How to open gifts according to my MIL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The one by one gift opening is solely for the benefit of the giver who needs to feel appreciated.

This. My MIL is exactly like this. The even sadder thing is that she doesn't even pick out the gifts. I buy them, mail them to her house for her to wrap and then give away. Sigh.

Ridiculous. The one-by-one is a way to take a moment to appreciate each gift instead of immediately tearing into the next one. Yes, it also allows the giver to see the recipients reaction and/or explain whatever thought went into the gift, and it teaches kids to express thanks.

Last year we went to my in-laws for my first experience with the grab approach. I was overwhelmed, as was my 1.5yr old, who cried and waited to open his gifts until the frenzy was over. I honestly felt like I was in the middle of WalMart on Black Friday. I'll also never know if the recipients cared at all about the carefully chosen gifts I gave, and thus don't know what to get them next time. Fortunately, my DH was also disappointed in how it all went down and was sorry for our son as well. Never again.

LOL -so, you are at the in-laws and think it should be done YOUR way. You sound like OP's MIL. Give your son another Christmas or two, and he will be itching to tear open the paper. So, are you going to insist the in-laws change things at their Christmas, or are you guys going to be so petty that you boycott over how some Christmas gifts are opened? You sound like a control freak.

Not a control freak at all. Love the in-laws, frequently make the 8hrdruve to see them, but will be having Christmas at our house for the foreseeable future. Does it make a difference that their kids are all late-teens, tore through their gifts and then left for their respective rooms to play their new respective video games while DS opened his first-ever Xmas presents? Maybe it doesn't matter to the masses, but it did to me. It all seemed so materialistic and just wasn't the kind of memory I hope to create for my family.

You're contradicting yourself. if you don't like the materialism, why would it matter to you that they witness your child opening his gifts?
I think it was rude of the teenagers to leave the room, but it's not all about your precious baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The one by one gift opening is solely for the benefit of the giver who needs to feel appreciated.

This. My MIL is exactly like this. The even sadder thing is that she doesn't even pick out the gifts. I buy them, mail them to her house for her to wrap and then give away. Sigh.

Ridiculous. The one-by-one is a way to take a moment to appreciate each gift instead of immediately tearing into the next one. Yes, it also allows the giver to see the recipients reaction and/or explain whatever thought went into the gift, and it teaches kids to express thanks.

Last year we went to my in-laws for my first experience with the grab approach. I was overwhelmed, as was my 1.5yr old, who cried and waited to open his gifts until the frenzy was over. I honestly felt like I was in the middle of WalMart on Black Friday. I'll also never know if the recipients cared at all about the carefully chosen gifts I gave, and thus don't know what to get them next time. Fortunately, my DH was also disappointed in how it all went down and was sorry for our son as well. Never again.

LOL -so, you are at the in-laws and think it should be done YOUR way. You sound like OP's MIL. Give your son another Christmas or two, and he will be itching to tear open the paper. So, are you going to insist the in-laws change things at their Christmas, or are you guys going to be so petty that you boycott over how some Christmas gifts are opened? You sound like a control freak.

Not a control freak at all. Love the in-laws, frequently make the 8hrdruve to see them, but will be having Christmas at our house for the foreseeable future. Does it make a difference that their kids are all late-teens, tore through their gifts and then left for their respective rooms to play their new respective video games while DS opened his first-ever Xmas presents? Maybe it doesn't matter to the masses, but it did to me. It all seemed so materialistic and just wasn't the kind of memory I hope to create for my family.

You're contradicting yourself. if you don't like the materialism, why would it matter to you that they witness your child opening his gifts?
I think it was rude of the teenagers to leave the room, but it's not all about your precious baby.

No, not a contradiction. Again, it's having my child learn how to show (and accept) appreciation. He received a small, appropriate number of gifts for his age. It ended up seeming more materialistic because our focus (DH and me) was entirely on him as he opened gifts alone, rather than spreading our attention to everyone else by turn. Anyway to each his own. And no, I don't think MIL should dictate what happens at OP's house. I just agree with where she's coming from.

[Anonymous]

Not reading all the replies, but in case no one has suggested it . . .

Why not compromise by having everyone open one gift at the same time, then another gift at the same time, then another, etc.? You get a little bit of order but still a lot of simultaneous hubbub.

[Anonymous]

I think a lot of posters are missing the point.

This isn't just Christmas at OP's with her DH and the kids. This OP's extended family celebration that MIL is trying to change to suit her holiday expectations. And on top of that MIL is having her own Christmas where the bulk of her gifts will be opened later on.

There's no way I'd compromise and let her be *Master of Ceremonies* at my family's day. She's already going to have her own little shindig where she can do the gift opening as she likes. If it bothers her that much, tough. She needs to learn to be a better guest.

[Anonymous]

Set her straight beforehand so your family is not put in an awkward position. Your MIL is incredibly, incredibly presumptuous. (And I'm in the savor/one-at-a-time camp.). Tell her "no, thanks, we like the way we do it and it's a longstanding family tradition. We don't need a master of ceremonies and aren't interested in changing our free-for-all!" Period.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I kind of like her idea.

OP again -- I get why some people like this idea. But that's not the point -- the point is that she is trying to control a Christmas get together that isn't even her family! And we've been doing it this way for nearly 40 years, with all sorts of other "visitors" joining us along the way. I just don't get why we should alter a celebration that 20+ people love to appease one person.

And yes, before someone points it out, I'm not my MILs biggest fan. But to me that doesn't factor in here -- there's a clear right and wrong re: etiquette here, unless I'm missing something major.

What you're missing is a husband with the guts to tell his mommy, "We'll do it your way when we see you later that week on your turf. With Wife's family we do it their way. You can either stay in the room and get in the spirit, or if that's overwhelming for you, we get that, and you're welcome to retire to the (kitchen, dining room, wherever) with a (cup of coffee, glass of wine, whatever) when things get loud and chaotic." Then HE -- not you, HE -- smiles and firmly ignores her, and if she takes it up with you instead, HE intervenes and says, "We discussed this, remember? We do it your way later in the week. You're not going to get a different answer from Wife than you got from me."

Pity that your husband is too weak to do this.

I am sick of "I have to deal with my MIL because husband won't" posts on here, holiday or otherwise. Husband handles his family, Wife handles hers, they intervene for each other, period.

I think the gutless, cowed husband-son here is as much an issue as the disliked MIL.

[Anonymous]

Amen, PP!!

[Anonymous]

Ugh!!!

The open one gift at a time circus is soooo excruciatingly boring and just drags and drags. It creates awkward moments, for the giver who might be on a much lower budget than everyone else, or when someone doesn't care for a gift or received a duplicate.

My inlaws do it that way and it drives me crazy. It goes on for hours and hours, and 90 minutes into it the kids are yawning and saying things like "I am so tired of opening presents".

What makes it worse is that they are really into exchanging and returning gifts they don't like, and they will ask for the receipt or mention they are returning it right there after they open the present. It is such a boring and controlling way to open presents.

The free for all is such a more festive way to open presents, and it is clear to the giver that their gift is appreciated as the recipient holds it over their head, cheers, or yells thanks across the room or holds up a particularly beautifully wrapped present and exclaims "Everyone, look at this one! Isn't the bow beautiful?". Then at the end you have the fun of piles of wrapping paper to wade through, as everyone discusses how this was the Best-Christmas-EVER!

Nothing beats a big, joyful, Christmas gift giving extravaganza, full of honest and exuberant thanks to the givers.

I think the buoyant extravaganza vs the calm, quiet, taking turns for hours gift circle is a difference between tiny families and medium-large families. It is like two totally different cultures.

[Anonymous]

I love the one by one drawn out openings! That is how we did it in our family of eight kids. It took all morning! I think though that your MIL needs to let you guys have your fun, it is your family and that is how you do it! I would warn her and hope she can enjoy the chaos. Maybe have her give her presents out seperately after dinner or another time.

[Anonymous]

Tearing open gifts one right after the next shows poor manners. Period.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tearing open gifts one right after the next shows poor manners. Period.

It is just as gauche to turn a consumerist activity into the main event of a family holiday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ugh!!!

The open one gift at a time circus is soooo excruciatingly boring and just drags and drags. It creates awkward moments, for the giver who might be on a much lower budget than everyone else, or when someone doesn't care for a gift or received a duplicate.

My inlaws do it that way and it drives me crazy. It goes on for hours and hours, and 90 minutes into it the kids are yawning and saying things like "I am so tired of opening presents".

What makes it worse is that they are really into exchanging and returning gifts they don't like, and they will ask for the receipt or mention they are returning it right there after they open the present. It is such a boring and controlling way to open presents.

The free for all is such a more festive way to open presents, and it is clear to the giver that their gift is appreciated as the recipient holds it over their head, cheers, or yells thanks across the room or holds up a particularly beautifully wrapped present and exclaims "Everyone, look at this one! Isn't the bow beautiful?". Then at the end you have the fun of piles of wrapping paper to wade through, as everyone discusses how this was the Best-Christmas-EVER!

Nothing beats a big, joyful, Christmas gift giving extravaganza, full of honest and exuberant thanks to the givers.

I think the buoyant extravaganza vs the calm, quiet, taking turns for hours gift circle is a difference between tiny families and medium-large families. It is like two totally different cultures.

Eh, we do mostly one at a time in my family and it's still full of "honest and exuberant" thanks to the givers. We started doing one at a time when we were in elementary school. We were allowed to do stockings all at once, but all 3 of us kids had to be together to open, but we didn't have to wait for our parents to wake up. We had to wait until X time to wake mom and dad up and no other presents were opened until they had coffee in hand.

Now, it's generally 5-10 adults (depending on whether significant others and relatives are with us) and one 5yo kid. Kid hands out gifts to everyone, no one is allowed to open anything until everyone has a gift. Then we take turns opening and ooh and ahh over what everyone got, but no set order and there's often overlap with more than one person opening. Repeat. There's still a lot of excitement, the adults are back and forth between the living room and kitchen getting drinks and prepping breakfast, helping assemble gifts, everyone stays in their PJs until the afternoon. There's still a lot of energy, big piles of wrapping paper in the corners, lots of laughing and joking and chucking bows at people's heads. . . it's pretty awesome. If there's a discrepancy in the number of gifts, the person who ran out first gets to open the family gifts. I don't remember gift opening taking more than 45min as a child and it takes about that much time now too (we're slower as adults, but the number of gifts per person has gone down).

The waiting, anticipation and sharing in other people's excitement are part of the fun. I love seeing what other people receive and even DS likes to watch others open their gifts (esp if it's something he picked out). Yes, it's slight torture for him to wait, but learning to be patient is a good thing.

For OP's MIL though, she's nuts to think she has the right to change OP's family tradition.

[Anonymous]

Ugh I have a very nice neighbor who invited us over years ago for a Christmas Eve 'open house' type celebration, but a few minutes after we got there turned into a one-at-a-time gift opening celebration for her and her large family of 20+ people. DH and I and other neighbors/friends stood around awkwardly for like a half hour as they worked their way around the circle, one at a time, only half the circle had opened gifts when I finally sneaked off LOL at least don't invite friends over at the same time if you must drag the whole day out for hours opening one thing at a time...

I like the idea of everyone opening a gift at the same time as other posters have mentioned, as opposed to a free-for-all or a long drawn out boring one-at-a-time deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tearing open gifts one right after the next shows poor manners. Period.

It is just as gauche to turn a consumerist activity into the main event of a family holiday.

YES. THANK YOU.

There is so much build up to the exacting one-by-one exchange at MILs sometimes I feel like it is really the entire point of the holiday. Instead of appreciation, it breeds resentment for her hypermanagement of everyone's holiday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tearing open gifts one right after the next shows poor manners. Period.

It is just as gauche to turn a consumerist activity into the main event of a family holiday.

YES. THANK YOU.

There is so much build up to the exacting one-by-one exchange at MILs sometimes I feel like it is really the entire point of the holiday. Instead of appreciation, it breeds resentment for her hypermanagement of everyone's holiday.

Completely agree. Drawing gifts out like that makes the entire focus about the gifts and receiving.