If you are married or in a long-term partnership and you die

[Anonymous]

Dh and I already had this discussion. If he was unable to move in with his mother? He would remarry asap. He needs to be taken care of.
Me? I would never remarry. I will just bring out the garbage on my own!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Close friend lost spouse at age 36. Two kids - 2 and 5. Met a great person at 18 months post spouse death, engaged 6 months later and married 3 months after that. Seems great so far. New spouse didn't have any kids and they don't plan to have any more.

This sounds exactly like a neighbor I had back when I lived in CA. A truly nice family.

If I die first, I've left instructions for everyone I trust who's close to swoop in and look out for the kids and practical things, because my partner is mentally kind of fragile, and I'm not sure how they'd cope. Normally I'd have said I want my partner/spouse to find someone else as soon as they're ready, but I do worry that this particular person would fall prey to some sociopath who'd be bad for the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I outlive my husband, I am retired from the marriage business. I would find sexual and recreational partners, but I'm not getting entangled with anyone financially or legally.

+ 1.

And I would want my DH to do the same. There is significant assets that we have created for our children and that would make him or me very attractive to opportunists in case one of us passed away. I would not want him to marry, but I would want him to have sex for sure.

[Anonymous]

If i die first, which is unlikely, i hope he finds someone who loves him and sex as much as i do. We have no children together. How long it takes, is up to him. I know he will always love me and miss me. He feels the same way, should he die first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:when would it be ok for your spouse to start dating again? If there are kids, let's assume that whoever the spouse dates would be good to them if it comes to that (not some evil stepmother stereotype).

I'm basically asking what you think is an appropriate time to mourn your death before moving on.

I don't think I have a hard and fast rule, but I will say that I think a year is probably a normal amount of time to grieve intensely and focus on building a new normal. I'd worry that he was sweeping things under the rug and that can weaken a relationship. I'm not worried that it looks disrespectful, I'm worried about him.