Why do you let your kid run around at a restaurant?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I was one of those who used to judge parents very harshly when the kids were not on their best behavior. And then I gave birth to a wonderful, adorable little boy with non-visible special needs. We rarely go out to eat, but sometimes my husband's relatives basically force us by taking offense if we don't come to their events at restaurants.

My son cannot sit still and becomes easily agitated. He calms himself by running up and down the aisles of restaurants and through tables. Everyone takes a turn going to follow him and make sure he does not get in trouble, but I know he still disruptive to other diners. He is trying his best and so are we, his parents. But it is very hard.

Why don't you take him outside instead of disrupting others?

I do. We spend much of our time outside while everyone else eats at these obnoxious events my in-laws like to hold. inevitably, one of them will come outside and ask us to come in so they can take photos or see my son, with the implication being that I am keeping him away from them. It is a very tough situation made harder by thoughtless people.

Who is thoughtless, your in-laws?

Have you not explained to your in laws that your child is handicapped and cannot participate in these events?

+1 And if they still don't "care", then have you thought of just not going? How can they "force" you to attend? I understand that they probably make your situation very uncomfortable, but then, your DH should be the one running interference and explaining it to them.

PP here, thanks for your unsolicited advice, but I didn't post for your input. I answered the OP's question. That's all.

At some point you have to stop making excuses. You and your husband are presumably grown adults. If you know your kid can't function in certain settings, don't put out him in those situations. You don't get to say - oh it will be hard, or oh other people won't listen - and therefore I will endanger my kid and disrupt everyone in a restaurant. Sorry, it doesn't, or at least shouldn't, work that way. At some point, you should take responsibility for making decisions that are unfair to your kid and other patrons since it is your choice - not your meany in-laws - for going to the restaurant and/or bringing your kid back in when you know he won't be able to handle it.

Are you on the spectrum? Why don't you get that people don't care what you think? It's so odd when people continue to pile on to a poster who isn't interested. Move on.

Actually people do care what PP thinks - it's just that the previous PP won't admit that there are other options. I am the poster with a similarly difficult child and I asked if she takes her child outside. I responded that there are other options, but then she got mad that I was trying to lecture her.

The desire to "pile on" comes from people who refuse to admit they are doing anything wrong, and continue to make excuses for their childs poor behavior, and dare I say, their poor parenting choices. I don't care how difficult your kid is (bet mine is worse), or how demanding your in-laws are, or how overwhelming it is for you to deal with your kid every day. We all need to deal with this shit. Kids shouldn't be running around in restaurants. Period.

Oh, get over yourself. DP here, but reading through this, my thought was that if I had a SN kid and had to deal with the running around and insistent in-laws - I'd rather placate my in-laws and avoid a huge family rift than placate a bunch of random strangers at a restaurant. Sorry, but if it were me, I'd not cause internal familial havoc just to please a few restaurant patrons for a couple hours. You just have to deal with it.

No, why don't you and your husband take turns staying home with the SN child and let your in laws and the other restaurant patrons dine in peace?

+1. You are not "placating" patrons of a restaurant. You are acting like a decent civilized adult. You don't get to say f-it I don't feel like dealing with my inlaws, so I am going to make up my own rules about what is ok and to hell with how it impacts anyone else. The level of entitlement is insane.

Exactly. Just look at PP's last sentence - "You just have to deal with it."
Entitlement at its best.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:The sanctimonious chicks in this thread make me want my kid to run around just to make their angry heads explode. Maybe I'll bring my dog. He is wild.

You think people are not entitled to a meal in a nice atmosphere in a restaurant?

...entitled?

No, people are not entitled to a meal in a nice atmosphere in a restaurant. People who can afford it may well expect it, though. If the restaurant doesn't meet their expectations, they can talk to the manager, or look for a different restaurant next time.

Don't be offended then if you are asked to leave in the middle of your meal. Management has the right to determine the atmosphere for the restaurant. If you really want to go out, Chuck E Cheese will welcome you with open rat arms.

Yes, they do. Which is why I said, right there in the post above, "If the restaurant doesn't meet their expectations, they can talk to the manager,"

Has anybody talked to the management? What did the management do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

+1. You are not "placating" patrons of a restaurant. You are acting like a decent civilized adult. You don't get to say f-it I don't feel like dealing with my inlaws, so I am going to make up my own rules about what is ok and to hell with how it impacts anyone else. The level of entitlement is insane.

Indeed it is. There's PP saying:

1. I have a kid with special needs.
2. I have in-laws who don't make this easy.
3. I do my best.

And here are all the DCUM posters saying: you're doing it wrong, you ought to do what I tell you, I have a right to eat at a restaurant without disturbance from other people. Unbelievable entitlement.

Restaurant patrons, of which there are presumably thousands, do have a right to eat in a restaurant without disturbance from other people. If you think that is entitlement, rather than one person going against the grain because its easier for them, then I'm not sure what to tell you.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I was one of those who used to judge parents very harshly when the kids were not on their best behavior. And then I gave birth to a wonderful, adorable little boy with non-visible special needs. We rarely go out to eat, but sometimes my husband's relatives basically force us by taking offense if we don't come to their events at restaurants.

My son cannot sit still and becomes easily agitated. He calms himself by running up and down the aisles of restaurants and through tables. Everyone takes a turn going to follow him and make sure he does not get in trouble, but I know he still disruptive to other diners. He is trying his best and so are we, his parents. But it is very hard.

Why don't you take him outside instead of disrupting others?

I do. We spend much of our time outside while everyone else eats at these obnoxious events my in-laws like to hold. inevitably, one of them will come outside and ask us to come in so they can take photos or see my son, with the implication being that I am keeping him away from them. It is a very tough situation made harder by thoughtless people.

Who is thoughtless, your in-laws?

Have you not explained to your in laws that your child is handicapped and cannot participate in these events?

+1 And if they still don't "care", then have you thought of just not going? How can they "force" you to attend? I understand that they probably make your situation very uncomfortable, but then, your DH should be the one running interference and explaining it to them.

PP here, thanks for your unsolicited advice, but I didn't post for your input. I answered the OP's question. That's all.

At some point you have to stop making excuses. You and your husband are presumably grown adults. If you know your kid can't function in certain settings, don't put out him in those situations. You don't get to say - oh it will be hard, or oh other people won't listen - and therefore I will endanger my kid and disrupt everyone in a restaurant. Sorry, it doesn't, or at least shouldn't, work that way. At some point, you should take responsibility for making decisions that are unfair to your kid and other patrons since it is your choice - not your meany in-laws - for going to the restaurant and/or bringing your kid back in when you know he won't be able to handle it.

Are you on the spectrum? Why don't you get that people don't care what you think? It's so odd when people continue to pile on to a poster who isn't interested. Move on.

Actually people do care what PP thinks - it's just that the previous PP won't admit that there are other options. I am the poster with a similarly difficult child and I asked if she takes her child outside. I responded that there are other options, but then she got mad that I was trying to lecture her.

The desire to "pile on" comes from people who refuse to admit they are doing anything wrong, and continue to make excuses for their childs poor behavior, and dare I say, their poor parenting choices. I don't care how difficult your kid is (bet mine is worse), or how demanding your in-laws are, or how overwhelming it is for you to deal with your kid every day. We all need to deal with this shit. Kids shouldn't be running around in restaurants. Period.

Oh, get over yourself. DP here, but reading through this, my thought was that if I had a SN kid and had to deal with the running around and insistent in-laws - I'd rather placate my in-laws and avoid a huge family rift than placate a bunch of random strangers at a restaurant. Sorry, but if it were me, I'd not cause internal familial havoc just to please a few restaurant patrons for a couple hours. You just have to deal with it.

I think you PP are the one who needs to get over yourself and your entitlement.

Good to know you don't give a sh1te about anyone else. Next time, I'll be less likely to care about or accomodating to your SN child's needs.

[Anonymous]

What about the kids?? Aren't they people too? Who have a right to enjoy a nice meal at a restaurant. How can they learn to behave in a restaurant if they're not allowed to go? KIDS LIVES MATTER!!!!!! TODDLERS LIVES MATTER

[Anonymous]

I get annoyed when people let their little kids (say, <5) roam around the restaurant and go up to other's tables.

They want to run circles and risk getting hit or trip & face plant? Have at it! Entertainment!

But letting your kid walk up to other's tables while eating is rude. Especially when they touch the table or touch me.

I had a little girl, maybe 3 or 4, who kept walking up to our table and trying to take my purse off the chair beside of me. Her mom thought it was hilarious because "she loves purses SO much!" But it was just annoying af to have to keep moving my bag around and trying to shoo her away.

Almost as bad as the parents who allow their kids to eat & walk at the same time. Those that call them over to the table to get a french fry or chicken nugget and then allow them to walk around or go look at the fish tank/lobster tank or something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

+1. You are not "placating" patrons of a restaurant. You are acting like a decent civilized adult. You don't get to say f-it I don't feel like dealing with my inlaws, so I am going to make up my own rules about what is ok and to hell with how it impacts anyone else. The level of entitlement is insane.

Indeed it is. There's PP saying:

1. I have a kid with special needs.
2. I have in-laws who don't make this easy.
3. I do my best.

And here are all the DCUM posters saying: you're doing it wrong, you ought to do what I tell you, I have a right to eat at a restaurant without disturbance from other people. Unbelievable entitlement.

PP may say she's doing her best, but she's not. She's taking the path of least resistance and expecting strangers to deal with the fall-out so she doesn't have to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

+1. You are not "placating" patrons of a restaurant. You are acting like a decent civilized adult. You don't get to say f-it I don't feel like dealing with my inlaws, so I am going to make up my own rules about what is ok and to hell with how it impacts anyone else. The level of entitlement is insane.

Indeed it is. There's PP saying:

1. I have a kid with special needs.
2. I have in-laws who don't make this easy.
3. I do my best.

And here are all the DCUM posters saying: you're doing it wrong, you ought to do what I tell you, I have a right to eat at a restaurant without disturbance from other people. Unbelievable entitlement.

You really and truly think people who have SN children are entitled to eat wherever they want? Am I entitled to tell the manager that I want the restaurant to curtail the disruption?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What about the kids?? Aren't they people too? Who have a right to enjoy a nice meal at a restaurant. How can they learn to behave in a restaurant if they're not allowed to go? KIDS LIVES MATTER!!!!!! TODDLERS LIVES MATTER

Ha ha nope toddlers have no right to a nice dinner out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

+1. You are not "placating" patrons of a restaurant. You are acting like a decent civilized adult. You don't get to say f-it I don't feel like dealing with my inlaws, so I am going to make up my own rules about what is ok and to hell with how it impacts anyone else. The level of entitlement is insane.

Indeed it is. There's PP saying:

1. I have a kid with special needs.
2. I have in-laws who don't make this easy.
3. I do my best.

And here are all the DCUM posters saying: you're doing it wrong, you ought to do what I tell you, I have a right to eat at a restaurant without disturbance from other people. Unbelievable entitlement.

Nonsense. Her "best" is a giant middle finger to everyone else. Sorry neither your SN kids nor even more so pushy in-laws allow you to screw everyone else, I am going to do what works best for me and everyone else can suck it.

Her "best" would be growing a pair and standing up to her inlaws who are also presumably adults. Her "best" would be having one spouse stay home with the kid, or her "best" would be taking the kid outside if clearly can't handle the restaurant and not brining him back just because the inlaws want a picture.

And it is not just an inconvenience to diners. A running toddler in a restaurant is a danger to servers, other diners, and to the toddler himself. Saying you are doing your "best" doesn't change any of that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

+1. You are not "placating" patrons of a restaurant. You are acting like a decent civilized adult. You don't get to say f-it I don't feel like dealing with my inlaws, so I am going to make up my own rules about what is ok and to hell with how it impacts anyone else. The level of entitlement is insane.

Indeed it is. There's PP saying:

1. I have a kid with special needs.
2. I have in-laws who don't make this easy.
3. I do my best.

And here are all the DCUM posters saying: you're doing it wrong, you ought to do what I tell you, I have a right to eat at a restaurant without disturbance from other people. Unbelievable entitlement.

You really and truly think people who have SN children are entitled to eat wherever they want? Am I entitled to tell the manager that I want the restaurant to curtail the disruption?

Yes, and yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:


Oh, get over yourself. DP here, but reading through this, my thought was that if I had a SN kid and had to deal with the running around and insistent in-laws - I'd rather placate my in-laws and avoid a huge family rift than placate a bunch of random strangers at a restaurant. Sorry, but if it were me, I'd not cause internal familial havoc just to please a few restaurant patrons for a couple hours. You just have to deal with it.

I think you PP are the one who needs to get over yourself and your entitlement.

Good to know you don't give a sh1te about anyone else. Next time, I'll be less likely to care about or accomodating to your SN child's needs.

That's not something I'd be proud of saying. Accommodating the needs of people with disabilities is the right thing to do, not a favor to do when you feel like it and not do when you don't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

+1. You are not "placating" patrons of a restaurant. You are acting like a decent civilized adult. You don't get to say f-it I don't feel like dealing with my inlaws, so I am going to make up my own rules about what is ok and to hell with how it impacts anyone else. The level of entitlement is insane.

Indeed it is. There's PP saying:

1. I have a kid with special needs.
2. I have in-laws who don't make this easy.
3. I do my best.

And here are all the DCUM posters saying: you're doing it wrong, you ought to do what I tell you, I have a right to eat at a restaurant without disturbance from other people. Unbelievable entitlement.

You really and truly think people who have SN children are entitled to eat wherever they want? Am I entitled to tell the manager that I want the restaurant to curtail the disruption?

Yes, and yes.

Fine. If people with disruptive SN or other neurotypical disruptive children don't have the cojones to actually parent, then I will most definitely put the restaurant in the middle. Would be a lot easier if the parents were sensitive to the world around them and didn't insist on making many other people uncomfortable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:


Oh, get over yourself. DP here, but reading through this, my thought was that if I had a SN kid and had to deal with the running around and insistent in-laws - I'd rather placate my in-laws and avoid a huge family rift than placate a bunch of random strangers at a restaurant. Sorry, but if it were me, I'd not cause internal familial havoc just to please a few restaurant patrons for a couple hours. You just have to deal with it.

I think you PP are the one who needs to get over yourself and your entitlement.

Good to know you don't give a sh1te about anyone else. Next time, I'll be less likely to care about or accomodating to your SN child's needs.

That's not something I'd be proud of saying. Accommodating the needs of people with disabilities is the right thing to do, not a favor to do when you feel like it and not do when you don't.

So people who have no apparent disabilities, and are paying customers, get no consideration in your view?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:


Oh, get over yourself. DP here, but reading through this, my thought was that if I had a SN kid and had to deal with the running around and insistent in-laws - I'd rather placate my in-laws and avoid a huge family rift than placate a bunch of random strangers at a restaurant. Sorry, but if it were me, I'd not cause internal familial havoc just to please a few restaurant patrons for a couple hours. You just have to deal with it.

I think you PP are the one who needs to get over yourself and your entitlement.

Good to know you don't give a sh1te about anyone else. Next time, I'll be less likely to care about or accomodating to your SN child's needs.

That's not something I'd be proud of saying. Accommodating the needs of people with disabilities is the right thing to do, not a favor to do when you feel like it and not do when you don't.

Other patrons can continue to dine at the restaurant; I am not going to spend my hard earned money so I can accommodate the behavior issues of an SN child.