How to open gifts according to my MIL

[Anonymous]

In my husband's family, apparently gifts are opened one by one and everyone oohs and aahs over each gift. In my family, it has always been a free for all - when I was growing up there were 9 kids and double that in adults and there are now six kids and some large number of grow ups. Last year we invited MIL to join my family's Christmas and she spent the whole morning trying to make people go one by one and whimpering in the corner about all the mess and chaos.

We've invited her again this year and she is already proposing that she serve as "master of ceremonies" so that things can be more "civilized" in her opinion. Thing is - we don't want more civilized. We love the insanity of free kids tearing into their gifts and screaming with happiness and no one wants to be bored to pieces watching each and every gift opening. My husband is reluctant to tell her how it's going to be. I'm not. Do we address this ahead of time or just let her be overwhelmed by our uncouth nature again this year?

[Anonymous]

How about the adults act civilized and the kids tear up gifts? That way she can be MC while the kids are off playing with their new stuff. Or do you feel the need to also tear open all your gifts at once?

[Anonymous]

Address it ahead of time, allow her to opt out and offer to have a separate celebration with her. My ILs are like your MIL, my family is like yours. My H was appalled the first year he came to my family's house for Christmas. But we see each family at Christmas so I told him he needed to accept that different families do things differently and we do it his family's way at the ILs. She should not serve as Master of Ceremonies, talk about causing resentment.

[Anonymous]

Wow, your MIL is a piece of work for coming to YOUR family's Christmas and then trying to take it over. That's ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

OP here - we could do that but I suppose I'm kind of irritated at her trying to impose her way on an entire extended family get together than has been going on for nearly 40 years. Isn't that a bit presumptuous? And the adults don't exActly tear into our gifts, but none of is really care tonsil through a show and tell.

[Anonymous]

What's with all these husbands who can't stand up to mama? Jeez.

She has to suck up and deal. Not her home. I think a lot of in-laws including my own parents think their kids' home is an extension of their own. It's not. I guarantee you sj=he'd lose it if you tried to change how things are at her house.

Just say it's Christmas, the kids are having a good time, shrug and walk away.

[Anonymous]

Um that's "to sit" rather than "tonsil".

[Anonymous]

That is exactly what my MIL has imposed on us. She made some condescending speech years ago about how teaching children patience should be a priority. (Duh!) With 18 family members together kids have to wait through 17 people to get to their next present !!!!!!!!!

Also, she insists that the kids' stockings are just fruit and old fashioned wooden trinkets supposedly brought by Santa. The problem is every other year we're at my house and my kids wonder why the stocking stuff drastically changes.

[Anonymous]

I wonder if she just wants to see how everyone reacts to her gifts and doesn't want her awesome gifts (a little sarcasm there) underappreciated. I bet it's more about her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What's with all these husbands who can't stand up to mama? Jeez.

She has to suck up and deal. Not her home. I think a lot of in-laws including my own parents think their kids' home is an extension of their own. It's not. I guarantee you sj=he'd lose it if you tried to change how things are at her house.

Just say it's Christmas, the kids are having a good time, shrug and walk away.

+A MILLION

[Anonymous]

When my MIL gives me a gift she leans in and says "Oh you can reuse the paper if you open it carefully."

I try to make a good natured show of it, but seriously. come on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In my husband's family, apparently gifts are opened one by one and everyone oohs and aahs over each gift. In my family, it has always been a free for all - when I was growing up there were 9 kids and double that in adults and there are now six kids and some large number of grow ups. Last year we invited MIL to join my family's Christmas and she spent the whole morning trying to make people go one by one and whimpering in the corner about all the mess and chaos.

We've invited her again this year and she is already proposing that she serve as "master of ceremonies" so that things can be more "civilized" in her opinion. Thing is - we don't want more civilized. We love the insanity of free kids tearing into their gifts and screaming with happiness and no one wants to be bored to pieces watching each and every gift opening. My husband is reluctant to tell her how it's going to be. I'm not. Do we address this ahead of time or just let her be overwhelmed by our uncouth nature again this year?

If I were in your shoes, I'd have some fun just watching her get flustered over the whole scene.

[Anonymous]

How does your husband feel? Has he happily adopted YOUR families way of doing Christmas or have you pretty much told him this is how it's going to be.

[Anonymous]

I always grew up with the one at a time, drawn out opening (and carefully opening the paper so it can be reused) but we had a small gathering. I prefer that approach, I like to see what people get, but to insist that other people do it my way would be really obnoxious. My in laws approach the holidays very differently, and I suck it up and deal because they get to have their traditions sometimes too.

Perhaps you guys would be better off not inviting your MIL and instead doing your own Christmas with her separately.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wonder if she just wants to see how everyone reacts to her gifts and doesn't want her awesome gifts (a little sarcasm there) underappreciated. I bet it's more about her.

ding, ding, ding! We have a winner!