Do you downplay your wealth? A social discussion NOT a money discussion...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are not as rich as the article but we do live well below our means, and because of our housing choice (modest home in middle class neighborhood with good schools) and the friends we enjoy, I definitely tell white lies or lies of omission often. I.e.: most of my friends lease or have a car loan. We pay cash, but I'd never admit it. I could drive a loaded Suburban but drive a mid level Odyssey because I just prefer that image. My clothes and handbags are Loft/Target/TJ Maxx. I buy the kids LL Bean outwear instead of North Face or Patagonia just because it feels less conspicuous to me - it's not really much cheaper. That Tory Burch logo makes me cringe. I claim our travel is on "points" so it seems less expensive. Stuff like that. We don't give our kids crazy expensive presents or buy them Uggs, but when the time comes they can attend the college of their choice debt free.

I always roll my eyes at folks who insist they travel on points. It's so obvious. Just say you went in vacation and leave it at that. No need to go into how you financed it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are not as rich as the article but we do live well below our means, and because of our housing choice (modest home in middle class neighborhood with good schools) and the friends we enjoy, I definitely tell white lies or lies of omission often. I.e.: most of my friends lease or have a car loan. We pay cash, but I'd never admit it. I could drive a loaded Suburban but drive a mid level Odyssey because I just prefer that image. My clothes and handbags are Loft/Target/TJ Maxx. I buy the kids LL Bean outwear instead of North Face or Patagonia just because it feels less conspicuous to me - it's not really much cheaper. That Tory Burch logo makes me cringe. I claim our travel is on "points" so it seems less expensive. Stuff like that. We don't give our kids crazy expensive presents or buy them Uggs, but when the time comes they can attend the college of their choice debt free.

I always roll my eyes at folks who insist they travel on points. It's so obvious. Just say you went in vacation and leave it at that. No need to go into how you financed it.

It's like the people who insist they got their subzeros on "an incredible sale" and that they talked the hardwood floor installation people into giving them a "huge discount". It's so patronizing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are not as rich as the article but we do live well below our means, and because of our housing choice (modest home in middle class neighborhood with good schools) and the friends we enjoy, I definitely tell white lies or lies of omission often. I.e.: most of my friends lease or have a car loan. We pay cash, but I'd never admit it. I could drive a loaded Suburban but drive a mid level Odyssey because I just prefer that image. My clothes and handbags are Loft/Target/TJ Maxx. I buy the kids LL Bean outwear instead of North Face or Patagonia just because it feels less conspicuous to me - it's not really much cheaper. That Tory Burch logo makes me cringe. I claim our travel is on "points" so it seems less expensive. Stuff like that. We don't give our kids crazy expensive presents or buy them Uggs, but when the time comes they can attend the college of their choice debt free.

I always roll my eyes at folks who insist they travel on points. It's so obvious. Just say you went in vacation and leave it at that. No need to go into how you financed it.

It's like the people who insist they got their subzeros on "an incredible sale" and that they talked the hardwood floor installation people into giving them a "huge discount". It's so patronizing.

Agree with the above. You don't need to "protect" your less well-off friends/associate from your wealth. It's even more awkward if you insist your travel was with points because we know better but now we have to play along with this charade.

[Anonymous]

If you are in top 1% in terms of income/wealthy, but drive a modest car, wear modest clothes, and generally live a "mostest" lifestyle, then there are 2 possibilties

1) you are spending the money extravagantly in another way. There are many many ways to be extravagant.

2) you are hoarding money like a dog in the manger

3) you are giving so much money to charity that you are actually living on $60k a year.

You should not feel you are a "normal" person if you are doing the first two. You just are not. If you are the 3rd, you are also not a normal person, you are an unusually good person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's interesting. My husband came from money, and we've had some help, but mostly we live a typical middle class lifestyle. Both work, drive the same cars for 15+ years, I wear modest diamond rings, handed down from both our grandmothers.
You wouldn't suspect the trust we have, and I think that's probably a good thing. I'm concerned for our safety. I want my kids to look neat and my home nice, but I don't want to draw too much attention. There's a lot of unrest these days. I get nervous.

You should be scared. All the wealth of our nation can not keep going to a small privileged few without violence erupting. It will happen.

Maybe give your money to charity now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are in top 1% in terms of income/wealthy, but drive a modest car, wear modest clothes, and generally live a "mostest" lifestyle, then there are 2 possibilties

1) you are spending the money extravagantly in another way. There are many many ways to be extravagant.

2) you are hoarding money like a dog in the manger

3) you are giving so much money to charity that you are actually living on $60k a year.

You should not feel you are a "normal" person if you are doing the first two. You just are not. If you are the 3rd, you are also not a normal person, you are an unusually good person.

Just because I don't piss my money away on meaningless shit does not make me abnormal. We don't have enough to retire at 37 but we have enough to have an extended period of unemployment (2 years) or major health crisis without it affecting the way we live. That means a lot more to me than a Suburban and overpriced handbags.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are not as rich as the article but we do live well below our means, and because of our housing choice (modest home in middle class neighborhood with good schools) and the friends we enjoy, I definitely tell white lies or lies of omission often. I.e.: most of my friends lease or have a car loan. We pay cash, but I'd never admit it. I could drive a loaded Suburban but drive a mid level Odyssey because I just prefer that image. My clothes and handbags are Loft/Target/TJ Maxx. I buy the kids LL Bean outwear instead of North Face or Patagonia just because it feels less conspicuous to me - it's not really much cheaper. That Tory Burch logo makes me cringe. I claim our travel is on "points" so it seems less expensive. Stuff like that. We don't give our kids crazy expensive presents or buy them Uggs, but when the time comes they can attend the college of their choice debt free.

I always roll my eyes at folks who insist they travel on points. It's so obvious. Just say you went in vacation and leave it at that. No need to go into how you financed it.

It's like the people who insist they got their subzeros on "an incredible sale" and that they talked the hardwood floor installation people into giving them a "huge discount". It's so patronizing.

Yeah, I posted above about my 75% off handbag, but in real life I wouldn't talk about that.

I really think in this day of TJ Maxx a name brand handbag is not a status symbol any more. Everyone at my nonprofit has several but me, and none of them make a lot of $$. I have no idea what an "on trend" handbag looks like so I can't tell you how up to date they are.

[Anonymous]

The travel points thing is the worst. My sister constantly tells me that all of their travel is on points, as are all her husband's upgrades. I used to travel a TON for work. You only get that much free shit if you're flying internationally several times per year. No one has that many points from a two-hour flight twice a month. Just say you went somewhere. No one cares.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are not as rich as the article but we do live well below our means, and because of our housing choice (modest home in middle class neighborhood with good schools) and the friends we enjoy, I definitely tell white lies or lies of omission often. I.e.: most of my friends lease or have a car loan. We pay cash, but I'd never admit it. I could drive a loaded Suburban but drive a mid level Odyssey because I just prefer that image. My clothes and handbags are Loft/Target/TJ Maxx. I buy the kids LL Bean outwear instead of North Face or Patagonia just because it feels less conspicuous to me - it's not really much cheaper. That Tory Burch logo makes me cringe. I claim our travel is on "points" so it seems less expensive. Stuff like that. We don't give our kids crazy expensive presents or buy them Uggs, but when the time comes they can attend the college of their choice debt free.

I always roll my eyes at folks who insist they travel on points. It's so obvious. Just say you went in vacation and leave it at that. No need to go into how you financed it.

It's like the people who insist they got their subzeros on "an incredible sale" and that they talked the hardwood floor installation people into giving them a "huge discount". It's so patronizing.

Agree with the above. You don't need to "protect" your less well-off friends/associate from your wealth. It's even more awkward if you insist your travel was with points because we know better but now we have to play along with this charade.

x100000

LOL: "that's funny, neither you nor your spouse have flown in years, but you have so many points!" Hilarious. And true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have no debt, zip, zilch, zero. I am a fed and my parents gifted me a large down payment, which I used to buy a house in PG outright. I still drive my car from college but we bought our newer car with cash. It is easy to accumulate money without a mortgage and a lot of my friends with fancier jobs see that I am frugal and think I am poorer than them. Recently my child was sick and my friend asked if I needed money. I told her insurance covered everything and I am fine, but it was nice of her to offer.

Why do you need your parents to give you money?

Wanted to add: you are debt free because your parents float you. So you can sit down and shut up.

Sheesh why the hostility? What other people do with their money is not really something for you to get upset about. Some people buy fancy cars and handbags but my parents used their savings to help me buy my home. Judging from the prices in this area the money I was gifted was a pretty typical amount and many, many families are supporting their children this way. I also arranged my life so that I had no debt after law school which is not an easy feat, and I had no help with that other than scholarships. I could easily afford a home in Bethesda or whatever with my income and I chose a more modest area, and I think it was a good choice. But now people actually think I am struggling. You should be happy I didn't contribute to the crazy inflated prices in this area.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have no debt, zip, zilch, zero. I am a fed and my parents gifted me a large down payment, which I used to buy a house in PG outright. I still drive my car from college but we bought our newer car with cash. It is easy to accumulate money without a mortgage and a lot of my friends with fancier jobs see that I am frugal and think I am poorer than them. Recently my child was sick and my friend asked if I needed money. I told her insurance covered everything and I am fine, but it was nice of her to offer.

Why do you need your parents to give you money?

Wanted to add: you are debt free because your parents float you. So you can sit down and shut up.

+1

LOL.

Anyone waiting for their friend who wants their MIL to die yesterday - to find out that MIL donated it all to charity? Now THAT would be funny.

[Anonymous]

We don't go out of our way to advertise it like some people with public social media followings do (i.e. all the Instagram moms - gag me) but it's probably obvious to people who pay attention to stuff like that - SAHM to 4 kids, nice house in an expensive area, nice cars and vacations, kids in pricey extracurricular activities, etc.

Honestly though it's no different to how the people around us live except we have no debt and high savings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We don't go out of our way to advertise it like some people with public social media followings do (i.e. all the Instagram moms - gag me) but it's probably obvious to people who pay attention to stuff like that - SAHM to 4 kids, nice house in an expensive area, nice cars and vacations, kids in pricey extracurricular activities, etc.

Honestly though it's no different to how the people around us live except we have no debt and high savings.

The people all around have tons of debt and no savings? How on earth do you know about your neighbors finances?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are not as rich as the article but we do live well below our means, and because of our housing choice (modest home in middle class neighborhood with good schools) and the friends we enjoy, I definitely tell white lies or lies of omission often. I.e.: most of my friends lease or have a car loan. We pay cash, but I'd never admit it. I could drive a loaded Suburban but drive a mid level Odyssey because I just prefer that image. My clothes and handbags are Loft/Target/TJ Maxx. I buy the kids LL Bean outwear instead of North Face or Patagonia just because it feels less conspicuous to me - it's not really much cheaper. That Tory Burch logo makes me cringe. I claim our travel is on "points" so it seems less expensive. Stuff like that. We don't give our kids crazy expensive presents or buy them Uggs, but when the time comes they can attend the college of their choice debt free.

I always roll my eyes at folks who insist they travel on points. It's so obvious. Just say you went in vacation and leave it at that. No need to go into how you financed it.

It's like the people who insist they got their subzeros on "an incredible sale" and that they talked the hardwood floor installation people into giving them a "huge discount". It's so patronizing.

Agree with the above. You don't need to "protect" your less well-off friends/associate from your wealth. It's even more awkward if you insist your travel was with points because we know better but now we have to play along with this charade.

x100000

LOL: "that's funny, neither you nor your spouse have flown in years, but you have so many points!" Hilarious. And true.

This type of reaction is why I tend not to tell people that I have no debt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's interesting. My husband came from money, and we've had some help, but mostly we live a typical middle class lifestyle. Both work, drive the same cars for 15+ years, I wear modest diamond rings, handed down from both our grandmothers.
You wouldn't suspect the trust we have, and I think that's probably a good thing. I'm concerned for our safety. I want my kids to look neat and my home nice, but I don't want to draw too much attention. There's a lot of unrest these days. I get nervous.

You should be scared. All the wealth of our nation can not keep going to a small privileged few without violence erupting. It will happen.

Maybe give your money to charity now?

A few years ago, I would have said you were nuts but there is an anti wealth sentiment in the States. My husband and I are from poor backgrounds and our wealth is self made. We live at a much lower level than we could because we know there are various siblings we will continue to support financially as we all age. Our fear is that our wealth will be taxed away and we will have to reduce help to our relatives. We are setting up trusts so that our money can go to them while they live and then to our kids if anything is left. We worked hard to make the money to help them and have reached that goal.