Cannot muster up interest or excitement in hearing about parents' luxurious trip

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Oh Mom - this sounds so neat. I can only imagine when the day will come that Joe and I can do a trip like that! But then again, you probably felt the same way I do when you had a young family."

That is so fucking passive aggressive. Can you really not listen to your mom talk about her trip for ten minutes or so?

[Anonymous]

OP, sometimes it's hard to listen to people going on about fun, relaxing times when you feel so worn down. It's fine to avoid those kinds of convos when you don't have the head space to deal with them. But, yeah, cut your mom some slack. If she did her time raising her kids, and doing it reasonably well, then she has a right to enjoy this time in her life. Eventually, it will be your turn.

[Anonymous]

Can't you be happy for her for 15 minutes and ooh & aah at some photos?

I feel like this kind of attitude results in there being very few people you can celebrate life's joys with - thankfully my mom is still happy to hear about my career progress or my child's early milestone achievements, and I like to think that I'm a cheerful ear to listen to her successes as well. If your mom can't gush about a fun trip with you for 15 minutes, then who is she supposed to talk to about it and what do you want to hear about instead?

If she's going to go on & on for hours, then I get your point. But if it's what she has to share when catching up with you after a few weeks off the grid, then what's the problem? Her ability to enjoy vacations at this point in life is not a personal slight against you as a mother of young children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it so obnoxious that the older generation has so much freaking money compared to their kids, who have had to spend more money and time, are deeper in debt, can barely afford a decent house, etc. It was so much easier to save $$ 30 years ago! My MIL goes on and on about how her paycheck always went straight to savings and lectures us on living paycheck to paycheck. Well guess what, your rent back then was only 1/5 of your income!! That's impossible in a decent, safe, reasonable school area now! You didn't have to go to grad school for the same level job, only to graduate and be paid (when adjusted for inflation) way less! OPs parents have the money for fancy trips, cars, houses BECAUSE their generation has made money OFF OURS! Look at the tuition increases alone. It's obscene.

So yes OP, I wouldn't be excited either.

Stop the envy. It wasn't so damn easy for prior generations and they didn't have an abundance of cash while they were in the throws of child rearing--they also didn't have multiple tvs in their homes, multiple cell phones (likely just one landline phone) they they trade up every time a new model cones out, multiple computers that once again they trade up, multiple meals out a restaurants a week/month, trips to the movie theater every time their favorite star released a new film (complete with snacks and drinks), fancy vacations, cleaning ladies, frequent new cars, etc. it was a more frugal generation so yes, they deserve to enjoy themselves in their retirement.

Wait a second - did you just imply that the Boomers are a frugal generation?!?!

compared to the was people throw money around now, yes.

Are you an idiot? Do you think our generation wants to upgrade every year to the latest phone, iPad, laptop, etc. don't you realize that they don't work well if you don't upgrade? That your work hinges on them (but often work doesn't pay for them), and you are pretty much forced to upgrade? Yet another way your generation, corporate execs, are making money off ours. Even the tv! I can't not have cable or Netflix or something, I get two channels otherwise. Wheb you were in your 20s and 30s you had the option of free tv! Your big phone expense back then was how many minutes you spent on long distance ? It's a totally different, more expensive and complicated world now. We have expenses and bills your generation never dreamed of. Well actually they did, they created all these extras, slowly made them essentials and then raked in the $$$

I sit in my college classes at U of MD and listen to the upperclassmen talk about 17% chance of a job when they graduate. Wtf. So they'll graduate with 4 years of debt, be unable to get a job or the job they'll get will pay like $45,000 which is crap and not enough to live on these days. So then they'll think grad school (which is also pretty much a necessity now, thank you boomer generation), so 2-4 more years of school and even greater debt. They won't be able to start saving for retirement until they're 50.

I think most of my generation "throws money around" because you get to
a place where you realize it's all just impossible. Just charge everything in life and think about something else. Don't bother with health care (until ObamaCare thank god), because who can afford that. Never mind dental and vision.

Whatever. Boomer generation, you screwed us. So F you and your fancy trips. You should be taking your kids on trips. You should be buying them cars and helping them with mortgages. Their financial burden is due to you.

I am a 56yo boomer and have had the same phone for five years. I bought it refurbished. I am not ever forced to upgrade as I'm on a no-contract plan with a low-cost provider. My laptop is six years old.

We don't have cable. We cut the cable several years ago and watch Netflix ($7.99/mo) and Hulu.

I started saving for retirement at 36. I was not able to do so before that due to student loans and other expenses.

Charging everything and not controlling expenses is just irresponsible no matter how old you are.

You could benefit from reading frugalwoods.com.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find it so obnoxious that the older generation has so much freaking money compared to their kids, who have had to spend more money and time, are deeper in debt, can barely afford a decent house, etc. It was so much easier to save $$ 30 years ago! My MIL goes on and on about how her paycheck always went straight to savings and lectures us on living paycheck to paycheck. Well guess what, your rent back then was only 1/5 of your income!! That's impossible in a decent, safe, reasonable school area now! You didn't have to go to grad school for the same level job, only to graduate and be paid (when adjusted for inflation) way less! OPs parents have the money for fancy trips, cars, houses BECAUSE their generation has made money OFF OURS! Look at the tuition increases alone. It's obscene.

So yes OP, I wouldn't be excited either.

Waaaaa! They birthed you, raised you, fed you, took you to the doctor, helped you get educated. But no need to spend a few minutes listeneing to their vacation, becuase it should have been YOUR VACATION! Waaaaaaa.

[Anonymous]

OP, I can sort of relate. I find my parents trips interesting, so I don't mind hearing about those, but sometimes she will want to talk about a lecture at a museum that she went to or an art class she took for 30 minutes, and when I am tired and worn out from dealing with kids and work, I'm really not interested in hearing about things like that in such a level of detail. I just listen for 10 minutes or so, and then say that I need to go, and ask her about it another time when I am less tired and more able to muster some level of interest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, sometimes it's hard to listen to people going on about fun, relaxing times when you feel so worn down. It's fine to avoid those kinds of convos when you don't have the head space to deal with them. But, yeah, cut your mom some slack. If she did her time raising her kids, and doing it reasonably well, then she has a right to enjoy this time in her life. Eventually, it will be your turn.

+1

NP here. I think some of these responses are kind of harsh. Jealousy/envy and struggle with our own choices is such a part of life. Take some time for self-reflection, understand why you feel the way you do, own it, and then be a good daughter and kind person by talking with your mum. I understand where you are coming from in that I'm not a cheery 100% of the time person. I have friends who are wealthy, whose parents were wealthy so they never had loans, who have fallen into well-paying jobs, and have million dollar houses. Am I jealous of them? You bet. Do I work through those feelings, accept that it's natural to envy people but also that the grass isn't always greener on the other side, and take a moment to be grateful for all my many blessings? Absolutely. And I love my friends for who they are and make sure they know I'm happy for them, because I am. My envy is my own issue to battle with. Just try to be fair to your mum, even if you feel worn down right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it so obnoxious that the older generation has so much freaking money compared to their kids, who have had to spend more money and time, are deeper in debt, can barely afford a decent house, etc. It was so much easier to save $$ 30 years ago! My MIL goes on and on about how her paycheck always went straight to savings and lectures us on living paycheck to paycheck. Well guess what, your rent back then was only 1/5 of your income!! That's impossible in a decent, safe, reasonable school area now! You didn't have to go to grad school for the same level job, only to graduate and be paid (when adjusted for inflation) way less! OPs parents have the money for fancy trips, cars, houses BECAUSE their generation has made money OFF OURS! Look at the tuition increases alone. It's obscene.

So yes OP, I wouldn't be excited either.

Waaaaa! They birthed you, raised you, fed you, took you to the doctor, helped you get educated. But no need to spend a few minutes listeneing to their vacation, becuase it should have been YOUR VACATION! Waaaaaaa.

LOL I can't believe how angry this person is. Must be a horrible life, to expect their parents should still be supporting them...omg.

Looks like this ninny got herself into too much debt, and wants to BLAME everyone except herself!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, sometimes it's hard to listen to people going on about fun, relaxing times when you feel so worn down. It's fine to avoid those kinds of convos when you don't have the head space to deal with them. But, yeah, cut your mom some slack. If she did her time raising her kids, and doing it reasonably well, then she has a right to enjoy this time in her life. Eventually, it will be your turn.

Yes well said. Use it as a learning experience of where you want to be at that age. Make a check list on what you have to do to accomplish it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think your real issue is that you are upset they don't spend more time/money helping you out, is that right?

My parents are retired and travel. I am SO happy to see them enjoying their time. They both grew up poor, worked hard, raised great kids (if I can say so myself, ahem) and deserve every vacation they want to take while they are still able. Every time another set of plane tickets to Europe is purchased my gut reaction is "awesome! have so much fun! send me pictures!".

I guess if I felt slighted by them, maybe I'd be less enthusiastic. But they were, and are, wonderful parents. I'd never begrudge them a fun trip.

+1. Like a PP said, my parents put in their time. I'm glad they are healthy and financially stable and can enjoy their retirement now.

[Anonymous]

It's definitely easier for older people than it is for the Gen Xers and current generation. They are getting pensions -- now we get 401ks that we have to fund ourselves. They got fat paychecks -- the wages of most middle-class Americans have been in decline for years. College, for them, cost ridiculously little, or was free with the GI Bill. Contrast that with now, when even daycare is $15K or more annually, and college tuition is $100K or more for 4 years. Back then, families could live a decent middle-class existence on one paycheck. Nowadays, both parents have to work to meet the same living standard.

When I was growing up, my dad worked and my mom stayed home. My dad was in the army for 20 years then worked as a mid-level manager for 20 years. He bought his first house for $30K in a nice neighborhood with good schools. He sent 2 kids to private school and private colleges. My husband and I both have good jobs but we can't afford what my parents had and we never will (although we are good savers and live frugally). That's just how things are nowadays.

[Anonymous]

PP again -- wanted to add, my dad retired at 67 and he and my mom are enjoying the high life. My dad is receiving his Army pension and a private company pension, plus social security, so getting an income of more than $65K per year in retirement. Their house is paid off. They are having fun and are in good health. I don't begrudge them at all.

But I can understand and sympathize with the OP -- if you are in the 99% in the 21st century, you need to be resigned to the fact that financially, we are screwed. Older generations have it made.

[Anonymous]

OP, I hope your parents spend every cent they have and leave you to pay for their funeral.

[Anonymous]

OP, I understand; but you will have to "suck it up" and listen. Keep coming to DCUM to vent. It's theraputic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP again -- wanted to add, my dad retired at 67 and he and my mom are enjoying the high life. My dad is receiving his Army pension and a private company pension, plus social security, so getting an income of more than $65K per year in retirement. Their house is paid off. They are having fun and are in good health. I don't begrudge them at all.

But I can understand and sympathize with the OP -- if you are in the 99% in the 21st century, you need to be resigned to the fact that financially, we are screwed. Older generations have it made.

This is true, and hard to swallow, but needs to be kept separate from one's relationship with one's parents. It sounds more like OP could use a little acknowledgment from her mom that she does, in fact, have many challenges in her life.