My in-laws refuse to speak English in my present

[Anonymous]

Wouldn’t they want to speak to DIL in a language she understands? It’d make it easier to boss her around!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op what is your first language? That may actually help us understand some of the dynamics. Are you a mandarin speaker or not Chinese at all?

OP posted 5 years ago. I think she has moved on.

[Anonymous]

OP-I do think your ILs are rude. Perhaps they explain it to themselves that there is an intimacy with your DH that would be lost communicating in a second language but their cutting you off and exclusion doesn’t need translation. The thing you ought to make clear to your DH is that you will insist your child(ren) when in group settings speak in the language you all have in common as you’ve said they do know it. Its wonderful that your kids may pick up Catonese but its more important that they learn how to participate in polite society. And if the ILs continue to treat you as if you don’t exist or matter let your DH know you will not subject your children to this level of disrespect meted out on you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am in the same boat, stopped going to any family or gathering where I am the foreigner.... Have got to the point of wondering why I have anything to do with such uneducated, rude people... and thinking of just divorcing as if my feelings don’t matter enough for my wife to bother speaking English at all these family and friends gathering...She doesn’t care enough for me to stay with her... There is no excuse....using lame excuses that some words don’t translate well, or it’s easier for them, or it’s their culture...Is all BS...they all work speaking English, all their shopping, services are in English...here in Canada....So no excuse not to include me if I bother to come to the park, or camping, or birthday parties....because no one will bother to speak English and don’t care that I am totally excluded and am reading a book or surfing the internet

In the future start your own thread and don't resurrect 5 year old threads! This is beyond annoying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So what I’m learning here is that my three kids shouldn’t marry someone from a different culture. It’s just too much to expect them to change or accommodate my kids.

They should definitely not marry a Turk clearly.

[Anonymous]

I would let them know that I my house they speak English or they won't be invited to house. It is rude and they know it's rude and do it on purpose.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To those who are saying it is wrong to ask the in-laws to speak a common language- are you serious?! What is op expected to do- just sit there and be ignored the whole time?! What a ridiculous concept. I would start implementing a rule that if a common language is not used then the op's presence isn't wanted or needed so she simply won't be around them. And any children are an extention of her.

Seriously. I asked my family to speak English around my husband and his family, although he understands my language a little. It has to do with manners.