Little Mean Girl

[Anonymous]

She's allowed to tell some kid she doesn't want to play. Why does she have to play with your kid?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She's allowed to tell some kid she doesn't want to play. Why does she have to play with your kid?

She is certainly allowed to play alone or with someone other than my kid. That's not the issue. Telling my son to "leave her alone" and to "go away" is the issue. Those phrases, the latter in particular, were unnecessarily mean-spirited. My son was not bothering her. She came over to where he was with other kids and joined in play that was already happening.

As a PP astutely pointed out, there's being assertive and there's being rude/aggressive. I get that 4 year olds are still learning, which is why it would have been nice if this child's mother saw this as a teachable moment and coached her DD on a kinder way to express her feelings, or simply, play somewhere else if she didn't want to be near my child. Different values, clearly.

My son was embarrassed and confused (and hurt, I think). Of course I'm going to react to that. And before anyone criticizes further, I did talk to my son about standing up for himself when other kids aren't being nice, etc. afterwards.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like the little girl is a perfect joy. Tell yr son he's better off with nice friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's incredibly disturbing that you're still fixating on this, what, 8 or 9 hours after it happened?

Wrong. This happened shortly after 7pm. Our local library closes at 8. Nice try, though.

No libraries have programming for preschoolers after 7 pm.

[Anonymous]

Op you're going to have to grow a thicker skin. I don't think that you can handle these social interactions right now. Kids are learning and trying things out. At some point your kid is going to be the mean one or the annoying one and you aren't going to be standing behind him, at least I hope not, for his sake and your mental health. Use it as an opportunity to talk to him about it later, learning empathy, etc.

Your level of vitriol and anger about the whole thing is unnerving. You can't get this worked up or aggressive. Sweating about a preschooler? That's just crazy. She's a tiny kid. Don't let your mistaken idea that you're "going all mama bear" cause that's what we good mommas do lead you wildly astray. Good moms let their kids have social interactions without insisting that they go a certain way because that's how it is going to be literally his whole life.

Maybe you should have your husband take him or perhaps you should find a drop off activity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She's allowed to tell some kid she doesn't want to play. Why does she have to play with your kid?

She is certainly allowed to play alone or with someone other than my kid. That's not the issue. Telling my son to "leave her alone" and to "go away" is the issue. Those phrases, the latter in particular, were unnecessarily mean-spirited. My son was not bothering her. She came over to where he was with other kids and joined in play that was already happening.

As a PP astutely pointed out, there's being assertive and there's being rude/aggressive. I get that 4 year olds are still learning, which is why it would have been nice if this child's mother saw this as a teachable moment and coached her DD on a kinder way to express her feelings, or simply, play somewhere else if she didn't want to be near my child. Different values, clearly.

My son was embarrassed and confused (and hurt, I think). Of course I'm going to react to that. And before anyone criticizes further, I did talk to my son about standing up for himself when other kids aren't being nice, etc. afterwards.

She is 4. Kids are protective of their play. It can come across as rude. I agree that her mom needs to teach her to respond appropriately. But interrupting her play to step in and correct this incident probably would have led to a tantrum. Perhaps her mom wants to address this at home through role playing and discussions about feelings. Just correcting her daughter at the park won't be nearly as effective.

Although the 4 year old was rude, her behavior is much more appropriate than yours. You are name-calling, disrespecting her family, and posting about it publicly. You think she will grow up to be a bad person, butbperhaps your son is at greater risk for emotional issues than this little girl.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op you're going to have to grow a thicker skin. I don't think that you can handle these social interactions right now. Kids are learning and trying things out. At some point your kid is going to be the mean one or the annoying one and you aren't going to be standing behind him, at least I hope not, for his sake and your mental health. Use it as an opportunity to talk to him about it later, learning empathy, etc.

Your level of vitriol and anger about the whole thing is unnerving. You can't get this worked up or aggressive. Sweating about a preschooler? That's just crazy. She's a tiny kid. Don't let your mistaken idea that you're "going all mama bear" cause that's what we good mommas do lead you wildly astray. Good moms let their kids have social interactions without insisting that they go a certain way because that's how it is going to be literally his whole life.

Maybe you should have your husband take him or perhaps you should find a drop off activity.

This. You have to learn to deal, and help your son do the same. And sure, if I were the girl's mom and overheard the interaction, I would have told her to phrase it more nicely. But that's what they're learning to do at this age. My 3.5 year old says rude stuff all the time and we correct him. But I'm not there to correct and police his every interaction. The fact that the child was rude does not mean she's a "mean girl" in the bullying sense -- that's ridiculous at this age. She'd have to be incredibly precocious. Don't mistake rudeness for ill intent. Kids this age are just developing a filter. For whatever reason -- or no reason -- she felt like joining the group but not playing with your son, and she expressed that poorly. That's all that happened. Time to move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op you're going to have to grow a thicker skin. I don't think that you can handle these social interactions right now. Kids are learning and trying things out. At some point your kid is going to be the mean one or the annoying one and you aren't going to be standing behind him, at least I hope not, for his sake and your mental health. Use it as an opportunity to talk to him about it later, learning empathy, etc.

Your level of vitriol and anger about the whole thing is unnerving. You can't get this worked up or aggressive. Sweating about a preschooler? That's just crazy. She's a tiny kid. Don't let your mistaken idea that you're "going all mama bear" cause that's what we good mommas do lead you wildly astray. Good moms let their kids have social interactions without insisting that they go a certain way because that's how it is going to be literally his whole life.

Maybe you should have your husband take him or perhaps you should find a drop off activity.

+1

Yes, it was not nice of the little girl to tell your son to leave her alone when she joined a group that he was already playing with. But she's four. You, an adult, are the one who got all worked up about one interaction, called the girl names, used profanity, and insulted her family. Your job is to teach your son to deal with stuff like this--"That wasn't a nice thing to say. You can keep playing with those other kids if you want to." Not take it personally, and not model seething and overreacting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't see anything wrong with what she said. I hate the idea that girls are pressured to be people pleasers at such an early age, OP teach your kid no means no.

I agree. Of course at their age, the delivery of the message is going to be rough around the edges. But if she doesn't want to be around him, that's not a crime.

I think we also owe our kids a little toughening up. We tell our DD (4, also) - "Sometimes a kid is having a bad day or just doesn't want to play...move along and find someone else who wants to play.."

Mostly like, if you encounter a kid who is being a shit, move on, don't hang out with kids who are shits to you..

That doesn't mean I don't sometimes feel for her when the same kid in her pre-k class is a jerk to her on a regular basis, or I don't give her a hug and say "wow, she must have been having a tough day..I hope you want and played with (other kid).." I can't fix whatever is making a kid act out, I can only make sure my kid has some coping skills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
To the people attacking OP,

Stop making this a girls versus boys conflict. Don't contribute to the snowflake epidemic, and teach your children manners at an early age.

I would not have tolerate that in either my son or my daughter.

+1

+2

NP. The OP made it a girl vs boy thing by the title of her post and by calling the girl names. I think OP needs to understand a 4 yr olds act that way and, while she absolutely should be taught to be kind and assertive, those are lessons that aren't taught just once and viola! the kids get it. They must be repeated and practiced over and over and over. So the OP is making the assumption that the mom has never said anything and that she heard the interaction. Maybe she didn't! She also assumes that her kid is a wonderful human being and that the little girl and her mom aren't. And that's absurd.

[Anonymous]

I have no idea what actually happened, but the posters who think female empowerment means being able to tell someone in a public area to go away seem crazy to me. If the facts of the story were that OP's son was being aggressive, engaging in unwanted physical contact, etc. then sure, I would support a child of any gender asserting him or herself.

But I seriously hope there aren't a lot of people in reality life teaching their kids it's okay to boss people around in public areas with communal toys/books or else the next generation will be full of spoiled brats.

[Anonymous]

Hey 12:08: Nobody puts Baby in a corner.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like the girl was being exclusionary which is a shitty thing to do. She didn't want to "play by herself" - she wanted to exclude OP's son from the group. That actually IS mean girl behavior.

[Anonymous]

OP, teach your kid to stand up for himself. Seriously. That you're getting so upset over a normal (yes, rude--kids can be rude!) child interaction is crazy. Stop making your boy into the helpless little victim and teach him how to respond to these situations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At the library today, some little girl told my 4 year old to leave her alone, she doesn't want to play with him, and to go away. Meanwhile the mother is sitting there pretending not to hear. My son was playing as part of the group of kids, and since I was watching all of it closely, there was nothing that I could tell to cause the little girl to react that way. My son, who is usually very chatty and playful was stunned into silence. I could tell he was embarrassed. He didn't wasn't to play anymore after that.

To the mother of this child, I hope you're reading. Teach your child to use kinder words, because in that moment, she was being a mean little shit.

Sounds to me like the girl was being assertive. I'm not in the habit of telling my daughter she needs to accommodate the desires of males, so I can support that.

+1. Girl got her point across.