Cannot muster up interest or excitement in hearing about parents' luxurious trip

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP have a seat next to me, sister. My in-laws pull the same crap. Endless talking about how much money, time and freedom they have to do whatever they want. They divorced recently and have just been living it up. My MIL has a boyfriend with a harley and my FIL is running around the world doing god knows what. Shudder.

Meanwhile, like you I am raising small kids, working, and trying to make our ends wave to each other. My parents are gone, so it's just the in-laws.

What burns me up the most is this. They want their freedom and ability to live without any obligations to their children. That's fine. But when my FIL had a stoke while visiting (he parks his car in our garage when he travels since we live near the closest international airport who burned up her sick leave taking care of the man? Me. Who moved him in for a month so he could recuperate? Me. Who drove his ungrateful ass to endless doctors appointments and therapies. Me. He's not even my father. I got stuck with this because I work from home and have build up leave that my husband doesn't. Right after he left, we had to move. Did anyone offer to help or even bother calling to say man that's sucks and it's been hard. No.

And you know what the man did? He just waltzed out, went on with his life and didn't even thank me. Neither did any of his children.

I am so over my in laws. I didn't even realize it until I wrote this how over them I am.

I'm sorry, PP. FWIW, thank you for being kind and caring to another human being.

Kind and caring is not what that pp sounds like. Sounds like she had a funky attitude the entire time she was helping out. Perhaps it was her attitude that made FIL not want to say thanks. Or FIL is just an ungrateful boor and next time pp can pass on helping out.

PP here. So yeah. I believe parents should do things like visit their children when they have a child in the NICU (instead of vacationing). I believe parents should do things like call on a birthday or send a child a birthday or Christmas present. My late parents were extremely generous with their time and money. I didn't mind moving my father in after my mother passed because he was lonely (I was a single working woman at that point). I didn't mind taking FMLA and managing his hospice. But everything they did was out of love for me. It was a loving, caring relationship on both ends (parent and child).

My in laws are just different. They keep their distance because they can now, but fully expect that intimate caring relationship the second they need it. I believe parents should do things like not waste their retirement funds without a plan in the event they have a serious medical issue. Right now, both of my in-laws are operating as though they will never, ever need serious medical care. When my FIL had the stroke, we realized he had no plan whatsoever if this happened beyond expecting that his kids would step in and manage things for him. I dealt with it, because he's my husband's father. But it wasn't pleasant. My FIL was not gracious (he was cranky and annoyed at not being able to leave when he wanted.). It was an unpleasant experience and it chafes me because beyond not being grateful, he is someone I could never, ever rely on in a time in need. It's hard to explain, but that is it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it so obnoxious that the older generation has so much freaking money compared to their kids, who have had to spend more money and time, are deeper in debt, can barely afford a decent house, etc. It was so much easier to save $$ 30 years ago! My MIL goes on and on about how her paycheck always went straight to savings and lectures us on living paycheck to paycheck. Well guess what, your rent back then was only 1/5 of your income!! That's impossible in a decent, safe, reasonable school area now! You didn't have to go to grad school for the same level job, only to graduate and be paid (when adjusted for inflation) way less! OPs parents have the money for fancy trips, cars, houses BECAUSE their generation has made money OFF OURS! Look at the tuition increases alone. It's obscene.

So yes OP, I wouldn't be excited either.

Such BS if I've ever heard....No they learned to save money for houses with the intent of paying them off. Didn't use them as atm's like most do today. They valued security and home ownership over cable, Iphones, latest computers, suv's, etc.

We live in the cheapest country compared to others. If you can live within your means or below, shows you didn't manage your money well regardless of education.

They are retired and worked hard for their money, OP should be happy and proud of them!

Amen Sister!
Anytime anyone says that they 'have to upgrade' or 'have to have cable' I laugh. NO, the hell you don't 'have' to have to do anything but pay taxes and die.
Generation of entitlement .

Lady, you've got to realize not everything lives like this. My DH and I? Married when I was 30 and he was 32. We both have Master's degrees. Paid for both ourselves. One year later bought a TH in Herndon. Have lived there ever since. A few years ago refinanced to a 15-year mortgage to pay it off more quickly. We both work. Paid for infertility treatments ("undiagnosed infertility") out of pocket b/c insurance did not cover. Then paid for two international adoptions. Have two kids. We continue to work. Both kids have SNs (b/c that is how adoptions from this country are).

To save money for all of the above, and to pay for grad school, no tv service in home until about two years ago. Now, basic cable. My cell phone is about 8 years old, a flip, and does not send or receive texts, only phone calls. We had one car until we had cash for a second. Now we have a 7yo and a 9yo car, both paid for with cash and we will drive them and maintain them as long as possible before we have cash for a new one.

Struggle, struggle, toil, and trouble. Did my parents watch their pennies? Sure they did. They did not seem to have the barrels consistently thrown at them, though. Good thing I am paying into Social Security though so I can at least count on that later. Oh wait. . . .

What is your point?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it so obnoxious that the older generation has so much freaking money compared to their kids, who have had to spend more money and time, are deeper in debt, can barely afford a decent house, etc. It was so much easier to save $$ 30 years ago! My MIL goes on and on about how her paycheck always went straight to savings and lectures us on living paycheck to paycheck. Well guess what, your rent back then was only 1/5 of your income!! That's impossible in a decent, safe, reasonable school area now! You didn't have to go to grad school for the same level job, only to graduate and be paid (when adjusted for inflation) way less! OPs parents have the money for fancy trips, cars, houses BECAUSE their generation has made money OFF OURS! Look at the tuition increases alone. It's obscene.

So yes OP, I wouldn't be excited either.

Such BS if I've ever heard....No they learned to save money for houses with the intent of paying them off. Didn't use them as atm's like most do today. They valued security and home ownership over cable, Iphones, latest computers, suv's, etc.

We live in the cheapest country compared to others. If you can live within your means or below, shows you didn't manage your money well regardless of education.

They are retired and worked hard for their money, OP should be happy and proud of them!

Amen Sister!
Anytime anyone says that they 'have to upgrade' or 'have to have cable' I laugh. NO, the hell you don't 'have' to have to do anything but pay taxes and die.
Generation of entitlement .

Lady, you've got to realize not everything lives like this. My DH and I? Married when I was 30 and he was 32. We both have Master's degrees. Paid for both ourselves. One year later bought a TH in Herndon. Have lived there ever since. A few years ago refinanced to a 15-year mortgage to pay it off more quickly. We both work. Paid for infertility treatments ("undiagnosed infertility") out of pocket b/c insurance did not cover. Then paid for two international adoptions. Have two kids. We continue to work. Both kids have SNs (b/c that is how adoptions from this country are).

To save money for all of the above, and to pay for grad school, no tv service in home until about two years ago. Now, basic cable. My cell phone is about 8 years old, a flip, and does not send or receive texts, only phone calls. We had one car until we had cash for a second. Now we have a 7yo and a 9yo car, both paid for with cash and we will drive them and maintain them as long as possible before we have cash for a new one.

Struggle, struggle, toil, and trouble. Did my parents watch their pennies? Sure they did. They did not seem to have the barrels consistently thrown at them, though. Good thing I am paying into Social Security though so I can at least count on that later. Oh wait. . . .

What is your point?

Her life is harder than any of the previous generations lived, that's what she is trying to say. Barrels are consistently thrown at her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP have a seat next to me, sister. My in-laws pull the same crap. Endless talking about how much money, time and freedom they have to do whatever they want. They divorced recently and have just been living it up. My MIL has a boyfriend with a harley and my FIL is running around the world doing god knows what. Shudder.

Meanwhile, like you I am raising small kids, working, and trying to make our ends wave to each other. My parents are gone, so it's just the in-laws.

What burns me up the most is this. They want their freedom and ability to live without any obligations to their children. That's fine. But when my FIL had a stoke while visiting (he parks his car in our garage when he travels since we live near the closest international airport who burned up her sick leave taking care of the man? Me. Who moved him in for a month so he could recuperate? Me. Who drove his ungrateful ass to endless doctors appointments and therapies. Me. He's not even my father. I got stuck with this because I work from home and have build up leave that my husband doesn't. Right after he left, we had to move. Did anyone offer to help or even bother calling to say man that's sucks and it's been hard. No.

And you know what the man did? He just waltzed out, went on with his life and didn't even thank me. Neither did any of his children.

I am so over my in laws. I didn't even realize it until I wrote this how over them I am.

I'm sorry, PP. FWIW, thank you for being kind and caring to another human being.

Kind and caring is not what that pp sounds like. Sounds like she had a funky attitude the entire time she was helping out. Perhaps it was her attitude that made FIL not want to say thanks. Or FIL is just an ungrateful boor and next time pp can pass on helping out.

PP here. So yeah. I believe parents should do things like visit their children when they have a child in the NICU (instead of vacationing). I believe parents should do things like call on a birthday or send a child a birthday or Christmas present. My late parents were extremely generous with their time and money. I didn't mind moving my father in after my mother passed because he was lonely (I was a single working woman at that point). I didn't mind taking FMLA and managing his hospice. But everything they did was out of love for me. It was a loving, caring relationship on both ends (parent and child).

My in laws are just different. They keep their distance because they can now, but fully expect that intimate caring relationship the second they need it. I believe parents should do things like not waste their retirement funds without a plan in the event they have a serious medical issue. Right now, both of my in-laws are operating as though they will never, ever need serious medical care. When my FIL had the stroke, we realized he had no plan whatsoever if this happened beyond expecting that his kids would step in and manage things for him. I dealt with it, because he's my husband's father. But it wasn't pleasant. My FIL was not gracious (he was cranky and annoyed at not being able to leave when he wanted.). It was an unpleasant experience and it chafes me because beyond not being grateful, he is someone I could never, ever rely on in a time in need. It's hard to explain, but that is it.

pp to whom you are responding, what does this have to do with OP's original post? She was not talking a vacation during a grandkid's illness.
Your FIL sounds like my late father, exactly like him. I'm leaving work, traveling for ours to take care of my dad and he is spending money gambling instead of paying for his prescriptions. I did what I was willing to do for him, no more and no less. When you finally realize you cannot make people someone they are not and decide how to deal with them accordingly, you waste a lot less time getting mad about s***, especially s*** you agreed to do when you did not want to. It is a big stress reliever to stop expecting s*** from people that they just do not have to give.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Oh Mom - this sounds so neat. I can only imagine when the day will come that Joe and I can do a trip like that! But then again, you probably felt the same way I do when you had a young family."

this is the most annoying thing i've ever read.

just TALK TO HER if it bothers you. which it shouldn't, because you know ... that's stupid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it so obnoxious that the older generation has so much freaking money compared to their kids, who have had to spend more money and time, are deeper in debt, can barely afford a decent house, etc. It was so much easier to save $$ 30 years ago! My MIL goes on and on about how her paycheck always went straight to savings and lectures us on living paycheck to paycheck. Well guess what, your rent back then was only 1/5 of your income!! That's impossible in a decent, safe, reasonable school area now! You didn't have to go to grad school for the same level job, only to graduate and be paid (when adjusted for inflation) way less! OPs parents have the money for fancy trips, cars, houses BECAUSE their generation has made money OFF OURS! Look at the tuition increases alone. It's obscene.

So yes OP, I wouldn't be excited either.

Such BS if I've ever heard....No they learned to save money for houses with the intent of paying them off. Didn't use them as atm's like most do today. They valued security and home ownership over cable, Iphones, latest computers, suv's, etc.

We live in the cheapest country compared to others. If you can live within your means or below, shows you didn't manage your money well regardless of education.

They are retired and worked hard for their money, OP should be happy and proud of them!

Amen Sister!
Anytime anyone says that they 'have to upgrade' or 'have to have cable' I laugh. NO, the hell you don't 'have' to have to do anything but pay taxes and die.
Generation of entitlement .

Lady, you've got to realize not everything lives like this. My DH and I? Married when I was 30 and he was 32. We both have Master's degrees. Paid for both ourselves. One year later bought a TH in Herndon. Have lived there ever since. A few years ago refinanced to a 15-year mortgage to pay it off more quickly. We both work. Paid for infertility treatments ("undiagnosed infertility") out of pocket b/c insurance did not cover. Then paid for two international adoptions. Have two kids. We continue to work. Both kids have SNs (b/c that is how adoptions from this country are).

To save money for all of the above, and to pay for grad school, no tv service in home until about two years ago. Now, basic cable. My cell phone is about 8 years old, a flip, and does not send or receive texts, only phone calls. We had one car until we had cash for a second. Now we have a 7yo and a 9yo car, both paid for with cash and we will drive them and maintain them as long as possible before we have cash for a new one.

Struggle, struggle, toil, and trouble. Did my parents watch their pennies? Sure they did. They did not seem to have the barrels consistently thrown at them, though. Good thing I am paying into Social Security though so I can at least count on that later. Oh wait. . . .

What is your point?

Her life is harder than any of the previous generations lived, that's what she is trying to say. Barrels are consistently thrown at her.

Give me a break. Life is hard for a lot of people. Lots of people have it harder than she has. Hell, my parents were not even legally allowed to vote until a year before I was born! There are people now that are dealing with stuff that poster never even dreamed of! But because her life is tough, her parents or some other parents are not allowed to have good times.
Again, the immature attitudes around here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it going to be a phone call or are they showing up in person to show you the pictures? If she's calling to discuss it, when you pick up the phone sound a little out of breath and clank on some dishes or have the washing machine on the in background and before she starts in tell her about your crazy day with meetings at work and how you were late picking up the kids and now you're all exhausted but you have to get dinner on the table, but that can't wait to hear about the trip another time. If it's in-person, tell her how you are booked up for the next five weeks but would love to get together after that. Either way, when you do finally talk she'll have gotten some of the post-trip excitement out of her system and maybe, just maybe, she'll realize how things are for you.

How truly very sad that anyone would treat their parents in this way. They raised their children and are excited about a trip, and you think they shouldn't get to share their excitement with their own daughter.

[Anonymous]

I'm beginning to see why some people have problems with family relationships! So much complaining, selfishness, and "all about me."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents just got back from a three-week trip to (leaving out details just in case). Meanwhile, my DH and I are in the weeds - have been for years -- with two young kids, two careers, a few SNs thrown in there with 1-2 of the kids, watching our pennies, etc. Nothing crazy, but you know, like how a lot of young busy families are around here. I am so exhausted I just feel like I can not muster up excitement to hear all that my mom will want to chatter on to me about with her trip. Do I just have to suck it up and do it anyway? Help?

are they white boomers?

Oh, here it comes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get you OP.

My parents retired relatively early (mom was 63, Dad was 65) shortly after my Dad's parents died and left him a substantial inheritance. Since then, they have been spending money like there is no tomorrow.
Two brand new luxury cars
Completely renovating there house
Multiple international trips each year, plus other small ones (They are currently on a six week trip to Australia/New Zealand, were in Italy in September, went to the UK in June, and went on a month long cruise around the tip of South America in January/February 2015)

It is frustrating when they start complaining about how "tight" money is for them.

Why is this a problem?

It's a problem because they complain about how money is so tight, yet their spending is out of control.

Are they asking you for money? No? Then pipe down.

But I bet they will be. (Different poster here.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes it is acceptable. Take responsibility for your life. You can only control your actions not anyone else's. Your mom has a right to be happy. You have no right to be jealous. She is not there to treat you like a dependent. If you didn't want your kids to go then you shouldn't let them.

Different poster here. I gather that what was objectionable was promising to take the grandkids and getting them all excited about it before asking their mom and dad to pay for the kids - thus making mom and dad the villains. That's really bad behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it so obnoxious that the older generation has so much freaking money compared to their kids, who have had to spend more money and time, are deeper in debt, can barely afford a decent house, etc. It was so much easier to save $$ 30 years ago! My MIL goes on and on about how her paycheck always went straight to savings and lectures us on living paycheck to paycheck. Well guess what, your rent back then was only 1/5 of your income!! That's impossible in a decent, safe, reasonable school area now! You didn't have to go to grad school for the same level job, only to graduate and be paid (when adjusted for inflation) way less! OPs parents have the money for fancy trips, cars, houses BECAUSE their generation has made money OFF OURS! Look at the tuition increases alone. It's obscene.

So yes OP, I wouldn't be excited either.

Stop the envy. It wasn't so damn easy for prior generations and they didn't have an abundance of cash while they were in the throws of child rearing--they also didn't have multiple tvs in their homes, multiple cell phones (likely just one landline phone) they they trade up every time a new model cones out, multiple computers that once again they trade up, multiple meals out a restaurants a week/month, trips to the movie theater every time their favorite star released a new film (complete with snacks and drinks), fancy vacations, cleaning ladies, frequent new cars, etc. it was a more frugal generation so yes, they deserve to enjoy themselves in their retirement.

Wait a second - did you just imply that the Boomers are a frugal generation?!?!

compared to the was people throw money around now, yes.

Are you an idiot? Do you think our generation wants to upgrade every year to the latest phone, iPad, laptop, etc. don't you realize that they don't work well if you don't upgrade? That your work hinges on them (but often work doesn't pay for them), and you are pretty much forced to upgrade? Yet another way your generation, corporate execs, are making money off ours. Even the tv! I can't not have cable or Netflix or something, I get two channels otherwise. Wheb you were in your 20s and 30s you had the option of free tv! Your big phone expense back then was how many minutes you spent on long distance ? It's a totally different, more expensive and complicated world now. We have expenses and bills your generation never dreamed of. Well actually they did, they created all these extras, slowly made them essentials and then raked in the $$$

I sit in my college classes at U of MD and listen to the upperclassmen talk about 17% chance of a job when they graduate. Wtf. So they'll graduate with 4 years of debt, be unable to get a job or the job they'll get will pay like $45,000 which is crap and not enough to live on these days. So then they'll think grad school (which is also pretty much a necessity now, thank you boomer generation), so 2-4 more years of school and even greater debt. They won't be able to start saving for retirement until they're 50.

I think most of my generation "throws money around" because you get to
a place where you realize it's all just impossible. Just charge everything in life and think about something else. Don't bother with health care (until ObamaCare thank god), because who can afford that. Never mind dental and vision.

Whatever. Boomer generation, you screwed us. So F you and your fancy trips. You should be taking your kids on trips. You should be buying them cars and helping them with mortgages. Their financial burden is due to you.

Sorry your parents didn't do right by you but stop blaming their behavior on me. They are the assholes who messed up your life, not me, and not the millions of other strangers who happen to be the same age. ~from a boomer whose kid is graduating debt-free btw

[Anonymous]

To some extent I get what the OP is dealing with. That said, it's mostly about fixing your own life so you can be happier and manage life a little better. What changes can you make?

I don't feel the same way about my life as the OP does, but I am a working Mom with retired parents. I always tell my parents that they are the "richest poor people" I've ever met because they are constantly talking about not having any money (or how much more their friends have) yet they are constantly traveling, just bought a second home and eat dinner out most of the time due to a very busy social life in a 55+ gated community.(think poker nights, book club, bridge nights, etc.) It's basically the complaining when their life is pretty damn good that annoys me, but I it doesn't sound like the OP is dealing with that.

Life is hard, especially with young kids. We live in an expensive area of the country. If things are that bad, it might be time to sit down with your spouse and make a plan to simplify your life, get more help or make adjustments that allow you to afford more of what you'd need to get more rest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes it is acceptable. Take responsibility for your life. You can only control your actions not anyone else's. Your mom has a right to be happy. You have no right to be jealous. She is not there to treat you like a dependent. If you didn't want your kids to go then you shouldn't let them.

Different poster here. I gather that what was objectionable was promising to take the grandkids and getting them all excited about it before asking their mom and dad to pay for the kids - thus making mom and dad the villains. That's really bad behavior.

I can agree with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's definitely easier for older people than it is for the Gen Xers and current generation. They are getting pensions -- now we get 401ks that we have to fund ourselves. They got fat paychecks -- the wages of most middle-class Americans have been in decline for years. College, for them, cost ridiculously little, or was free with the GI Bill. Contrast that with now, when even daycare is $15K or more annually, and college tuition is $100K or more for 4 years. Back then, families could live a decent middle-class existence on one paycheck. Nowadays, both parents have to work to meet the same living standard.

When I was growing up, my dad worked and my mom stayed home. My dad was in the army for 20 years then worked as a mid-level manager for 20 years. He bought his first house for $30K in a nice neighborhood with good schools. He sent 2 kids to private school and private colleges. My husband and I both have good jobs but we can't afford what my parents had and we never will (although we are good savers and live frugally). That's just how things are nowadays.

Yes things are tougher for the young people coming up and I worry about that all the time because - newsflash - I have a dd in her 20s and I'm worried about her future - in addition to the other young people I know who are starting out with even fewer advantages than my kid. I resent being told that just because of my age that I'm selfish and don't give a damn about younger people. In my view,we are all in this together and we need to make changes to help both the young people coming up and the elderly poor.

However, I do need to correct you on one thing. I'm 60 and I have a 401k, not a pension. Lots of boomers did not get into the work world before pensions disappeared. It's not just an issue for younger people.