Neighborhood mom upset her daughter was not invited to birthday party

[Anonymous]

My daughter just turned 10 years old we threw an all bells and whistles party for her. We normal do smaller parties, but since she turned 10 we decided to celebrate at a very expensive venue followed by dinner at her favorite restaurant, a sleep over and a great goody bag. The only rules were: You can only invite 8 girls and one of them must be your cousin (who she would have picked anyway). We budgeted for 10 girls because we knew she would beg for 1 or 2 other ones and she did. The cost per kid is over $150, so 10 was the absolute max. She invited her cousin, her 2 closest friends from the competitive sport team she's been playing for, 3 friends from school, 3 neighborhood friends, and a girl she's been friends with since they were little. She could have invited 10 other girls who she still considers close to her, but we set a max. In the neighborhood my daughter plays with 4 girls. She is close with 2 of them and we have all been neighbors for 5 years. The other girl's family moved to the neighborhood about a year ago. My daughter plays with the girl outside but she's not particularly close with her, and she was not one of the girls she invited. One of my neighbors, who is friends with the new girl's parents told me that the girl's mother told her that my daughter was excluding her daughter and that I should have made her invite her so she wouldn't have felt left out. Then the other day, a neighborhood child told my daughter that his mother said that it wasn't nice to leave (little girl's name) out. Now, my daughter has many close friends she would have also liked to invite (before neighbor), it just wasn't possible. But I'm annoyed this lady is going around saying that we are excluding her child. My daughter doesn't get invited to all birthdays, it is normal, isn't it?

[Anonymous]

What's done is done. If you feel the need, you can tell the offended mom or those who are raising the concerns of the offended mom to you that there were only 8 girls, and x # were family members/friends from infancy etc. Move on.

[Anonymous]

Normal but still not very nice. You could have scaled back the party a bit. You obviously believe your daughter is Miss Popularity. That's not always a good thing. The most popular girls often go wrong in middle/high school.

[Anonymous]

It wasn't very nice, but it's done. You created an exclusive birthday party and even lavished them with fancy gift bags (that would prove they were there and make other girls jealous).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Normal but still not very nice. You could have scaled back the party a bit. You obviously believe your daughter is Miss Popularity. That's not always a good thing. The most popular girls often go wrong in middle/high school.

Disagree strongly - not everything is an "exclusion" - it is important for your child to know that the birthday girl had parameters, and that sometimes the parameters do not include her. Or are you trying to ruin the birthday girls' day?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It wasn't very nice, but it's done. You created an exclusive birthday party and even lavished them with fancy gift bags (that would prove they were there and make other girls jealous).

+1. Sounds like mission accomplished, you wanted an exclusive cool kids only event, you got it.

[Anonymous]

Ignore and do not engage in any further talk about the party from that mom or anyone else.

If your daughter wants to maintain the friendship with the girl, encourage playdates, etc so that she can demonstrate interest in her. If the other mom is going to be weird and petty and cause drama, there's not much you can do. Just try to avoid engaging in it further.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It wasn't very nice, but it's done. You created an exclusive birthday party and even lavished them with fancy gift bags (that would prove they were there and make other girls jealous).

The drama! It's not like the party was in the front yard for everyone to see!

[Anonymous]

Wonderful learning opportunity for the neighbor's daughter...

Life sucks sometimes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ignore and do not engage in any further talk about the party from that mom or anyone else.

If your daughter wants to maintain the friendship with the girl, encourage playdates, etc so that she can demonstrate interest in her. If the other mom is going to be weird and petty and cause drama, there's not much you can do. Just try to avoid engaging in it further.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wonderful learning opportunity for the neighbor's daughter...

Life sucks sometimes.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It wasn't very nice, but it's done. You created an exclusive birthday party and even lavished them with fancy gift bags (that would prove they were there and make other girls jealous).

The drama! It's not like the party was in the front yard for everyone to see!

You forget how hard it is to be a pre-teen girl.

[Anonymous]

Mean

[Anonymous]

OP lost me at "cost per kid $150"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Normal but still not very nice. You could have scaled back the party a bit. You obviously believe your daughter is Miss Popularity. That's not always a good thing. The most popular girls often go wrong in middle/high school.

Disagree strongly - not everything is an "exclusion" - it is important for your child to know that the birthday girl had parameters, and that sometimes the parameters do not include her. Or are you trying to ruin the birthday girls' day?

Based on OPs description, she's clearly invested in making it an over the top celebration and has placed a pretty high priority on it being an exclusive event. I wouldn't be the least bit surprised that OPs daughter is bragging about the party all over the neighborhood. OP should make sure her daughter isn't rubbing it in the noses of the kids that didn't make the cut.