Am I a 'weirdo'?

[Anonymous]

Perhaps I spoke too soon. You do still seem like a catch,
But I must agree with the prior posters who said you take yourself too seriously. I wrote the letter in the link below and within a year I somehow let go of my carefully curated hipster tastes and met my husband. He isn't the idealized hipster accessory boyfriend I was looking for, but I love him and he makes me very happy. I had to drop a couple things off my wish list, but the funny thing is, once I found the right person I wasn't so worried about cultivating a persona or being cool anymore.

http://www.salon.com/2006/03/16/how_to_grow_up/

[Anonymous]

maril332 wrote:Why do you all think he sounds so terrible. I am pretty young and I would love to be with him.

Because we are married women who understand that the list of features he provided have 5% importance in a marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:30something guy best described as follows:
Loves: border collies, vintage porsche restoration, bungalows, skiing, playing the guitar.
has an encyclopedic knowledge of rock and roll sub genres such as punk rock, garage rock, indie rock etc.
Likes to read, cook, run, bike, kayak. Socially liberal, fiscally conservative.
Likes to live relatively simply, not into social climbing.

Ideal vacation is 2 weeks on Martha's Vineyard in summer, or up at Stowe Vt in winter.
Relaxing is a glass of laphroig, neat. Whilst laying in a hammock, reading, while Iggy and the Stooges 'raw power' emanates from the record player. Or perhaps adjusting the valves in my 84 Carrera with a cold beer.

I feel like I am out of step with my generation.
Not trolling for sympathy. I just feel too straight for the freaks and too weird for normal people. It has been like this all my life. The captain of my high school baseball team called me 'alternative (first name)'.

What happens to people like me? Do we find love? Fulfillment?

I am sitting here, looking at my 13 year old border collie who is slowing down, wondering what I'm gonna do when he is gone.
Sigh.

If I wasn't happily married I would say lets meet!! You are my kind of guy. This generation is totally bonkers, you sound like someone very in touch with who you are and are comfortable in your own skin. Relax and have fun, promise you the right person is out there for the taking....and yes you will find, love fulfillment and someone who embraces all that you are. There is a ying for every yang.

[Anonymous]

You just sound "indie" to me. There's an indie subculture here -go out to see a band (9:30 club, H Street) and you might meet a nice girl or some new friends who could introduce you to someone cool.

Or you could move to a more indie city like Austin or San Fran (or parts of NYC like Williamsburg) and feel like you fit in more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

maril332 wrote:Why do you all think he sounds so terrible. I am pretty young and I would love to be with him.

Because we are married women who understand that the list of features he provided have 5% importance in a marriage.

This. Are you compassionate? Can you make me laugh? Will you tell me distracting stories and hold my hand while our child is in surgery? Can you make a trip to Costco into a hilarious adventure? Will you encourage me to go back to grad school even if it will mess up our lives, because you want me to be happy and fulfilled? Can you stand by me through financial uncertainty? Will you be able to squeeze in your hobbies around kids activities (or even give them up for awhile), because you believe children need you to be there 100% for them? Will you sit in the car with me before we go into my mother's house, reminding me to breathe deeply and not let her bullshit annoy me?

OP, I'm not saying this is the case with you, but when I was in my 20s, I dated a "sensitive" guy with esoteric hobbies. He had very little ability to see beyond himself, his interests, and his needs. After our break-up, I did a lot of soul searching and decided that I deserved to be with a man who was thrilled that he got to be around me and looked out for my needs as closely as I looked out for his. In my case, this turned out to be a good-natured jock to whom I have now been married for 10 years. Over time we have grown interested in each other's hobbies, but still have outside interests. While hobbies and interests are of some importance in a marriage, I am more concerned wtih being with someone who can hold me through a dark night of the soul, then get up and make pancakes for the kids.

[Anonymous]

You sound perfect to me, OP! If I weren't already married, would totally dig you.
You'll meet someone. I can't believe people think you are weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

maril332 wrote:Why do you all think he sounds so terrible. I am pretty young and I would love to be with him.

Because we are married women who understand that the list of features he provided have 5% importance in a marriage.

This. Are you compassionate? Can you make me laugh? Will you tell me distracting stories and hold my hand while our child is in surgery? Can you make a trip to Costco into a hilarious adventure? Will you encourage me to go back to grad school even if it will mess up our lives, because you want me to be happy and fulfilled? Can you stand by me through financial uncertainty? Will you be able to squeeze in your hobbies around kids activities (or even give them up for awhile), because you believe children need you to be there 100% for them? Will you sit in the car with me before we go into my mother's house, reminding me to breathe deeply and not let her bullshit annoy me?

OP, I'm not saying this is the case with you, but when I was in my 20s, I dated a "sensitive" guy with esoteric hobbies. He had very little ability to see beyond himself, his interests, and his needs. After our break-up, I did a lot of soul searching and decided that I deserved to be with a man who was thrilled that he got to be around me and looked out for my needs as closely as I looked out for his. In my case, this turned out to be a good-natured jock to whom I have now been married for 10 years. Over time we have grown interested in each other's hobbies, but still have outside interests. While hobbies and interests are of some importance in a marriage, I am more concerned wtih being with someone who can hold me through a dark night of the soul, then get up and make pancakes for the kids.

Exactly.

My first husband was "interesting".

My second husband is more the man described above.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

maril332 wrote:Why do you all think he sounds so terrible. I am pretty young and I would love to be with him.

Because we are married women who understand that the list of features he provided have 5% importance in a marriage.

This. Are you compassionate? Can you make me laugh? Will you tell me distracting stories and hold my hand while our child is in surgery? Can you make a trip to Costco into a hilarious adventure? Will you encourage me to go back to grad school even if it will mess up our lives, because you want me to be happy and fulfilled? Can you stand by me through financial uncertainty? Will you be able to squeeze in your hobbies around kids activities (or even give them up for awhile), because you believe children need you to be there 100% for them? Will you sit in the car with me before we go into my mother's house, reminding me to breathe deeply and not let her bullshit annoy me?

OP, I'm not saying this is the case with you, but when I was in my 20s, I dated a "sensitive" guy with esoteric hobbies. He had very little ability to see beyond himself, his interests, and his needs. After our break-up, I did a lot of soul searching and decided that I deserved to be with a man who was thrilled that he got to be around me and looked out for my needs as closely as I looked out for his. In my case, this turned out to be a good-natured jock to whom I have now been married for 10 years. Over time we have grown interested in each other's hobbies, but still have outside interests. While hobbies and interests are of some importance in a marriage, I am more concerned wtih being with someone who can hold me through a dark night of the soul, then get up and make pancakes for the kids.

Exactly.

My first husband was "interesting".

My second husband is more the man described above.

[Anonymous]

Ha! My husband is "interesting." While I plan to keep him around for a while longer, I do wish he possessed more of the above qualities.

[Anonymous]

I can't get past page 1 - I'm bored.

So, you're boring. And depressed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't get past page 1 - I'm bored.

So, you're boring. And depressed.

And possibly bi polar considering your two different styles of writing.

[Anonymous]

The problem with posts like this is I often suspect that the OP leaves out pretty big details.

A person is not the sum of his/her likes/interests. There are a host of other things. Two guys with those same interests and with dogs could still have dramatically different personalities -- one could have a temper; one could be too laid back, bordering on lazy.

I just think that the "here are my interests; why don't i have a girlfriend or boyfriend" posts are entirely too vague.

None of the interests are necessarily odd or dealbreakers for women of our generation. There are all kinds of 30 something women with lots of different interests.

If you aren't having luck with women, it probably has little to do with the music you listen to and more to do with something deeper.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To me (and I am not your target audience I suspect, I'm an early 40 something married woman with kids) you come across as way too self-involved. The idea that your musical tastes, your vintage porsche, and your scotch drinking--excuse me, Laphroig, neat-- somehow defines you as a person---much less as someone 'odd' or out of step or unique--is amusing. The fact that you dropped in being on the high school football team (but yet apart from it) and that you don't really care about money (and yet--there's an inheritance) and that you happen to be oh so good looking is a bunch of faux modesty. The fact that you think these things somehow convey something of importance about you--and that you share nothing of your values, interests, life experiences--is also telling.

While a list of attributes on an anonymous message board surely cannot convey the intricacies of a person, the story you construct about yourself sounds a hell of a lot like a well-crafted personal ad. Moreover, it's clear to me that you're not really worried that you're a weirdo. You are seeking out feedback, admiration, positive reinforcement, hoping to elicit exactly the responses you are mostly getting (wow, such an interesting, deep, soulful type--why is he done?). But carefully constructed self-image in need of constant reinforcement, even from strangers, is a total turn-off. Dating someone like that is exhausting and pointless--there's no room for anyone else.

+1 I am his target demographic as far as age goes. And I don't give a damn what kind of music a guy listens to or scotch he drinks (or if he drinks scotch at all). I know people who think the style of music they like defines them, and those people tend to be very superficial. The fact that he makes 'low six figures" but doesn't think that's much is a humble brag. It's like he's trying to be self-effacing.

I once dated a guy who liked to tell me about all of the interesting things he was into -- gourmet cooking and whatever and whatever. I realized after a while that he would get short and borderline mean to me if I didn't ooh and ah about his unique hobbies. I realized as well that he didn't care about what I liked. He wasn't interested in learning about me. He had a picture of the cool lifestyle, and he wanted me to fit into his little story of himself. There was very little depth there. I dumped him.

[Anonymous]

OP, you actually sound very much like my type. I think your post reads like the sort of profile you'd post on a dating site. I notice that you don't actually say much about what you're looking for in a relationship - all these activities you describe are fine, but are you looking for someone who would do these things with you?

If you're looking for a woman about your age who will go to shows with you and go kayaking or maybe just stay home and cook to the Stooges, that's not actually a weird thing to look for. It's not even that weird of a thing to look for in DC. You will meet people who are interested in the same stuff as you, but you're not going to meet them at the gym or at work (they may work with you but it's never going to come up in conversation there). Maybe try getting involved with people around here who DO engage in these things. I'm sure there are scotch tastings you could attend, if not entire bars dedicated to such things. I know about 30 people who go on long bike rides every weekend. They also mostly like scotch and the damn Stooges.