Neighborhood mom upset her daughter was not invited to birthday party

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter just turned 10 years old we threw an all bells and whistles party for her. We normal do smaller parties, but since she turned 10 we decided to celebrate at a very expensive venue followed by dinner at her favorite restaurant, a sleep over and a great goody bag. The only rules were: You can only invite 8 girls and one of them must be your cousin (who she would have picked anyway). We budgeted for 10 girls because we knew she would beg for 1 or 2 other ones and she did. The cost per kid is over $150, so 10 was the absolute max. She invited her cousin, her 2 closest friends from the competitive sport team she's been playing for, 3 friends from school, 3 neighborhood friends, and a girl she's been friends with since they were little. She could have invited 10 other girls who she still considers close to her, but we set a max. In the neighborhood my daughter plays with 4 girls. She is close with 2 of them and we have all been neighbors for 5 years. The other girl's family moved to the neighborhood about a year ago. My daughter plays with the girl outside but she's not particularly close with her, and she was not one of the girls she invited. One of my neighbors, who is friends with the new girl's parents told me that the girl's mother told her that my daughter was excluding her daughter and that I should have made her invite her so she wouldn't have felt left out. Then the other day, a neighborhood child told my daughter that his mother said that it wasn't nice to leave (little girl's name) out. Now, my daughter has many close friends she would have also liked to invite (before neighbor), it just wasn't possible. But I'm annoyed this lady is going around saying that we are excluding her child. My daughter doesn't get invited to all birthdays, it is normal, isn't it?

Can we assume that you'd be fine with the same thing happening to your daughter?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Something very similar happened to my daughter when she was 11 years old. We were new to this area and soon she befriended a very sweet and very popular girl. About a year into the friendship my daughter was 100% sure she would be invited to the girl's birthday. She wasn't invited, and it sucked. My daughter was really heartbroken. The thing is that this girl was the world to my daughter because it was her doorway to friends and acceptance in a new place. But the reality was that this girl had a lot of lifelong friends who she felt closer to and invited them to her birthday. The girl was never mean or unkind to my daughter, she was kind and accepting, but their perspectives were different at the time because of each girl's personal story. I was sad for may daughter, but I explained about longer friendships, that in life she wouldn't be invited to everything, and that it was part of life. We had a mom and daughter day instead, we went to the movies and shopping and then for a nice dinner. I would have never dreamed of complaining about it. This family didn't owe us anything and it was the girl's birthday, her special day and she chose her most special friends. Fast forward 5 years later and my daughter and this girl are inseparable. Their friendship has grown every year, they both have a wonderful group of close friends. The next birthday my daughter was invited because the relationship had grown. I understand why OP didn't invite the new girl. He daughter is not very close to her. But the neighbor's mom needs to back up and be a parent. Complaining about it is not going to strengthen the bond these two girls are slowly forming, only time and does that.

Np: thank you for this perspective and I think you handled it wonderfully!

DP. I think the PP did well by her daughter. While the stories are similar, I don't think that this story has the important critical feature that the party invitees were not only older friends of the birthday girl but 3 of 4 of the friends that all play together with the OP's daughter. That exclusion is more cutting and cruel.

+1

[Anonymous]

We don't even know the other mother was "complaining." We know that other people heard about the situation but it could have just as easily come from the girl who was not invited or from people noticing and asking the mother about it.

My DD is friends with a group and once one of them wasn't invited. I was confused and assumed all five were invited and I might ask the mother by mistake, Where was Larla? The mom mentioned she wasn't invited and is a bit sad by it but did not make a big deal out of it. I did mention it to the party mom because we are friends. She is a nice person and felt awful. She didn't take it as the other mom "complaining" but I could see how a lesser person might.