Men: Would you date a woman who did not have a "real job"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most men I know probably would not date a woman who had not at least graduated from college. They want someone who could hold up their end of a conversation. Additionally, in this area,a second professional income means a nicer lifestyle. They want their wives to be accomplished, just slightly less so than themselves.

Also, most people I know have graduate degrees, and expect their children to at least become college graduates. They would assume that a woman without s college degree would either not encourage their kids to do well in school, would not be able to help with homework or would not expose the kids to museums, music etc. They would probably also worry that their kids with such a woman would not be academic.

Look who you are asking OP. More people in the U.S. do not have college degrees so their answer to your question is probably much different than DCUM folks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think that smart, accomplished women overestimate how much a man will value her education and professional experience. In fact, I think that men feel threatened by women who are more successful. It stings when a man at your level prefers a state school sorority bunny.

Thanks, sister.

I went to a state school, was in a sorority, and went to a T14 law school. Happily married, successful career, two great kids.I am "at your level."

Don't blame your inability to date someone on men being threatened by you. Maybe it's because you're not very nice, not because you are very smart.

+1. another state school sorority girl here that went on to T14 law. FWIW, in addition to parties, sororities emphasize scholarship, leadership and charity. As a feminist, I learned not to judge other women's life choices, and I consider myself pretty much anyone's "equal," or as you might say, everyone's "on my level".

Maybe people around you don't like the way you seem to perpetually rank order life?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a nanny. My husband earns 6 figures. All he cares about is that I make a reasonable effort to look good, I'm kind to him and that I have got sex with him. That's all it takes.

That's too bad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you think men have a problem with a woman having the jobs you described, then you REALLY don't understand men.

I don't think you do either. Some men absolutely do.

OP, it depends on the particular guy you are interested in.

Some men do, the majority don't . I believe pp is very much aware of this .

Wouldn't say the majority either. I guess it depends on your age and cultural background too.

Agree on the cultural . I think this is largely true for white Americans. My friends who are Indian, Nigerian, and Japanese are expected to be educated have careers both the mean and women before getting married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is silly - some men want a women with a "lesser" career who will be content supporting their husband, other men want a woman who is their intellectual equal and ambitious.

It is bizarre that so many women here think that a woman with a "lesser" career cannot be a man's intellectual equal, and that an intellectually equal woman might not be "ambitious" (i.e. want some highfalutin career).

Plenty of intelligent women want to be SAHMs. And thank God for that!

+1

One of my sisters is not particularly ambitious and is currently a waitress and a retail associate. She is very intelligent, put together and is utterly gorgeous. She always said her dream was to have a cute family and live by a lake. She was single for a while but she finally found a great BF. This guy is very rich, the son of an oil exec and is absolutely smitten with her. He is a growing a pretty illustrious career in aerospace engineering and is very smart and talented. His whole family have welcomed her with open arms and the fact that she doesn't have a fancy job isn't even brought up.

I have read your sister's example a million times before, exceptions don't make the rule.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Men do not care. I drifted after college and worked for years as a waitress and bartender: dated an architect, a policy analyst, a fed, and an attorney. I supported myself and was cute, funny, fun, and smart - I really think that's all men care about.

+1. This could be me. After college, I worked 2-3 odd jobs before settling into my career. Dated a ton of professional guys and ended up marrying a diplomat. When we met, I had an entry level day job and I worked as a bartender as night. Men don't care and if he does, run.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am curious what is a "real job" for either a man or a woman. I would say any job that allows you to earn a living and be independent and support yourself is a "real job."

This. Yet we have another DCUM thread allowing the anonymous snobs to expose their disdain toward and sense of superiority regarding the working class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I have a very happy married life. I am a SAHM now and my DH does not want me to go back to work ever. I think it is because we are financially secure. So, a guy who can support a family is looking for a woman for other qualities than her paycheck.

Luckily, I'm attractive and love sex as well as having a good paycheck. My husband has it good

[Anonymous]

These judgmental threads by bitter older single women deriding other women's life choices is just offputting.

I remember a similar thread ragging on teachers as not being a "real career" and why would men want to marry teachers. Their classism and elitism and snobbery shines through clearly. Fortunately men don't give two fs about what they think they care about.

They then go on to write threads about how their DHs are not good providers and how they want out and why should men demand sex in a marriage. Then they wonder why noone really wants them as a partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is silly - some men want a women with a "lesser" career who will be content supporting their husband, other men want a woman who is their intellectual equal and ambitious.

It is bizarre that so many women here think that a woman with a "lesser" career cannot be a man's intellectual equal, and that an intellectually equal woman might not be "ambitious" (i.e. want some highfalutin career).

Plenty of intelligent women want to be SAHMs. And thank God for that!

Why thank God? My kids never had a SAHP. It's purely a personal preference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I have a very happy married life. I am a SAHM now and my DH does not want me to go back to work ever. I think it is because we are financially secure. So, a guy who can support a family is looking for a woman for other qualities than her paycheck.

Luckily, I'm attractive and love sex as well as having a good paycheck. My husband has it good

And so does her husband. He's happy with her. Your paycheck does not make you somehow better than her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I have a very happy married life. I am a SAHM now and my DH does not want me to go back to work ever. I think it is because we are financially secure. So, a guy who can support a family is looking for a woman for other qualities than her paycheck.

Luckily, I'm attractive and love sex as well as having a good paycheck. My husband has it good

And so does her husband. He's happy with her. Your paycheck does not make you somehow better than her.

A woman equally likable, hot and into sex, plus a good paycheck, does make her a better catch than another woman with all that without a paycheck. How could it not? Not a better person, a better spousal match.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most men I know probably would not date a woman who had not at least graduated from college. They want someone who could hold up their end of a conversation. Additionally, in this area,a second professional income means a nicer lifestyle. They want their wives to be accomplished, just slightly less so than themselves.

Also, most people I know have graduate degrees, and expect their children to at least become college graduates. They would assume that a woman without s college degree would either not encourage their kids to do well in school, would not be able to help with homework or would not expose the kids to museums, music etc. They would probably also worry that their kids with such a woman would not be academic.

So true!!

[Anonymous]

I couldn't date someone who isn't a well educated, white collar employed woman. Or, at the very least, she's successful in her own right - owns a successful small business, a successful artist, has her own company, etc.

I want someone who is an equal - intellectually, professionally, monetarily.

[Anonymous]

I am sure there are all kinds of men out there. However: the trend for the last twenty to thirty years has been clear: assortative mating is the name of the game. That is, men (and women) will, all things being equal, marry someone from the same socio-eoconomic class of life, similar experiences, similar level of education, similar intellectual caliber, similar expectations of their family life and childrearing, similar values. Similar levels of ambition are less important, from what I could see - as long as people come from the same class, it's OK for a man to build his career aggressively, and for a woman, less so.

My husband is very explicit that my education and intellect was a key reason he chose to marry me and have children with me. Think of this what you will, that's what he says.

This is not a judgment on anyone. It is simply the way of the world.

I will encourage our children to marry someone in the same SES class. Family life is harder when you don't, and it's harder for children of such a union to succeed, all things being equal.

That is also not to say that bartenders, waitresses, nannies etc. cannot be smart, intellectual, high educational expectations, come from high-SES families etc. They can. It is just statistically less likely, and it's safer to use the rule and not the exception.