Talking engagement and find out boyfriends deal with EXwife

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, would OF never? I can read no further.

I noticed that, too. Ugh!

[Anonymous]

Oh good, you're only talking engagement. I'd let him go, set free to explore more mature, intelligent women with half a clue about the way the world works.

Having a partner who is starting a business is not as cut and dry as you think. It didn't involve her "just" going back to work. There is financial risk, sleepless nights, missed family events, an absent spouse, late night support... The list goes on. It also means putting your own dreams on hold for your partner.

Whether you want to know about it, it's a huge amount of sacrifice. And as someone who has a spouse who owned a business, I can tell you, she's earned every but of that 22%.

YOU are not bound to her. She is a director/ shareholder, but not on the payroll, so I essence, the company is bound to her. It's not YOUR company, it's your fiancé's. He may or may not want your involvement, and don't be surprised if a prenup gives you no stake in it.

The thing is, we should all hope for relationships that, if they go south, we can maintain a connection. Your betrothed sounds like a class act who can maintain something positive with his ex.

I never understand people who feel happy with one parent being destitute while one "lives it up" when they divorce. Who would want heir children to live half the time well, only out of spite?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I get the resentment, I really do. The ex's passive income happens to be more than my annual salary as a teacher, so if this were my fiancé I can see feeling very resentful that his work would support his ex to the tune of more than I make working full time. So yeah. I get the resentment.

That said, I love your guy's response. I love that he acknowledges he would not have the business if it were not for her, and feels its fair that she get a cut of it.

Beyond this money, she's always going to be tethered to him. Always. I significantly underestimated how much that would bother me before I married my DH, hi had a child (now adult) from a previous marriage. There will be crises with the children. There will be events. There will be weddings and grand kids and she and that money she gets will be there always.

Can you be okay with that? I honestly don't think I could be. The money is just too much on top of the kids that will always be a connection between them. If you can't let go of that resentment soon and completely, I think you are setting yourself up to be very very unhappy. Let him go and find a something less fraught.

+1

[Anonymous]

Love the unanimity of this thread.

You're wrong OP.

Your boyfriend sounds like a class act and you sound like you have a great deal to learn about how to get through life graciously, with integrity and goodwill.

You need to very seriously rethink your position and/or ask yourself whether it's appropriate for you to get involved with this family. It isn't just your boyfriend - the package includes his kids and his ex. You have to embrace all of that to have a good marriage that is healthy for you, him and the kids.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Wow this was harsh and maybe needed. I am not a gold digger and we will obviously have a prenup since we both have children. I was just in shock because boyfriend had previously told me that he does not pay alimony. Well maybe not but you give her 22 percent of your income!!! Boyfriend is not looking to buy her out and I respect that. I guess I just have to look at it like she was an initial investor of his start up. For the pp who asked about college they agreed to him paying 70 percent and her paying 30. She forfeited her 22 percent the first 21 months of the divorce as her way of "buying out" the house. If you add those numbers up he got screwed there too. He just has an attitude like "you can always make more money" while I find her selfishness irritating he doesn't. I need to take his lead and let it go.

[Anonymous]

She legitimately owns 22% of his business. He does not give her 22% of HIS income.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Wow this was harsh and maybe needed. I am not a gold digger and we will obviously have a prenup since we both have children. I was just in shock because boyfriend had previously told me that he does not pay alimony. Well maybe not but you give her 22 percent of your income!!! Boyfriend is not looking to buy her out and I respect that. I guess I just have to look at it like she was an initial investor of his start up. For the pp who asked about college they agreed to him paying 70 percent and her paying 30. She forfeited her 22 percent the first 21 months of the divorce as her way of "buying out" the house. If you add those numbers up he got screwed there too. He just has an attitude like "you can always make more money" while I find her selfishness irritating he doesn't. I need to take his lead and let it go.

OP - You'll be a delightful step mother. Be sure to pop out a couple of babies with this guy to lock down the child support. Have you met his parents.

[Anonymous]

OP, do you realize that by forfeiting alimony, she risked getting nothing? He could have tanked the business and started over (and still could if you really want to try to talk him into that - not that he will go along with it), but he's not that kind of guy. I really hope for his sake that the PP who recognizes you forwards this to him so he has a better idea what he's dealing with.

[Anonymous]

OP - Am I correct in assuming that you expect your boyfriend to pay for the wedding?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Wow this was harsh and maybe needed. I am not a gold digger and we will obviously have a prenup since we both have children. I was just in shock because boyfriend had previously told me that he does not pay alimony. Well maybe not but you give her 22 percent of your income!!! Boyfriend is not looking to buy her out and I respect that. I guess I just have to look at it like she was an initial investor of his start up. For the pp who asked about college they agreed to him paying 70 percent and her paying 30. She forfeited her 22 percent the first 21 months of the divorce as her way of "buying out" the house. If you add those numbers up he got screwed there too. He just has an attitude like "you can always make more money" while I find her selfishness irritating he doesn't. I need to take his lead and let it go.

OP - You'll be a delightful step mother. Be sure to pop out a couple of babies with this guy to lock down the child support. Have you met his parents.

Seriously, OP. Start "forgetting" to take the pill now before he finds out what a dumb entitled loser you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, do you realize that by forfeiting alimony, she risked getting nothing? He could have tanked the business and started over (and still could if you really want to try to talk him into that - not that he will go along with it), but he's not that kind of guy. I really hope for his sake that the PP who recognizes you forwards this to him so he has a better idea what he's dealing with.

Well he wouldn't tank it because its how he makes his living too. Its mutually beneficial.

[Anonymous]

OP is right. Her BF needs to get rid of freeloading deadweight in his life. Hw should not propose and ditch OP.

[Anonymous]

OP, it sounds to me like this was a business decision between them as part of their divorce. It does not sound like she is emotionally involved, working with him every day, spending time deeply enmeshed in his business and daily life. They started the business together, when they were married. So what if she's not in the field or making the decisions? I'm not in the same business as my husband, but his work risks and rewards deeply affect our family and involve all of us. It doesn't sound like your boyfriend is too broken up about "losing" this money, and I don't think that you should be so worked up about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Wow this was harsh and maybe needed. I am not a gold digger and we will obviously have a prenup since we both have children. I was just in shock because boyfriend had previously told me that he does not pay alimony. Well maybe not but you give her 22 percent of your income!!! Boyfriend is not looking to buy her out and I respect that. I guess I just have to look at it like she was an initial investor of his start up. For the pp who asked about college they agreed to him paying 70 percent and her paying 30. She forfeited her 22 percent the first 21 months of the divorce as her way of "buying out" the house. If you add those numbers up he got screwed there too. He just has an attitude like "you can always make more money" while I find her selfishness irritating he doesn't. I need to take his lead and let it go.

OP - How has the ex been selfish?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, do you realize that by forfeiting alimony, she risked getting nothing? He could have tanked the business and started over (and still could if you really want to try to talk him into that - not that he will go along with it), but he's not that kind of guy. I really hope for his sake that the PP who recognizes you forwards this to him so he has a better idea what he's dealing with.

Well he wouldn't tank it because its how he makes his living too. Its mutually beneficial.

Lol. Businesses fail all the time. Shit happens.