Talking engagement and find out boyfriends deal with EXwife

[Anonymous]

I think part of op's problem is that she keeps wanting to equate the ex wife's equity stake to alimony. Alimony is support for a spouse who may have difficulty in earning income. This arrangement is an asset split.

I really get the sense that op is really un savvy about business. And also doesn't grasp the concept that a woman can have earned that equity and it's not some handout for the poor lil woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He also has kids. Adults have a past. Deal with it like an adult and not a jealous kid. Good on her for having a better way to make sure her kids are taken care of.

+1
He pledged to love and honor her forever, way before you came into the picture. This is part of his past you need to accept.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have both been married before. I had alimony for a short time but it is long gone which is fine as I rebuilt my career. I have one DC who I get child support for. I was married 7 years. Boyfriend was married 14 years and has two kids whom he pays child support for. I assumed she no longer got alimony as they have been divorced for 4 years. We want to get married so we had a financial talk last night. Turns out his ex wife passed up alimony in exchange for 22 percent of his business...as in she owns 22 percent of his business FOREVER. This gives her passive income of about 78-90k a year!!!!! FOR DOING NOTHING!!!! My boyfriend is fine with it and said something like "I would of never been able to start this business without her." Isn't unusual there was no "buyout."??? I want to start a life with this man but I don't want to keep her on the payroll forever. Boyfriends long term plan is to keep business up and running for 12 more years before he sells at which time we would have to give her those proceeds??? The alimony thread kind of keyed me into realizing this is extremely rare and my boyfriend got a terrible deal. Anything we can do now??

Without her, according to him, he would never been able to start this business - so think of it this way- 78% of nothing is ZERO. And your boyfriend sounds like a class act.

+1. Sounds like a man of good character. 14 years is a long time, OP. Pass him my way if you screw this up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have both been married before. I had alimony for a short time but it is long gone which is fine as I rebuilt my career. I have one DC who I get child support for. I was married 7 years. Boyfriend was married 14 years and has two kids whom he pays child support for. I assumed she no longer got alimony as they have been divorced for 4 years. We want to get married so we had a financial talk last night. Turns out his ex wife passed up alimony in exchange for 22 percent of his business...as in she owns 22 percent of his business FOREVER. This gives her passive income of about 78-90k a year!!!!! FOR DOING NOTHING!!!! My boyfriend is fine with it and said something like "I would of never been able to start this business without her." Isn't unusual there was no "buyout."??? I want to start a life with this man but I don't want to keep her on the payroll forever. Boyfriends long term plan is to keep business up and running for 12 more years before he sells at which time we would have to give her those proceeds??? The alimony thread kind of keyed me into realizing this is extremely rare and my boyfriend got a terrible deal. Anything we can do now??

Without her, according to him, he would never been able to start this business - so think of it this way- 78% of nothing is ZERO. And your boyfriend sounds like a class act.

+1. Sounds like a man of good character. 14 years is a long time, OP. Pass him my way if you screw this up.

+2. Your boyfriend sounds like a class act and if you don't want him and the 22% of a 500k/year business held by ex-wife, feel free to let him go. I have several divorced friends that would be thrilled to meet a generous, financially stable, thoughful man. As other people have said, both he and ex wife are happy with the situation. If you aren't happy with the pre-nup with boyfriend or your divorce settlement that really has nothing to do with boyfriend and his ex.

[Anonymous]

OP, two words come to mind when I envision who you are, after reading all of your utterly-ridiculous posts.......

White
Trash

I hope your BF has enough sense to see the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, two words come to mind when I envision who you are, after reading all of your utterly-ridiculous posts.......

White
Trash

I hope your BF has enough sense to see the same.

Interesting. I got the vibe that OP is Asian/Indian.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, two words come to mind when I envision who you are, after reading all of your utterly-ridiculous posts.......

White
Trash

I hope your BF has enough sense to see the same.

Interesting. I got the vibe that OP is Asian/Indian.

Guess we'll never know since OP has declined to show her face on this thread again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, two words come to mind when I envision who you are, after reading all of your utterly-ridiculous posts.......

White
Trash

I hope your BF has enough sense to see the same.

Interesting. I got the vibe that OP is Asian/Indian.

Asians/Indians are generally very business savvy and family oriented... I don't think OP is indian or asian. I would not base her ignorance on race.. but education.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, OP. She helped him launch the business. That's her equity, and she has elected to keep it invested instead of cashing out.

Given your point of view, I assume the prenup states that if you leave the marriage, you take nothing but the clothes on your back.

OK Op here and I need to clear something up. All she did was go back to work so he could quite his corporate job to start the business. It was 100 percent his idea, his blood, sweat, and tears, and she doesn't have an ounce of experience in the field. She truly knows nothing about the business. She just did her part as a martial team and had to be the breadwinner for 3-4 years. In my opinion ANYONE should be willing to work and not get rewarded for life for it. Its not like she had the knowledge or the idea behind the business. I think thats an important point of clarification.

OP, this is truly and honestly NONE of your business. This was an arrangement between him and his wife. They are both happy with it. It has absolutely nothing to do with you. I might also add that this has nothing to do with YOU "keeping her on the payroll". She is a part owner of his business. She will own this until such time as she doesn't want to own it anymore. Whether this arrangement is fair in your eyes or not means nothing. You are not a party to this arrangement. Find your peace with this, and I don't see that bringing this up and escalating it will in any way endear you to your bf.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, do you realize that by forfeiting alimony, she risked getting nothing? He could have tanked the business and started over (and still could if you really want to try to talk him into that - not that he will go along with it), but he's not that kind of guy. I really hope for his sake that the PP who recognizes you forwards this to him so he has a better idea what he's dealing with.

Well he wouldn't tank it because its how he makes his living too. Its mutually beneficial.

It's not about him tanking it deliberately. It's that the business COULD have failed. She took a risk, and he did too. Their risks paid off for both of them. No one guarantees the business will do well.

[Anonymous]

Op what do you think will happen when you force your boyfriend to break his deal with his ex Wife? How is that going to work out in the future? What will the ex wife's reaction to it be and to you. His kid ain't going away. What will you do when you have a kid with him and his kid comes over? You should leave this guy(and his kid) alone and find someone who is free and clean.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Wow this was harsh and maybe needed. I am not a gold digger and we will obviously have a prenup since we both have children. I was just in shock because boyfriend had previously told me that he does not pay alimony. Well maybe not but you give her 22 percent of your income!!! Boyfriend is not looking to buy her out and I respect that. I guess I just have to look at it like she was an initial investor of his start up. For the pp who asked about college they agreed to him paying 70 percent and her paying 30. She forfeited her 22 percent the first 21 months of the divorce as her way of "buying out" the house. If you add those numbers up he got screwed there too. He just has an attitude like "you can always make more money" while I find her selfishness irritating he doesn't. I need to take his lead and let it go.

OP, your bf values peace and a stress-free relationship with his co-parent above money. He recognizes and respects the contribution his ex made to his current financial situation. He recognizes that having a good relationship with his ex benefits his kids, and he made a deal that let the entire family come out on the other side of chaotic, heartbreaking situation as well it possibly could have.

Your bf does not give anyone 22% of his income. He has a 78% share of the business and gets his full income from that. It just so happens that the other investor/shareholder in his business is his ex.

Please let go of your attitude. As a person who has made a similar arrangement for the peace of all concerned, I can tell you that in your bf's place I would get rid of you before I would let you bring stress to my child/family.

Let it go, let it go......

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, ask him to give you another 22%!

Maybe 1% per year of the marriage starting with year 3 and it's nothing if she cheats or otherwise acts in an at-fault manner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have both been married before. I had alimony for a short time but it is long gone which is fine as I rebuilt my career. I have one DC who I get child support for. I was married 7 years. Boyfriend was married 14 years and has two kids whom he pays child support for. I assumed she no longer got alimony as they have been divorced for 4 years. We want to get married so we had a financial talk last night. Turns out his ex wife passed up alimony in exchange for 22 percent of his business...as in she owns 22 percent of his business FOREVER. This gives her passive income of about 78-90k a year!!!!! FOR DOING NOTHING!!!! My boyfriend is fine with it and said something like "I would of never been able to start this business without her." Isn't unusual there was no "buyout."??? I want to start a life with this man but I don't want to keep her on the payroll forever. Boyfriends long term plan is to keep business up and running for 12 more years before he sells at which time we would have to give her those proceeds??? The alimony thread kind of keyed me into realizing this is extremely rare and my boyfriend got a terrible deal. Anything we can do now??

Without her, according to him, he would never been able to start this business - so think of it this way- 78% of nothing is ZERO. And your boyfriend sounds like a class act.

+1. Sounds like a man of good character. 14 years is a long time, OP. Pass him my way if you screw this up.

+2. Your boyfriend sounds like a class act and if you don't want him and the 22% of a 500k/year business held by ex-wife, feel free to let him go. I have several divorced friends that would be thrilled to meet a generous, financially stable, thoughful man. As other people have said, both he and ex wife are happy with the situation. If you aren't happy with the pre-nup with boyfriend or your divorce settlement that really has nothing to do with boyfriend and his ex.

+100 I think you just need to move on if you're uncomfortable with this. Your ex doesn't need you bitching and moaning about this. You'll be divorce #2 before long.

[Anonymous]

whelp this turned into a nasty racist thread real quick...