my husband thinks I'm a bad mother

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Time to take a writing class.

OP here. So my writing style camouflage is working. Great!

[Anonymous]

WTF. How old is your f-ing husband that he needs to call his mother on you? I'd kill my husband if he ever did that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Time to take a writing class.

OP here. So my writing style camouflage is working. Great!

How old is your baby?

[Anonymous]

I think it is completely out of line for him in the first place to be on the phone, yakking to his mother about his marital problems. What a Mama's boy.

Anyway, it doesn't make you a bad mother just because a child cries when getting his diaper changed. I am a parent + a nanny and this is completely normal child behavior. He is obviously the clueless one here.

I don't blame you for wanting to leave this poor and sorry excuse for a husband OP. I think you should. The things he is saying to you and about you are just plain cruel, abusive and untrue.

No one deserves to be broken down like that.

You already have one asshole...Who needs another one??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Since the baby. Although I've called him out on being a jackass and he said he wouldn't be if I didn't suck so much. Which sounds abusive, but I AM a terrible mother.

Terrible mothers don't love their babies and abuse them. You don't sound like a terrible mother, just awkward. I disagree with you re. the not staying home angle, and I do think that, if at all feasible for the family from a financial point of view, all babies should have a stay at home parent, but that alone doesn't make a terrible mother.

Also, it's very good that you changed your child's diaper right away. Not changing it and letting the baby stew in excrements *would* have been a terrible thing to do. Does your husband realize that?

What are you afraid of, why do you think practical parenting doesn't come naturally to you? Are you afraid you might hurt/drop your baby? Something like that?

Is there a woman you can reach out to and who can mentor you in regard to this problem? Please don't let shame hold you back on that.

Can you hire a nanny, even part time, so that she can take over at least a few practical things?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do you think you're a terrible mother? Lots of babies cry during diaper changes, it doesn't mean you're doing it wrong. Doing it wrong would be letting a baby lay in poop from a blow-out because your husband is on the phone and will feel put-out if the baby starts crying.

He is being abusive, and I suspect you'd be feeling a lot more comfortable in your competence as a mother if he supported you rather than undermined you.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He is not foreign and neither of our families are local. My mom came when the baby was first born but hasn't been able to since.

I just don't know what to think of all this. He's accused me of being abusive, especially tonight. He said I'm keeping him from talking to his parents because I couldn't wait 20 minutes to change a diaper or do it in the other room. I just..that never crossed my mind.

This is totally crazy talk. Either he agrees to therapy pronto, or you and the baby need to move out at least for a while. Have your father or another male relative come, give him a "come to Jesus" talk, and escort you and your baby out of the situation. You need to be safe while he straightens himself out, because that kind of talk is insane.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:it's totally common for the babies to cry during diaper changes. Sometimes it helps if you feed them first.
.

See, this is his issue with me. That I don't know things like that.

He does do diaper changes without crying most of the time. He's more natural at a lot of things.

Does this really mean he's going to become physically abusive?

That's anyone's guess, but he's already being emotionally abusive and that's reason enough to leave.

Read up on separation assault, learn how to exit an abusive relationship safely, then leave. WITH your baby. Don't leave a helpless child with an insane father.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it is completely out of line for him in the first place to be on the phone, yakking to his mother about his marital problems. What a Mama's boy.

Anyway, it doesn't make you a bad mother just because a child cries when getting his diaper changed. I am a parent + a nanny and this is completely normal child behavior. He is obviously the clueless one here.

I don't blame you for wanting to leave this poor and sorry excuse for a husband OP. I think you should. The things he is saying to you and about you are just plain cruel, abusive and untrue.

No one deserves to be broken down like that.

You already have one asshole...Who needs another one??

You win the Internet. I am going to use this remark from now on. Thanks for sharing.

[Anonymous]

Baby is 4 months old and I just went back to work, working from home four days a week. We have a nanny, who is part of the problem, now that I think about it. He claims I should be better at taking care of the baby since I don't take care of him for most of the day.

He didn't call his parents to talk about me, nor did I interrupt a daily phone call. It had actually been several weeks, which is why he was angry it got interrupted.

I am afraid of dropping him. Not in an anxiety kind of way, but I always wonder if I'm holding him right. I'm awkward when I play with him, things like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Baby is 4 months old and I just went back to work, working from home four days a week. We have a nanny, who is part of the problem, now that I think about it. He claims I should be better at taking care of the baby since I don't take care of him for most of the day.

He didn't call his parents to talk about me, nor did I interrupt a daily phone call. It had actually been several weeks, which is why he was angry it got interrupted.

I am afraid of dropping him. Not in an anxiety kind of way, but I always wonder if I'm holding him right. I'm awkward when I play with him, things like that.

You are not alone. I have a 4 year old, and an 11 week old. I've obviously done this before, but I'm constantlly afraid of dropping the new baby, and I'm totally awkward holding him, but I consider myself a good mother. I take care of him and love him, even if I'm not a "natural".

Your husband sound abusive. Would he agree to counseling? He sounds crazy. I bet he has Narcicissitic Personality Disorder.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Baby is 4 months old and I just went back to work, working from home four days a week. We have a nanny, who is part of the problem, now that I think about it. He claims I should be better at taking care of the baby since I don't take care of him for most of the day.

He didn't call his parents to talk about me, nor did I interrupt a daily phone call. It had actually been several weeks, which is why he was angry it got interrupted.

I am afraid of dropping him. Not in an anxiety kind of way, but I always wonder if I'm holding him right. I'm awkward when I play with him, things like that.

Being afraid of dropping YOUR baby is very normal. My cousin is a nurse and she moves people every day - severely injured people at times. But when she gave birth, guess what? The first time she bathed her daughter, she was a total wreck - afraid to drop her, afraid to let her slip under the water. Because that's not just some stranger, it's YOUR BABY, the most precious person to you in the whole world.

Saying that you should be better at caring for the baby since you don't care for him for most of the day is just asinine. If anything, the oposite is true!

Awkwardness while playing will go away. Find a woman who can mentor you re. the fear of dropping the baby and such.

And get out. Your husband either has a mental problem or is willfully abusive. Neither is safe for you and your baby.

[Anonymous]

Why do you fear dropping your baby? At 4 months old?

What scenarios do you imagine?

Even if you dropped him, what do you think would happen?

Maybe you have PPD? Maybe your Dh does also? Men can face depression as well after the baby is born.

[Anonymous]

My husband was the same way. He would scream at me and call me mother of the year if I couldn't quickly quiet the baby in the middle of the night. I left and rode out maternity leave at my parents' house (I had a host of health issues and I physically needed support). Then I moved back into the house, thinking it would be better once the baby was sleeping through the night.

The baby is now 18 months and my husband has not gotten any less abusive. Now he tells our son that I am a bad mother, and that I don't love him because I travel for work and need to take a nap occasionally on the weekend (still dealing with health issues).

I am saving every penny I have to leave him in 2015, before my child is old enough to really understand what's going on.

Get out now, OP.

[Anonymous]

All these posts about these insanely abusive husbands when it comes to the new baby makes me feel that at least, I'm not alone.

It's really sad though that there are so many husbands/fathers like this.