Young daughter pregnant

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am crushed and ashamed that my 23 y/o daughter is pregnant. My young, unmarried, "from a Christian home" daughter is pregnant. This is just the worst thing that could have happened. Her mother died when she was young, and I feel like this is all my fault. She's been with her foreign boyfriend for a year and I've met him zero times. My daughter just finished grad school and was supposed to start teaching this fall. Her boyfriend has a nice career. They want to marry. I'm shocked my daughter admitted to planning to have the baby.

My brother suffered a serious accident at 21, he is lucky to have survived- but he is not able to have children of his own, and has struggled to have normal romantic relationships due to his disability. Please put things in perspective here, it is not what you want to have happened, you have valid concerns about your daughters future- BUT this is in no way that worst thing that could have happened to her, once you can get that hopefully you can move on to dealing with this in a way that can actually help your daughter.

I get the feeling she has had to navigate a lot of this on her own, since you said you felt responsible for this somehow with the death of her mother at a young age. You can't have decided to be hands off with her on certain topics and then still get to be ashamed of her and think that is fair, you know that right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am crushed and ashamed that my 23 y/o daughter is pregnant. My young, unmarried, "from a Christian home" daughter is pregnant. This is just the worst thing that could have happened. Her mother died when she was young, and I feel like this is all my fault. She's been with her foreign boyfriend for a year and I've met him zero times. My daughter just finished grad school and was supposed to start teaching this fall. Her boyfriend has a nice career. They want to marry. I'm shocked my daughter admitted to planning to have the baby.

Didn't read all the posts but what does this line mean??

[Anonymous]

was she adopted?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I think you're a troll.

Finishing grad school at 23 is quite rare. You basically painted a picture of a perfectly accomplished young woman, and are trying to provoke everyone on DCUM, whom you know to be relatively open-minded.

I had a baby at 25 in grad school, with my foreign husband. We were married at the time, but that was the least important detail!

There are many 5 year programs for teaching and you graduate with a master's instead of 4 with a bachelor's. The hand wringing seems fake.
It could be an ideal situation career wise. She can sub this year while pregnant, find a school she likes, get a decent maternity leave and start next school year. I wish I would have thought of that!

She studied Montessori education. Started at 21 and graduated this May at 23.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am crushed and ashamed that my 23 y/o daughter is pregnant. My young, unmarried, "from a Christian home" daughter is pregnant. This is just the worst thing that could have happened. Her mother died when she was young, and I feel like this is all my fault. She's been with her foreign boyfriend for a year and I've met him zero times. My daughter just finished grad school and was supposed to start teaching this fall. Her boyfriend has a nice career. They want to marry. I'm shocked my daughter admitted to planning to have the baby.

Didn't read all the posts but what does this line mean??

not OP, but it took me a minute to realize that this was the other parent posting based on that line

[Anonymous]

Well, she's not a teenager, she has a boyfriend and she has completed her graduates degree.

Having a baby now will make things harder for her to get established and she'll miss out on many aspects of being a single, self supporting, unencumbered young adult. She will now have a baby to think about as priority #1. But maybe she is up for that.

[Anonymous]

She's been with a guy that she wants to marry for a year and you've met him zero times... At least she told you about the pregnancy considering how "not close" you two seem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She's been with a guy that she wants to marry for a year and you've met him zero times... At least she told you about the pregnancy considering how "not close" you two seem.

I speak to her daily and she lived at home her entire undergrad year's. We're close but not about relationships I guess. I asked about boyfriends and it's always a no or she will glare at me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am crushed and ashamed that my 23 y/o daughter is pregnant. My young, unmarried, "from a Christian home" daughter is pregnant. This is just the worst thing that could have happened. Her mother died when she was young, and I feel like this is all my fault. She's been with her foreign boyfriend for a year and I've met him zero times. My daughter just finished grad school and was supposed to start teaching this fall. Her boyfriend has a nice career. They want to marry. I'm shocked my daughter admitted to planning to have the baby.

Didn't read all the posts but what does this line mean??

not OP, but it took me a minute to realize that this was the other parent posting based on that line

oh, thanks.

[Anonymous]

Would you rather she kill your grandchild ? It's a BABY, not a disease. Damn man. Get a grip.

[Anonymous]

Everyone has premarital sex these days, Christian or otherwise... Hell I bet even the pope got his share of action...expecting a kid to wait till marriage in this day and age is just unrealistic/naive in the world we live in. On the bright side At least it didn't happen while she was in high school. Seems to me this is a great time for her to have a kid. She hasn't started a career yet so she doesn't have to wry about putting that on hold, she has a man that she loves and wants to marry, and presumabley he wants to marry her too. He has a job. I really see no downside here besides the "image" issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She's been with a guy that she wants to marry for a year and you've met him zero times... At least she told you about the pregnancy considering how "not close" you two seem.

I speak to her daily and she lived at home her entire undergrad year's. We're close but not about relationships I guess. I asked about boyfriends and it's always a no or she will glare at me.

She's a big girl, it's her life and she needs to live it. Maybe this is what she wants for herself?

I hope you meet and like (and are cordial with) her boyfriend because he is a part of her (and your) life now. Hang in there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you upset that he is foreign and the baby might be dark?

No. Her mother was foreign. I'm not racist.

Did her mother use you for citizenship?

No I already had my citizenship. Her boyfriends job seems unstable since he works on short contacts. Apparently he doesn't want to tell his family about the baby. He's Indian and from a very conservative background.

That will be a huge problem, then. His family will never accept her with an out of wedlock baby. I would support her as best I could and definitely NOT push marriage. My guess is that they will break up, unfortunately. The child will be kept a secret.

Boyfriend wants to marry fast and then tell his parents after about marriage.

Well then you have the answer to your question. Boyfriend isn't marrying for citizenship he is marrying so that they have a shot at her being accepted by his parents. While there are abusers everywhere, Indian men that come to American are some of the the nicest men I've met. They all treat women with a lot of respect.

[Anonymous]

Well, there are many positive sides to this situation. Both of them have career, both of them are adults, both of them want to marry and have the baby AND most important of all they know each other in the Biblical sense, so no surprises in the bedroom.

[Anonymous]

Maybe it's God's plan, OP.