How to open gifts according to my MIL

[Anonymous]

Well, we like to do it one gift at a time, but our entire family is seven people, including living grandparents, so it really doesn't take that long.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How about the adults act civilized and the kids tear up gifts? That way she can be MC while the kids are off playing with their new stuff. Or do you feel the need to also tear open all your gifts at once?

+1

When my husband and I were first together, there were three kids, so it was easy to have them take turns. Now, with 8 kids ranging from 2-15, not so much. So we sort of let the kids go nuts first, and then we send them away to play with their crap while the adults open gifts. We usually have way less anyway (siblings don't exchange, grown kids get one gift each for mom and dad as a couple, etc). Trying to have a large group open one by one drags on for hours and is no fun for anyone.

Does your MIL come from a small family by chance?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tearing open gifts one right after the next shows poor manners. Period.

It is just as gauche to turn a consumerist activity into the main event of a family holiday.

YES. THANK YOU.

There is so much build up to the exacting one-by-one exchange at MILs sometimes I feel like it is really the entire point of the holiday. Instead of appreciation, it breeds resentment for her hypermanagement of everyone's holiday.

Completely agree. Drawing gifts out like that makes the entire focus about the gifts and receiving.

+1000

Seems like a poor use of people's time, especially if there are people who need to catch a plane home, get kids to bed or get some sleep for work the next day. I'm sure many people can think of other things they'd like to do with a few hours than watch Uncle Joe or Cousin Jane open up a gift box containing another sweater or DVD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We took a medium approach: everyone holds one present and opens at the same time. Much faster.

Yep - this is what we do with the kids.

[Anonymous]

We do something similar. Everyone takes a turn opening one gift at about the same time then we wait an hour or so before the next round. Gives the kids time to enjoy their gift. Spreads it out over the day and we buy far fewer gifts.

[Anonymous]

PP, we do the same. I was beginning to wonder if we were the only family that stopped to eat breakfast and then lunch mid-way through presents.

And, yes, this even worked when the kids were very little and impatient. We'd open a gift and let them play with it for an hour or so before going on to the next. They grew up into appreciative kids who read the cards first and say sincere "thank you."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP, we do the same. I was beginning to wonder if we were the only family that stopped to eat breakfast and then lunch mid-way through presents.

And, yes, this even worked when the kids were very little and impatient. We'd open a gift and let them play with it for an hour or so before going on to the next. They grew up into appreciative kids who read the cards first and say sincere "thank you."

News flash...

We have a dozen kids in our combined family, and when we were kids, there were almost 20 kids/cousins. We are of the tear into the gift traditions, because quite frankly, sitting for hours to watch 20-40 people open gifts one at a time is like nails on a chalkboard.

Guess what?

The thanks to the giver by these kids are very sincere and appreciative. Most of them even--gasp--write thank you notes (or emails in this day and age).

Opening gifts over several hours one at a time does not mean that the kids have the monopoly on good manners, gratefulness and graciousness. The patience of saints perhaps, but certainly not a monopoly on gratefulness or manners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP, we do the same. I was beginning to wonder if we were the only family that stopped to eat breakfast and then lunch mid-way through presents.

And, yes, this even worked when the kids were very little and impatient. We'd open a gift and let them play with it for an hour or so before going on to the next. They grew up into appreciative kids who read the cards first and say sincere "thank you."

Maybe it's not sincere.
Perhaps they've just learned to fake it to end the damn ordeal. Some of these gift openings sound like they span geologic time periods. Way to show your kids Christmas really is all about the gift exchange...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The one by one gift opening is solely for the benefit of the giver who needs to feel appreciated.

This. My MIL is exactly like this. The even sadder thing is that she doesn't even pick out the gifts. I buy them, mail them to her house for her to wrap and then give away. Sigh.

My MIL asked me to buy a gift on her behalf for one kid this year and it feels so strange. She's also a one at a time gift opener and we got stuck doing that way too long. She won't be here this year, so I'm thinking about tearing into the gifts like never before!!

[Anonymous]

When we were little (big family) we tore into the gifts. And everything was from Santa. I wanted to open all the gifts and then revel in my "pile". So we'll probably do that with the kids once they are older. Not force them to wait and play with one thing at a time. It doesn't make individual things in the pile any less special, it was just great to have that pile of new things. Long live the pile!

[Anonymous]

Hmmmm. Well, I guess we might be the minority here, but I never knew families had rules about , ugh, OPENING GIFTS!!! I mean really, WTF?

Rip. Take turns. Free for all. Who CARES? It's christmas. Your (I presume?) loved ones are there with you. Enjoy yourselves.

This really seems like something for Carolyn hax. Lol.
Ps: if you want to open your presents continuously in a one at a time environment...i double dog dare you to do just that. Just to see what happens. Do they take the rest of your gifts away? Physically restrain you? What?

[Anonymous]

We had a big family (8 kids) and we did the gifts one at a time. It was delightful.

Why not try it once and then let the kids tell her how they liked it, whether they want to do it again.

Or just have everybody open her gifts first, then free-for-all for the rest of the gifts.

[Anonymous]

This is purely the domain of the parents. If OP wants to rip into them that's how it goes. Your kids your house. Another MIL trying to be the center of attention. MY ILs make me buy the gifts for the kids and insist on getting credit (no Santa). She does this and it's just weird. She'd rather be the center then see grand kids happy with the magic of Santa.

[Anonymous]

Full disclosure....I did not read all of the posts. What caught my eye was the "MIL" in the subject. In the past, I probably could have written a similar post. However, my MIL passed away unexpectedly yesterday morning. My father-in-law lost his wife, my husband lost his mother, and my children lost their grandmother. The funeral is Christmas Eve. I wish I would have treated her better. When a tragedy strikes, you realize what is important in life. If opening presents a certain way makes your MIL happy, then I say "go with the flow." I wish I had. It's a little thing...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As an introvert, I really hate opening presents one by one on Christmas day. That's also how my MIL does it. It puts me in the spotlight and annoys me. My family each opens one gift, then another, then another, but all at the same time. So not necessarily a free for all, but still a controlled opening.

Me, too. In my family we just open the gifts at more or less the same time, and catch the attention of the person who gave the gift and thank them when we open their gift. I was sort of taken aback the first time I spent Christmas with my ILs and found out they did the whole turn-taking thing. To me it combines the worst part or being at someone else's baby/wedding shower (watching someone else open a million gifts) with the worst part of your own shower (being the center of attention while opening your own gifts). I have gotten more used to it over the years, but I still don't like it.

Also, I think it highlights any inequity in the number of gifts received by different people; somehow it's weird when some people have gifts and others don't, even though it really shouldn't be. The year my SIL gave gifts to all of her siblings except my husband, I probably wouldn't have noticed if it had been more of a free for all.