Should I tell?

[Anonymous]

I don't see what the issue is.
You ain't married to them you're married to your husband.
You don't have to see them or spend time with them if you don't want to.
You a grown ass woman; a doctor.
You can tell your husband flat out, "I'm not going with you to see your parents I don't like em and they don't like me."
Case closed.
And you know what...
Your SIL's fiancee - he's a grown ass man.
He can do the same damn thing if he so chooses so you don't have to tell him anything.
Case closed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm confused as to why you were able to quickly figure out why these parents disliked you (at first) but your SIL's boyfriend can't figure it out for himself?

Are they using their conditional acceptance of you as "proof" that they are not racist and it's all about him? If so, I think I would talk with my husband about it and maybe have a sit down together with this couple. Not to cause trouble but just to show your support for them...you've btdt and know what they are contending with,

OP here. I think another poster a few pages back nailed it: I am throwing his radar off. He sees that they have a black in law and we all seem to get along, so this means race can't be an issue, right? Of course, if he could read my mind or go back in time to see how things were when DH and I first started dating, he would quickly realize that race is the issue. I am not going to have a sitdown with SIL and her boyfriend because I realize I actually don't care enough to get involved. When I engage my in laws, it will be for my sake. As it is, we will probably be moving away from
them soon enough, so I might not have to waste my time trying to reeducate them.

How are you going to feel once kids start to enter the picture? Maybe you and your dh will have kids. Maybe your SIL and her boyfriend will get married and have kids. How are the in-laws going to feel about your children?

I can understand wanting to put distance between yourself and this ugliness. I think that's probably what I would do too. They sound like idiots.

[Anonymous]

Im sorry, tell me again why you interact with these people, and why do they have access to your children?

[Anonymous]

OK here is where I step in as a AA, it is not up to us play "Captain save a ho" with racist. I get tired of hearing that AAs are somehow responsible for redeeming racists so that they somehow do not hate us because we are a different race. That is like blaming the fireman for the fire and not the arsonist.

[Anonymous]

sorry with "racists" Got so excited that I had a typo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OK here is where I step in as a AA, it is not up to us play "Captain save a ho" with racist. I get tired of hearing that AAs are somehow responsible for redeeming racists so that they somehow do not hate us because we are a different race. That is like blaming the fireman for the fire and not the arsonist.

I hear you and I get that as a general rule. I do. And the "make the world a better place" business is a bit much. But in a scenario in which this is family, and in which a lot what OP *knows* is based on inference, in which their views and her perception of those views are having a permanent and constant impact on how they view eachother, and in which the way these people interact is being seen by children. In this circumstance, a conversation seems more than worthwhile.