, they play together regularly, and she is fairly new and so probably desperate for a "tribe" of her own. She probably thought she had it. And it was likely a slap in the face to not only not be invited, but to realized that the people you thought were good friends don't feel the same about you.

It's wrong of the mom to publicly complain about it. But, you kind of could see this going down. You excluded her kid. You did. You had that right, but you did. I'd be pissed too, but I wouldn't publicly say so. I'd manage my DD's feelings and we'd move on. But, I'd think less of you going forward.

Sounds like the birthday girl has lots of friends. Surely more than 2 or 3 from soccer or whatever sport she's in and more than 2 or 3 from school So I'm sure other girls got "excluded." But the other parents weren't whiny. You can't invite everyone, the little girl's mom that complained about it is socially inept.

[Anonymous]

These birthday party threads are tiresome. Mean girl behavior on OP's part and lots of support from other mean girl moms.

[Anonymous]

The woman telling you that the other mom was upset should just shut up. She's trying to start something and she succeeded.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it may be a troll guys. Maybe a little hyperbole creating the mean girl mom indulging her daughter and not understanding that throwing the pre-teen par-tay of the century and excluding anyone considered a true friend may cause drama? The type of parent who spends that much on a kid's party isn't going to want to host hyped up, sugar drenched partying tweens all day and night without a lot of hired help. Maybe this is just the type of person who moves into the mini-mansions on small lots being built everywhere.

If this is real, the mom has a right to think it was tacky, but needs to let it go. You teach your kid to not sweat this stuff, but also to assume this is not a close friend. It's one thing if you want a nice venue and limit the amount, but if you can afford $150 per child then inclusion of at the very least friends is a nice way to go. Do as you please, but don't be surprised when a little girls feel are hurt and she distances herself from your princess.

I think it's a troll. Most people aren't really as idiotic as OP.

[Anonymous]

I wish you put as much thought into this party as you put effort. Clueless.

[Anonymous]

I have 4 children with ages between the 10 and 18. They always have small parties and have a hard time deciding who to invite. Inevitably someone will feel left out, but unfortunately we can't invite everyone. It is their special day and they should be with their very closest friends. I think what you did is fine OP, the neighbor girl is not one of your daughter's best friends and she doesn't have to invite her. I think a lot of people that have answered you have younger kids and have no idea what parties are like from 10 and up. My kids have felt excluded before, but they know that they can't be invited to every party. I can't imagine going to a friend and complaining that my child was "excluded" because she wasn't invited. The mom that complained is clueless, but she'll get it after it happens a few more times.

[Anonymous]

I remember the first time my son was not invited to a birthday party in preschool. I admit that I felt bad. I wondered why the birthday child did not invite my son. That was many years ago.

I now have 3 children and it is really really hard to manage these guest lists. OP does sound a bit obnoxious about making her party sound over the top. If she left those details out and simply said her child had a guest list of 10, I think the thread would have gone differently. I'm sure the OP is very proud of her party. Her DD was proud of her party and I'm sure feelings were hurt. The neighbor girl was not the only one whose feelings were hurt.

OP, we have a somewhat similar problem in that my children have a lot of friends. My older child turns 9 this year. We most definitely will be hurting some feelings this year. He started a new school. He has friends from new school, old school, preschool, neighborhood, sports and family friends. I get it. It's hard to make everyone happy. It's your tone that is off putting.

[Anonymous]

PP again. Also feel many people on this thread don't understand what exclusion means.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you can afford a $150 per head party, you can afford to add one more to the invite list.

That is not the point. The point is she wanted to keep the party small, and her daughter choose a certain number of kids. Excluding is bad but not being invited to a small party is not exclusion.

Just because some parents want to try to increase thier kids popularity through large, invite the entire ckass parties, does not mean small parties are bad. S,all parties are really common after 1st grade.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is free to have whatever type of party she wants for her DD, though I suspect it's more for her than her DD. Whatever. That's their decision.

But, a) OP seems overly wrapped up in how fancy the party was, how exclusive, how much she spent, etc. I guarantee this spilled down to her DD and the party was flaunted in the excluded girl's face.

and b) it was absolutely bitchy to not invite the 4th girl. You had no obligation to, but that's not what we are talking about. Put yourself - or your daughter- in her shoes. These are kids that are her friends, they play together regularly, and she is fairly new and so probably desperate for a "tribe" of her own. She probably thought she had it. And it was likely a slap in the face to not only not be invited, but to realized that the people you thought were good friends don't feel the same about you.

It's wrong of the mom to publicly complain about it. But, you kind of could see this going down. You excluded her kid. You did. You had that right, but you did. I'd be pissed too, but I wouldn't publicly say so. I'd manage my DD's feelings and we'd move on. But, I'd think less of you going forward.

Sounds like the birthday girl has lots of friends. Surely more than 2 or 3 from soccer or whatever sport she's in and more than 2 or 3 from school So I'm sure other girls got "excluded." But the other parents weren't whiny. You can't invite everyone, the little girl's mom that complained about it is socially inept.

This is not just "not getting invited." This is her regular group of neighborhood friends. She invited all but one. That's shitty. Regardless of how popular she is and how many other friends she could have invited. She lives near these people. She's now fouled her own nest.