Neighborhood mom upset her daughter was not invited to birthday party

[Anonymous]

Were you or your daughter or the guests who made the cut talking about this amazing party in front of kids who weren't invited? Because that is really, really rude. If not, then just let it go. Not everyone gets invited to everything, and it's not like you invited everyone in the neighborhood except this one girl.

[Anonymous]

You need to coach your daughter to politely respond to other children “I was turning 10, so I was only allowed invite 9 people”. She doesn’t have to justify why she picked the 9 she did.

When you see the other mom, you need to say “I heard Larla was sad that she was not invited to the party. I’m sorry we could not invite everyone, we only allowed Princess to invite 9 people, including her cousin.”
If the mom balks or is a bitch about it and has the guts to say you should have made sure that the 4 neighborhood kids were part of the 8 - just say “we set the limit and respected Princess’s choices”

Life is going to be hard for the other mom if she holds onto this grudge.

[Anonymous]

So your DD plays with 4 neighborhood friends but only invited 3/4? Do they all play together? If so, agree that what you did wasn't nice but it's also perfectly normal and understandable.

I would bet there's a lot of miscommunication going on. The other mom probably told someone her daughter was upset she wasn't invited. It could be because the other girls were talking about the party in front of her or because another mother asked her why her child didn't attend, etc. I don't think this other mom is spreading rumors about you excluding her daughter.

Your side of the story may also be getting lost in translation. Maybe the other mother misunderstood that it was a party including all the neighborhood friends and that it seemed strange to not include 1/4 neighborhood friends. She may not have understood that it was a really small party.

If it were me in your shoes I would be seeking to repair the relationship. I wouldn't care as much about the mom but I would be feeling awful that a child is upset. I would reach out and see if she might want to do a special playdate for another reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP lost me at "cost per kid $150"

Me too. What the....?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It wasn't very nice, but it's done. You created an exclusive birthday party and even lavished them with fancy gift bags (that would prove they were there and make other girls jealous).

The drama! It's not like the party was in the front yard for everyone to see!

You forget how hard it is to be a pre-teen girl.

Not the PP, but I would have handled it completely differently. This is a teaching opportunity for the mother. Instead she is out making it a bigger deal than what it was which teaches her daughter that she should expect to be invited to all parties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Normal but still not very nice. You could have scaled back the party a bit. You obviously believe your daughter is Miss Popularity. That's not always a good thing. The most popular girls often go wrong in middle/high school.

Disagree strongly - not everything is an "exclusion" - it is important for your child to know that the birthday girl had parameters, and that sometimes the parameters do not include her. Or are you trying to ruin the birthday girls' day?

Based on OPs description, she's clearly invested in making it an over the top celebration and has placed a pretty high priority on it being an exclusive event. I wouldn't be the least bit surprised that OPs daughter is bragging about the party all over the neighborhood. OP should make sure her daughter isn't rubbing it in the noses of the kids that didn't make the cut.

+1

Personally, I think that kind of celebration is way over the top for a ten-year-old girl, but regardless of the kind of party you host, you and your kid need to keep quiet about it in front of people who aren't invited, and especially not brag about the super fancy special party that you're having that you just can't invite all of your daughter's friends to because she's too popular.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to coach your daughter to politely respond to other children “I was turning 10, so I was only allowed invite 9 people”. She doesn’t have to justify why she picked the 9 she did.

When you see the other mom, you need to say “I heard Larla was sad that she was not invited to the party. I’m sorry we could not invite everyone, we only allowed Princess to invite 9 people, including her cousin.”
If the mom balks or is a bitch about it and has the guts to say you should have made sure that the 4 neighborhood kids were part of the 8 - just say “we set the limit and respected Princess’s choices”

Life is going to be hard for the other mom if she holds onto this grudge.

I wouldn't even explain it to the other mom, because telling someone she plays with constantly that she didn't make the top 10 friends list is hard. It would REALLY hurt for someone I see constantly and play with to tell me I wasn't top 10. Just don't mention it again and go on.

Maybe have a cookie decorating party next month and invite a lot of girls?

[Anonymous]

So she hangs out with 4 girls in the neighborhood and you only invited 3 of them?

I think that's tacky and insensitive and doesn't cast you or your daughter in a great light. It's not great that the other mom said anything to anyone, and her daughter will get over it, but you aren't coming out smelling like roses.

[Anonymous]

Did your daughter choose the "all bells and whistles" party or was it your choice? Was a lower key, more inclusive party an option?

[Anonymous]

I feel very bad for your DD. You put her in a terrible position OP. She got to have this really amazing, over the top party for a few people and now has to justify to other kids why they didn't get to go. I wouldn't be surprised if kids stopped talking to her because of it and she gets less birthday invitations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So she hangs out with 4 girls in the neighborhood and you only invited 3 of them?

I think that's tacky and insensitive and doesn't cast you or your daughter in a great light. It's not great that the other mom said anything to anyone, and her daughter will get over it, but you aren't coming out smelling like roses.

Yep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Normal but still not very nice. You could have scaled back the party a bit. You obviously believe your daughter is Miss Popularity. That's not always a good thing. The most popular girls often go wrong in middle/high school.

Disagree strongly - not everything is an "exclusion" - it is important for your child to know that the birthday girl had parameters, and that sometimes the parameters do not include her. Or are you trying to ruin the birthday girls' day?

Based on OPs description, she's clearly invested in making it an over the top celebration and has placed a pretty high priority on it being an exclusive event. I wouldn't be the least bit surprised that OPs daughter is bragging about the party all over the neighborhood. OP should make sure her daughter isn't rubbing it in the noses of the kids that didn't make the cut.

+1

Personally, I think that kind of celebration is way over the top for a ten-year-old girl, but regardless of the kind of party you host, you and your kid need to keep quiet about it in front of people who aren't invited, and especially not brag about the super fancy special party that you're having that you just can't invite all of your daughter's friends to because she's too popular.

I'm guessing there is a lot more to the story than OP is sharing. Especially since multiple people in her neighborhood think she/her daughter have behaved poorly. This isn't just a case of not everyone getting invited, sounds like there is some bragging or teasing going on over who made the list and who didn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It wasn't very nice, but it's done. You created an exclusive birthday party and even lavished them with fancy gift bags (that would prove they were there and make other girls jealous).

The drama! It's not like the party was in the front yard for everyone to see!

You forget how hard it is to be a pre-teen girl.

Not the PP, but I would have handled it completely differently. This is a teaching opportunity for the mother. Instead she is out making it a bigger deal than what it was which teaches her daughter that she should expect to be invited to all parties.

New kid on the street who is one of 4 neighbor girls who play together is the only one not invited to the party. Eh, of course the girl felt excluded and left out (duh!). And there is no way to spin this so that the girl would not feel excluded and left out.

What's done is done. I'm sure she'll get over it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to coach your daughter to politely respond to other children “I was turning 10, so I was only allowed invite 9 people”. She doesn’t have to justify why she picked the 9 she did.

When you see the other mom, you need to say “I heard Larla was sad that she was not invited to the party. I’m sorry we could not invite everyone, we only allowed Princess to invite 9 people, including her cousin.”
If the mom balks or is a bitch about it and has the guts to say you should have made sure that the 4 neighborhood kids were part of the 8 - just say “we set the limit and respected Princess’s choices”

Life is going to be hard for the other mom if she holds onto this grudge.

You have no obligation to invite everybody in the neighborhood or scale back the party or do whatever it is that society thinks you need to do. You had a party for your daughter with certain limits and that's fine. Life happens and not everybody gets to be included in everything.

[Anonymous]

I thought OP invited 2/4 neighborhood girls. If it was 3/4 - then I change my response. OP - you and your daughter were rude. I hope your daughter doesn’t grow up to be a mean girl.