If you are married or in a long-term partnership and you die

[Anonymous]

when would it be ok for your spouse to start dating again? If there are kids, let's assume that whoever the spouse dates would be good to them if it comes to that (not some evil stepmother stereotype).

I'm basically asking what you think is an appropriate time to mourn your death before moving on.

[Anonymous]

3 years but preferably never TBH

[Anonymous]

Also, I would wait until the kids are over 18.

[Anonymous]

If the new spouse is actually good to my kids (and I seriously doubt that), I'd be fine with it right away, honestly.

However, I think there's a tiny fraction of people out there who would be kind to my kids and not jealous of DH paying attention to them over any kids they might have together. So in reality, I would not want him to remarry until the kids are grown.

[Anonymous]

Um, I don't think it's up to me. And how can I be ok with it or not since I'm dead?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Um, I don't think it's up to me. And how can I be ok with it or not since I'm dead?

That wasn't the question, focus.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Um, I don't think it's up to me. And how can I be ok with it or not since I'm dead?

Are you not married/don't have kids? This is one of the things I've discussed with my spouse. It's important once you have kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If the new spouse is actually good to my kids (and I seriously doubt that), I'd be fine with it right away, honestly.

However, I think there's a tiny fraction of people out there who would be kind to my kids and not jealous of DH paying attention to them over any kids they might have together. So in reality, I would not want him to remarry until the kids are grown.

Honestly, this. In theory, I don't think there is any set right amount of time. Sometimes particularly with long illnesses, the grieving is actually done when the dying person is still alive. By the time they pass away, it can almost be a relief that the suffering is over and everyone is ready to move on.

In reality, it seems very hard to find someone that would be truly good to the children and wouldn't interfere with the remaining parent giving all they've got to the kids, which is what many/most kids would need after losing a parent.

[Anonymous]

1 year

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Um, I don't think it's up to me. And how can I be ok with it or not since I'm dead?

Are you not married/don't have kids? This is one of the things I've discussed with my spouse. It's important once you have kids.

I'm married and have 2 little kids (and am a stepmother). I guess I'm just a realist--that is something that is completely beyond my control. But ok, I'll play: I love my husband and want him to be happy. I also trust his judgment. So I'm ok with him dating/marrying again at whatever point he feels he and the kids are ready.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the new spouse is actually good to my kids (and I seriously doubt that), I'd be fine with it right away, honestly.

However, I think there's a tiny fraction of people out there who would be kind to my kids and not jealous of DH paying attention to them over any kids they might have together. So in reality, I would not want him to remarry until the kids are grown.

Honestly, this. In theory, I don't think there is any set right amount of time. Sometimes particularly with long illnesses, the grieving is actually done when the dying person is still alive. By the time they pass away, it can almost be a relief that the suffering is over and everyone is ready to move on.

In reality, it seems very hard to find someone that would be truly good to the children and wouldn't interfere with the remaining parent giving all they've got to the kids, which is what many/most kids would need after losing a parent.

This would be my concern, not the timing. If he met someone who truly loved my children and didn't begrudge them their father's time and love, then I would be fine with it. But if they were remotely jealous, or possessive, or resentful, then he should wait until they are grown.

[Anonymous]

I would be ok with whatever my DH decided. I would want him to be happy after I'm gone. I know he would likely approach dating very cautiously because of the kids and it would probably take him years to even open up to the idea of dating again.

As for me, it would probably take me 1-2 years to consider dating after my DH died. I would need that time to grieve him and the life I thought we'd have, make sure the kids were adjusting ok, and get settled in whatever our new normal would be. Even if I started dating again, I am not sure I'd ever remarry.

[Anonymous]

At least 1 year to start dating again and then take it very slowly. My mom moved on way too quickly after my dad died unexpectedly and it's just embarrassing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:3 years but preferably never TBH

+1

[Anonymous]

If I am DEAD?

When I am dead I won't give two fucks about it.