my husband thinks I'm a bad mother

[Anonymous]

OP, please don't count on him changing. Either you need to change yourself somehow (maybe not give a shit what he says about your parenting) or get out now while the child is not old enough to be the least bit scarred by a divorce. It will only get worse with him and the problems you two have to wrestle with about this child get much more complicated. I speak from experience.

[Anonymous]

OP, your post breaks my heart. You are describing my first marriage. I filed for divorce when my baby was 8mo after my XH got drunk one night and threatened to take our baby away and I would never see him again. He came back when the baby started sobbing outside and then he raped me, as an 'apology' because he 'loved me so much' and 'see what I made him do?' The next day I was in a lawyers office, scared out of my wits and convinced I was going to lose everything. But if I stayed, he had promised me (and shown me) that he would take everything from me, I figured if I was going to lose, I wanted to go down fighting. With witnesses.

He tried to use the fact that I had to have a c/s, that I was unable to BF, that I had PPD, didn't have a job and that my family lived far away as proof that I was a horrible mother and deserved no custody. It took 18 months and a shit load of money, but he didn't change and I was able to show the court what he really was. It took a lot of documentation and we had cops, doctors, therapists and lawyers involved, it was ugly. He had his family calling me and telling me how horrible I was, after I got a job, I had to take out a restraining order to keep him from showing up, the pediatrician dropped us from his practice bc he would call and make outrageous claims about my neglect and demand that they call CPS, our babysitter had to take out a restraining order to ban him from her property bc he would harass and record her as well. 18 months of hell.

The court initially awarded 60/40 me/him, then cut it back to 80/20. After he lost his appeal to get primary custody, he disappeared. We haven't seen or heard from him in 3 years. He's about $20K behind in child support and I don't care. That's a small price to pay for peace of mind.

[Anonymous]

OP's post, and the previous post break my heart.

OP, get out safely, now. He sounds like he has had a mental break, but you need to protect yourself and the baby.

and don't believe his crazy accusations.

I was a wreck with my first born--crying alot, scared about hurting the baby, difficulty bf because baby wouldn't latch, etc. Sure there were moments when DH and I snapped at each other, and when we were both anxious if the kid was sick, etc, but he would never dream of accusing me of being 'bad mother'. and he was right beside me, doing whatever it took to help soothe the baby, feed the baby, work on breastfeeding, help me rest, eat, etc. That's what a supportive husband does--you work togehter as a team to figure out how to raise a kid.

[Anonymous]

OMW your husband sounds like my husband!

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you are not learning how to be a parent a quickly as he is. This is a similar situation to the other thread where the father wasn't parenting correctly. I guess is that, like the other thread, he should warn you and admonish you so that eventually you will catch on to parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm almost about to leave him over it. I LOVE my baby but the practical aspects of parenting don't come naturally to me. Right now he's furious with me because I can't change a diaper without the baby crying. He's on the phone with MIL saying how awful I am and how he might as well do everything because I'm so bad at it. And how he doesn't understand why I have to do a diaper change while he's on the phone (it was a blow out). He complains that I'm awkward around the baby and don't know "basic" stuff. He tells me I don't love the baby enough because I don't want to quit my job. I just feel so alone and frankly, he makes me feel like I should leave the baby with him and disappear. Is this normal new dad behavior? It's ruining our marriage.

OP you sound like my wife. With our first child she didn't know how to change diapers and couldn't understand why my DS was crying. When we brought the baby home from the hospital she simply didn't know what to do I tried to be patient with her and help but after several days I could see that she simply didn't have any insight into what my DS was possibly feeling (hungry, wet, hot, cold, etc.). It was like night and day. I would hold him and he would quite down. She would hold him and he would cry. Taking care of a baby isn't very difficult if a person can empathize with the child and anticipate their needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm almost about to leave him over it. I LOVE my baby but the practical aspects of parenting don't come naturally to me. Right now he's furious with me because I can't change a diaper without the baby crying. He's on the phone with MIL saying how awful I am and how he might as well do everything because I'm so bad at it. And how he doesn't understand why I have to do a diaper change while he's on the phone (it was a blow out). He complains that I'm awkward around the baby and don't know "basic" stuff. He tells me I don't love the baby enough because I don't want to quit my job. I just feel so alone and frankly, he makes me feel like I should leave the baby with him and disappear. Is this normal new dad behavior? It's ruining our marriage.

OP you sound like my wife. With our first child she didn't know how to change diapers and couldn't understand why my DS was crying. When we brought the baby home from the hospital she simply didn't know what to do I tried to be patient with her and help but after several days I could see that she simply didn't have any insight into what my DS was possibly feeling (hungry, wet, hot, cold, etc.). It was like night and day. I would hold him and he would quite down. She would hold him and he would cry. Taking care of a baby isn't very difficult if a person can empathize with the child and anticipate their needs.

Your wife may have been clueless. But I guarantee you that making her feel stupid and incompetent will absolutely NOT help you make things better.

[Anonymous]

Jesus, your husband is a fucking nightmare. This is emotional abuse and it needs to stop yesterday.

[Anonymous]

Why would you bump this up?

[Anonymous]

This sad thread is 9 months old.

[Anonymous]

its terribly sad, and 9 months old. OP, are you ok? do you need help?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:its terribly sad, and 9 months old. OP, are you ok? do you need help?

I am fine. Lonely and isolated, but fine. Our marriage is better, not great, but better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:its terribly sad, and 9 months old. OP, are you ok? do you need help?

I am fine. Lonely and isolated, but fine. Our marriage is better, not great, but better.

For God's sake, IF you are having sex with him, I hope you're using 2 forms of birth control

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:its terribly sad, and 9 months old. OP, are you ok? do you need help?

I am fine. Lonely and isolated, but fine. Our marriage is better, not great, but better.

For God's sake, IF you are having sex with him, I hope you're using 2 forms of birth control

We aren't. I'm not that stupid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:its terribly sad, and 9 months old. OP, are you ok? do you need help?

I am fine. Lonely and isolated, but fine. Our marriage is better, not great, but better.

If you're lonley and isolated you're not fine. You're being abused.

A-B-U-S-E-D.

You need to get out, truly.