I know many successful, beautiful women and we can't find men in DC!

[Anonymous]

What are these lists that PPs are discussing? I had a few items that I considered non-negociable but they related to values and how one lives one's life - the life I'd share with the person if we were to get married. Having no standards would just feed the hook up culture, not the "let's find a spouse" agenda that some people are rightfully oriented towards.

If you're talking about a list of must be so tall, weigh so much, earn such & such income, then okay, I get why that doesn't really serve men or women very well, but I never had that. Most of my women friends don't have lists of any kind. I think all people in the marriage market should know themselves well enough to be able to filter out people who they are not compatible with on a fundamental level - it's just a waste of time for a woman who wants to get married & have kids to date a guy who doesn't want that and you should have enough self respect that when the guy is upfront about it, you accept it and move on, rather than stay and hope to change his mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People got a real f%ked up attitude nowadays when it comes to dating. Everybody thinks they're entitled to something - to someone. Everybody is so stubbornly insistent on superficial shit and sound so negative and bitter about finding someone to spend time with - griping about having to settle for someone "below" their standards etc. Shit is crazy.

Somebody else mentioned Dan Savage - his really excellent advice on this is that we all settle, at least a little bit - we all round up to "the one"...because there is no perfect "one" and in fact, there are many possibles/viables and we round up to get there. They round up for us too - like the other person said, about 'ego writing checks' - we all have our shortcomings and people round up for us too.

[Anonymous]

I looove Dan Savage! He can be over the top with his politis sometimes, but I think he is spot on with a lot of relationship advice. I used to read his column just for sheer schadenfreude, but now I have DCUM for that!

[Anonymous]

I'm a single guy and I've met women just like the OP are talking about.

The problem is they are so focused on 'who they are' or what I do that it turns me off. I don't care if you are a successful lawyer, a doctor, etc. That really doesn't mean much in my eyes. I'm focusing on who you are as a person. Are you loyal, are you fun, are you judgemental, are you materialistic, do you have a lot of friends from different social groups, do you come off as stuffy/boring, do you take yourself too seriously, are you good with kids, etc..

Then I make my decision about the kind of person you are. I don't give a shit about your income, social status, who you know, what school you went to (besides for sports team affiliations), what degree(s) you have, or what position you hold. So when you put all that out there, I just turn away. That shit should be left to the "just out of college with their first real job" people. I'm passed that.

[Anonymous]

I am the PP who noticed that most of my professional women friends who stayed on in DC after law school have not gotten married.

I moved to a smaller city and got married and have children. I am sure this would not have happened for me if I stayed on in DC.

However, if a woman choose to stay in DC, I don't think she should compromise regarding men in one regard - intellegence and education. I would never date anyone without a college degree or good job/career. I mean, come on, as an intelligent an educated woman, I knew I would get nothing out of dating a non-educated man and/or men with no solid career plans or ambition. I hate the starving artist/lazy type. A teacher is fine - so I did not need to have a wealthy man. BUT the honest to god truth is that I am bored out of my mind with less intelligent men (and frankly, this applies to my friendships with women too; I know myself; I gravitate to the other grad school educated mothers rather than the 20-something high school educated mother at my kids' school). Two of my attorney friends married high school graduates and I really think they are paying for it now..not in terms of wealth --one guy makes a lot of $; the other one is disabled - but in terms of sheer exasperation. it is frustrating for them to be with these guys..One can't spell beyond a 5th grade level. They watch football at day. These women have nothing in common with them. they make all the big decisions in their life because their men are not capable.

So what I am saying is - don't compromise on intelligence.

[Anonymous]

OP if you weren't a beautiful successful educated professional where would you find a man? Seriously...how would you find someone to be with without the looks or the title or the income or the degree?

Take your time...think about it...

Now, take a look around you OP. Do you see women all throughout the area who are less beautiful than you and less successful than you and less educated than you with boyfriends and husbands? Yeah...why is that?

Take your time...think about it...

[Anonymous]

I am the PP who noticed that most of my professional women friends who stayed on in DC after law school have not gotten married.

I moved to a smaller city and got married and have children. I am sure this would not have happened for me if I stayed on in DC.

However, if a woman choose to stay in DC, I don't think she should compromise regarding men in one regard - intellegence and education. I would never date anyone without a college degree or good job/career. I mean, come on, as an intelligent an educated woman, I knew I would get nothing out of dating a non-educated man and/or men with no solid career plans or ambition. I hate the starving artist/lazy type. A teacher is fine - so I did not need to have a wealthy man. BUT the honest to god truth is that I am bored out of my mind with less intelligent men (and frankly, this applies to my friendships with women too; I know myself; I gravitate to the other grad school educated mothers rather than the 20-something high school educated mother at my kids' school). Two of my attorney friends married high school graduates and I really think they are paying for it now..not in terms of wealth --one guy makes a lot of $; the other one is disabled - but in terms of sheer exasperation. it is frustrating for them to be with these guys..One can't spell beyond a 5th grade level. They watch football at day. These women have nothing in common with them. they make all the big decisions in their life because their men are not capable.

So what I am saying is - don't compromise on intelligence.

Education is about opportunity, not intelligence. What you are taking about is class/culture. You find football boring therefore anyone who watches it is dumb. You have your standards and it is about who you think will be socially compatible with your life and standing. If you had stayed in DC, you most likely would not have found someone to meet your standards. In a smaller city, it is different.

[Anonymous]

Stop looking, OP. Start living. You and your GFs reek of desperation.

Go have fun. Don't think about meeting anyone.

Every married woman I know met her husband when she wasn't actively looking.

In fact, I met my husband the night I declared I wasn't going to date for a year. I was having the time if my life, no pressure, just fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am the PP who noticed that most of my professional women friends who stayed on in DC after law school have not gotten married.

I moved to a smaller city and got married and have children. I am sure this would not have happened for me if I stayed on in DC.

However, if a woman choose to stay in DC, I don't think she should compromise regarding men in one regard - intellegence and education. I would never date anyone without a college degree or good job/career. I mean, come on, as an intelligent an educated woman, I knew I would get nothing out of dating a non-educated man and/or men with no solid career plans or ambition. I hate the starving artist/lazy type. A teacher is fine - so I did not need to have a wealthy man. BUT the honest to god truth is that I am bored out of my mind with less intelligent men (and frankly, this applies to my friendships with women too; I know myself; I gravitate to the other grad school educated mothers rather than the 20-something high school educated mother at my kids' school). Two of my attorney friends married high school graduates and I really think they are paying for it now..not in terms of wealth --one guy makes a lot of $; the other one is disabled - but in terms of sheer exasperation. it is frustrating for them to be with these guys..One can't spell beyond a 5th grade level. They watch football at day. These women have nothing in common with them. they make all the big decisions in their life because their men are not capable.

So what I am saying is - don't compromise on intelligence.

I did not graduate from college until I was in my 30s. Not having a college degree does not indicate a lack of intelligence. It is more about your socioeconomic upbringing. I had to work my way through school.

There are plenty of college educated men who watch sports excessively. I suspect that your bias is less against uneducated men and more against men who came from a lower socioeconomic background that you.

[Anonymous]

Also, DC is filled with upper middle class people who enjoyed educational opportunities that most don't have. Nationwide, only about 1/3 of adult males have bachelors degrees.

[Anonymous]

oh here's a novel idea, have you and your girlfriends tried approaching these men? Or do you just sit on your thrones and wait for them to come to you?

[Anonymous]

Maybe you all suck in the sack (and, by that, I mean you don't suck). No accomplished man I know wants a woman who slacks in bed but thinks she's the shit because she's successful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:oh here's a novel idea, have you and your girlfriends tried approaching these men? Or do you just sit on your thrones and wait for them to come to you?

ZING!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:oh here's a novel idea, have you and your girlfriends tried approaching these men? Or do you just sit on your thrones and wait for them to come to you?

ZING!!!

i can picture OP and her friends looking like Cersei Lannister - with the same attractive, but hardened face.

[Anonymous]

From one woman to another, you need to exude sex appeal. Not in a trampy, overt way, but yes, without sex appeal, you'll never get anywhere. I"m overweight but know how to move, so the guys still want me.