my husband thinks I'm a bad mother

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He is not foreign and neither of our families are local. My mom came when the baby was first born but hasn't been able to since.

I just don't know what to think of all this. He's accused me of being abusive, especially tonight. He said I'm keeping him from talking to his parents because I couldn't wait 20 minutes to change a diaper or do it in the other room. I just..that never crossed my mind.

And he couldn't go finish his call in another room because . . . ?

[Anonymous]

It sounds like he is a danger to both you and the baby. Get out now and take the baby with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He is not foreign and neither of our families are local. My mom came when the baby was first born but hasn't been able to since.

I just don't know what to think of all this. He's accused me of being abusive, especially tonight. He said I'm keeping him from talking to his parents because I couldn't wait 20 minutes to change a diaper or do it in the other room. I just..that never crossed my mind.

Is your only phone a 1950s style rotary that's nailed to the wall? No? Then I'm guessing it was probably much easier for him to take the phone into another room than for you to move with a crying messy baby.

DH needs to get a clue. Next time he gets to change the blow out diaper. Babies can't be conveniently scheduled around calls home to his Mommy.

[Anonymous]

Does he change the baby without any crying? Definitely don't quit your job. It sounds like you may need that income. I really can't believe that he is calling you a terrible mom. That is something that somebody who really hates your guts would say.

[Anonymous]

it's totally common for the babies to cry during diaper changes. Sometimes it helps if you feed them first.

I would NEVER quit my job to be financially dependent on a man like this.

[Anonymous]

So sorry op. Your DH is an asshole. My husband is a more proficient diaper changer than I am but would never throw it in my face. Keep calm. This guy sounds unhinged.

[Anonymous]

This is psychotic behavior on his part.

So sorry.

Can you drive or get on a plane to your family? You need support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:it's totally common for the babies to cry during diaper changes. Sometimes it helps if you feed them first.
.

See, this is his issue with me. That I don't know things like that.

He does do diaper changes without crying most of the time. He's more natural at a lot of things.

Does this really mean he's going to become physically abusive?

[Anonymous]

Do not quit your job!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:it's totally common for the babies to cry during diaper changes. Sometimes it helps if you feed them first.
.

See, this is his issue with me. That I don't know things like that.

He does do diaper changes without crying most of the time. He's more natural at a lot of things.

Does this really mean he's going to become physically abusive?

So why can't he tell you these things nicely? Wtf is his problem? Men should not complain about their wives to their mothers....but if they do, they should be damn sure not to do it while their wife is in hearing distance!

[Anonymous]

Oh, and OP here: I don't plan to quit my job, never have.

[Anonymous]

Parenting is a LOT harder than it looks to the uninitiated. Your DH probably had no idea what he was in for. Probably does think that there's some strange reason why you can't waive your magic mommy wand and make the baby stop crying, sleep through the night, etc. etc.

He is absolutely being an ahole and you don't deserve it. Particularly the undermining you to third parties. That is not the way to build confidence in and support a new mom.

I guess it's too late now but I would seriously wonder about having him as a life partner if he is so unsupportive at such a critical time Sorry OP. Don't have any more babies with him.

[Anonymous]

This is absolutely 100% unacceptable. OP, I am so sorry. You do not deserve this. Your husband is completely out of line. I don't think this can be taken as evidence that he will become physically abusive, but the reality is that he already is emotionally abusive. What a heartless, cold, son of a bitch he is being.

You know, I've only been a mom for four years, and they have been so incredibly hard on me. I am NOT a naturally maternal type and I have screwed up a ton of things. I have learned, however, that things go in phases. Right now your husband may be all haughty about his superior diaper changing skills, but the phase will shift and something new will come -- and this time you will be the baby whisperer and he will have trouble. I wonder how he will expect to be treated by you when the tables are turned.

Just curious - does he criticize you cooking? How you keep the house? Anything else? I know you say this has reared its ugly head since he became a father. Just wanting to check that out a little.

Hope you're doing ok, OP. Hang in there.

[Anonymous]

Time to take a writing class.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like a really rough time. Don't let his meanness get you down. Address it immediately. Maybe don't call him a jackass (even though that is what you feel) bc that just leads to fighting. Say "I feel very hurt when you say things like that." When he throws out crazy accusations as per above say, "it wasn't my intent to hurt you or make you feel like you could not talk to your parents." De-escalate it - the reason I am saying this is bc he wasn't like this before, which means maybe it is new baby stress that is turning him into a jerk. So if you can be calm and polite while still sticking up for yourself, you might be able to break out of the downward fighting spiral.