Little Mean Girl

[Anonymous]

I understand the mama bear aspect wanting to protect your child from being excluded or feelings hurt but they are 4. This is going to happen a lot. My youngest DD is 4 and this happens a lot a child may tell her she can't play or play in a certain area. I reiterate that it's okay "Bobby" doesn't want to play. Let's find another friend. Or Bobby may be grumpy and needs a nap but he can't tell you you aren't allowed to play... It's pretty normal for a 4 year old to act like you say. I don't think she was being a shit or bratty she was being 4. Granted maybe she could of said no thank you I don't want to play. But how often do kids especially as young as 4 say what we want. Maybe the mom spoke with her later? We don't know but stuff like this happens a lot so get ready! Use it as a teaching lesson for your son. Suzy didn't want to play that's okay but she can't tell you to leave...now if the girl was 12 that's a different story. Again she was 4.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
To the people attacking OP,

Stop making this a girls versus boys conflict. Don't contribute to the snowflake epidemic, and teach your children manners at an early age.

I would not have tolerate that in either my son or my daughter.

+1

+2

+3 I think it's a shame that the little girl's mother ignored what her daughter said. That sent a very clear message to that child that Mom was o.k. with what she said to the little boy. If Mom won't step in and teach her daughter basic manners, who will?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I understand the mama bear aspect wanting to protect your child from being excluded or feelings hurt but they are 4. This is going to happen a lot. My youngest DD is 4 and this happens a lot a child may tell her she can't play or play in a certain area. I reiterate that it's okay "Bobby" doesn't want to play. Let's find another friend. Or Bobby may be grumpy and needs a nap but he can't tell you you aren't allowed to play... It's pretty normal for a 4 year old to act like you say. I don't think she was being a shit or bratty she was being 4. Granted maybe she could of said no thank you I don't want to play. But how often do kids especially as young as 4 say what we want. Maybe the mom spoke with her later? We don't know but stuff like this happens a lot so get ready! Use it as a teaching lesson for your son. Suzy didn't want to play that's okay but she can't tell you to leave...now if the girl was 12 that's a different story. Again she was 4.

I agree. Better to focus on teaching your son how to react to hurtful comments. If he can learn to let that stuff roll off his back, he will be much happier in the long run.

[Anonymous]

You expected the mom to correct her behavior? Apple doesn't fall far from the tree. I can't imagine it would even occur to my daughter the possibility of being that rude to another person. Sure there are times she does not want to play with someone, but she usually just walks away and does something else or comes over to me to play with her.

[Anonymous]

It is actually developmentally appropriate for children of 4 to start testing out words and actions like this. They're exploring their "power." It's normal. Girls are often well advanced on these kinds of developments. Your son isn't there yet.

That said, it's fine to quickly correct them. Or not. It's not fine to place adult standards of behavior upon small children and calm them expletives. What is wrong with you? You have to grow up a bit.

[Anonymous]

"leave me alone, I don't want to play with you, go away" is a fairly rude way of saying "no thanks, I don't want to play right now." 4yos are rude all the time. All of them. Seriously, all of them. Every single one. Should mother probably have corrected, suggested different words? Yes, probably. (I correct my 4yo 50 times a day; I probably miss a few since it gets exhaustingly negative. She's decidedly in a phase.)

Should you teach your kid how to cope better? Yes, probably. ("Let's find someone else to play with.")

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is actually developmentally appropriate for children of 4 to start testing out words and actions like this. They're exploring their "power." It's normal. Girls are often well advanced on these kinds of developments. Your son isn't there yet.

That said, it's fine to quickly correct them. Or not. It's not fine to place adult standards of behavior upon small children and calm them expletives. What is wrong with you? You have to grow up a bit.

This is exactly the kind of parenting that results in some kids being jerks. It's all learned behavior or inappropriate behavior that's never corrected. How the heck will this kid learn any better? What's wrong with you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I understand the mama bear aspect wanting to protect your child from being excluded or feelings hurt but they are 4. This is going to happen a lot. My youngest DD is 4 and this happens a lot a child may tell her she can't play or play in a certain area. I reiterate that it's okay "Bobby" doesn't want to play. Let's find another friend. Or Bobby may be grumpy and needs a nap but he can't tell you you aren't allowed to play... It's pretty normal for a 4 year old to act like you say. I don't think she was being a shit or bratty she was being 4. Granted maybe she could of said no thank you I don't want to play. But how often do kids especially as young as 4 say what we want. Maybe the mom spoke with her later? We don't know but stuff like this happens a lot so get ready! Use it as a teaching lesson for your son. Suzy didn't want to play that's okay but she can't tell you to leave...now if the girl was 12 that's a different story. Again she was 4.

I agree. I also just read the thread about a mom who wanted to play with her child alone at the park and was annoyed by other kids who kept wanting to play with them. If the little girl said SHE did not want to play with your son, the best response is to encourage your son to play with other kids instead. (Because fair enough, no one has to play with someone else if they don't want to.) But if the little girl showed up and told your son he could not longer be a part of the group play which he had been participating in before her arrival, then yeah, I as a parent might intervene. My concern would be that I would like the kids to resolve this themselves, so I might not do anything immediately. (The little girl's mom might have been waiting to let the kids settle the issue.) But if the kids end up fighting or making someone feel bad, I would probably get involved. If my four year old didn't stand up from himself or the problem didn't resolve itself, I might step in and say to the girl, "Everyone is playing together here. It's not nice to tell Larlo that he can't play." Or something like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is actually developmentally appropriate for children of 4 to start testing out words and actions like this. They're exploring their "power." It's normal. Girls are often well advanced on these kinds of developments. Your son isn't there yet.

That said, it's fine to quickly correct them. Or not. It's not fine to place adult standards of behavior upon small children and calm them expletives. What is wrong with you? You have to grow up a bit.

This is exactly the kind of parenting that results in some kids being jerks. It's all learned behavior or inappropriate behavior that's never corrected. How the heck will this kid learn any better? What's wrong with you?

I was talking to the OP, as the non-parent of the girl and an observer (hover-er). It is fine for her to say, "that is not kind, let's use kind words", or what have you, or it is fine for her to do nothing. It is also, indeed, fine for the mom of the little girl to be stepping back and letting the little girl navigate a social situation. not every "misstep" is going to get corrected. You are deluded if you think at preschool one or two teachers can correct every time 12 kids say something "unkind." Kids have to figure this out themselves. Soon the little boy will say back, that's mean or that hurts my feelings. Those are natural consequences for mean actions. But expecting parents to be hovering like this, catching and correcting every transgression, however minor, is flatly unreasonable and ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
To the people attacking OP,

Stop making this a girls versus boys conflict. Don't contribute to the snowflake epidemic, and teach your children manners at an early age.

I would not have tolerate that in either my son or my daughter.

+1

+2

+3 I think it's a shame that the little girl's mother ignored what her daughter said. That sent a very clear message to that child that Mom was o.k. with what she said to the little boy. If Mom won't step in and teach her daughter basic manners, who will?

Guessing Mom is a beatch and treats people that way. So her DD thinks its acceptable behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Little kids can be shits too. That usually grow up to be adult assholes.

You must have a mean girl (or boy). I hate parents like you. The apple never falls too far from the tree.

OP, you sound like quite the mean girl yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh good god lady. It's going to be a long hard road for you. She was a small child. You're probably in your thirties. You just called a preschooler a shit. Who needs to grow up?

Life's tough, get a helmet. Maybe your kid is annoying. Maybe he smells.

You are that little shit's mother, aren't you?

OP you should have said, "Excuse me. This is a play group and you are not in charge. You can leave the group if you like but you do not tell other children they have to leave." If this made the budding bitch cry, tough! Then you should have told her bitch mother, "Curb your brat_!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is actually developmentally appropriate for children of 4 to start testing out words and actions like this. They're exploring their "power." It's normal. Girls are often well advanced on these kinds of developments. Your son isn't there yet.

That said, it's fine to quickly correct them. Or not. It's not fine to place adult standards of behavior upon small children and calm them expletives. What is wrong with you? You have to grow up a bit.

Bull crap. Smack that little Brat's behind and ban her from play group.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh good god lady. It's going to be a long hard road for you. She was a small child. You're probably in your thirties. You just called a preschooler a shit. Who needs to grow up?

Life's tough, get a helmet. Maybe your kid is annoying. Maybe he smells.

You are that little shit's mother, aren't you?

OP you should have said, "Excuse me. This is a play group and you are not in charge. You can leave the group if you like but you do not tell other children they have to leave." If this made the budding bitch cry, tough! Then you should have told her bitch mother, "Curb your brat_!

Um. What. People with your level of people skills and vocab aren't usually at the library so I really would not worry about it. Your poor, poor child. Seriously. What trash.

[Anonymous]

Wow and I thought the pirate mom thread was nuts!