He signed away his parental rights

[Anonymous]

I think these things tend to happen in stages. I doubt he started out thinking "I'm going to give up this child and sign away my parental rights and give him up for adoption."

I think it probably played out that ultimately the grandparents needed to fully adopt the child in order to care for him effectively. That often happens in legal practice in family law, that after caring for a child for a few years, there is a move to adopt simply because it is so much easier.

I wouldn't necessarily look at this as a value judgment. It may have been a practical matter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think these things tend to happen in stages. I doubt he started out thinking "I'm going to give up this child and sign away my parental rights and give him up for adoption."

I think it probably played out that ultimately the grandparents needed to fully adopt the child in order to care for him effectively. That often happens in legal practice in family law, that after caring for a child for a few years, there is a move to adopt simply because it is so much easier.

I wouldn't necessarily look at this as a value judgment. It may have been a practical matter.

I kind of see what this poster is trying to say. The unfolding of the story could be, theoretically, important to understand to make sense of the ending.

However, OP, I am unsettled by the fact that he made no apparent emotional connection to the child. If you want to know more about this man, be honest with your concern and ask. If he is a good person he will understand why it needs to be addressed.

Then again, I sense from your post that you have begun a process of internal withdrawal, and if that is the case, then I believe following your gut instinct is priority. You are probably picking up on a host of other cues and bits of info. Its not adding up to something you trust and as a mother of a young child, you cant be making exceptions for what another posted correctly called a value mismatch.

The mom in prison thing makes me unhappy too...

[Anonymous]

He would have to demonstrate that he's matured considerably since then. But if you really think it's about the money, go with your gut. That's not maturity, that's an indicator of bad moral values.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So you want to punish him for a decision he made 6 years ago, to place his child in the hand of its loving grandparents?

How is she "punishing" anyone? She is trying to decide if she should consider dating someone. Whether she stays or moves on, there is no punishment involved here.

Or are you one of those immature, manipulative people who treats every decision that doesn't suit you as a "punishment?" If so, that's not how life works.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, maybe you are struggling because instinctively you know your values don't match. What was his life like six years ago? Was he estranged from his family? Did he have substance abuse issues? And have you met his friends/family? What did the GF go to prison for? Was the child in foster care for a few years, just wondering why the adoption process is taking so long.

The idea of an adult signing over parental rights just doesn't sit well with me. On a deep, human level, I couldn't trust him.

+1

[Anonymous]

Wow, what a loser. Hope the sex is good.

[Anonymous]

I'm surprised that anybody on here would be suggesting cutting this guy a break - no way they're parents. This would be an immediate deal-breaker for me. There have gotta be other red flags...right OP? Has he met your son? Has he had any trouble with the law, like his ex?

[Anonymous]

If the adoption is still in process, then he likely didn't sign away his rights six years ago, he did so more recently.

I would be fine with someone who placed their newborn child for adoption, including if that placement was with family. But this sounds like mom was parenting, without support from Dad, or mom was co-parenting with her parents, and then when she went to prison Dad didn't step up either to form a relationship with his child or to pay child support.

I would stay far away.

[Anonymous]

He wouldn't be responsible for your child unless he adopts your child. And that can only happen if our child's biological father terminates his rights.

[Anonymous]

Run. Run far away.

Did anyone else catch that the ex GF is in prison?

This whole thing sounds like a train wreck.

[Anonymous]

Listen to your gut. You obviously have misgivings or you wouldn't have posted.

LISTEN TO YOUR GUT.

LISTEN TO YOUR GUT.

LISTEN TO YOUR GUT.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He was 26 when the kid was born? And he's 32 now? And would rather sign over his rights to his child to the parents of someone who is in prison than have access to his child because it means he has to pay child support?

Do I really need to give you advice here?

+1

[Anonymous]

My DH had a baby when he was an 18 year old wild child and trouble maker, managed to put himself through college and now DS is getting ready to go to college. He's a great dad.

For someone to do this at TWENTY SIX?! To paraphrase Maya Angeleou - he's showing you who he is - believe him.

[Anonymous]

I guess it is as if he gave his child up for adoption. I think that can be a respectable choice depending on his circumstances at the time. I have a friend who gave a child up for adoption and I really respect her choice. Though I don't know what kind of family the birth mother comes from. Hopefully the grandparents will give the child a good life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You've already answered your own question, I think. This doesn't sound like a good fit for you, or like a guy who would be a good stepdad to your precious son, if things went that far. Yikes is right. Definitely a deal breaker. If he had been, say 16, at the time, I might answer differently, but 26 - no.

This.