DH wants kids and I don't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn't want kids. DH did. Before we got engaged, we agreed on one, even though he wanted more like three or four.

After two years of marriage, we got pregnant and had a baby. I was not excited at ALL. I could only envision myself being an even mediocre mother to a son. We got a girl. I was basically devastated and tried to talk DH into finding some woman who had a boy but wanted a girl, and then negotiate a switch. He insisted we try out our daughter. She's now three. I love her, and the second one who came after her.

I still can't stand other people's kids. I probably don't get as excited about my kids milestones as other people do. I hate kid toys and kid-centric things like Disney or whatever else.

If you don't want kids, don't have them. It's not fair to the child.

And the bolded, ladies and gentlemen, is why people (their gender doesn't matter) who don't want kids should not have kids.

This is so out of the realm of normal that I don't even know how to comment it, PP, but I get it. You didn't want kids, you caved in for your husband. To do so is unfair to everyone and, first and foremost, to the child.

BTW, PP, I'm not berating you, and I recognize it takes a ton of guts to say something like that, even on an anonymous forum.

OP, read this and, for the love of God, don't have any child you don't want.

I read it as tongue in cheek. I picture a pregnant woman having an ultrasound, coming home emotional, and saying some crazy stuff. Then pulling it together and spending the rest of her pregnancy getting used to the idea of having a girl. Not that she ever seriously wanted to switch babies with someone else.

Me too. Can't believe so many can't tell the difference. It's sad, really. And, like a pp, I can't believe how many fail basic reading comprehension.

I love this story. I can practically feel the hormone craziness from here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn't want kids. DH did. Before we got engaged, we agreed on one, even though he wanted more like three or four.

After two years of marriage, we got pregnant and had a baby. I was not excited at ALL. I could only envision myself being an even mediocre mother to a son. We got a girl. I was basically devastated and tried to talk DH into finding some woman who had a boy but wanted a girl, and then negotiate a switch. He insisted we try out our daughter. She's now three. I love her, and the second one who came after her.

I still can't stand other people's kids. I probably don't get as excited about my kids milestones as other people do. I hate kid toys and kid-centric things like Disney or whatever else.

If you don't want kids, don't have them. It's not fair to the child.

Right. So why on Earth did you have a child when you are ambivalent at best? Don't you think your child will sense your indifference? You say you love them, but my guess is that you are indifferent most of the time (as evidenced by your admission that you don't get too excited by their milestones). Your kids wil live feeling like they did something wrong. Yes, you are very selfish indeed and should have stayed away from having children. Signed - daughter of an ambivalent and indifferent mother. You were wiling to swap your child? Are you a psychopath? Have a nice night, loser.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn't want kids. DH did. Before we got engaged, we agreed on one, even though he wanted more like three or four.

After two years of marriage, we got pregnant and had a baby. I was not excited at ALL. I could only envision myself being an even mediocre mother to a son. We got a girl. I was basically devastated and tried to talk DH into finding some woman who had a boy but wanted a girl, and then negotiate a switch. He insisted we try out our daughter. She's now three. I love her, and the second one who came after her.

I still can't stand other people's kids. I probably don't get as excited about my kids milestones as other people do. I hate kid toys and kid-centric things like Disney or whatever else.

If you don't want kids, don't have them. It's not fair to the child.

Right. So why on Earth did you have a child when you are ambivalent at best? Don't you think your child will sense your indifference? You say you love them, but my guess is that you are indifferent most of the time (as evidenced by your admission that you don't get too excited by their milestones). Your kids wil live feeling like they did something wrong. Yes, you are very selfish indeed and should have stayed away from having children. Signed - daughter of an ambivalent and indifferent mother. You were wiling to swap your child? Are you a psychopath? Have a nice night, loser.

And to the posters who assume this crazy PP was saying something tongue and cheek, get a grip and wake up to reality. Many narcissistic moms out there that feel exactly the way this PP does. And my reading comprehension is just fine. Thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP here. I had two kids although I didn't really want any because I did not want my child to grow up in a house with just adults. I wanted her to have a childhood with memories with another child, and I want her to have someone in the world to reminisce about her childhood and someone to celebrate holidays with after my husband and I are gone. I thought it would be too terrible to leave her on her own to bury her parents. I also did not want to burden one child with having to deal with aging parents someday on her own (it is hard to deal with...my parents are not in the greatest health and there will be tough decisions down the road and I am so glad I have a brother who will go through this with me.) Yes, I would be less stressed and well rested with just one, but to me, I felt so strongly for a sibling and felt that is the greatest gift I could give my child. So, that was the reason I always thought 0 kids or 2 (but not just one).

There are no guarantees any of these things are going to happen. Having a kid to fulfill your hopes for another kid is a bad reason. It also is SUPER aggravating to happy onlies who are living proof your logic is flawed.

[Anonymous]

Why would happy onlies care about what other people do? No one owes you a life free of aggravation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We used to be on the same page about this and now we aren't. Should I do it anyway?

Life doesn't come with guarantees anyway you look at it. You may have kids and things are great or you have them and things are not great. You could leave DH to find someone better suited and you may not find that someone. You could find someone else and like you he changes his mind but in this case he goes from no kids to wants kids and he leaves you. You could have an oops with this potential new guy that was adamant about no kids and then have an even bigger decision to face. Then again you could find someone that is perfectly suited to you and never waivers on the no kids.

Go with the path of least regrets. If you know you would regret more not trying to live a child free life with someone that agrees with this same picture ...regardless of what actually happen, then do NOT "do it anyway". If you would regret more not trying to work things out with DH (as in addressing reasons why you changed your mind, assuming these are things that can be addressed and the things that can't you will take a risk), then you should pursue having a child. Whatever path you take, you have to commit to it and see it through and don't look back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We used to be on the same page about this and now we aren't. Should I do it anyway?

Well, why aren't you still on that page together?

Because life happens.

That's a dodge. If you're that certain you don't want kids, get an IUD and get it renewed every 5 years or whatever until you get old enough to get a tubal.

Broadcast this to your husband AND BE PREPARED TO LOSE HIM OVER IT.