How to open gifts according to my MIL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We do one-by-one too.

It's more civilized.

But I think it only works once the kids are a bit older and can temper their impulses better.

Whatever. When you have a huge group, it's incredibly time-consuming and tedious to do it this way. Heck, even in my immediate family, we all open gifts at the same time. You open your gift, catch the attention of the person who gave it to you, say "thank you," and continue. It's relaxed, but still civilized.

[Anonymous]

I agree, MIL is being ridiculous by trying to force presents to be opened by her standards.

However, I came from a "one at a time" present opening family. Youngest would open first. All would ooh and ahh, then move on to second youngest. And then rotate through everybody (Grandma had to open presents continually, though, because as the matriarch she had a of stuff to open, and arthritis. And my uncles would complain if she was too slow.) It totally worked for us! Kids wouldn't whine about opening up their next present and would play with whatever they opened while waiting for the next round to begin. It made present opening last a good two hours, but I remember it being loud and happy and fun!

My ILS subscribe to the gift opening frenzy that lasts maybe 15 minutes. And at the end, the room is filled with discarded wrapping paper and everyone walks around to see what other people opened during the gift blitz. It's fun, too! But that first Christmas I spent with them - I was unprepared. Seriously, I did not know presents could get opened that fast. It was kind of jarring. But I certainly did not attempt to change it!

So, just as you gift-blitzers may be bored to death with us one-at-a-timers, we are just as overwhelmed with the swiftness of your unwrapping. Neither method is better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We do one-by-one too.

It's more civilized.

But I think it only works once the kids are a bit older and can temper their impulses better.

Whatever. When you have a huge group, it's incredibly time-consuming and tedious to do it this way. Heck, even in my immediate family, we all open gifts at the same time. You open your gift, catch the attention of the person who gave it to you, say "thank you," and continue. It's relaxed, but still civilized.

That's what my family does too. We have less than ten but if we had to sit through every, single, gift, and ooh and ahh over every, single, gift, it would take hours. It would take too much effort (for what gain at the end of it all?) to force everyone to sit through such an event.

As far as "civilized," for Chrissakes, they're children being children excited on Christmas, not a bunch of Huns burning a village.

[Anonymous]

The one by one gift opening is solely for the benefit of the giver who needs to feel appreciated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How does your husband feel? Has he happily adopted YOUR families way of doing Christmas or have you pretty much told him this is how it's going to be.

Husband prefers our approach -- and, to be fair, when we open gifts later in the week with his family (including MIL) we do it her way. She is with us on Christmas Day because she and her husband are passing through on the way to visit more family in another state. We meet up with them later in the week and do Christmas with his family then.

So you're graciously inviting her to your family Christmas and later doing a separate event with them their way? Yeah, she has no room to ask for changes in that scenario. Ideally, your DH would tell her so: "Mom, really. Let DW's family do things their own way. If it's too much for you, we understand if you want to take a pass on the event."

This. Your husband should be honest and succinct in how he handles this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We do one-by-one too.

It's more civilized.

But I think it only works once the kids are a bit older and can temper their impulses better.

Whatever. When you have a huge group, it's incredibly time-consuming and tedious to do it this way. Heck, even in my immediate family, we all open gifts at the same time. You open your gift, catch the attention of the person who gave it to you, say "thank you," and continue. It's relaxed, but still civilized.

That's what my family does too. We have less than ten but if we had to sit through every, single, gift, and ooh and ahh over every, single, gift, it would take hours. It would take too much effort (for what gain at the end of it all?) to force everyone to sit through such an event.

As far as "civilized," for Chrissakes, they're children being children excited on Christmas, not a bunch of Huns burning a village.

I'm loving some of these comments!

And I agree with you, PP.

[Anonymous]

OP again -- I get why some people like this idea. But that's not the point -- the point is that she is trying to control a Christmas get together that isn't even her family! And we've been doing it this way for nearly 40 years, with all sorts of other "visitors" joining us along the way. I just don't get why we should alter a celebration that 20+ people love to appease one person.

This. She just has no right - turn it around on her. Tell her, "look...how would you feel if you'd been doing it one way for over 40 years and someone tried to change it?"

Pity your DH. My MOM is like this and it sucks. So controlling over *everything* - even stupid shit that no one cares about becomes a huge deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The one by one gift opening is solely for the benefit of the giver who needs to feel appreciated.

This. My MIL is exactly like this. The even sadder thing is that she doesn't even pick out the gifts. I buy them, mail them to her house for her to wrap and then give away. Sigh.

[Anonymous]

My experience has been the opposite. We had a small family so we always did something more like the one-by-one approach (or everyone opens one gift at the same time) whereas DH's family does the free for all, which I can't stand because a) it's over in about 5 minutes (where's the fun in that?) and b) you don't even get to see what other people got, which is half the enjoyment for me.

But with that said, your MIL shouldn't get to dictate the terms of another family's celebration. She needs to shut up and deal, just as I shut up and deal at my MIL's house.

[Anonymous]

Another solution is to save your MIL's presents for last and let the kids gather around her in a corner where they can beg her for their presents (which is probably what she wants anyway) and she can shake her finger at them to be polite and wait and sit quietly as if they're a bunch of Yorkshire terriers.

[Anonymous]

we did free for all when I was little, and then when I was older my mom changed to the one at a time. I think for a small group who doesn't go nuts buying each other a ton of gifts the one at a time method can work, but for large groups or lots of presents it is too tedious to do it that way. It also draws attention to who got more gifts. One person might get 3 gifts and someone else got 12 and now the 3 gifter has to so around and watch while someone else opens 9 more. How boring is that? It also creates an awkward moment when someone gets some crap gift but also has to act happy about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The one by one gift opening is solely for the benefit of the giver who needs to feel appreciated.

This. My MIL is exactly like this. The even sadder thing is that she doesn't even pick out the gifts. I buy them, mail them to her house for her to wrap and then give away. Sigh.

Ridiculous. The one-by-one is a way to take a moment to appreciate each gift instead of immediately tearing into the next one. Yes, it also allows the giver to see the recipients reaction and/or explain whatever thought went into the gift, and it teaches kids to express thanks.

Last year we went to my in-laws for my first experience with the grab approach. I was overwhelmed, as was my 1.5yr old, who cried and waited to open his gifts until the frenzy was over. I honestly felt like I was in the middle of WalMart on Black Friday. I'll also never know if the recipients cared at all about the carefully chosen gifts I gave, and thus don't know what to get them next time. Fortunately, my DH was also disappointed in how it all went down and was sorry for our son as well. Never again.

[Anonymous]

Perhaps you could have the kids open her gifts one by one. While she shouldn't try to change your entire family's traditions, it would be nice to show her that you care about her seeing each child open their gift from her. You could set aside a time before or after the gift free-for-all for the opening of her treasures. It's Christmas, throw her a bone.

[Anonymous]

At MIL's house, the younger kids wear Santa's elf hats, take the gifts from under the tree and take them to the recipients.

Gifts are opened one by one, youngest person going first. When they have opened all off their gifts, the next youngest person opens all of their gifts and so forth. This takes several hours, longer when recipients insist on reading cards that may come with/as a gift.

No one can leave until the oldest (the grandparents) have opened their gifts. Doesn't matter if it's midnight,kids are asleep, anyone has a long drive, people have to get up the next day to go to work.

I will NEVER do it this way, but it is MIL's house, so we do it her way. When it's my house, it will be my way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The one by one gift opening is solely for the benefit of the giver who needs to feel appreciated.

This. My MIL is exactly like this. The even sadder thing is that she doesn't even pick out the gifts. I buy them, mail them to her house for her to wrap and then give away. Sigh.

Ridiculous. The one-by-one is a way to take a moment to appreciate each gift instead of immediately tearing into the next one. Yes, it also allows the giver to see the recipients reaction and/or explain whatever thought went into the gift, and it teaches kids to express thanks.

Last year we went to my in-laws for my first experience with the grab approach. I was overwhelmed, as was my 1.5yr old, who cried and waited to open his gifts until the frenzy was over. I honestly felt like I was in the middle of WalMart on Black Friday. I'll also never know if the recipients cared at all about the carefully chosen gifts I gave, and thus don't know what to get them next time. Fortunately, my DH was also disappointed in how it all went down and was sorry for our son as well. Never again.

LOL -so, you are at the in-laws and think it should be done YOUR way. You sound like OP's MIL. Give your son another Christmas or two, and he will be itching to tear open the paper. So, are you going to insist the in-laws change things at their Christmas, or are you guys going to be so petty that you boycott over how some Christmas gifts are opened? You sound like a control freak.