Young daughter pregnant

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Be a good Christian. Be a strong man. Offer unconditional love to your daughter. Show her strength of character. I know you can do it, and your relationship with her will be stronger for it.

Loving unconditionally doesn't mean supporting bad decisions. They way these children have gone about things has all the earmarks of bad decision making.

+1 exactly! you can love a family member that is an alcoholic but that doesn't mean enabling them to continue the behavior.

She's getting married and having a baby...not stealing money to fund her crack cocaine habit. Good grief. Perspective people. Do not lose perspective here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Be a good Christian. Be a strong man. Offer unconditional love to your daughter. Show her strength of character. I know you can do it, and your relationship with her will be stronger for it.

Loving unconditionally doesn't mean supporting bad decisions. They way these children have gone about things has all the earmarks of bad decision making.

+1 exactly! you can love a family member that is an alcoholic but that doesn't mean enabling them to continue the behavior.

She's getting married and having a baby...not stealing money to fund her crack cocaine habit. Good grief. Perspective people. Do not lose perspective here.

Right? What "enabling" is going on here? The OP can either accept his daughter and love his new grandchild, or he can cut her off or continually express his displeasure at her decisions. Neither is going to stop her from doing what she's planning to do, but one of them is going to completely destroy their relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She purposely made a baby with a man she wasn't married to who has a conservative Indian family and doesn't want them to know about the baby? What was HE planning while she was planning to get pregnant cause it doesn't sound like they are on the same page.

I didn't see where OP said she got pregnant on purpose.

[Anonymous]

23 is not young. Congrats

[Anonymous]

I would be really upset too. I'm libral and there is no way I'd want my kid having a child before getting married. Plus, I'd be concerned about his parents and how she hasn't met them and the guy/groom himself. Indian culture is extremely conservative & sexist. Not a good sign that he hasn't even told his parents.

OP the other posters are crazy. Talk to some of your friends. Try to be supportive though. Ugh what a mess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm meeting her boyfriend to talk about things this weekend. This has all been a shock because I didn't even know she had a boyfriend. She's been keeping everything a secret. Apparently she's 4 months along already. I'm worried because she has dated abusive men in past relationships. This entire time she's been saying she's single. She didn't expose all of this until I mentioned I was thinking about visiting her in Chicago.

It seems to me that all I can really do is let her know how worried I am about her. There's a lot of question marks right now as I don't even know her boyfriend

Why on earth are you meeting with her boyfriend about anything? This is none of your business, OP. Your daughter has told you as much by choosing to keep her life a secret from you, which, by the way, is entirely within her rights as she is an adult and doesn't need your approval about any of her choices.

If you want to have a meaningful role in her life, you will need to mind your business and *ask* her if she needs any support from you and if she says yes, find out what support and decide for yourself if you are able to provide it.

WOW!!! seriously? you think that it is non of his business?? It is not uncommon or unreasonable for the boyfriend to meet his girlfriends parents. Keep in mind all of you that get SOOOO upset with MIL and FIL on this forum. Also keep in mind all of you that get SOOO upset because you didn't consider the impact that mismatched family backgrounds have had on your own marriages. The OP has correctly identified that there is a cultural mismatch between his daughter and her boyfriend. The daughter could very well be making a big mistake. Most couples who are not ashamed in some way of their relationship WANT to introduce their partner to their families and friends. When they have underlying reservations about the situation they tend to hide things. All you people need to get off your high-horses.

Ummm.... It sounds more like the highly educated daughter is ashamed of her " Christian upbringing". I would bet she's ashamed of her very prejudiced, judgmental, and fundamentalist father.

ummm.... "highly educated" isn't she planning on being a teacher? that profession isn't all that "educated" those who can do those who can't teach and those who can't teach get a masters degree in administration and run the school....[/quote

define highly educated?

[Anonymous]

While 23 seems quite young in urban, professional settings, it' s not that young in other parts of the US. It may be shocking to you that your daughter is pregnant out of wedlcok and told you all this after the fact, but this child is your grand child. At least she finished school. Think of all the unwed teens out there. Congratulations, OP. Please try to get over your disappointment and be there for your daughter and future grandchild.

[Anonymous]

I thought this was about like a 14yo when you said young. Same story here- was with my bf for 4 years at 25 and had a child - we are in our early30s and are married with the house fence dog other kids etc . Get over it and be supportive.