What do you think of leaving a 2-3 month old behind so you can travel?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with others that you sound incredibly selfish. 2-3 months is too young and putting too much on the grandparents. I'd have a different opinion if the baby would be 6 months and older, but 2-3 months just isn't the right time.

totally disagree. at 2-3 months the baby is barely conscious and really has little idea who is taking care of him/her as long as they are loving. If OP is confident in the grandparents caregiving there is absolutely no reason she shouldn't do this.

Oh FFS. The bolded is SO untrue. Freaking newborns can discern the difference between their mothers and other people, and you think a three month old is barely conscious?! SMH.

This favorite DCUM notion that young infants can't tell who takes care of them is such garbage.

Right, and I bet you think it's child abuse to go back to work at 3 months, too.

Guess what -- I'm a mother, and in my actual experience, it's much rougher to leave a child when they are at an age to actually notice you are gone and really miss you (18 months or so) than an infant. If OP feels like a few days' break is going to be helpful for her and her family, and that she has good childcare, it's totally fine. It does sound like OP is just exhausted and needs time to herself in general -- not sure if a vacation will do the trick, but it doesn't hurt for her to start thinking about how she can get her sense of self back. There is NOTHING selfish about a mom of three small kids doing the things she needs to do to keep herself mentally and spiritually healthy. In fact what is selfish is to ignore her own needs, because that is precisely what will interfere with good parenting.

Guess what? I'm a mother, too. Of three: five years, three years, and six months. And I work. So, yeah, I get it that most women in this country have to go back to work absurdly early in their children's lives. Abusive, no, not unless the care situation is really awful. But ideal? Hardly. Why do you think every other developed country in this world grants lengthy, paid maternity leave? Also, in my experience, I can TALK to my older kids about my absence. We discuss that it's hard and talk about how we can manage it. They're old enough to have some emotion regulation strategies that aren't all about my immediate presence. They don't NEED me at five the way they do at two (they still need me, just differently).

And, yes, self-care is a critical and often overlooked aspect of parenting. But I don't think that translates to "do whatever you want, whenever you want," as you seem to. Take a night off? Sure. Hire help? Go for it. Exercise? You betcha. Five days vacation away from your two month old? Nope. I stand by what I said. Infants are plenty conscious, and just because they can't verbalize that they miss their parents, doesn't mean their absence isn't noticed (or important).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound selfish.

2-3months is v young. The baby is nursing/feeding around the clock.
How can an older g/p manage that?

I would.feel less.judgy if your child was 6months or older.

Take grandparents with you .

I know I am being selfish and I want to be selfish for once. I have given up so much for these kids. Pregnancy has been awful. I already feel like I need a break from this unborn child.

You sound unbelievably selfish. Be selfish "for once," but don't do it at your newborn baby's expense. Choose some other way to be selfish.

We ALL give up a lot for our kids. That is WHAT PARENTS DO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with others that you sound incredibly selfish. 2-3 months is too young and putting too much on the grandparents. I'd have a different opinion if the baby would be 6 months and older, but 2-3 months just isn't the right time.

totally disagree. at 2-3 months the baby is barely conscious and really has little idea who is taking care of him/her as long as they are loving. If OP is confident in the grandparents caregiving there is absolutely no reason she shouldn't do this.

Oh FFS. The bolded is SO untrue. Freaking newborns can discern the difference between their mothers and other people, and you think a three month old is barely conscious?! SMH.

This favorite DCUM notion that young infants can't tell who takes care of them is such garbage.

Right, and I bet you think it's child abuse to go back to work at 3 months, too.

Guess what -- I'm a mother, and in my actual experience, it's much rougher to leave a child when they are at an age to actually notice you are gone and really miss you (18 months or so) than an infant. If OP feels like a few days' break is going to be helpful for her and her family, and that she has good childcare, it's totally fine. It does sound like OP is just exhausted and needs time to herself in general -- not sure if a vacation will do the trick, but it doesn't hurt for her to start thinking about how she can get her sense of self back. There is NOTHING selfish about a mom of three small kids doing the things she needs to do to keep herself mentally and spiritually healthy. In fact what is selfish is to ignore her own needs, because that is precisely what will interfere with good parenting.

Guess what? I'm a mother, too. Of three: five years, three years, and six months. And I work. So, yeah, I get it that most women in this country have to go back to work absurdly early in their children's lives. Abusive, no, not unless the care situation is really awful. But ideal? Hardly. Why do you think every other developed country in this world grants lengthy, paid maternity leave? Also, in my experience, I can TALK to my older kids about my absence. We discuss that it's hard and talk about how we can manage it. They're old enough to have some emotion regulation strategies that aren't all about my immediate presence. They don't NEED me at five the way they do at two (they still need me, just differently).

And, yes, self-care is a critical and often overlooked aspect of parenting. But I don't think that translates to "do whatever you want, whenever you want," as you seem to. Take a night off? Sure. Hire help? Go for it. Exercise? You betcha. Five days vacation away from your two month old? Nope. I stand by what I said. Infants are plenty conscious, and just because they can't verbalize that they miss their parents, doesn't mean their absence isn't noticed (or important).

+1M

OP, if this is how you feel, WHY did you get pregnant again? Why?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. i'm just thinking of all the overwhelmed SAHMs that I know. Juggling an infant and toddler is not such an easy task. They are dying for a break. I know a mom with a kindergartener, preschooler and baby and she sounds like she is in pure hell. Heck, I know a few moms who are overwhelmed with just one challenging child and complain their DH doesn't help out much.

I'm fortunate that we have both the financial and childcare resources for me to actually be able to go away. I guess no one is in my same boat and the overwhelming consensus is that you should not leave a 3 month old unless you have to go back to work since families may need the mom to work for a variety of reasons.

Many of us are, or have been, in your same boat. We find ways to cope that do not entail leaving a newborn baby in the care of others for multiple days in a row. We do not leave a baby that way unless we absolutely have to (e.g. to work in order to provide for our families).

You sound incredibly selfish.

[Anonymous]

Yeah I love how she thinks none of us could possibly understand what it's like to grow, birth babies and then raise needy kids. LOL. Totally foreign experience around here lemme tell you.

[Anonymous]

What if the baby gets sick? Yes, I'm sure the grandparents would be able to handle it, but if you're flying somewhere for a tropical vacation, wouldn't you be worried? I left DS1 for the first overnight trip to NYC when he was 9 months old, and the day we left, he got a fever. He was 9 months and had fevers before, so it was mostly for my sanity that I came back to make sure he was ok. But for a 2-3 mo?

[Anonymous]

It's a lot to ask the grandparents to take care of an infant +2 other kids (which I assume are not school aged yet?).

[Anonymous]

Do what is best for you. All babies are different and parents have special needs at different times in life. If baby is healthy, eating well and you'll have someone you trust to do take care don't put so much pressure on you. Of course, if you can wait a bit longer is better but if you really feel you need to travel, just make sure baby is going to be very well nourished.

[Anonymous]

Have you been evaluated for pregnancy related depression - prenatal depression?

Also, bring the baby with you -- and bring him/her to the beach and then go to the spa with your DH babysits for a few hours.

[Anonymous]

I did this when my child was 3 months for a trip that was planned pre pregnancy and was a family wedding. My parents were up for it. I didn't have my infant in day care or with a nanny but if people leave their babies with others for 8-10 hours a day 5 days a week beginning at 3 months, really what's the practical difference? Societal guilt should not be the driver for this decision. The grandparents' willingness and capability and the parents' comfort should.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I did this when my child was 3 months for a trip that was planned pre pregnancy and was a family wedding. My parents were up for it. I didn't have my infant in day care or with a nanny but if people leave their babies with others for 8-10 hours a day 5 days a week beginning at 3 months, really what's the practical difference? Societal guilt should not be the driver for this decision. The grandparents' willingness and capability and the parents' comfort should.

You are comparing this to an optional, 5-day trip to the tropics?

Seriously?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did this when my child was 3 months for a trip that was planned pre pregnancy and was a family wedding. My parents were up for it. I didn't have my infant in day care or with a nanny but if people leave their babies with others for 8-10 hours a day 5 days a week beginning at 3 months, really what's the practical difference? Societal guilt should not be the driver for this decision. The grandparents' willingness and capability and the parents' comfort should.

You are comparing this to an optional, 5-day trip to the tropics?

Seriously?

+1
Going to work is not the same as leaving the country

[Anonymous]

I feel for you OP if you've been puking for 9 months. I'm lucky to have relatively puke free pregnancies, but I went through a 4 week constant nausea spell and literally thought I was going to lose my mind. I think it's smart to wait until the baby comes to make any final decisions. You'll likely feel a lot better and more bonded to the baby when she's on the outside and not making you feel like death warmed over all the time. Personally, I would book a beach vacation for June and decide later whether to bring the baby based on her personality and needs at the time. Also book yourself a weekend of pampering for sometime in that 2-3 month range. Leave baby with DH and send older kids to grandparents. If you really want to do a beach vacation over spring break, just bring someone with you to care for the baby. MIL, babysitter, night nurse, whatever. Or, go, and leave baby here. She'll be fine. People might judge you but you already know how the mommy thing goes - you're damned if you do and damned if you don't anyway.

[Anonymous]

I think you are right to decide when the baby comes. You are assuming the baby will be healthy ( and I hope so too) but, what if it isn't? Or you have a c-section that takes longer for you to recover?

If you must go away, than you should bring the baby. If you had to go away that is one thing but, it is selfish to do what you are planning.

[Anonymous]

I went to St Thomas with a three month old and found it very pleasant. The only thing I regret is getting a little to ambitious and doing a day trip to St John, which involved too much time in the car with a screaming baby. But if you stay someplace like this--http://www.familyvacationcritic.com/sapphire-beach-condominium-resort/htl/ --with the beach right outside your door and a fairly private patio to nurse on, it is mellow and nice. Leave your older kids, take the baby, and hire a babysitter for some hours away. I don't think you need a lot of gear. A carseat and a baby carrier--at that age they don't roll around so you don't even need a pack and play necessarily. We had a portable crib for our baby, but didn't zip up the side--he basically slept on a thin pad on the floor for that trip.