How to open gifts according to my MIL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The one by one gift opening is solely for the benefit of the giver who needs to feel appreciated.

This. My MIL is exactly like this. The even sadder thing is that she doesn't even pick out the gifts. I buy them, mail them to her house for her to wrap and then give away. Sigh.

Ridiculous. The one-by-one is a way to take a moment to appreciate each gift instead of immediately tearing into the next one. Yes, it also allows the giver to see the recipients reaction and/or explain whatever thought went into the gift, and it teaches kids to express thanks.

Last year we went to my in-laws for my first experience with the grab approach. I was overwhelmed, as was my 1.5yr old, who cried and waited to open his gifts until the frenzy was over. I honestly felt like I was in the middle of WalMart on Black Friday. I'll also never know if the recipients cared at all about the carefully chosen gifts I gave, and thus don't know what to get them next time. Fortunately, my DH was also disappointed in how it all went down and was sorry for our son as well. Never again.

LOL -so, you are at the in-laws and think it should be done YOUR way. You sound like OP's MIL. Give your son another Christmas or two, and he will be itching to tear open the paper. So, are you going to insist the in-laws change things at their Christmas, or are you guys going to be so petty that you boycott over how some Christmas gifts are opened? You sound like a control freak.

Sound of hastily torn wrapping paper sent me into anxiety fit last Christmas. Ambulance called, oxygen administered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At MIL's house, the younger kids wear Santa's elf hats, take the gifts from under the tree and take them to the recipients.

Gifts are opened one by one, youngest person going first. When they have opened all off their gifts, the next youngest person opens all of their gifts and so forth. This takes several hours, longer when recipients insist on reading cards that may come with/as a gift.

No one can leave until the oldest (the grandparents) have opened their gifts. Doesn't matter if it's midnight,kids are asleep, anyone has a long drive, people have to get up the next day to go to work.

I will NEVER do it this way, but it is MIL's house, so we do it her way. When it's my house, it will be my way.

Gift hostages.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The one by one gift opening is solely for the benefit of the giver who needs to feel appreciated.

This. My MIL is exactly like this. The even sadder thing is that she doesn't even pick out the gifts. I buy them, mail them to her house for her to wrap and then give away. Sigh.

Ridiculous. The one-by-one is a way to take a moment to appreciate each gift instead of immediately tearing into the next one. Yes, it also allows the giver to see the recipients reaction and/or explain whatever thought went into the gift, and it teaches kids to express thanks.

Last year we went to my in-laws for my first experience with the grab approach. I was overwhelmed, as was my 1.5yr old, who cried and waited to open his gifts until the frenzy was over. I honestly felt like I was in the middle of WalMart on Black Friday. I'll also never know if the recipients cared at all about the carefully chosen gifts I gave, and thus don't know what to get them next time. Fortunately, my DH was also disappointed in how it all went down and was sorry for our son as well. Never again.

LOL -so, you are at the in-laws and think it should be done YOUR way. You sound like OP's MIL. Give your son another Christmas or two, and he will be itching to tear open the paper. So, are you going to insist the in-laws change things at their Christmas, or are you guys going to be so petty that you boycott over how some Christmas gifts are opened? You sound like a control freak.

Sound of hastily torn wrapping paper sent me into anxiety fit last Christmas. Ambulance called, oxygen administered.

I highly recommend upping the Xanax dose. The sound of so many people being merry at once is enough to undo the calmest amongst us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wonder if she just wants to see how everyone reacts to her gifts and doesn't want her awesome gifts (a little sarcasm there) underappreciated. I bet it's more about her.

ding, ding, ding! We have a winner!

Agree. With my NPD MIL it's all about her needing to talk about every single gift. What she gets, what she gives, blah blah blah. She also is a total control freak, trying to get DD to open her gifts right away one after another. MIL has an anxiety disorder, so letting people do things in their own time is nearly impossible for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The one by one gift opening is solely for the benefit of the giver who needs to feel appreciated.

This. My MIL is exactly like this. The even sadder thing is that she doesn't even pick out the gifts. I buy them, mail them to her house for her to wrap and then give away. Sigh.

Ridiculous. The one-by-one is a way to take a moment to appreciate each gift instead of immediately tearing into the next one. Yes, it also allows the giver to see the recipients reaction and/or explain whatever thought went into the gift, and it teaches kids to express thanks.

Last year we went to my in-laws for my first experience with the grab approach. I was overwhelmed, as was my 1.5yr old, who cried and waited to open his gifts until the frenzy was over. I honestly felt like I was in the middle of WalMart on Black Friday. I'll also never know if the recipients cared at all about the carefully chosen gifts I gave, and thus don't know what to get them next time. Fortunately, my DH was also disappointed in how it all went down and was sorry for our son as well. Never again.

LOL -so, you are at the in-laws and think it should be done YOUR way. You sound like OP's MIL. Give your son another Christmas or two, and he will be itching to tear open the paper. So, are you going to insist the in-laws change things at their Christmas, or are you guys going to be so petty that you boycott over how some Christmas gifts are opened? You sound like a control freak.

Not a control freak at all. Love the in-laws, frequently make the 8hrdruve to see them, but will be having Christmas at our house for the foreseeable future. Does it make a difference that their kids are all late-teens, tore through their gifts and then left for their respective rooms to play their new respective video games while DS opened his first-ever Xmas presents? Maybe it doesn't matter to the masses, but it did to me. It all seemed so materialistic and just wasn't the kind of memory I hope to create for my family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The one by one gift opening is solely for the benefit of the giver who needs to feel appreciated.

This. My MIL is exactly like this. The even sadder thing is that she doesn't even pick out the gifts. I buy them, mail them to her house for her to wrap and then give away. Sigh.

Ridiculous. The one-by-one is a way to take a moment to appreciate each gift instead of immediately tearing into the next one. Yes, it also allows the giver to see the recipients reaction and/or explain whatever thought went into the gift, and it teaches kids to express thanks.

Last year we went to my in-laws for my first experience with the grab approach. I was overwhelmed, as was my 1.5yr old, who cried and waited to open his gifts until the frenzy was over. I honestly felt like I was in the middle of WalMart on Black Friday. I'll also never know if the recipients cared at all about the carefully chosen gifts I gave, and thus don't know what to get them next time. Fortunately, my DH was also disappointed in how it all went down and was sorry for our son as well. Never again.

Case in point: preferred gift-opening method of insecure narcissists.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Perhaps you could have the kids open her gifts one by one. While she shouldn't try to change your entire family's traditions, it would be nice to show her that you care about her seeing each child open their gift from her. You could set aside a time before or after the gift free-for-all for the opening of her treasures. It's Christmas, throw her a bone.

OP here. She doesn't get gifts for all the kids. She gets one gift for our kids and the. Holds the rest for when we celebrate with her family. Again, please remember, grandma is getting her own way two days later.

[Anonymous]

What does your husband think? When you say your fmaily Christmas - do you mean you go to your parents place and invite your MIL there? If you have it at your place and invite both sides then isn't it both your families Christmas?

We open gifts the same way your MIL does. Simply because we appreciate the gift and the gift giver and so each gift is given attention and the gift giver is thanked. we have 22 people at Christmas and this is also how we have always done it. I have never been to a Christmas where everyone just ripped all the gifts open at once and 5 minutes later that was done. How do you know who each gift is from and how do you make sure each gift giver is thanked and knows that you appreciate the gift/thought etc?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Perhaps you could have the kids open her gifts one by one. While she shouldn't try to change your entire family's traditions, it would be nice to show her that you care about her seeing each child open their gift from her. You could set aside a time before or after the gift free-for-all for the opening of her treasures. It's Christmas, throw her a bone.

OP here. She doesn't get gifts for all the kids. She gets one gift for our kids and the. Holds the rest for when we celebrate with her family. Again, please remember, grandma is getting her own way two days later.

15:50 here. I just saw this post where you say you do a second Christmas with her where I assume you open gifts in a less chaotic way and show appreciation. If that is the case then she has no say at the other Christmas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The one by one gift opening is solely for the benefit of the giver who needs to feel appreciated.

This. My MIL is exactly like this. The even sadder thing is that she doesn't even pick out the gifts. I buy them, mail them to her house for her to wrap and then give away. Sigh.

Ridiculous. The one-by-one is a way to take a moment to appreciate each gift instead of immediately tearing into the next one. Yes, it also allows the giver to see the recipients reaction and/or explain whatever thought went into the gift, and it teaches kids to express thanks.

Last year we went to my in-laws for my first experience with the grab approach. I was overwhelmed, as was my 1.5yr old, who cried and waited to open his gifts until the frenzy was over. I honestly felt like I was in the middle of WalMart on Black Friday. I'll also never know if the recipients cared at all about the carefully chosen gifts I gave, and thus don't know what to get them next time. Fortunately, my DH was also disappointed in how it all went down and was sorry for our son as well. Never again.

LOL -so, you are at the in-laws and think it should be done YOUR way. You sound like OP's MIL. Give your son another Christmas or two, and he will be itching to tear open the paper. So, are you going to insist the in-laws change things at their Christmas, or are you guys going to be so petty that you boycott over how some Christmas gifts are opened? You sound like a control freak.

Not a control freak at all. Love the in-laws, frequently make the 8hrdruve to see them, but will be having Christmas at our house for the foreseeable future. Does it make a difference that their kids are all late-teens, tore through their gifts and then left for their respective rooms to play their new respective video games while DS opened his first-ever Xmas presents? Maybe it doesn't matter to the masses, but it did to me. It all seemed so materialistic and just wasn't the kind of memory I hope to create for my family.

I agree, PP. The free-for-all does give it the feel of a greedy, gift-grab. Opening gifts with just mom and dad is one thing, but with extended family I want my kids to understand they need to take a minute in between gifts to show appreciation to Grandma and others who went to the trouble of picking out nice things for them. And having them help pass out the gifts we bought for other people reinforces that the day isn't all about them. Letting kids just rip the paper off everything as fast as humanly possible, ignore the rest of the room, and then disappear, doesn't feel like good manners to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The one by one gift opening is solely for the benefit of the giver who needs to feel appreciated.

This. My MIL is exactly like this. The even sadder thing is that she doesn't even pick out the gifts. I buy them, mail them to her house for her to wrap and then give away. Sigh.

Ridiculous. The one-by-one is a way to take a moment to appreciate each gift instead of immediately tearing into the next one. Yes, it also allows the giver to see the recipients reaction and/or explain whatever thought went into the gift, and it teaches kids to express thanks.

Last year we went to my in-laws for my first experience with the grab approach. I was overwhelmed, as was my 1.5yr old, who cried and waited to open his gifts until the frenzy was over. I honestly felt like I was in the middle of WalMart on Black Friday. I'll also never know if the recipients cared at all about the carefully chosen gifts I gave, and thus don't know what to get them next time. Fortunately, my DH was also disappointed in how it all went down and was sorry for our son as well. Never again.

LOL -so, you are at the in-laws and think it should be done YOUR way. You sound like OP's MIL. Give your son another Christmas or two, and he will be itching to tear open the paper. So, are you going to insist the in-laws change things at their Christmas, or are you guys going to be so petty that you boycott over how some Christmas gifts are opened? You sound like a control freak.

Not a control freak at all. Love the in-laws, frequently make the 8hrdruve to see them, but will be having Christmas at our house for the foreseeable future. Does it make a difference that their kids are all late-teens, tore through their gifts and then left for their respective rooms to play their new respective video games while DS opened his first-ever Xmas presents? Maybe it doesn't matter to the masses, but it did to me. It all seemed so materialistic and just wasn't the kind of memory I hope to create for my family.

I agree, PP. The free-for-all does give it the feel of a greedy, gift-grab. Opening gifts with just mom and dad is one thing, but with extended family I want my kids to understand they need to take a minute in between gifts to show appreciation to Grandma and others who went to the trouble of picking out nice things for them. And having them help pass out the gifts we bought for other people reinforces that the day isn't all about them. Letting kids just rip the paper off everything as fast as humanly possible, ignore the rest of the room, and then disappear, doesn't feel like good manners to me.

just ripping open the gifts seems disrespectful to the gift giver. Not to mention the person who wrapped them-- just get to the goodies and outtamyway!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The one by one gift opening is solely for the benefit of the giver who needs to feel appreciated.

This. My MIL is exactly like this. The even sadder thing is that she doesn't even pick out the gifts. I buy them, mail them to her house for her to wrap and then give away. Sigh.

Ridiculous. The one-by-one is a way to take a moment to appreciate each gift instead of immediately tearing into the next one. Yes, it also allows the giver to see the recipients reaction and/or explain whatever thought went into the gift, and it teaches kids to express thanks.

Last year we went to my in-laws for my first experience with the grab approach. I was overwhelmed, as was my 1.5yr old, who cried and waited to open his gifts until the frenzy was over. I honestly felt like I was in the middle of WalMart on Black Friday. I'll also never know if the recipients cared at all about the carefully chosen gifts I gave, and thus don't know what to get them next time. Fortunately, my DH was also disappointed in how it all went down and was sorry for our son as well. Never again.

LOL -so, you are at the in-laws and think it should be done YOUR way. You sound like OP's MIL. Give your son another Christmas or two, and he will be itching to tear open the paper. So, are you going to insist the in-laws change things at their Christmas, or are you guys going to be so petty that you boycott over how some Christmas gifts are opened? You sound like a control freak.

Not a control freak at all. Love the in-laws, frequently make the 8hrdruve to see them, but will be having Christmas at our house for the foreseeable future. Does it make a difference that their kids are all late-teens, tore through their gifts and then left for their respective rooms to play their new respective video games while DS opened his first-ever Xmas presents? Maybe it doesn't matter to the masses, but it did to me. It all seemed so materialistic and just wasn't the kind of memory I hope to create for my family.

I agree, PP. The free-for-all does give it the feel of a greedy, gift-grab. Opening gifts with just mom and dad is one thing, but with extended family I want my kids to understand they need to take a minute in between gifts to show appreciation to Grandma and others who went to the trouble of picking out nice things for them. And having them help pass out the gifts we bought for other people reinforces that the day isn't all about them. Letting kids just rip the paper off everything as fast as humanly possible, ignore the rest of the room, and then disappear, doesn't feel like good manners to me.

just ripping open the gifts seems disrespectful to the gift giver. Not to mention the person who wrapped them-- just get to the goodies and outtamyway!!

Exactly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The one by one gift opening is solely for the benefit of the giver who needs to feel appreciated.

This. My MIL is exactly like this. The even sadder thing is that she doesn't even pick out the gifts. I buy them, mail them to her house for her to wrap and then give away. Sigh.

Ridiculous. The one-by-one is a way to take a moment to appreciate each gift instead of immediately tearing into the next one. Yes, it also allows the giver to see the recipients reaction and/or explain whatever thought went into the gift, and it teaches kids to express thanks.

Last year we went to my in-laws for my first experience with the grab approach. I was overwhelmed, as was my 1.5yr old, who cried and waited to open his gifts until the frenzy was over. I honestly felt like I was in the middle of WalMart on Black Friday. I'll also never know if the recipients cared at all about the carefully chosen gifts I gave, and thus don't know what to get them next time. Fortunately, my DH was also disappointed in how it all went down and was sorry for our son as well. Never again.

LOL -so, you are at the in-laws and think it should be done YOUR way. You sound like OP's MIL. Give your son another Christmas or two, and he will be itching to tear open the paper. So, are you going to insist the in-laws change things at their Christmas, or are you guys going to be so petty that you boycott over how some Christmas gifts are opened? You sound like a control freak.

Not a control freak at all. Love the in-laws, frequently make the 8hrdruve to see them, but will be having Christmas at our house for the foreseeable future. Does it make a difference that their kids are all late-teens, tore through their gifts and then left for their respective rooms to play their new respective video games while DS opened his first-ever Xmas presents? Maybe it doesn't matter to the masses, but it did to me. It all seemed so materialistic and just wasn't the kind of memory I hope to create for my family.

I agree, PP. The free-for-all does give it the feel of a greedy, gift-grab. Opening gifts with just mom and dad is one thing, but with extended family I want my kids to understand they need to take a minute in between gifts to show appreciation to Grandma and others who went to the trouble of picking out nice things for them. And having them help pass out the gifts we bought for other people reinforces that the day isn't all about them. Letting kids just rip the paper off everything as fast as humanly possible, ignore the rest of the room, and then disappear, doesn't feel like good manners to me.

just ripping open the gifts seems disrespectful to the gift giver. Not to mention the person who wrapped them-- just get to the goodies and outtamyway!!

Yes! This too! I've picked up my mom's habit if attaching special little things to the wrapping--maybe a fabric flower or a little charm or whatever to make it pretty. Nothing that must be saved, but just a little something that I hoped the recipients would realize was an extra effort to show I care. To be sure, everything was over so fast that no one saw any of the wrapping at all. Again, not looking for glory or whatever you people think is narcissism, but just a demonstration of affection.

Glad there are at least a couple others out there who hope to instill manners!

[Anonymous]

It's your family's Christmas, so do not change anything for your MIL. She's really out of line to expect differently.

If you really want to please her, have her over to your home on another day to open the presents to and from her. You can be civilized then. But don't change YOUR family's traditions for her.

Sure, let her know ahead of time, if she brings it up again. If she acts like she's not having fun, ignore her. But don't allow to ruin the vibe for the rest of the family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How does your husband feel? Has he happily adopted YOUR families way of doing Christmas or have you pretty much told him this is how it's going to be.

Husband prefers our approach -- and, to be fair, when we open gifts later in the week with his family (including MIL) we do it her way. She is with us on Christmas Day because she and her husband are passing through on the way to visit more family in another state. We meet up with them later in the week and do Christmas with his family then.

Oh well hell, tell her to suck it up! I mean, that was my original opinion anyway, but now that I know she's going to get her prim and proper Christmas with you later, I'm even MORE irritated with your MIL!