He signed away his parental rights

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How is this any different than a woman giving up a baby for adoption?

What if a guy came on here and said, "I'm dating a woman I really like, but six years ago, she was pregnant, gave the child up for adoption and hasn't since changed her mind."

The guy didn't abandon his child. He gave the child up for adoption to the child's grandparents.

Its not. The grandparents were probably waiting to see if their daughter could take custody. She couldn't. Father was not prepared to parent alone. They decided to adopt to give that child full family status and inheritance/social security rights.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not only about the money.
It's about the responsibility.
I know of 2 women who had to sign a prenup that if they got pregnant, they had to terminate the fetus.

good luck with enforcing that

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not only about the money.
It's about the responsibility.
I know of 2 women who had to sign a prenup that if they got pregnant, they had to terminate the fetus.

And they went ahead and married the guy regardless of that? Seesh. Also, if he was so hellbent on not having children (which I totally get, since I'm childfree) how about a vasectomy?

Not getting sterilization and demanding one's wife undergoes an abortion if she gets pregnant is what, in my country, we call "being a homosexual with someone else's ass".

are you from Italy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is this any different than a woman giving up a baby for adoption?

What if a guy came on here and said, "I'm dating a woman I really like, but six years ago, she was pregnant, gave the child up for adoption and hasn't since changed her mind."

The guy didn't abandon his child. He gave the child up for adoption to the child's grandparents.

Its not. The grandparents were probably waiting to see if their daughter could take custody. She couldn't. Father was not prepared to parent alone. They decided to adopt to give that child full family status and inheritance/social security rights.

I wonder what crime their daughter was convicted for if she's been away already for six years plus looking at many more...something drug related or murder.

How do you know, "they decided to adopt to give that child full family status and inheritance/social security right." This sounds like a highly dysfunctional family situation. Hopefully the grandparents will do a better job of raising him.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Most judges will not grant a termination of parental rights with a very good reason. Things like a long history of drug abuse, which includes an inability to care got themselves and child abuse. If someone else is trying to adoption, they will allow it.

Just because he didn't have the financial and emotional resources? I'm not buying it.

There are several kinds of adoption. Newborn and older child adoption is very easy if the biological parents consent. My son's birthmom parented her older child and placed her younger with us. She's a great parent with a great kid. She was not in a position to parent two kids. If she had a 3rd child and parented I would fully support it.

According to OP, they both signed over their rights (to the grandparents or social services?)after the baby was born. Perhaps, the grandparents have been dealing with red tape for the last six years, especially given the mom's criminal history.

You can't just sign away your rights. That doesn't happen without a damn god reason, not even with the parents' consent. Allowing parents to opt to terminate rights fell out of favor with the courts more than 15 years ago.

SO, if my child's birthparents consented then how did that work given you say they can't. It actually is very simple. They just sign, we file for adoption and adopt.

It's not as simple as a signature. A judge has to grant the termination, which they will do if there is someone waiting to adopt.

Yes it is. A judge only terminates the rights if the birthparents do not consent. Ours consented. It was a simple process. They signed consents in front of their attorney and we submitted them to the court with our home study and other paperwork, got a court date, went and finalized.

Ummm, you got a court date for the judge to terminate the rights and finalize the adoption.

But you're right, that in adoption parents can sign away their rights, but only because there's someone else waiting to take on those rights and responsibilities. A father who doesn't want to parent his child can't just sign away his rights, unless the mother is doing the same thing and the child is being adopted.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I recently started seeing this guy and things are going pretty good so far.
Except one thing kinda bothers me. He has a six year old son that he had with and former girlfriend that now lives with her parents and is in the process of being formally adopted by them.

Shortly after his birth, both him and his former GF signed away their parental rights to the child.
The GF because she was in prison and the guy I am seeing because he says he wasn't in a good place financially and didn't think he could be a good father and provide for his son. I get a hunch that he didn't want to pay child support for eighteen years.

My problem is that I have a six year old son and I cannot even imagine absolving my parental rights no matter what. If I had to peddle apples on the street corner, I would.
I like this guy, but this really bothers me that he could do something like this.
Is this a deal breaker?

OK, I'm going to be contrary.

First, I don't think it's fair to compare your child with his. Was your child planned for and expected? Was his? What I'm trying to say is suppose his ex GF accidentally-on-purpose got prego in a way to "trap" him (which is unthinkable, yeah, but we're talking a jailbird here) or something. His feelings about the child are probably very much different than yours.

Second, he came clean and told you the truth about something he likely knew you'd have some issue with. If he were a real scumbag trying to get out of something, would he have bothered?

Third, at the time it sounded like he was handed a bunch of bad choices and he had to make the least-crappy one that worked best for the kid. The *easy* thing would have been to abort the baby, and they didn't go that route. I gotta hand them all credit for that.

Main thing you have to decide is if you're subconsciously looking for a way out of this relationship and thinking this could be an excuse.

No one here knows the guy or the situation like you do. But as for me and what I've heard so far, I'm inclined to give the guy the benefit of the doubt.

Lord almighty I detest this line of thinking, as if pregnancy can happy by a vengeful slut on her own. TWO people have sex. TWO people take the equal risk of pregnancy. And at 26, he should own up to it.

So it's totally outside the realm of possibility that some unstable woman (and given that she's in prison, I'd say there's instability there) would lie about being on birth control so as to trap her baby daddy into a more formal relationship?

Man, this forum is so eager to damn someone they don't even know. Welcome to the Internet, I guess.

What does that have to do with anything? As a father you have the responsibility to parent your child, regardless of whether you wanted them to be born. The child didn't lie or trap the father, and the child is the one entitled to a father.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Most judges will not grant a termination of parental rights with a very good reason. Things like a long history of drug abuse, which includes an inability to care got themselves and child abuse. If someone else is trying to adoption, they will allow it.

Just because he didn't have the financial and emotional resources? I'm not buying it.

There are several kinds of adoption. Newborn and older child adoption is very easy if the biological parents consent. My son's birthmom parented her older child and placed her younger with us. She's a great parent with a great kid. She was not in a position to parent two kids. If she had a 3rd child and parented I would fully support it.

According to OP, they both signed over their rights (to the grandparents or social services?)after the baby was born. Perhaps, the grandparents have been dealing with red tape for the last six years, especially given the mom's criminal history.

You can't just sign away your rights. That doesn't happen without a damn god reason, not even with the parents' consent. Allowing parents to opt to terminate rights fell out of favor with the courts more than 15 years ago.

SO, if my child's birthparents consented then how did that work given you say they can't. It actually is very simple. They just sign, we file for adoption and adopt.

It's not as simple as a signature. A judge has to grant the termination, which they will do if there is someone waiting to adopt.

Yes it is. A judge only terminates the rights if the birthparents do not consent. Ours consented. It was a simple process. They signed consents in front of their attorney and we submitted them to the court with our home study and other paperwork, got a court date, went and finalized.

Ummm, you got a court date for the judge to terminate the rights and finalize the adoption.

But you're right, that in adoption parents can sign away their rights, but only because there's someone else waiting to take on those rights and responsibilities. A father who doesn't want to parent his child can't just sign away his rights, unless the mother is doing the same thing and the child is being adopted.

Both parents supposedly signed their rights over after the baby was born. So the real question is why wasn't the baby adopted by the grandparents back then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

It's not as simple as a signature. A judge has to grant the termination, which they will do if there is someone waiting to adopt.

Yes it is. A judge only terminates the rights if the birthparents do not consent. Ours consented. It was a simple process. They signed consents in front of their attorney and we submitted them to the court with our home study and other paperwork, got a court date, went and finalized.

You can't sign a contract and do away your rights. It has to be reviewed and granted by a judge. Can you imagine how much child support could be avoided if someone could opt out by signing a piece of paper?

I too have been through the process. Your attorney did a poor job of explaining it to you.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Most judges will not grant a termination of parental rights with a very good reason. Things like a long history of drug abuse, which includes an inability to care got themselves and child abuse. If someone else is trying to adoption, they will allow it.

Just because he didn't have the financial and emotional resources? I'm not buying it.

There are several kinds of adoption. Newborn and older child adoption is very easy if the biological parents consent. My son's birthmom parented her older child and placed her younger with us. She's a great parent with a great kid. She was not in a position to parent two kids. If she had a 3rd child and parented I would fully support it.

According to OP, they both signed over their rights (to the grandparents or social services?)after the baby was born. Perhaps, the grandparents have been dealing with red tape for the last six years, especially given the mom's criminal history.

You can't just sign away your rights. That doesn't happen without a damn god reason, not even with the parents' consent. Allowing parents to opt to terminate rights fell out of favor with the courts more than 15 years ago.

SO, if my child's birthparents consented then how did that work given you say they can't. It actually is very simple. They just sign, we file for adoption and adopt.

It's not as simple as a signature. A judge has to grant the termination, which they will do if there is someone waiting to adopt.

Yes it is. A judge only terminates the rights if the birthparents do not consent. Ours consented. It was a simple process. They signed consents in front of their attorney and we submitted them to the court with our home study and other paperwork, got a court date, went and finalized.

Ummm, you got a court date for the judge to terminate the rights and finalize the adoption.

But you're right, that in adoption parents can sign away their rights, but only because there's someone else waiting to take on those rights and responsibilities. A father who doesn't want to parent his child can't just sign away his rights, unless the mother is doing the same thing and the child is being adopted.

Both parents supposedly signed their rights over after the baby was born. So the real question is why wasn't the baby adopted by the grandparents back then.

Because the story is BS. Either the whole post is fake or OP's boyfriend is spinning some serious lies. My money is on the former.

[Anonymous]

Let me be clear on this....So when a baby is born...And both parents are unable to provide for him/her and are unwilling to parent the child, then it is not possible for them to simply "sign away their parental rights" immediately or soon after birth unless there is another person waiting in the wings, willing and waiting to adopt said child??

Then how do some children get into the Foster care system?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let me be clear on this....So when a baby is born...And both parents are unable to provide for him/her and are unwilling to parent the child, then it is not possible for them to simply "sign away their parental rights" immediately or soon after birth unless there is another person waiting in the wings, willing and waiting to adopt said child??

Then how do some children get into the Foster care system?

You're talking about child custody, which is not the same as legal parental rights. You can't just decide to turn your child over to the foster care system and sign a contract to that effect. There's usually a very good reason those children were removed from their parents' home, such as neglect and abuse.

Rights can be terminated if a child is abandoned by their parents, but there are a lot of legal criteria for that to happen. It cannot happen at birth because each state has a timeline of how long the parents have to have abandoned them. It can only be decided by a judge. The reasons (grounds) for termination of parental rights for different states can be found online.

[Anonymous]

Since this adoption has taken six years to process, boyfriend was still responsible for child support. If the baby wasn't adopted for the last six years and the parents signed away their rights after birth, someone had to be legally responsible for him. Not clear why the boyfriend even bothered to have his name put on the birth cert at all, it doesn't make sense. If he cared at some point to be its father, he could have co-parented with the grandparents.

[Anonymous]

Run away! Run away!

I can see giving custody to grandparents who could provide a good home. (custody means control of decisions). I can't see giving ups relationship with my kid or support unless I were mentally I'll, physically I'll, or a borderline criminal.

Kid is six. What could possibly have changed so dramatically in six years? Does he really have no relationship with this kid of his, and why are you fine with that?

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm a single mom of two. One just graduated from college and my youngest is about to graduate from high school. In order to love and care for them to the best of my ability, I didn't allow men with "colorful" backgrounds into our lives. As a survival strategy, I became ultra selective.

I'm not clear how you can have much respect for this guy. It's crucial that you make wise decisions and that includes protecting your son's and your heart. Make sure that you have access to a supportive group of girlfriends and aren't trying to get through it all alone. I sense you have very good and strong instincts and will make the right decision. Good luck to you.

[Anonymous]

OP,

He doesn't sound quality. The mother of his son was in prison? That is also part of the picture. Maybe he's engaged in illegal activities, too? I wouldn't let this evolve. Also, what would you tell your son down the road? Your stepdad abandoned a son who is the same age as you?