DD's Soon to be step-grandfather has a creepy vibe IMO. Trying not to prejudice child, but WWYD?

[Anonymous]

OP, I am curious, what time did that "Baby girl" text come through?

Mid afternoon? Bedtime?

[Anonymous]

I don't like the sound of any of this. And to everyone protesting that he's just like any other "nice grandpa"--he's only known her, what, a year? It'd be one thing if he had been in her life since she was a toddler. She is a tween and he's only known her since then. Danger, danger, danger.

It could just be poor social boundaries, but it's up to mama bear to enforce those boundaries if he doesn't get them.

[Anonymous]

OP, good for you for starting the conversation with your ex about this. Just a few technical thoughts, if and when your daughter does get a smartphone:

You can and should lock down the phone with parental controls so that your passcode would be required to install any new apps. That way, you'd have to approve each one. This would prevent anyone from doing the runaround with you and communicating with DD though snapchat, kik messenger, or other apps that would bypass monitoring that you set up on your phone account

While the radiation concern is valid, I think it's a dodge of the bigger, more pressing concern: this is an inappropriate gift both in terms of its lavishness and its suitability for such a young child. If you don't deal with this head on now, he could buy her an iPad or a laptop for her birthday, and the same issues would apply.

Good luck, you're a great mom!

[Anonymous]

OP, don't know if you are still there. And I didn't read all 7 pages so if this has been discussed, I apologize. Who's paying for the service? If it's Pap, he can see all the numbers she's calls and texts and can track her physical whereabouts real time. Whoever is paying the bill can do that. And if her phone is linked to his iCloud account, he can see any of her pictures, and actually read the texts.

That would be completely unacceptable to me.

[Anonymous]

I would also be interested to know How your daughter feels about being called baby girl. Does it give her the creeps?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I have very awkwardly started an email conversation with my ex-husband about the phone and his future FIL. He's only replied "Thinking."

Translation: "I am trying to figure out how to get you off my back and also not piss off my fiancee."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I read your post to my 12yo dd. she said Pap's actions are suspicious.

FYI she has four grandfathers/step grandpas. Not one of them texts her. Ever.

My 10 yr old has 3 grandfathers--they ALL text him. Not sure that in and of itself means anything other than that they are either not close, or not into texting. Or vice versa in our case. Your DD is clearly not used to being texted, so of course it seems odd, especially if she read any of the responses here.

That Pap pissant is NOT her grandfather and she is NOT his baby girl. Whose family plan is that iphone on? I think there's a way with verizon that messages also show up online-don't know if it can be done with apple phones.

Why is this girl traveling to his houses? Is he babysitting her when the ex and his DD go out? Talk to your lawyer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is the term "baby girl" something that is culturally acceptable? I know if I told my ex someone called our dad baby girl he would be all over it. It is not a phrase either of us or our friends use.

No it isn't culturally acceptable in the US for some non relative old man to use in a text to a young girl. Sounds like a lIfetime movie about a perv.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, don't know if you are still there. And I didn't read all 7 pages so if this has been discussed, I apologize. Who's paying for the service? If it's Pap, he can see all the numbers she's calls and texts and can track her physical whereabouts real time. Whoever is paying the bill can do that. And if her phone is linked to his iCloud account, he can see any of her pictures, and actually read the texts.

That would be completely unacceptable to me.

I hadn't thought of this! So creepy!! I am one of the PPs that suggested not getting too worked up and believing that he's grooming her (mostly for your and your daughter's own mental health...he might not be) YET, but this is a good thing to look into. He should NOT have given her the phone and if he has any control over its operation or is able to see any data info, there's no way I would allow her to use it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is the term "baby girl" something that is culturally acceptable? I know if I told my ex someone called our dad baby girl he would be all over it. It is not a phrase either of us or our friends use.

First, OP, I pretty much don't fully trust any man including all family members who come into contact with my daughters for the reasons you are concerned about so please read the following knowing that.

I'm wondering the same thing about culture. The OP mentioned culture when she told us about the clothing that stepmother to-be bought for daughter so I'm wondering, are they southern maybe? or from a non-english speaking country where "baby girl" could mean something else translated?

I don't have a child old enough to text but I don't think I would think that a text from grandpa is necessarily grooming. I have a step niece and I'm pretty sure my dad would text her if she had a phone. He's not a sexual predator. I also find it weird that so many PPs said it's always weird if an older man shows attention to a 10 year old girl ("they usually pat them on the head and are into sports and politics"...don't you know any old grandpa figures that enjoy spending time with grandkids??). What I am saying is, OP, definitely be vigilant about this and let step grandpa know that the phone is not acceptable but don't jump to the conclusion that he is grooming your daughter.

??

[Anonymous]

OP, don't just google his name. Check him out on Megan's List (Meghan…)

OP I had a creepy vibe about a guy that my uncle and aunt had on their ranch. I hadn't seen him in years but when they talked about him, it just seemed weird. I checked typed in his name on Megan's List and he popped up.

Just want to say, that while it says something if he IS on Megan's List, it doesn't say anything if he's NOT on Megan's List. There are tons of unreported pedophiles out there; many people or kids are too scared to report.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, don't know if you are still there. And I didn't read all 7 pages so if this has been discussed, I apologize. Who's paying for the service? If it's Pap, he can see all the numbers she's calls and texts and can track her physical whereabouts real time. Whoever is paying the bill can do that. And if her phone is linked to his iCloud account, he can see any of her pictures, and actually read the texts.

That would be completely unacceptable to me.

This, this, this.

A bit more on tracking using iPhones: OP, go to the "Extras" icon and tap it. Then tap on "Find Friends." (The Find Friends icon is orange with two stick figures holding hands. To my knowledge it cannot be deleted since it's an Apple factory preset, so keep tapping all the icons if it isn't located under Extras. Look until you find it). If Pap is on the list of friends, that means he can track her (FF only works reciprocally, so he he has to appear on her list if he wants to follow her). If he's there, it's a HUGE red flag, and be sure to mention this to your DH as you continue to make your case.

I hope your DH is taking this as seriously as you are. If Pap is paying the bill, that means he basically controls the phone and can view everything on it through iCloud (if that's enabled).

I see no way that any of his actions are appropriate, even if they are limited to buying an extremely expensive gift for a kid and texting his daughter's boyfriend's daughter (NOT his grandchild). At best he overstepped; at worst, he sees a compliant young girl who is obedient to authority figures AND has divorced parents who don't get along and don't communicate well. This poor girl is about to undergo another major life upheaval (her father remarrying). I do not like this set of circumstances for your DD at all. I'm so glad she has you; you are on the case and will hopefully shut Paps down in a big hurry. And yes, give back the phone.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP - Did your DH stop thinking yet? I hope you guys are on the same page. You're right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would also be interested to know How your daughter feels about being called baby girl. Does it give her the creeps?

NP here. I also don't think it's appropriate for another parent (the PP from upthread) to call other people's children "baby girl."

[Anonymous]

I still have the phone, but I saw that this Dad was jailed for taking his daughter's. Now I'm worried.


https://www.yahoo.com/parenting/dad-arrested-for-taking-daughters-phone-as-171354368.html