He signed away his parental rights

[Anonymous]

I recently started seeing this guy and things are going pretty good so far.
Except one thing kinda bothers me. He has a six year old son that he had with and former girlfriend that now lives with her parents and is in the process of being formally adopted by them.

Shortly after his birth, both him and his former GF signed away their parental rights to the child.
The GF because she was in prison and the guy I am seeing because he says he wasn't in a good place financially and didn't think he could be a good father and provide for his son. I get a hunch that he didn't want to pay child support for eighteen years.

My problem is that I have a six year old son and I cannot even imagine absolving my parental rights no matter what. If I had to peddle apples on the street corner, I would.
I like this guy, but this really bothers me that he could do something like this.
Is this a deal breaker?

[Anonymous]

How old was he when the child was born? And when all of this happened?

[Anonymous]

He was twenty six.

It happened six years ago.

[Anonymous]

He was 26 when the kid was born? And he's 32 now? And would rather sign over his rights to his child to the parents of someone who is in prison than have access to his child because it means he has to pay child support?

Do I really need to give you advice here?

[Anonymous]

Yikes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I recently started seeing this guy and things are going pretty good so far.
Except one thing kinda bothers me. He has a six year old son that he had with and former girlfriend that now lives with her parents and is in the process of being formally adopted by them.

Shortly after his birth, both him and his former GF signed away their parental rights to the child.
The GF because she was in prison and the guy I am seeing because he says he wasn't in a good place financially and didn't think he could be a good father and provide for his son. I get a hunch that he didn't want to pay child support for eighteen years.

My problem is that I have a six year old son and I cannot even imagine absolving my parental rights no matter what. If I had to peddle apples on the street corner, I would.
I like this guy, but this really bothers me that he could do something like this.
Is this a deal breaker?

You've already answered your own question, I think. This doesn't sound like a good fit for you, or like a guy who would be a good stepdad to your precious son, if things went that far. Yikes is right. Definitely a deal breaker. If he had been, say 16, at the time, I might answer differently, but 26 - no.

[Anonymous]

You're a mother, he's not. The way he thought about it, the child's grandparents would provide a good home so he signed things over to them.

[Anonymous]

I like this guy, but this really bothers me that he could do something like this. Is this a deal breaker?

You've already answered your own question, I think. This doesn't sound like a good fit for you, or like a guy who would be a good stepdad to your precious son, if things went that far. Yikes is right. Definitely a deal breaker. If he had been, say 16, at the time, I might answer differently, but 26 - no.

I am the PP who asked about the ages and I completely agree. 16 is about the maximum parenthood age where I would draw the line on this ridiculousness. He has essentially abandoned his child, to people who raised someone else who abandon her child, and he did it at an age where he should absolutely know better, and you would never do the same.

See ya.

[Anonymous]

Will he be visiting his son regularly?

[Anonymous]

It's not only about the money.
It's about the responsibility.
I know of 2 women who had to sign a prenup that if they got pregnant, they had to terminate the fetus.

[Anonymous]

So you want to punish him for a decision he made 6 years ago, to place his child in the hand of its loving grandparents?

[Anonymous]

My dh had a daughter at 21. He wasn't dating the mother of his child but they would occasionally have sex. After the baby was born she got really possessive over him, she would drive past his house and if she saw his girlfriends car at his place she would scratch his car etc. he begged her to see his daughter and she would only allow visits when he was single. He stopped contact with his daughter bc him and his ex always argued. It got to the point where he had to call the police because she would beat him etc. She told me she used to act that way when she was younger And can't believe she did. Dh and I have a child together and I couldn't ask for a more perfect father for my child. He barges him, takes care of him, plays, kisses and hugs him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not only about the money.
It's about the responsibility.
I know of 2 women who had to sign a prenup that if they got pregnant, they had to terminate the fetus.

This is not legal.

[Anonymous]

Wow! Absolutely sickening.

Nothing like selling your soul to the devil.

People who would do that deserve to never have children.

Anonymous wrote:It's not only about the money.
It's about the responsibility.
I know of 2 women who had to sign a prenup that if they got pregnant, they had to terminate the fetus.

[Anonymous]

OP, maybe you are struggling because instinctively you know your values don't match. What was his life like six years ago? Was he estranged from his family? Did he have substance abuse issues? And have you met his friends/family? What did the GF go to prison for? Was the child in foster care for a few years, just wondering why the adoption process is taking so long.

The idea of an adult signing over parental rights just doesn't sit well with me. On a deep, human level, I couldn't trust him.