DH wants kids and I don't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn't want kids. DH did. Before we got engaged, we agreed on one, even though he wanted more like three or four.

After two years of marriage, we got pregnant and had a baby. I was not excited at ALL. I could only envision myself being an even mediocre mother to a son. We got a girl. I was basically devastated and tried to talk DH into finding some woman who had a boy but wanted a girl, and then negotiate a switch. He insisted we try out our daughter. She's now three. I love her, and the second one who came after her.

I still can't stand other people's kids. I probably don't get as excited about my kids milestones as other people do. I hate kid toys and kid-centric things like Disney or whatever else.

If you don't want kids, don't have them. It's not fair to the child.

You are a very sick human.

At least she is honest... but if you are honest on DCUM you need "therapy"

You kind of do if you tried to trade your baby for a different sex.

I think a woman who wanted to be child free that is now freaking out postpartum should be cut some slack. Its not like she actually went to a crack den and tried to broker a deal.

[Anonymous]

My heart just breaks for those of you whined children and wish you hadn't. For you and your kids. I wonder if many women are in the same boat -- that it's still so unacceptable to adnir you don't want children if you're a woman that a lot of women do it anyway. Are there more of you out there?

[Anonymous]

Oops whined = who had

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn't want kids. DH did. Before we got engaged, we agreed on one, even though he wanted more like three or four.

After two years of marriage, we got pregnant and had a baby. I was not excited at ALL. I could only envision myself being an even mediocre mother to a son. We got a girl. I was basically devastated and tried to talk DH into finding some woman who had a boy but wanted a girl, and then negotiate a switch. He insisted we try out our daughter. She's now three. I love her, and the second one who came after her.

I still can't stand other people's kids. I probably don't get as excited about my kids milestones as other people do. I hate kid toys and kid-centric things like Disney or whatever else.

If you don't want kids, don't have them. It's not fair to the child.

You are a very sick human.

At least she is honest... but if you are honest on DCUM you need "therapy"

You kind of do if you tried to trade your baby for a different sex.

I think a woman who wanted to be child free that is now freaking out postpartum should be cut some slack. Its not like she actually went to a crack den and tried to broker a deal.

This whole statement is weird. I love them - but don't do it. I'm not sure poster knows what she thinks. Some days I don't either - but I never wished I hadn't created them. I think PPs experiences are common buy the fact that they're putting it this way isn't fair. They may not want to be parents but I challenge them to say they actually wished these peole didn't exist. Parenting doesn't work that way unless you're truly mentally ill. Even if you hate your day to day existence - you don't want the baby to not exist.

[Anonymous]

I agree that it matters who changed and why. If you are both solidly sure what you want on the issue, then you need a divorce. You can't have half a baby. If the concern is something that can be worked around (woman not wanting to gothrough pregnancy, financial concerns, not enjoying the baby/toddler years), then it might be worth counseling first. If you just don't want to be a parent, then you need to walk away.

[Anonymous]

OP, I had VERY wanted children, and they are SOOO hard. They take ALL of your time, your focus, your attention, a good chunk of your health, and a lot else. Unless you're rich enough not to need to work, you will not have time to pursue hobbies, work out, enjoy time with your spouse, or anything the way you used to. Everything will change.

I can tell you that, had I not been 100% into having kids from the get-go, I would resent the hell out of them. As it is, it's still very hard.

DO. NOT. DO. IT.

Agree with PPs that a couples counselor or a divorce is infinity preferable. If you have kids, trust me that you will probably end up divorced anyway out of resentment!

[Anonymous]

Oh God. This is such a depressing thread. It's like you all have brain damage and have forgotten that parenting is like that (all consuming,time suck, miserable, sleep deprived, walking hell) every day, for the rest of your lives. It's tough for a few years folks and then they want you to f--- off. It's a decade - maybe - and then you spend the rest of your life wishing they were around again.

It's not that bad OP. It's hard, it's God damn hard! No one said shit would be easy but I f-ing love the little pains in the ass. I LOVE them. I would eat them if I could I love them so much.

[Anonymous]

Don't do it OP. Read the childfree Reddit forum for an interesting insight. Someone posts this question almost every month.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What kind of woman doesn't want children

F you and the horse you rode in on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn't want kids. DH did. Before we got engaged, we agreed on one, even though he wanted more like three or four.

After two years of marriage, we got pregnant and had a baby. I was not excited at ALL. I could only envision myself being an even mediocre mother to a son. We got a girl. I was basically devastated and tried to talk DH into finding some woman who had a boy but wanted a girl, and then negotiate a switch. He insisted we try out our daughter. She's now three. I love her, and the second one who came after her.

I still can't stand other people's kids. I probably don't get as excited about my kids milestones as other people do. I hate kid toys and kid-centric things like Disney or whatever else.

If you don't want kids, don't have them. It's not fair to the child.

And the bolded, ladies and gentlemen, is why people (their gender doesn't matter) who don't want kids should not have kids.

This is so out of the realm of normal that I don't even know how to comment it, PP, but I get it. You didn't want kids, you caved in for your husband. To do so is unfair to everyone and, first and foremost, to the child.

BTW, PP, I'm not berating you, and I recognize it takes a ton of guts to say something like that, even on an anonymous forum.

OP, read this and, for the love of God, don't have any child you don't want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We used to be on the same page about this and now we aren't. Should I do it anyway?

Well, why aren't you still on that page together?

Irrelevant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who changed their mind? They are outta luck,

This.

Either the two of you divorce, and he moves on and finds someone who wants kids, or he stays and he never brings up the subject of having kids again. He went in knowing that you didn't want kids. We're not talking about the way you want to decorate the livingroom - we're talking about creating a human being! A human being who deserves a mother who loves him or her. You can't be that mother and that's not a reflection of your character. You don't want kids and THAT IS OK. You were honest from the start.

Also, I question his ability to be a good father, if he wants to have kids with a woman who doesn't want them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh God. This is such a depressing thread. It's like you all have brain damage and have forgotten that parenting is like that (all consuming,time suck, miserable, sleep deprived, walking hell) every day, for the rest of your lives. It's tough for a few years folks and then they want you to f--- off. It's a decade - maybe - and then you spend the rest of your life wishing they were around again.

It's not that bad OP. It's hard, it's God damn hard! No one said shit would be easy but I f-ing love the little pains in the ass. I LOVE them. I would eat them if I could I love them so much.

Agree 100%.
~mother of five- and nine-year-old

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I could be the 18:22 poster except that I have two!! I f you are not 200% into having kids then just don't. You could end up miserable like we are (me and 18:22).

You could be my wife too.

[Anonymous]

I am just depressed at the number of people on this thread who fail basic reading comprehension.