What do you think of leaving a 2-3 month old behind so you can travel?

[Anonymous]

Incredibly selfish. You deserve to make time for yourself, but how about an afternoon out with friends for a manicure or a sporting event or whatever. Leaving a tiny newborn for several nights to take a vacation with the rest of your family? That is incredibly cruel. I have been a stay at home mom to more than 5 years. It is very tough. I have been pregnant and/or breastfeeding the whole time. I cope by going out often with friends (maybe 3 times a month) and sleeping in on the weekends. I cannot fathom leaving a baby so tiny for so long unless I absolutely had to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eh -- a lot of people have to go back to work insanely early, like even 6 weeks. The baby will be fine if your parents are willing to do it. You'll be with her at home for the whole rest of the time.

OP here. When I toured daycares with my first, I saw babies as young as 6 weeks at daycare. I genuinely felt bad and sorry for them. I guess my reasoning was many moms have to go back to work when kids are 3 months so I thought it may be ok to leave our same aged child for a few days for vacation.

We will not be booking anything until baby is born. We will see how things go. DH may book his flights with older kids and see if I and/or baby will also be going.

Oh my goodness... where to start with this.

When you work, it's usually for 8 out of the 24 hours (OK, 9...factor in commute). 9 hrs at a time, five out of seven days of the week, is a very different separation than 168 at one go. A baby 2-3 months old is still in the 4th trimester and most moms find it really hard to take even that 9 hour separation. I'm not talking about the needs of the baby here, but about the symbiosis and where the mother usually is physiologically in that process of separation. Sure, everyone needs a few hours break here and there, but that's very different than taking a week away.

With work, you also have a very different choice to face. Either you go back, or you lose your job and possibly your career, depending on the kind of work you do and how many on/off ramps there are. For moms who have decided that in the big picture it is better overall for their families if they work, it's a hard choice but it must be made.

You're talking about an elective beach vacation. Yes, spring break is coming up. So is summer vacation very shortly thereafter. You don't have one hard choice to make, you have many options, which is why I think you're getting the responses you are. I personally think it sounds like the urgency in your case doesn't come from scheduling so much as a feeling of being overwhelmed, depressed, and resenting your own choice to bring another very dependent being into this world.

I work and have done trips away when baby was 4 months, have another one coming up when baby is 3 months. I don't feel guilty. But the main thing on my mind (since I cannot reschedule these conferences) is how to make my stay as short as possible, even if that means flying in and out the same day or whatever. It's no joke to pump for all that time, to build a stash, etc. I know you said you don't want to be bothered about breastfeeding, and everyone has their reasons. But breastfeeding, among many other things, is also an emotional reminder of how often that baby needs you. Of course it's really hard, we all get that... you just sound so unhappy and it sounds like this vacation is an escape from dealing with your reality, not something that will actually help you address these feelings. Good luck, I hope you get some help for yourself -- happy mother = happy baby.

I am trying to find a solution where I can also go away for a short period of time except it isn't for work. It's still the same time away from the baby. You have to go for a work conference. I want to go away for the same time period. I'm ok with going for shorter duration than DH and older kids.

I used to have a demanding job before I stopped working. I know the feeling of wanting to get home to see my child as much as possible. I don't have that same feeling now that I am home full time. I have the opposite feeling of wanting to get a break as much as possible. I know I won't get much sympathy here but it is the exact same feeling in the opposite if that makes sense to anyone.

Sounds like best nag a sah is MakeupAlley mgmuou miserable. Most get consider leaving owing for a part time job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. i'm just thinking of all the overwhelmed SAHMs that I know. Juggling an infant and toddler is not such an easy task. They are dying for a break. I know a mom with a kindergartener, preschooler and baby and she sounds like she is in pure hell. Heck, I know a few moms who are overwhelmed with just one challenging child and complain their DH doesn't help out much.

I'm fortunate that we have both the financial and childcare resources for me to actually be able to go away. I guess no one is in my same boat and the overwhelming consensus is that you should not leave a 3 month old unless you have to go back to work since families may need the mom to work for a variety of reasons.

I'll try this again. It sounds like you need to go back to work. Just because you can afford to stay home, doesn't t mean it won't make you miserable. And you sound miserable, and overwhelmed by the monotony of being home with youngish kids.

Also sounds like you don't really want a third, but too late to do anything about that.

[Anonymous]

I took a three month old to Cuba, easy peasy. I bottled fed too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I took a three month old to Cuba, easy peasy. I bottled fed too.

m
She doesn't want to take the baby. She says she already needs a break from the baby who is not yet born.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I took a three month old to Cuba, easy peasy. I bottled fed too.

m
She doesn't want to take the baby. She says she already needs a break from the baby who is not yet born.

Yes, I want a break from being terribly sick and throwing up for 9 months. Babies are born into imperfect situations everyday. This child will be born into a stable high income home. She will be fine. I will take her to baby music, my gym, story time, mom's group outings, toddler art, etc. She will have a passport as soon as she is born so that she has the option to go with us for spring break or summer or whenever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I took a three month old to Cuba, easy peasy. I bottled fed too.

m
She doesn't want to take the baby. She says she already needs a break from the baby who is not yet born.

Yes, I want a break from being terribly sick and throwing up for 9 months. Babies are born into imperfect situations everyday. This child will be born into a stable high income home. She will be fine. I will take her to baby music, my gym, story time, mom's group outings, toddler art, etc. She will have a passport as soon as she is born so that she has the option to go with us for spring break or summer or whenever.

The live baby will not make you throw up once it is out of your belly.

Having the baby equals getting a break from puking.

A vacation away from baby who is not even born has nothing to do with morning sickness.

PP is right...you need to make an appt withyour OB immediately, and discuss this irrational train of thought. What you are expressing is not even remotely logical or normal.

[Anonymous]

Oh, OP, Don't engage on this list anymore. It doesn't matter what random anonymous people think. It sounds like you're overwhelmed.

Ideally, I would want to wait until the baby was more like 4 months old at least, but it sounds like you are ready to fall apart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Incredibly selfish. You deserve to make time for yourself, but how about an afternoon out with friends for a manicure or a sporting event or whatever. Leaving a tiny newborn for several nights to take a vacation with the rest of your family? That is incredibly cruel. I have been a stay at home mom to more than 5 years. It is very tough. I have been pregnant and/or breastfeeding the whole time. I cope by going out often with friends (maybe 3 times a month) and sleeping in on the weekends. I cannot fathom leaving a baby so tiny for so long unless I absolutely had to.

+1

Although I would not judge a weekend, at most.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh, OP, Don't engage on this list anymore. It doesn't matter what random anonymous people think. It sounds like you're overwhelmed.

Ideally, I would want to wait until the baby was more like 4 months old at least, but it sounds like you are ready to fall apart.

She needs tosee her doctor and tell her exactly what she has written here.

What she is expressing is not normal, even with the extended morning sickness. She might have something else going on that needs to be checked out or at the very least monitored.

[Anonymous]

I didn't read every thread, but I had horrible PPD with my first and went to an amazing therapist. One of the things she said to me has stuck with me over the years as I grapple with "mom guilt". In therapy I would discuss this guilt with her--and after one session she asked me to go look up the definition of guilt and come back to our next session with teh answer. Ever the "teacher pet" type of student, I did my homework and came back with the definition which basically stated something you felt when you had done something maliciously and on purpose. She asked me if I was going back to work was malicisou or meant to hurt my child..OF COURSE not I sad, it was to provide a roof of her head and to provide food and support for our family. She asked the same question about a few other things and each time my answer was similar. The point of this post OP is that a lot of times as moms WE manifest this guilt. My mom was an executive director of a large company, she traveled a good amount, and yet I never felt unloved or uncared for or that I was not her first prioirity. Now in adult hood her and my dad were able to retire here and buy a condo, they have the most amazing relationship with my children and my mom is my best friend---yet she sometimes discusses with me guilt she felt and I remember back to those same occasions and never once felt "bad, neglected, less than others". So my point is only you know you....YOU need to take care of yourself because you wont be a good mom if you are stressed, angry, resentful. We need breaks we need to still be a human not just "mom". I think the best parents i know have a healthy balance and it shows with their kids. So final thought is do what feels right for you. People are alwys going to judge, people are always going to amke comments, but you are the only one that knows your family life and what works best. Comparison is the thief of joy!

[Anonymous]

OP, I had hyperemesis when I was pregnant with both my kids. As a mom of two already you should know that the barfing stops the moment you have the baby -- it is magical. You are forgetting how small a 2-month old is -- you will likely be nursing and it would be awful to take so much time away (both for you and the baby). Take the baby with you, or (more reasonable) go on a staycation here where you spend a night at a fancy hotel and do spa treatments.

[Anonymous]

OP, admittedly I have not read through all the comments because, from the ones I have seen, they are incredibly judgmental and just so different from my experience.

My experience: when DD and DS were about 3 months old, DH and I took a vacation, by ourselves, for 3.5-4 days/3 nights. Left kids with the grandparents. Both kids were very colicy, it was the first time I had slept in a bed since having each (they would only sleep on me), and I CHERISHED that time to recharge. I was also nursing, pumped enough to have a stash by the time we went, no problem. Frankly, it was a much needed break before going back to work. I think 5 days is a bit much for a 2 month old, but in general I support the idea.

For Pete's sake, do not take the baby with you. That is a trip, not a relaxing, stress-free vacation. I had PLENTLY of time to bond with baby (I also had a 16 week leave). I echo PP's sentiments, moms give themselves 100% to baby during the first months, and you should do what's right for you to be able to be 100%.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I took a three month old to Cuba, easy peasy. I bottled fed too.

m
She doesn't want to take the baby. She says she already needs a break from the baby who is not yet born.

Yes I know, that's sad as hell.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, admittedly I have not read through all the comments because, from the ones I have seen, they are incredibly judgmental and just so different from my experience.

My experience: when DD and DS were about 3 months old, DH and I took a vacation, by ourselves, for 3.5-4 days/3 nights. Left kids with the grandparents. Both kids were very colicy, it was the first time I had slept in a bed since having each (they would only sleep on me), and I CHERISHED that time to recharge. I was also nursing, pumped enough to have a stash by the time we went, no problem. Frankly, it was a much needed break before going back to work. I think 5 days is a bit much for a 2 month old, but in general I support the idea.

For Pete's sake, do not take the baby with you. That is a trip, not a relaxing, stress-free vacation. I had PLENTLY of time to bond with baby (I also had a 16 week leave). I echo PP's sentiments, moms give themselves 100% to baby during the first months, and you should do what's right for you to be able to be 100%.

OP here. We will most likely just do Florida for spring break. DH will take older kids for a week and I will probably go for a shorter time (2 nights?). Alone or bring baby to be determined AFTER baby is born.